Heart in the Right Home

by Lisa Hill

  ‘It’s been going on a while, then?’

  Louise angrily rounded on Rebecca. ‘Nothing’s going on.’

  ‘You said he listens to you,’ Rebecca said softly, not wanting to upset Louise any more than she clearly already was.

  ‘I haven’t done anything. Nothing immoral. Nothing physical, anyway, just perhaps in my head, oh!’ Louise let out a little squeak, picked up her champagne glass and necked her drink back. ‘I’m saying too much.’

  Rebecca gently rubbed Louise’s bare arm. ‘Perhaps it needs to be said. Perhaps you need to vocalise what you’re thinking? Perhaps it’s been a bit like having an emotional affair?’ She winced herself at that last word.

  Louise’s hands flew to her face. ‘Oh, please don’t say that! I had a drink with him after we bumped into each other at the wholesalers, one lunchtime. Apart from that I’ve only ever seen him in here, when he’s the pub landlord and I’m a customer.’

  Rebecca watched Louise, her face fully buried in her hands, and her heart went out to her. She prized one of Louise’s hands away from her face and squeezed it tight. ‘Louise,’ she said firmly. ‘Did you judge me when you found out I’d had an affair with Edward?’

  Louise said nothing, just screwed her face up tight, now the veil of her hands had been lifted.

  ‘You didn’t,’ Rebecca continued. ‘You just said supportive things to make me go back and face the music with Pamela.’

  Louise opened her eyes. ‘This is different.’

  ‘How?’

  ‘You hadn’t been married for twenty years, like I have.’

  ‘Edward’s been married for over forty.’

  ‘Exactly.’ Tears sprung to Louise’s eyes. ‘I’m like Edward Hardwicke; a total bastard!’

  ‘No, no, noooo!’ Rebecca let go of Louise’s hand and waved hers frantically. ‘That’s not what I’m saying!’

  Louise frowned. ‘You’re not?’

  ‘No!’ Rebecca topped up Louise’s glass and handed it to her. ‘What I’m trying to say, is, don’t make the mistakes I made. You can’t stop the way your head is thinking, but sort your problems out with Johnnie first, then see how you feel about Duncan. Don’t let your feelings for Duncan cloud your feelings for Johnnie. If it’s over with Johnnie then resolve that first, don’t let it get,’ Rebecca winced when she thought over how things were just after Edward left, ‘messy.’

  Louise nodded and took a sip of her drink. ‘You’re right. It’s just that I’ve been trying so hard to ignore my feelings and, now, saying them aloud makes me feel…’ she trailed off, her eyes racing like they were reading something really fast, not staring at the low glass table in front of here, ‘guilty,’ she whispered.

  Rebecca nodded. ‘I will never fully be relieved of the burden I feel over my actions with Edward, but life moves on. Pamela and I are friends again and—’

  ‘You’ve got a total hunk waiting at home for you?’

  They both dissolved into giggles. ‘Stop it!’ Rebecca said, almost spilling her champagne. ‘That’s not fair!’

  ‘But true!’ Louise said, seeming brighter than she had all evening.

  ‘Ah, fabulous, celebrating already.’

  Rebecca, who had been leaning over Louise on the wicker sofa, as they giggled away their woes, looked up to see James looking highly desirable as usual, if a little anxious. Part of her was annoyed he was here when she’d told him she was having a girly night out and part of her – the alcohol induced part, no doubt – was keen to explore a booty call after the pub, which was hypocritical when she had insisted on him going home to the Old Rectory tonight.

  ‘What are we supposed to be celebrating?’ she asked, sitting up.

  ‘I’ll get you a glass,’ Duncan said, as he brushed past James.

  Rebecca looked at Louise and winked. Louise blushed, that lustful flush returning to her face once more.

  ‘Get one for yourself,’ James called, ‘and another bottle of champagne, please.’

  ‘Coming up!’ Duncan called over his shoulder.

  ‘James?’ Rebecca asked, feeling giddy from giggling. ‘What’s this all about?’

  ‘Us,’ James said, dropping to one knee.

  She put down her glass and tried to gather her thoughts. ‘Oh, nooo,’ she said, hiding her face with her hands.

  ‘Ohhh!’ Louise gasped.

