Heart's Desire

by Sorcha MacMurrough

  "No matter how hard I've tried to control my feelings, I haven't been able to fight them. Now that you understand what a passionate nature I have, will you run away? Or will you recognise that side of yourself now, before it's too late? The choice is yours, Sinead. I've done everything I can to get close to you. If I've made a mistake, tell me so, and you can leave tomorrow. But I can't endure this state of suspense a moment longer."

  He stood and gripped her shoulders, then gently forced her to turn and face him and her own desires head on.

  Austin's gray eyes shimmered as he stared down at Sinead's blank expression. "If you really have no feelings for me at all, then go, leave me."

  He released her shoulders, and took a small step back.

  No other plea could have moved Sinead more. She saw the fear of rejection in Austin's eyes as he said it. All her doubts and reservations disappeared with the assurance that he had waited for her to be sure of both herself and him. She moved her arms up to encircle his neck, and kissed him with an ardor which left them both breathless and shaking.

  "Sinead," Austin groaned, as he scooped her up into his arms and carried her through the hall. She made no protest as he took the stairs two at a time and nudged his bedroom door open with his shoulder. This was where she belonged, in his arms. In his life. And he in hers.

  Austin laid Sinead down on the bed as if she were the most precious treasure, and began to unbutton her elegant white blouse. He flicked open the front clasp of the silky impediment underneath, and swept her clothes aside as his mouth began to feast all over her flesh until his progress was hindered by her skirt. He unbuttoned it with deft fingers, and slid it down over her hips. He whispered admiringly, "So lovely," as he took in her filmy lingerie and stockings. He nibbled her stomach and thighs as he removed the last vestiges of her clothing.

  "I want nothing between us, my love," he breathed as he caressed her with both hands. "No restraints any more, no doubts, or reservations."

  "No, nothing." Sinead arched her hips uncontrollably as Austin explored her body gently but expertly with his fingers and mouth.

  "Austin!" she cried, as she shuddered over the brink, her face flushed and mouth trembling as he rose up to cover her with his body. Nothing had prepared her for these sensations, and she struggled to get a grip on her collapsing world. As Austin shifted his weight from her to caress her breasts further, she sat up and pushed him onto his back.

  At first his dark eyes looked concerned, but she bent her head to kiss him, and wordlessly began to imitate his passionate caresses, until he caught his breath and tugged gently at her tumbling tresses. He eased her head away from him and again trapped her under his lean hard body.

  "Too much, my dear," he murmured as he feasted on her lips until she ached to be possessed by him completely. "I've dreamt of this so many nights, but the reality is far beyond my wildest imaginings. I want to fulfil your dreams too."

  "You do, Austin, you do," Sinead uttered rapturously against his throat as he entered her at last, filling her senses even as he filled her body. Once within her tightly clenched core, he made love to her with a power which overwhelmed her. She rose up to meet his desire with a desperate urgency which caused him to attempt to pull away.

  "Sinead, I can't..." he whispered against her lips, but she held him fast, her arms and legs entwined sinuously around him, preventing escape.

  "I don't want you to hold back. I need you now, Austin. Come with me."

  She rhythmically moved her hips beneath him, and he surrendered with a shudder which sent her careening out of control. She heard him cry her name as she raked her fingernails down his back in a desperate attempt to hold on to reality as wave after wave of pleasure flowed through her, leaving her with a sense of peace and fulfilment she had never know before.

  She lay contentedly under him for ages until he shifted his weight. She nearly cried out at the desolation she felt as he withdrew from her, but he gathered her closely to him as he lay on his side, and she felt as though every inch of her flesh was touched by his.

  "Austin," Sinead whispered, as she caressed his arms, shoulder, neck and face. Her mouth was taken in a passionate kiss which left her in no doubt of his desires.

  Despite the gentleness of their hands as they explored each other's bodies, the contact only increased the aching need they had for each other. Soon Sinead's world spiralled out of control again as Austin fulfilled her every need.

  Much later, Sinead wondered idly how much a woman could bear of this overwhelming excitement. She caressed Austin boldly, exploring his magnificent body in a way she had never dreamt possible. The feel of his skin under her roving hands, the delicate sprinkling of hair on his chest and legs, the hot flesh which sprang to her touch, filled her with a sense of her own power over him. She taunted and teased him, her long hair flowing down over them like a silky curtain as she brought them both to climax with a passion which sapped the last of their strength.

  "Austin," she sighed.

  He kissed her on the eyes, nose and mouth. "Go to sleep, sweetheart, before I do one of us an injury," Austin whispered, grinning.

  "Food, then a shot," she reminded him.

  "I'll get them."

  She opened her eyes just long enough to administer his dose of insulin, watch him eat an energy bar, and then wrap his huge body around her spoon-fashion. It was a perfect fit, she thought with a smile. For once she didn't have to wonder what she was missing with Austin. It was all so perfect, complete. A dream come true.

