by Julie Bale
“Ben,” I breathed.
“Feel good?” he whispered, his voice hitting low and intimate in my ear.
“Yes.” I was awash in sensation and god, it had been so long since I’d felt alive.
He picked me up, laid me on the bed and then stood back a few inches, his dark eyes staring down at me, while he raked his hands through that long tangle of hair at his nape.
“Georgia, you’re…”
A day’s worth of stubble shadowed his jaw and chin and I wanted to run my fingers across him, taste him again. I wanted to feel more.
My dress was bunched high on my thighs and when his gaze rested there briefly, the ache between them erupted and I squirmed, needing more.
“Where’s your sister?” I asked breathlessly.
“She won’t come back here if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“Good, take your shirt off.” My voice sounded low and throaty and a thrill shot through me when he reacted instantly and tossed his T-shirt onto the floor before crawling onto the bed beside me.
This man was beautiful. Everything about him was beautiful.
I rolled over and pushed him onto his back, my eyes on his as I lifted my dress just enough for him to catch sight of my baby blue panties, and to allow my legs enough room to straddle him. I had no idea where this was leading too—scratch that, of course I knew where this was leading to, but I didn’t know how far we were going to go.
Was I really going to sleep with him tonight? Could I give in and do it? Would I regret it? Would he take what I offered and then end this? Whatever this was?
His hands settled on either side of me, his fingers caressing my bare thighs as my gaze rolled over every indent and muscle that I could see. He was hard, I felt his erection against my crotch and an almost pained expression crept across his face when I bent forward.
“Jesus, Georgia,” he said harshly when I reached down and licked a nipple.
I kissed my way over to the intricate tattoo that graced his left pectoral, my breath hitching when his hands claimed my hips, his fingers digging in as he held me against him. He thrust upward and I knew he could tell how turned on I was.
“What’s the tattoo mean?” I barely got the words out.
His eyes glittered and my heart skipped, it fumbled and took off again. “Courage.”
My fingers traced the outline of it, taking a moment and trying to get a hold of myself. “I like it.”
“Take your top off,” he rasped.
My eyes flew to his and a low, sexy grin spread across his face, though his gaze remained intense. “It’s only fair, don’t you think?”
Slowly I reached behind my neck and undid the ties of my halter dress. Once they were loose I let them fall forward and then tugged on the ends, inhaling sharply as the material rolled over my erect nipples, until I was exposed fully.
I had been naked with guys many times before. But he made me feel as if this was the first time that mattered. And I couldn’t believe it, but I was nervous. Damn nervous. And this was coming from the girl who had doffed her top in public more times than she could remember.
“Holy fuck, you’re beautiful.” He sounded as if he was in pain and he shifted abruptly, his hands traveling up my waist as he righted himself. No longer was he on his back, but now he was sitting, facing me.
The look in his eyes was something fierce and I think I forgot to breathe because when he dipped his head and slid his hot, wet mouth across my nipples I exhaled sharply and grabbed his shoulders for support.
“So fucking beautiful,” he murmured.
His hands were on my ribcage and I couldn’t move if I wanted to. He kissed every inch of my breasts and when he closed his mouth over one of my nipples and suckled, hard, I nearly lost it. Each pull shot through my body and hit me hard in gut, churning everything hot with need. A need that traveled lower.
A need that burned.
“Ben,” I whispered, my hands now in his hair, holding his head in place because I didn’t want any of these sensations to end.
I wanted more.
I moved my hips suggestively, grinding my body on him. Loving the feel of his erection pressed into me.
More.
“We gotta stop.”
Wait. What?
“No,” I said on a half moan. “It’s okay. I won’t freak out like last time.”
He looked up at me, his eyes soft, his breaths ragged. “Well that’s good to know.” His eyes fell to my bare breasts and with a groan he gathered up the ends of my halter top and leaned over my shoulder.
I rested my forehead on his chest, not really sure what had just happened. Maybe he didn’t want me. Maybe this was a game and he was seeing how far he could go?
When was the last time I had been with a guy who wanted to wait? Had he somehow figured out how screwed up I was? Was this his way of letting me down gently?
My fingers splayed out along his chest as he carefully lifted my hair off my neck. I heard his heart beating. Rapidly. Hard. Fast.
And it confused me more than ever.
“Ben,” I said shakily.
“It’s okay, peaches.”
Peaches. I loved that.
My dress was tied and his breath was warm along my exposed neck. “I don’t want you to think this is easy for me. Fuck, I’ve dreamt of getting you naked in my bed for days now.” His fingers caressed my skin and I shuddered. “But we’re not quite there yet.”
“I don’t…I don’t understand. Don’t you want me?” I yanked my head back so that I could see him. Shadows fell across his face and I hoped I didn’t look as pathetic as I sounded.
“Georgia, it’s easy to give in to something that feels good.” His eyes smoldered. “But I don’t want easy. I’ve had easy. I want something worth a hell of a lot more than easy.”
Oh.
Oh. Wow.
It was then, in that moment, that I knew I was in deep trouble. Ben Lancaster was going to break me and I didn’t care.