  ‘Rebecca Rose Cavendish, I love you. I think, if I’m being honest, I’ve always loved you; you’ve always been the one—’

  ‘Oh James, no,’ Rebecca muttered, hands still clamped to her face.

  Why was he doing this?

  Why was he doing this, here?

  It would spoil everything. She did want them to move in together; was this his kneejerk reaction to make living together happen? She risked looking up, to see him still balancing on one knee, expectantly, holding out a navy, velvet box with an intricate, antique, braided, three-stone diamond engagement ring, glinting in the dusk. Quite a crowd of pub-goers had gathered around to see the spectacle.

  ‘Ohhhh my,’ she whispered, ‘that’s beautiful.’ She had to concede it was exactly what she would have chosen. He knew her taste so well.

  ‘You wouldn’t believe the day I’ve had trying to track that down. Thank goodness my credit card had a good limit to take the hit at the auctioneers.’ He grinned apprehensively. She could tell he wanted her to put him out of his misery.

  ‘Auctioneers? Was this an impulse decision, then?’

  ‘Rebecca!’ Louise sighed. ‘The man is hanging off your every word. He loves you, wants to marry you; what more do you want? Put him out of his misery!’

  Rebecca leaned in to take a closer look at the ring. Her champagne-induced mood was gone; sobriety reigned. She was acutely aware of the gathered crowd and James still holding out the dinky little box, arm shaking, diamonds glittering, flirting with her almost at the future they had to offer.

  ‘Is it an impulse decision?’ She found herself asking again.

  James shuffled nearer to her; his arm still outstretched. ‘Does it matter if it is? We both know how we feel about each other.’ He looked down at the box as if it was easier to tell the engagement ring how he felt. ‘It was Jack’s idea, sort of. But I just saw Reverend Eckersely and Lucy putting Poppy to bed and—’ he looked up at her again, ‘—I want to do that! I want a home of my own, a family and most importantly, I want you; I want to do it all with you.’

  A tear escaped from the corner of her eye. This was what she needed to hear.

  ‘Christ, girl!’ Duncan called out. ‘Give the boy a break!’

  The crowd laughed. Rebecca smiled. ‘Yes,’ she nodded, ‘yes, I will marry you, James Hardwicke,’ and in a flash she was in his arms, kissing him fervently, both of them knelt on the patio, her arms snaking around his neck not wanting to ever let him go.

  ‘Get a room!’ Someone in the crowd shouted.

  Everyone laughed.

  ‘Here,’ James said, taking the ring and slipping onto her left hand.

  She grinned. ‘It fits perfectly,’ she said, waggling her fingers, eyes fixed on the ring. Could she be any happier? ‘Thank you, it’s just what I’d have chosen.’

  Duncan popped a champagne cork as they both scrambled to their feet. Rebecca watched the intimacy between him and Louise, as he filled up a fresh glass for her. Not touching, a reserved distance sustained, but a depth of understanding and knowing between the two which gave her a foreboding feeling in her stomach, clashing heavily with the sheer ecstasy of James’ recent public display of affection.

  ‘Congratulations, you two!’ Louise said, passing them both a glass. ‘Let’s have a look.’ Louise indicated to Rebecca’s hand.

  Rebecca couldn’t help but grin inanely as she held out her hand.

  ‘Oh my, it’s stunning,’ Louise said.

  ‘Aye, congratulations you two,’ Duncan said, leaning in for a look at Rebecca’s bling. ‘Well, you know where to come for catering and a wedding cake.’

 
Rebecca watched Duncan look down affectionately at Louise. She had to admit they made a striking couple. She wasn’t being judgemental; she wasn’t. She really liked Louise however, she didn’t want Louise making the same mistakes as her. Affairs were messy, they hurt people, and you had to live with the shame of being the talk of the village.

  ‘Thanks Duncan, actually you’re both already booked in.’

  Louise and Duncan both frowned.

  Rebecca turned to James. ‘You’ve booked the wedding already?’

  James put his arm around Rebecca and kissed the top of her head. ‘Think of us like Harry and Meghan, darling; keen to get on with it. No time like the present if we want a couple of little Hardwickes running around the place.’

  Rebecca looked up at him. ‘I haven’t the foggiest what you’re talking about.’

  ‘We’re getting married in September!’

  ‘September!’ Rebeca shrieked. ‘That’s two months away! I haven’t even thought about a dress yet!’

