Crave

by Tessa Vidal

  Amber paddled over to me. I held her close. My heart expanded in that moment, and all I could think about was that she was mine, and I never wanted to let her go. We shared a slow, languid kiss in the silvery moonlight, no sounds but the water hitting the edge of the pool and the crickets in the yard. This bliss, it felt so right, yet scary, almost scarier than the memories of my own trip to North Carolina taken a few years before Amber’s.

  Noticing a shift in my mood, Amber pulled her lips away and stared into my eyes, a puzzled look on her face.

  “How did you get here? Not just Raleigh, I mean, how did you become so successful?” My heart skipped a beat. I’d told no one this story before. I took her hand in mine and led her to the steps of the pool and sat down, pulling her with me.

  “Well, the story is similar to yours, in some ways. It was my Mom and Dad’s doing, making me move across country. No, they didn’t kick me out because of religion, and they were never intentionally abusive. When I was a teenager, I’d occasionally run errands for my Dad and Uncle. Turns out they were selling drugs and using me to deliver them. I think they thought I looked too innocent to be suspected of breaking the law, though looking back I was kind of a rough looking tomboy back in the day.” I laughed, then remembered poor, dead Jessica. “One day I was out on a job with my best friend, well, she was more than that, and she was murdered for the drugs. It was supposed to be me. They killed the wrong kid. Gosh, I barely remember it now. I woke up early the next morning in Uncle Ricardo’s van headed south. He took me away from New York to save me in case the killers figured it out. I ended up in the Outer Banks for a while, and then I moved to Raleigh. I operated one of the first food trucks downtown, and it was a hit. One thing led to another, and here I am. That’s the short version, but to be honest, I think I’ve blocked most of it out. I’m, I don’t know the words, a different person? I’m not the same girl as the kid being shot at on the street. I barely remember who she was at all.”

  “Your friend, were you, you know, in love with her?” Her innocent hazel eyes locked with mine.

  Amber’s question was like a mallet chipping away at a stone wall I’d built around those memories. I closed my eyes, placed my head on her shoulders and replied.

  “Yes, I was. I don’t want to talk about it right now, but I promise I will tell you about it in the future.” I lifted my face and looked her in the eye. “It hurts too much, and to be honest, I only want to think about you, not a bunch of ghosts.” I kissed her softly, took her hand and led her to my bed.

  Amber

  “So tell me again why we are eating here instead of one of Simona’s restaurants?” Christy asked, twirling Lo Mein noodles on her fork.

  “I love Five Star, it’s the best food in town, and I haven’t eaten here since the bookstore closed down. Also, it’s nice not to be at work for a change.” It was a funky Chinese restaurant that served amazing food, though it was a little strange. It was loud, and the waitstaff were always yelling at the cooks or the customers. It was controlled chaos, and something about the hustle and bustle always drew me in for more.

  “Well, I gotta tell you, Simona’s grub is much better than this place, but hey, I’ll deal.” Christy put her fork down and grinned. “So, who gave you that hickey? And you’d better say it was your sexy as hell boss.”

  “Shit. I didn’t even notice it.” I grabbed my purse and fished a compact out to examine the evidence. I drew my neck down like a turtle and fluffed my hair to camouflage it.

  “Hard to hide those sweetie. Wear a shirt with a collar next time. Do you want some concealer? I think we’re close to the same color?”

  “Uh, no.” I thought I’d get makeup all over my clothes. The fact that I now had a compact with powder and cherry chapstick in my purse was a minor miracle. I kind of missed my laid back look when I worked at the bookstore.

  “So how was it?”

  “How was what?” I looked down at my plate, finding it very interesting. A kick to my shin made me look up.

  “Ow! What was that for?” Christy was such a pain in the ass sometimes.

  “You will tell me about your hot and steamy encounter with your sultry boss, or you will leave here with both a bruised neck and legs. Now ‘fess up.”

  Damn her. I decided to give Christy the abbreviated version.

