Lost To Me

by Jamie Blair

  2 days till prom. I like that countdown better. Love u 2.

  “Do you have everything for prom?” Amy asked, eyeing my phone.

  I knew she meant protection. Condoms. “Like?”

  “Shoes. Jewelry.” She hooked her arm through mine and steered me toward the shoe department. “I’ll buy you some.”

  I turned my head and stared at the side of her face, but she wouldn’t look at me. “Really, Ames?”

  She nodded and squeezed my arm. “You know what you’re doing. You always know what you’re doing.”

  “Thanks.” I stopped in the middle of the store and hugged her.

  LAUREN

  Saturday morning, I opened my eyes to a card and a pink rose sitting on my nightstand. I sat up, sniffed the sweet, mild rose and opened the card.

  On the front was a little girl in dress up clothes. In the black inside, Mom had written:

  Have a lovely time at prom tonight with Kolton. Be smart. Be safe.

  I love you,

  Mom

  Standing in front of my closet, I pulled out the Victoria’s Secret bag and the shoebox holding my new, strappy silver sandals that Amy bought me. I couldn’t believe it was really the day. It was happening. I smiled and closed my eyes as a jolt of excitement shot through my chest.

  I could not wait to feel Kolton’s arms around me. To see him in his tux. To dance and laugh and kiss. There was so much more to this night than just Monopoly.

  Somehow, I’d broken free. Free of my birthmark. Free to make my own decisions. Free of the girl I used to be.

  KOLTON

  I didn’t sleep last night.

  Getting out of bed seemed like a huge chore. I thought about taking a nap and rolled over, pulling up my covers.

  A car pulled in the driveway and its horn honked. I got up and looked out my open bedroom window to see Rob stepping out of his car.

  “Hey!” He waved.

  “What the hell are you doing up so early?”

  “Don’t know. Just woke up. Got anything to eat?”

  “Yeah. I think we’ve got donuts. And cereal.”

  “Screw that. Let’s go get breakfast. Eggs, bacon, sausage, pancakes. I need grease and maple syrup.”

  It was like normal between us. Maybe I’d imagined the strain I’d felt there all week. “Sounds good to me. I have to get my tux and Lauren’s corsage too.”

  “And a box of love gloves.” He laughed and jerked his eyebrows up and down.

  “Shut it.” I couldn’t help but laugh though. I was in a good mood; even the term love glove was funny today.

  I called off work, and since it was the first time since being a lifeguard I knew my boss wouldn’t be angry.

  Rob and I went to Bob Evans and ordered enough food to fill the table. I sent Lauren a text.

  Ten hours. I can’t put into words what tonight means to me Lauren. I love you.

  “What are you doing? Texting your woman? I love you so much baby,” he mocked, “I can’t wait to rock your world.”

  I shot him a dirty look. “Shut up.”

  “Chill.” He smeared jelly on his biscuit. “It’s sex, not the atom bomb. It’s not life altering or anything.”

  I shrugged. He was right. Sex had never been life altering for me. It’d just been sex. I thought it might be different with Lauren though. I loved Lauren. I’d never done it with someone I’d loved like I loved her before.

  “Where are you taking her to dinner?”

  “Do you think of anything other than food and sex?” The waitress filled our coffee mugs. “The hotel has a nice restaurant. I made reservations for us there, and we can drop off our bags.”

  “Riiight. That’s why you made reservations to eat there. You just can’t wait to get up that dress. Gonna go for a little somethin’ somethin’ before prom.”

  “Rob. Seriously.”

  “All right, all right. I’ll stop.”

  We finished eating, paid and left.

  “I don’t think the tux place is open yet. Up for some one on one?” I asked before turning out of the parking lot.

  He rubbed his protruding stomach and took a puff of his cigarette. “Don’t I look like I’m up for it? Let’s go to my house.”

  We played hard. I sweated, letting all of my anxiety seep out my pores. By the time I’d won the game, another hour had passed.

  “I’ve got to get going.” I tossed him the ball and tugged my wet shirt over my head. “Got a t-shirt I can borrow? I want to pick up my tux and the corsage on my way home.”

  “Sure. Be right back.” He came out of the house and tossed me an ancient Vanilla Ice t-shirt that said Stop. Collaborate and listen, on it.

  I sighed and tugged it on. “Do you not own a normal t-shirt?” I opened my car door. “Later.”

  “Later.” He danced around like Vanilla Ice, singing Ice Ice Baby while I backed out of his driveway.

  I sat in the driver’s seat and was about to close my door when he shouted, “Have a good time. I mean it. I hope it goes perfectly for you two.”

  I smiled and waved. “Thanks.”

  I don’t know why I was so nervous. Everything was planned, and with Lauren it didn’t matter if there was a little flaw here or there. It was us that mattered. Us being together. Still, it felt like there was something out of line, something off kilter.

  I shook it out of my head. It was just anxiety from doing everything right for her tonight.