  He held her close, one hand on her hip, the other cupping a breast lightly, passionate, possessive. As if it belonged there. And as if she belonged in his arms for all time.

  Sinead snuggled her bottom into his lap, and was rewarded with another gratifyingly eager response.

  "Sleep," she whispered.

  "For now. But there's plenty more to share, love. We'll definitely see you in the morning."

  She giggled happily, and spent the remainder of the night curled up with Austin in a dreamless sleep.

  Chapter Twenty-three

  Sinead woke early, feeling incredibly warm, and unable to move. She opened her eyes to see steel-gray ones peering down at her, and Austin's mouth descending to possess her own. She was taken aback by his ardor, which she couldn't have escaped even if she'd wanted to. Her hair was tangled under his arm and both his hands roved over her, above and below, while his leg also held her captive against his muscular body.

  Sinead felt deeply embarrassed in the cold light of day as the memories of the night flooded back to her. How had she dared? What did he think of her now?

  But Austin didn't allow Sinead any time for regrets as he kept his promise that there was so much more to share and made love to her all over again. She wondered wildly how she could desire him so much even in the midst of her longings being completely satisfied.

  The intensity of her response shattered them both. She saw him trying to watch her eyes as they made love. She shut them quickly, for she feared they would bare her entire soul to him. His mouth possessed hers as he held back tensely, struggling to delay his own fulfilment. Sinead shifted under him, willing him to let go.

  "Oh Lord," he ground out, before he soared to his peak, and then floated gently back down again, with her right alongside him for their rise and fall to bliss and completion.

  They must have dozed, for when Sinead next opened her eyes, she was alone in the huge bed and the house was completely silent.

  There was nothing worse than waking up alone the morning after, she thought with a shudder, pushing back her heavy fall of hair. Not that she had had much experience, but she hated feeling so vulnerable and bereft. Did he already regret what had taken place between them? Think he had made one vast mistake, as she was starting to feel as the moments ticked past and she wondered if she should stay or go.

  Regretting how easy a conquest she had been, she decided to grab her clothes as quickly as possible and flee to the safety of her own room before Aus
tin came back. She hunted around for any items which looked remotely feminine and scuttled through the bathroom door, heading to the relative safety of her own room.

  Then she heard him call her name. Sinead froze. She stood for a moment in an agony of indecision. She couldn't go back in undressed like this and she couldn't stand there in front of him completely naked in broad daylight. She quickly flipped the covers of her bed down and tucked herself in up to her chin.

  "What are you doing in here?" Austin asked with a laugh, as he brought a huge breakfast tray into the room. He wore his burgundy dressing gown, and he looked, if anything, more sexy than ever.

  "I thought about having a bath," she improvised, "but it was a bit chilly, so I ducked back into bed."

  "Well, have some breakfast first," he murmured against her lips as he bent to kiss her, "and then I'll warm you up as much as you'd like."

  Her mouth went dry and she felt as though she would choke. She didn't want any breakfast, but knew Austin needed his shot and had to eat. And besides, wasn't it terribly considerate of him to take the trouble? He certainly was all smiles this morning, she noted, as he slipped off his robe and snuggled into bed beside her and tugged the tray onto her lap. At least he didn't seem to have any regrets, she thought with relief. She gave him his shot and then tried to relax against the headboard of the bed.

  Why should she feel ashamed? It was what they had both wanted. Needed. Her sister Maeve's advice about making him fall in love with her certainly seemed to have been an excellent idea. Just looking at him made her go weak with desire. How could she ever give him up, now that she had become intimate with the sensual delights he had to offer, as well as his personality?

  She forced herself to eat some breakfast and had several cups of coffee as he lay beside her stroking her shoulder or hair every so often.

  "This is delicious, thank you."

  "Well, you know the routine, regular food and exercise." He began to nuzzle her ear. "Mm, delicious."

  She blushed. "That's not quite--"

  "Delectable. Manna from the gods. And as soon as you finish eating that, I'm going to go for a marathon. Horizontally, of course."

  "Oh, er-- I need to, um--"

  She used the tray as an excuse to get out of bed and slip into the bathroom, where she used the facilities and began to run water in the tub. She hugged a towel around her bare body, but the soft nap of the fabric set her mind to replaying some of the erotic images of the night before. She crept out of the room timidly, self-consciously, to find her robe and saw Austin holding the covers up invitingly.

  "Bathe later," he said softly.

  Sinead stared at him, truly torn.

  "Please?"

  As if in a trance she returned to the bathroom, shut off the water, and went to him. Sliding between the sheets and into his arms, she surrendered to him with all the fervor which her long-starved body could withstand.

  She cried out his name over and over as he brought her to crest upon crest of shuddering delight. She felt herself completely and utterly possessed by Austin and made love to him until he lost control, his eyes darker than a storm-tossed sea, full of amazement as much as passion.