  “Yes, we did. No, I don’t know what will happen next. Oh, and it was, um, fantastic. Like, better than anything else I’ve ever done before in my life.” My neck and face burned. Shit, I hoped the bite marks weren’t glowing because of it.

  “That’s all you have to say? C’mon, I want all the wet and gooey details!”

  “Damn it Christy!” I coughed, the soda going down the wrong way. Despite my not wanting to talk about it, I could see why people liked to gossip about sex. It was fun, and I’d never been able to do it before.

  “Fine, fine, I’ll let you off the hook this one time. As long as you enjoyed yourself, and your heart isn’t broken into a million little pieces, I’m happy. So, tell me about the fire. Was Simona okay? That must have sucked to watch one of your businesses burning. I saw pictures of the fire on Facebook and it looked terrible.”

  “It did some damage, but the firefighters did a great job of not letting it get out of control. Plus, Simona has excellent insurance, so the restaurant will be up and running again in no time. Of course it had to happen right after we, you know, well anyway.” I was rambling, overwhelmed by the events of the last few days. “There was a short in one of the appliances. The good thing is, all the inspections were up to date, and the insurance was the best. We were able to place all the employees at other restaurants until they make repairs. If only…” I almost brought up Vickie, then thought better about it. Christy would make much more out of it than was necessary.

  “What?” Christy asked.

  “What do you mean, ‘what?’”

  “You’re hiding something. Spill it.” Jesus, Christy was like a dog with a bone sometimes.

  “Vickie is the manager at The Executive Lounge, remember? The fire happened right after Simona and I, you know, did it for the first time. When we got to the burning restaurant, instead of going up to Simona immediately, Vickie came over and hugged me first. I think it freaked Simona out a little. It made me uncomfortable.”

  “You mean after you fucked? Jesus, you talk like a thirteen-year-old sometimes. Did Simona say anything to you about it?” Christy made a circle with one hand and poked her index finger through it a few times while talking. I glanced around the dining room, hoping nobody had noticed.

  “Yes, she asked me how we knew each other, so I told her the truth. Simona seemed fine with it. And I told her she had nothing to worry about. Vickie’s just an old friend from the past, that’s it. Nothing to see there.” My stomach churned at the memory. I pushed my food to the side.

  “Simona’s in love with you.” Christy stated. I allowed her words to wash through me. I never allowed myself the luxury of hope, the one feeling I’d never had much use for. Prepare for the worst, then be pleasantly surprised when something better happened was my usual method of dealing with life’s slings and arrows.

  “You are in love with her too, right?” Her gaze connected with mine. I hung my head down to avoid her eyes and whispered my response.

  “Yes.”

  She reached over and put her hand on mine and squeezed it, then we sat in silence for a minute. The knots in my stomach were busy looping themselves into new ones, while my thoughts turned into a giant blur.

  “Stop it, just stop being so negative. It’s obvious from everything you’ve told me that Simona has deep feelings for you. By the way, where have you been spending the night? In your own bed, or hers?”

  “Hers.”

  “Well that’s a good sign. Look, if you were just a fuck-buddy, you’d be sleeping in your own bed. What about the party in Asheville? You know, for the new restaurant or whatever? Isn’t that this weekend?”

  I nodded.

  �
�You’re staying in her hotel room, right?”

  I nodded again, blushing. Why, I had no idea. I should have been happy, but instead my stomach hurt. Simona did make it a point to mention we’d only need the one room for ourselves, and to book everyone else their own. Plus, she wanted the displaced workers from The Executive Lounge to have the weekend off to attend, including a night at the hotel. Her way of making everyone feel better.

  “The thing is, everything about us is unsaid, and I don’t know how things will play out. I’m worried about Vickie being at the party. I’ve made it clear to her I’m not interested, but I’m nervous she doesn’t see it that way. I’m starting to think being single has its advantages. Except for my waistline. This constant worrying is doing wonders for my weight.” I said.