  LAUREN

  When I got out of the shower and finished my home facial that I bought for today, I smiled as my fingers flew over the buttons to read the texts Kolton had sent.

  The first read, Ten hours. I can’t put into words what tonight means to me Lauren. I love you.

  The second said, Picking up my tux and your corsage. 7 hours.

  I urgently typed him a text back. My stomach is quivering like mad. Can’t eat. So excited. Not nervous. It’ll be perfect. I love you.

  Kristin and I were going to get our hair styled, so I put on a button up shirt. Fifteen minutes later, I heard her horn honking, and ran outside.

  My mom was pulling weeds. “Have fun, baby. Don’t forget to keep some tendrils down on the sides.”

  “Okay, Mom.” I rolled my eyes and kept walking, lugging the duffel bag of clothes I was taking with me. Kristin agreed to take me by the hotel so I could leave my bag at the front desk. It would make getting out of the house that much easier tonight.

  “Make sure she curls them. You don’t want them to look stringy.”

  “Got it.” I scooted into Kristin’s car and shut the door before my mom could say anything else.

  I watched Mom as we drove away. She waved, then wiped her face, leaving a smear of dirt slashed across her right cheek from her dirty garden glove.

  KOLTON

  It took two hours and forty-five minutes to get to the hotel in Fredericksburg.

  I parked, slung my duffel bag over my shoulder, and strolled into the lush hotel lobby. Soft music played, leather chairs and couches sat in clusters with glass tables and huge arrangements of exotic flowers. The scent of coffee and lemon furniture polish mingled with the leather.

  “Hello,” I said to the woman at the front desk. “I’m checking in.”

  “Name?”

  “Seidel.”

  “One non-smoking, king Jacuzzi suite for one night, two adults?”

  “Right.” Two adults. It sounded so official.

  “Room two oh five. Up the elevator to the second floor and to the right.” She gestured like a flight attendant, then bent and picked up a large tote bag. “This was dropped off earlier under the name Seidel.”

  I took it, knowing it had to be Lauren’s. “Thanks.” She handed me the key card and I strode to the elevator feeling a strange sense of pride knowing Lauren left her bag under my name. Even if it was because the room was registered to Seidel, I knew she was mine.

  LAUREN

  Kristin dropped me off back at home at three-thirty, both of us with g
lossy nails and sporting enough hairpins and hairspray to keep a small building standing. Loose curls were pinned against my head and swept up in the back. Like Mom suggested, I kept some tendrils down to wisp around my face.

  My heart skipped as I put some body gel in the whirlpool tub in my mom and dad’s bathroom, and watched it bubble. When the tub was full and the jets were going, I sunk in up to my chin, careful not to get my hair wet.

  I should’ve asked Kristin how to prepare for something like this? Something that should just happen and not be so planned. Maybe then I wouldn’t have been obsessing over shaving and scrubbing my skin raw with the loofa.

  By the time I was dry and covered with lotion, I only had fifteen minutes to get dressed before Kolton picked me up. Mom came in just in time to zip me.

  I stood in my mom and dad’s room in front of the full-length mirror and ran my hands over my dress feeling the bumps and sharp edges of the beads and sequins. My hair was in a perfect coif, my makeup expertly applied, even if my birthmark was still visible. My nails were slick and red, and my lipstick kissable. My earrings sparkled when I turned my head. I spun and watched my dress flare out around me. The silk and netting rustled, and the satin panties caressed.

  My eyes latched onto my mom’s, standing behind me in the mirror. She wiped under her eyes and sniffled. “You look perfect. So grown up. Next thing you know, you’ll be leaving for college, then getting married.”

  “Mom.” I turned and put my arms around her. I couldn’t deny it though. I would be leaving for college soon. Only seventeen more weeks to wait.

  Her body shook with laughter, and she wiped her eyes again. “I’m being silly.” She fanned her eyes with her hands. “Kolton will be here any minute and look at your crazy mom.”

  I spun in the mirror a few more times, seeing someone I’d never seen before. She was confident, pretty, sexy. She was someone I thought I liked. She smiled a lot.

  KOLTON

  At five PM exactly, I pulled my car into Lauren’s driveway and turned off the engine. The plastic box with the corsage in it still sat where I’d put it, fresh and crisp. I took it to the door and rang the doorbell.

  Her mom answered wiping her eyes. “You look so handsome!” She took my arm and pulled me inside. “Lauren! Kolton’s here!” She brushed my shoulders and stood there beaming at me. “A tux suits you.”

  “Thanks.” Mrs. Kelling let go of me and stepped out from in front of me just as Lauren came around the corner.

  I couldn’t breathe. She was so beautiful. There was no way she was mine. How could she be?

  Her lips quivered when she smiled. She was nervous. “You look amazing. That’s not even the right word. More than amazing.” She stepped farther into the room and I met her half way, setting her wristlet of flowers on the coffee table. “Spin.” I took her hand and twirled her around while she laughed. Then she spun into my arms and kissed me.