  He held her close for a long time after their final orgasms, then kissed her on the forehead gently.

  "Bath together, now."

  Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment, but when he came back for her once he had re-filled the tub, she could no more resist him than the thundering tide.

  He lifted her from the bed in his strong arms, carried her into the adjoining room, and gently lowered her into the scented suds. She felt swept off her feet in more ways than one. He began to soap her, until she merely gasped weakly against his penetrating kiss as he lathered her everywhere.

  "Please, Austin, we can't!" she gasped, as he got into the tub and pulled her on top of him.

  He chuckled and said, "Don't ever tell me something is impossible, my dear, or you'll find I rise to every challenge."

  "So I see," she giggled.

  He raised her onto him, and soon they were transported into a rapturous joining and melding which left them completely spent.

  When Austin's voice was again steady enough to speak, he observed with a laugh, "I suppose the floor did need a good wash."

  Sinead looked down to see the tiles covered in suds.

  Her expression must have conveyed her dismay, for he kissed her quickly. "It's no matter, love, it will dry. And so should we, if you've had enough. I'd love to have you lather me, but we'll be here all day."

  As if to second his words, a clock chimed downstairs.

  "Good Lord, is that the time?"

  "It's already time for your next injection!" Sinead said in alarm, to try to distract him from her nakedness as he held out a towel to wrap her in.

  "I did my first one myself, early this morning, then crept back up here," he said rather proudly. "You didn't even stir. Then I slept a bit more, and made breakfast for us both and you gave me my next one. I'm trying to keep on schedule."

  She kissed him on the mouth, truly touched. "Well done!"

  "Anything to please the lady," he murmured with a mischievous grin. "Anything."

  Sinead felt herself blush as she saw his eyes once again glint with desire. She felt his strong hands move over her to dry her and went weak at the knees. She sighed happily as he stroked her from top to toe with the towel, before he stood up straight and pulled her to him intimately, and kissed her with heady passion.

  He chuckled throatily and shook his head as he stepped back from her. "Come now, my dear, we're going to have to behave sensibly."

  Sinead blushed again, but she had the courage to take his hand and squeeze it gently. "I wouldn't want you to overdo it. Your little nurse would end up having to admit you to Castlemaine General."

  He put his arm around her and kissed her forehead. "I suppose all the usual jokes about your wonderful bedside manner are completely out."

  She gave him a sharp look. "Definitely. You wouldn't dare."

  "I would, my dear, but only to find out what you'd do to punish me."

  Sinead giggled. "Just remember who wields the needles around here."

  "Ah, not any more, now that I've overcome my aversion to stabbing myself. But come now, let's get dressed, have some lunch, and we'll go for a walk."

  "Lovely. Give me a few minutes to dry my hair and get ready."

  Austin kissed her on the cheek and she disappeared into the privacy of her bedroom.

  Sinead practically hugged herself with the delight of it all as she wielded the blow dryer. She thought she ought to feel a bit guilty, a bit disloyal to Luke. The truth was that he was fast fading from her memory through the incredible persistence of Austin's passion. She felt incredibly, vibrantly alive. Despite the suddenness of it all, being with Austin, sharing such intimate sensuality with him, seemed the most natural thing in the world.

  Perhaps Maeve had been right when she'd said they were perfect for each other, by day, and certainly now by night. Now Sinead understood why Austin had made love to her, then backed off. He hadn't been playing cruel, seductive games. He'd respected her enough to give her the chance to turn him down. He could have swept her off her feet easily, but he'd wanted her to come to him freely, with no reservations. He had given her a choice of her own free will, and her desire for him had proven more powerful than any attempts at rationality.

  Sinead thought about his situation with Margaret and decided that he was going to have to work that one out fairly quickly if they were ever to have a future together. Margaret was planning to move here, to become head of the ICU. If there was no future for the two of them, as Margaret clearly hoped there would be, she was going to feel like a fool and could well become more and more vengeful over time, especially once she found out she had lost out to Sinead yet again.

  And Sinead had no intention of playing second fiddle to the vindictive woman at work every day either again. Yet to admit how they knew each other would be to te
ll him of her sorry past. She wasn't prepared to do that quite yet. So how could she get rid of Margaret before she started making things even more difficult? She didn't want to scare Austin off by seeming jealous of Margaret in any petty way, but didn't need her rival and ghost from the past lurking in the background as she had done at Seskin and back at Castlemaine.

  Sinead heard Austin drop something in the next room and started out of her reverie, springing off the bed. She quickly pulled some warm clothes out of the wardrobe and tugged them on, a thick cable-knit sweater in burgundy and a pair of black jeans.

  Soon Austin came in the room and sat on the bed while she finished getting ready. It seemed the most normal thing in the world and she beamed back at him as his eyes glowed at her.