  ‘Darling, you will look stunning, whatever you wear.’

  ‘Well,’ she blustered, ‘it doesn’t give me long to slim down.’

  ‘You’re perfect,’ he said, kissing the top of her head.

  ‘May I enquire where we’re getting married?’

  ‘St Mary’s. Reverend Eckersley had a cancellation. He gave me forty-eight hours to make a decision.’ James pulled her to him. ‘Now, we can go and see him in the morning and confirm our intentions!’

  Louise frowned. ‘But, James, we’re already booked out for a wedding in September; I’m not sure I can squeeze in another one. Have you spoken to Johnnie about this?’

  ‘No need,’ James sang, ‘it’s one and the same. You just need to change the name from Sellwood to Hardwicke.’

  Rebecca’s hand flew to her mouth. ‘Oh no, I saw your mum this afternoon. She hasn’t cancelled, has she? I felt sure she was determined to sort things out with Jack.’

  ‘No, she hasn’t; Jack has.’

  Rebecca looked at Louise opened mouthed, and watched her feelings, a mixture of surprise and sadness, reflected in Louise’s face.

  Chapter Fifty

  The gate creaked open and from Pamela’s position, sitting at the end of the churchyard on the bench dedicated to someone who went aloft many years ago, she could see the distinguishable outline, even in the fading light, of Jack striding up the path. Her stomach lurched. It was the first time she’d seen him since he’d walked out on Thursday night. No doubt he was escaping the chaos of Church Cottage to have some quiet time with Mary. It was too much to hope that Jack was on his way to see her, but she was sitting here purposefully, waiting, hoping that he would come to Mary’s grave this evening. Because Rebecca’s words had played on her mind all afternoon. Show Jack you love him. She truly did love him. It was only in a moment of madness that she had taken leave of her senses and agreed Edward could move into one of the spare rooms. Deep down, knowing what a kind and generous man she knew Jack to be, part of her had thought he’d understand.

  How wrong could she have been.

  ‘Oh, hello,’ Pamela said, as Sky came running up to her and placed her head in Pamela’s lap for a fuss. At least someone was pleased to see her.

  ‘Hello,’ Jack said gruffly, as he halted by the bench.

  ‘Hi,’ she said nervously, her voice wavering. She chanced looking up at him, still stroking Sky’s ears, but he was looking away, down at the church.

  The silence, so loaded, seemed to be drowning out the evening chorus of starlings in the hawthorn hedges. Now that she was here, in Jack’s presence, her confidence was waning and she really didn’t know what to say.

  ‘How are you?’ She winced at how feeble she sounded.

  He kicked a loose stone into the hedge. ‘As good as one can be expected to be, sharing a bedroom with Anthony.’

  ‘You’d be better off with Cam; he’s quieter and tidier.’

  There was a whisper of a smile at Jack’s lips. They both knew their grandchildren so well; perhaps she could use the ties of their family to her advantage?

  ‘Aye, you’re probably right. Best I figure out what I am going to do though; can’t trouble Lottie and Drew much longer.’

  Did this mean he was considering moving back in with her?

  She cleared her throat. ‘You could always come home.’ She hesitated over what to say next. ‘I miss you,’ she said, faintly.

  ‘Huh.’ His hands went to his hips as he looked over the hedge, down towards the Old Rectory. ‘Reckons I miss you too—’

  Pamela’s heart skipped a beat. It wasn’t a flat-out no. There was hope.

  ‘—but I’m not moving back in with you, not while he’s there.’

  ‘Arrgh!’ Pamela pushed herself back against the hard back of the bench and raked her hands through her hair. ‘I’m sorry!’ she shouted. ‘I’ve made a big mistake and I don’t know how to fix it! I had a moment of madness and felt sorry for him.’ She took her hands away from her head and sat bolt upright. ‘But it’s you I love Jack, and I know I need to fix this, but I don’t really know how. It’s half his house!’

  Jack nodded and looked down at his walking boots. ‘I know.’ He kept nodding as if he was mulling over what to say next. ‘Trouble is, I got rid of him for you once and I won’t do it again.’ He fixed her with a hard stare. It wasn’t a cold stare, but it felt like the look her father used to give her when she was a child and she had done something to upset Jean. ‘So, the ball’s in your court; it’s really up to you how this plays out. I’ll wait, but not forever. I can’t keep on living at Church Cottage, and I’m not kicking your mother out of my place either. Guess it’s time to review whether I stick around or go back down south. I’ve got the little flat I rent out in Bath, I could kick the tenants out of there, I suppose.’