  “I can’t believe tonight’s finally here.” Her face was flushed.

  “Oh good,” Mrs. Kelling said, watching out the front window. “Your dad made it home to see you before you go.” She picked up a camera from the end table beside the sofa.

  “Use mine,” Lauren said. “Your camera takes terrible pictures.” She straightened my bowtie before darting off to fetch her camera.

  A back door somewhere through the kitchen banged shut and a moment later, Mr. Kelling came into the living room. “There’s the man-of-the-hour,” he said, holding a hand out to me.

  “Hi, Mr. Kelling.” I shook his hand.

  He patted my shoulder and left his hand there, gripping tightly. “Listen, I know all about prom night. The after-parties, the drinking, the…” He shrugged his eyebrows up and down, and I felt like our plans were written in black marker all over my face.

  “I--”

  “No, no,” he said, squeezing my shoulder harder. “I’m not some old man with my head buried in the sand.” He nudged me. “Get it? Sand? Like how I called you Sandman.” He laughed and lifted his chin at Lauren’s mom, who was trying not to crack up, encouraging her. “See? Even my wife thinks it’s funny.”

  He turned me to face him and put both hands on my shoulders. “Seriously though, man-to-man, she’s my little girl. You do anything irresponsible tonight and this is the last time you’ll see her.”

  Lauren’s mom stepped forward just as my tongue turned to rock inside my mouth. “Okay, okay. Enough with the tough dad routine.” She put her hand on Mr. Kelling’s arm and he dropped both of them. “Don’t let him scare you. Lauren’s a responsible girl and if she trusts you, so do we.” She gave Mr. Kelling a playful punch in his stomach. “Right?”

  “Oomph!” Mr. Kelling bent over, playing along, then straightened up, smiling. “As long as my daughter doesn’t call me in tears begging me to pick her up from some beer-fest after-party with a keg in the bathtub of a seedy hotel room, I wish you a fabulous evening.”

  “Dad!” Lauren shouted, striding back into the living room. “Neither of us even drink, okay? God…”

  Relief flooded through me as she handed her mom her camera. Her dad was everything my dad never was. Her whole family was awesome, and the last thing I wanted to do was make them hate me.

  “Picture time!” Mrs. Kelling motioned us to follow her out the front door. “Stand in front of my Rhododendron. Its blooms will look perfect behind Lauren’s dress.”

  We stood at an angle. Lauren wrapped my arms around her waist. “Wait, I forgot your corsage inside.” I darted back up the porch steps, but Mr. Kelling met me on his way out holding the flower box.

  “Forget something?” He handed it to me.

  “Thanks.” After taking the wristlet out of the box, Lauren held up her hand and I slipped it on. She examined it, touching the soft orchid petals. “Do you like it?”

  “It’s beautiful.” She threw her arms around me and kissed me. The camera clicked. We parted to see her mom taking shots of us kissing. Lauren laughed as she reached up and wiped lipstick off my lips.

  “Pose for me again,” Mrs. Kelling said, shooing us back toward her flowering bush.

  After what seemed like a million pictures in a million poses all around the front and back yards, we were finally free to leave. “I made reservations in the restaurant at the hotel,” I said, after Lauren and I were shut inside the car and on our way.

  “Do you mind if we go somewhere else?” she asked, grinning. “I have a craving.”

  She was up to something. “A craving that doesn’t require a reservation, I hope.”

  “No. Definitely no reservation required.” She pointed out the window. “Turn right up here.”

  Lauren licked whipped cream off of her lips. “I can’t believe you’ve never had ice cream for dinner before,” she said.

  “I can’t believe you’re sitting on a picnic table in that dress eating hot fudge with a plastic spoon.” I stood facing her. Her bare feet and red-painted toes perched on the bench in front of me; her silver, heeled sandals beside her on the table. “I didn’t peg you for a girly-girl, but I never would’ve imagined this.”

  She took the last bite of her mint chocolate chip and hot fudge sundae and leaned back on her hands. “There’s so much pressure—the perfect dress, the perfect hair, the perfect everything—sitting in a fancy restaurant trying not to spill anything down the front of me was just too much. This night is supposed to be fun, right?” A flirty grin crossed her lips.

  I sat down next to her. “You know you don’t have to be perfect for me though, don’t you?” She had whipped cream in the corner of her mouth. I dabbed it with a paper napkin. “However this night turns out is perfect because I’m with you.”

  “I know. Me too.” She kissed me and eyed my brownie-bash-explosion-something-or-other sundae. I scooped up a spoonful. “Bite?” She opened her mouth and I fed it to her.

  “Do you think,” she said, and swallowed, “in like ten years we can dress up and come back here for dinner sundaes?”

  “I do
n’t have to keep this tux do I? Because it’s only a rental.” I pinched the end of her nose. “I’ll be here if you will be.”

  “I don’t see any way you could get rid of me.”

  “I wouldn’t ever try to.” I picked up her sandals and slipped them on her feet. “Ready for the ball, Cinderella?”