I didn’t care at all.
Chapter Fifteen
Ben
“You’ve got it bad, bro.”
I was at the airport with Eden waiting for her flight back home. It was a week since Georgia had moved her stuff into the barn and made it into a cool studio. A week since I’d covered those luscious breasts and put the brakes on what had to be the hottest make out session I’d ever had.
A week of endless fucking cold showers.
I glanced at my sister and scowled, but she just smiled and shook her head.
“Bad,” she repeated.
“No thanks to you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Don’t play games, Eden. You made it pretty much impossible for me to get Georgia alone all week.” She opened her mouth to say something but I didn’t give her the chance. “No, don’t bother denying it. I just don’t get why.”
“You need to be careful, Ben.”
I frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Eden shrugged and grabbed her bag off the floor as her flight was called to board. “Don’t get me wrong. I like her but she’s holding something back. I can’t figure it out and I just…”
I got to my feet and shoved my hands into the front pockets of my cargo shorts. “You just what?”
She glanced at the ticket counter and sighed. “I don’t want you to get in too deep with her until...” At my raised eyebrows she paused, her brows furrowed. “I’m serious, Ben. I can’t read her. She’s really good at deflecting and I don’t know where she’s at. I don’t know anything about her all, except that she lives with her brother and she dropped out of college. Don’t you find that kind of weird?”
“College isn’t for everyone, Eden.”
“That’s not what I mean and you know it. I don’t know anything else about her. She never talks about her family or her friends. Doesn’t she have any girlfriends? She paints a lot and yes, she’s talented but what are her goals? Is she just going to
fill up your barn with her paintings and leave them there for the mice to admire? I’m not the one sleeping with her so that’s fine if she doesn’t want to share that shit with me, but you? Has she shared any of that stuff with you?”
My scowl deepened. I hated that my sister hit the nail right on the head. I knew nothing. Fuck, I didn’t even know who this Seamus guy was and she was seeing him today. I tried to talk her into coming with me to the airport. I said after Eden’s flight left I’d take her anywhere she wanted to go. To the beach. Golfing. A bar. Anything.
She laughed. Said she couldn’t and told me not to worry. Seamus was just a friend. And besides, she’d just be in the way.
“I know this is serious for you, Ben. I see it. Shit, you can’t keep your eyes off of her. But with Georgia…” she shrugged. “Unless she’s willing to share everything with you, I don’t see this working out. You’re not the kind of guy who does things half way. You never have been.”
“Eden.”
“No, I’m serious, Ben. Be careful. She’s different from any of the other girls you’ve dated. I’ve spent the last week at your place and she’s been there every day and I don’t feel I know her any better than I did the first day I met her.”
“Maybe she doesn’t like you.”
Her eyebrows shot up. “Maybe, but that doesn’t change anything.”
“Eden. Fuck, what are you trying to say?” Irritated, I scowled at her. “She’s the coolest girl I’ve ever met.”
“I know she is and that’s why I want you to promise me you’ll be careful with her. You’re not used to meeting anyone who’s cooler than you. This is a first.” Eden bent forward and kissed my cheek, yanking the top of my Cubs cap until it bent low over my eyes. “I love you dick head.”
And then she was gone.
I took a moment and thought about what she’d said and even though it rubbed me the wrong way, Eden was right. But she was also wrong.
I’d been paying it cool, watching Georgia from the sidelines all week—busy with the landscapers, the roof guys, the window guys. My older sister had flown in for two days and Matt had come out to see the place, as well.
We ran together every morning but Eden joined us too.
So the more I thought about it, I decided that my sister was being a little unfair. There had been no time to get to know Georgia. Not really. The few times I’d been able to get her alone we’d made out like a couple of horny teenagers—Christ the girl could kiss—and kissing didn’t lead to conversation.
It led to heavy petting. And a fuck-load of cold showers.
I began to move through the airport and once I was inside my truck pulled out my cell phone. I was going to send Georgia a text but then thought, fuck it, and called her instead. I was done keeping my distance.
Done waiting.
I wanted to know everything about this girl and I was going to start digging in tonight. Eden was gone, I had my place to myself and there were no distractions. No excuses. It was game on.
She picked up on the third ring and I couldn’t hide the goofy grin that spread across my face at the sound of her voice.
“Hey,” she breathed.
“Hey.” I cleared my throat. What the hell was wrong with me? I was already tongue tied. “What are you doing?”
“Nothing,” she said quickly. “I mean, I’m having lunch with Seamus in half an hour but other than that, nothing.”
Seamus. Seamus the fucking cat. I was going to find out who this guy was if it killed me. My good mood washed away, replaced with irritation. “Maybe I’ll swing by.”
A pause. “Swing by?”
“Sure, I’d love to meet your buddy.”
Another pause. The damn pauses pissed me off. It was like she was trying to think of something to say and if she was doing that it meant that this Seamus guy wasn’t just a ‘friend.’ Who the hell was he?
“You wouldn’t enjoy lunch with Seamus.”