  “Talk to Simona. This weekend is perfect for it. You’ll be at a beautiful resort, and everyone will be in a great mood. Where are you staying, The Biltmore? Anyway, feed her a couple of glasses of champagne, then ask Simona how she feels, where she thinks the relationship is heading. The worst thing that can happen is she says you’re just a casual fling.”

  That was the problem though. It wasn’t casual for me, and it never would be.

  I barely spent time in my apartment anymore, so I decided to cook dinner for myself there. Simona had gone to Asheville for the day putting the finishing touches on the new restaurant. I didn’t want her to come home and wonder why I was hanging around her place, especially when I wasn’t in the office working. Shit, why did I worry so damn much?

  Somehow I’d got Christy to drop the subject about me and Simona, and she’d told me about an incredible recipe for Gazpacho I should try. After I dropped Christy off, I stopped at the grocery store for the ingredients. I’d probably not be able to eat it since I had zero appetite, but figured maybe Simona would like it. I’d borrowed a blender from her kitchen, and I hoped to get it back there before she returned. Problem was, I didn’t know when that would be, but I was fairly certain she wouldn’t mind that I’d borrowed it.

  Knock knock.

  I looked at the time on the phone- just after nine. I guessed Simona was home after all. I wiped my hands off on a towel and noticed they were trembling.

  “Calm down, silly.” I whispered, then I went to the door, took a deep breath, and opened it.

  “Hi, baby.” Simona took me in her arms and kissed me. It was one of those sweep you off your feet type kisses you think will never end, and I forgot about everything else. Her smell and taste drove me wild, and I returned her kiss with a fierce passion I couldn’t contain.

  “Miss me?” Simona broke the kiss, then pulled me into her chest for another embrace.

  “Yes, I did.” I pulled back and kissed her on the nose. “I’m making a gazpacho, and I’ve never made it before, so hopefully you’ll like it.” I took her hand and led her into the tiny kitchen.

  “It’s strange, I had this apartment made a few years ago, but I’ve rarely spent any time up here. It’s like being in a completely different place with you in it. You could have made this in my kitchen, you know. I was kinda surprised not to find you there when I got home.” She picked up a tomato, gently squeezed it, then placed it back in the bowl. Her eyes burned into mine, wanting me to say something, but I detected a touch of fear in the timbre of her voice.

  We’re both afraid, huh?

  “I, you know, didn’t want to intrude.” I turned my back to her and opened the refrigerator door, searching for the peppers I wanted to use in the soup. I didn’t hear her come up behind me, and I jumped when her hand pressed gently on the small of my back.

  “Gimme those.” She pointed at the peppers in my hands.

  I handed them over. Simona laid them on the tiny island, took off her black and white linen jacket and placed it on the bar stool. Then she rolled up her sleeves, grabbed a knife, and started chopping.

  “I was going to put them in the blender.” I said, wondering what she was doing, and not saying.

  “This is how my Mom makes it. She blends some vegetables, but not all of them. Otherwise it’s too, you know, blended. You need texture. Food isn’t just about flavor, it’s also about texture, scent, and presentation.”

  I’d never seen Simona cook before. In fact, I’d occasionally wondered why she owned restaurants, yet never spent any time in the kitchen. She was gifted with the knife, and the pile of perfectly sliced vegetables grew quickly.

  “You’re great at this.” I snatched a slice of bell pepper from the pile and stuck it in my mouth.

  “I miss it, because I don’t get to work in the kitchen now. That’s the double-edged sword of owning a restaurant. You get to do everything but the cooking. When I started out, I was a one woman show. Burritos, tacos, sandwiches, easy stuff I could make in a truck, though I rented out a tiny kitchen too. After a few months I had to hire people, plus take care of the buying and the paperwork. With each restaurant came more of the same, until now I can barely spend time in the kitchen at all, even at home.”

  The whole time she was speaking her hands were busy, preparing the soup faster than I ever could have. She did it all from memory, not once asking for the recipe. I’d never thought once that her love of food was the source of her success. I’d only seen the hard as nails business woman.

  “You ready for the big party this weekend?” Simona asked while pouring the soup in the bowls.