  Pamela’s hands flew to her mouth and tears brimmed in her eyes. ‘Oh Jack, please don’t say that!’ she said, her voice muffled.

  ‘I’m sorry.’ He looked away, as if he couldn’t face saying these words to her face. ‘But there it is. I’m sixty-nine, I’m not putting my life on hold forever. You know how much of a leap of faith I took, pushing my feelings of Mary’s memory aside to be with you.’

  It was like being taken out by a right hook in the boxing ring. His words knocked her sideways.

  Anger swelled; she wasn’t going down without a fight. ‘You never went as far as buying me a ring though, did you?’ She closed her eyes, instantly regretting the words as soon as they were out. She opened them to see Jack looking down at his feet, more interested in another loose stone on the path. At least he didn’t look angry. ‘I will sort this, Jack,’ she said, more softly. She took a step nearer to him as he took one back. ‘I do love you, and I will prove it to you.’

  He looked at her sternly, his hands still resting on his hips. ‘And I love you too, but I won’t have my pants pulled down and my arse smacked by Edward Hardwicke again.’

  ‘I’ll tell him to go.’

  ‘Fine, you do that,’ he said, turning away, heading in the direction of Mary’s grave.

  ‘He’s dying, Jack, have a heart.’ Where were those words coming from? Did she still have some sort of feelings for Edward? Why the hell was she defending him?

  ‘Not quick enough,’ Jack growled, as he turned and rounded on her. ‘And on that subject, I cancelled the wedding today; no point having one when he won’t give you a divorce.’

  That was the final blow. She slammed back down on the bench again, feeling like she couldn’t breathe. ‘Cancelled the wedding?’ she heard herself say.

  His shoulders slumped, and he turned back to face her, his face full of anguish. ‘How can we wed now? Yes, you’re right, I did drag my heels over buying you a ring, but you were still married—’ she watched his gaze fall to Mary’s headstone, ‘—how could I propose to a married woman?’

  It was on the tip of her tongue to argue that she’d put in her divorce application, but something stopped her. She’d dragge
d her heels over her divorce from Edward as much as Jack had prevaricated over buying an engagement ring.

  Perhaps neither of them really had their heart in the notion of getting married.

  It was a balmy summer’s evening, but Pamela suddenly felt icy cold. She was in shock, she knew it. Jack was her rock, her happiness, her life and here he was pushing her away. How stupid had she been?

  She swallowed hard, determined to prove something to him. ‘I will sort this Jack; I will prove to you that I love you.’

  ‘Well, good luck with that,’ Jack said, turning and walking towards Mary’s grave.

  Her heart felt like he was wrenching it from inside her. She didn’t know where the urge came from, but she turned and fled. If she couldn’t have Jack, then there was only one other person in the world she wanted right now. She ran as quickly as her flimsy sandals would allow her, all the way to the church gate, down Church Lane and up the gravel driveway. Frantically she knocked on the door until it opened.

  ‘Oh Pammie, whatever is it?’ Audrey asked, a waist pinny tied around her short-sleeve shirt dress.

  ‘I’ve been such a fool, Mum,’ she said, between sobs, gasping for air. ‘I just don’t know what to do. Can I move in with you?’

  If Audrey was taken aback, she hid it well. Instead she just stepped over the threshold and enveloped her daughter in a big hug. ‘Of course you can, my dear. Come on, let’s go in and talk about it. There’s bigger problems than yours been ironed out over a mug of tea and a chocolate digestive.’

  ‘I think it’s going to take more than tea and biscuits to sort my mess out,’ Pamela said, allowing Audrey to guide her into Church End.

  Chapter Fifty-One

  ‘Right, I’m off to the pub,’ Johnnie said, standing in the archway between the stores and the tearooms.

  ‘We need to sync our diaries,’ Louise said, clearing away a table that some ramblers had just vacated.

  ‘You can come with me, if you want.’ Johnnie found himself mocking Louise’s words of last night, but he didn’t have a clue why.

  She just looked at him incredulously and said nothing.