“I wouldn’t.”
It was funny how this girl was able to tie me up in less than a minute. I thought of Eden’s words—of how she was holding back—and I clenched my teeth together. Even more pissed I glared out the window, thumping my palm against the steering wheel.
“No. He’s…well, he’s just different and you’d find him boring.”
“Really.”
“It sounds like you don’t believe me.”
I didn’t. Her voice was at least a pitch higher than normal and I knew something wasn’t right. Was she cheating on me?
Panic hit me hard and I blew out a long, hot breath. Maybe her feelings weren’t as deep as mine. I thought of what Eden had said and my mood darkened. Had I read this all wrong? Was she playing me?
“Georgia, who is this guy?”
Another pause.
“I don’t want to talk about him.” She sounded small.
My fuse was burning real bright at about this point. I wasn’t used to being jerked around and right now this girl had me dancing on the edge of a rope like I was a fucking puppet.
“Well that sure as hell says a lot.”
“Ben,” she said softly. “He’s not what you think.”
“I don’t know what he is or what to think because you’re not giving me anything.” Fuck. “What are we doing here?”
I head her exhale, a long, shaky breath. “What do you want, Ben?”
A hot little blonde had been staring at me from across the parking lot for a few minutes and she ambled over, a small, sexy smile on her face. She’d eyed me up in the airport too. I knew the look. I knew what she wanted.
What do I want?
“I can tell you what I don’t want. I don’t want to be the guy you’ve got in your back pocket while you’re fucking someone else.” I knew the words were harsh but they fell out of me before I could stop them.
The blonde was beside my truck with a black sharpie in her hand. She wanted an autograph. She licked her lips suggestively.
She wanted more than an autograph.
“I’m not fucking anyone,” Georgia retorted and if I had taken the time to listen, I might have heard the hurt in her voice. But I didn’t. I was pissed.
“Yeah, well neither am I.”
“You’re being an asshole.”
I rolled the window down and nodded. “Hey.”
“Who are you talking to?” Georgia asked sharply.
The blonde leaned over, her breasts practically falling out of her tight, pink top. She mouthed, ‘Ben Lancaster?’, and I nodded as she yanked on her top and handed me the sharpie.
“Ben?” Georgia prodded angrily.
“A fan.”
The girl giggled, her voice an annoying combination of sugar and sweet. “Maybe you could sign both of them?”
“Are you autographing her tits?” Georgia didn’t wait for an answer. “You really are an asshole.” There was no mistaking the hurt in her voice and though my anger still burned hard, there was also the uncomfortable feeling of something I didn’t quite recognize.
Click.
Fuck me. What the hell had just happened?
Chapter Sixteen
Georgia
Secrets are heavy.
They’re heavy and they’re hard and sharp and they suck.
They press into your chest and make it hard to breathe. They make it hard to sleep or relax or just to be…
But most of all secrets made me sad. And sad made me scared.
My clock glowed on the table beside my bed. It was Saturday morning, barely past four and still dark outside.
I rolled over and fell out of bed, shivering as I crossed the room to my window. I leaned against the glass and gazed into the quiet below. There were no stars, nothing to light the darkness and I thought that maybe it was going to rain.
Great. Rain plus sad was going to make for one hell of an awesome Saturday. Go me.
I picked the edge of the window sill and turned so that my cheek was now pressed against the glass. I was still pissed at Ben, but the initial hurt
had passed. I didn’t blame him for being an asshole, but that didn’t mean I had to like it.
I wanted to think that he was jealous because he had no idea who Seamus was, or what he meant to me. He had no idea that in the past there were days when Seamus was the only thing standing between myself and a return to Oak Run.
Oak Run. Just the thought of that place made me shudder.
How the hell was I going to explain that one?
Hey Ben, I’m kinda sorta fucked and last fall I tried to kill myself and then they made me go stay in a hospital that’s not really a hospital but a mental institution because I’m also kinda sorta crazy. No bigee, it kinda sorta runs in the family.
Shame burned inside me and I closed my eyes, hating the tight band of tension that rolled across my shoulders. How was I going to explain to Ben that I was damaged? That my brain was totally fucked up? That the chemistry was out of whack. That unless I took my daily dose of meds I was out of whack?
How was he going to react when I told him what happened at college? When I told him about my insane run half naked run through the quad?
Tears burned the corners of my eyes and I rapidly blinked them away. God, it was so wrong. Even Kendall had retreated when I spiralled into that black pit of despair. She had no idea what was going on and as crazy as she was, she’d taken a step back because I scared her that much.
Matt was still bitter over Kendall. He’d said she had left when things got rough. That she wasn’t a true friend. And then he’d blamed her for that drug and alcohol fueled weekend when everything had fallen apart. She’d started out partying with me that Friday night but as things heated up and turned sour, she’d left.
The thing of it was, even though what he said was kind of true, I didn’t blame Kendall. Not really. He hadn’t seen me at my worst so he didn’t know just how far I had fallen.
I wasn’t easy. I was dark and twisty. And I was dangerous.