  “No.” I responded without thinking, my hand immediately flying up to my mouth. She stood there for a moment, a puzzled look on her face. I walked over to Simona and placed my arms around her from the back, hugging her tight.

  “I mean, yes, I’m ready, though I guess I’d rather have you all to myself.”

  Simona turned around in my arms and kissed me in my favorite spot under my ear. Then she leaned back and smoothed a bit of hair off my forehead.

  “That’s what I like to hear. You want to check out cool bookstores while we’re there? The mountains have some really interesting ones. Maybe we could go to Hickory after we’re through with the opening. Beautiful scenery, though it pales next to you.”

  “Music to my ears.” The thought of spending time with her alone exploring dusty old books put a smile on my face. “Sorry if I’m not enthusiastic about the party. Being around people wears me out, but spending time with you in the mountains, and books? Sounds like heaven.” I said, then Simona lifted a spoon of gazpacho to my mouth.

  “Oh my God Simona, this tastes amazing.” The soup was both cool and spicy at once, the perfect combination. She tasted a little too, then grabbed a baguette off the counter and broke off a piece and dipped the bread in her bowl. She lifted the bread to her mouth and then placed it back in the bowl.

  “I get that, I can’t stand big parties either, but in my business it pays to throw them every once in a while. I’m glad Vickie and her employees will be there. She’s one of my best managers, and her team has been in place for a long time. Hopefully they’ll enjoy the trip to Asheville. I’d like to keep them, and this party will help me do just that.” She winked. “Oh, and thanks for the compliment. You know, I don’t serve this at any of my locations. Maybe I should change that.”

  The sound of Vickie’s name made my stomach churn. Simona said she was cool with our prior history, but was she just saying that?

  “Penny for your thoughts.” Simona breathed.

  I scrambled for an answer, then decided to go for the truth, or at least part of it. Placing the bowl of gazpacho on the island I walked behind her and wrapped my arms around her slim waist then whispered in her ear.

  “I’ve wanted nothing more than to hold you since the moment you walked out the door this morning.”

  Simona

  “A toast; to all of you who made this dream come true. This is my first restaurant in Asheville, and I couldn’t have done it without every one of you. You are all deeply appreciated.”

  I raised my glass and took a sip of the champagne, then scanned the room for Amber. She had spent most of the nigh
t hiding in various corners, but she managed to be charming to everyone she came across. This wasn’t easy for me either, but I knew that without that public face, the one that portrayed confidence and success, I wouldn’t inspire motivation in the people who worked for me. It was easier knowing she was there waiting for me. I couldn’t wait for us to return to the hotel. I booked everyone else rooms at a motel two blocks up the street from the restaurant. Amber and I were staying at The Inn on Biltmore Estate, a luxurious hotel in the grounds of the Vanderbilts’ former home.

  The look on her face as we drove up had been worth the price. The manicured grounds with the Blue Ridge Mountains in the background were breathtaking, and the vivid greenery almost blinding.

  Finally, I spotted Amber in the back of the room. Two male servers from the new place had her cornered. If only she knew what I and apparently those men knew; she was a knockout. But, maybe it was for the best she didn’t know. Her maroon gown was exquisitely cut, the soft fabric showing off her alluring features to perfection. I chuckled as I watched her blush and softly bite down on her lower lip at whatever the young man had said. At that moment Amber looked up and caught me staring, and instead of glancing down at her feet as she usually did, she winked. I loved that flirty side of her.

  “Simona, thanks again for allowing us to come to the party.” I turned and realized Vickie had been speaking while I stood there lost in my thoughts. That familiar twinge of jealousy passed through me, taking mental gymnastics to remind me that Vickie was the past, and I was the future. After an uncomfortable moment of silence, I spoke.

  “The fire was stressful for you and the staff. I figured you all needed a night to unwind. I’m glad you could join us.” I noticed her eyes looking past me and realized with a start who she was gazing at. I felt heat radiate up my chest. Amber, she had to be looking at Amber. My lips tightened and my hand squeezed the stem of the champagne flute.