The Traveling Man

by Jane Harvey-Berrick

  He didn’t answer immediately and my heart sank.

  But then he sat up, brushing grass from his hair.

  “Yeah, I do.”

  I sat up, too, watching his face.

  “You make that sound like a bad thing?”

  He gave a small smile. “No, but…”

  “But what?”

  He sighed. “Aimee, you’re smart and beautiful and…”

  “Wait! You think I’m beautiful?”

  Kes smiled softly. “Yeah, I always have. Even more so now.”

  “Wow!”

  My heart, lead-filled a moment ago, now felt incredibly light.

  But Kes’s smile seemed sadder. “You’ll do amazing things,” he said. “I know it.”

  “So will you,” I insisted. “You already have!”

  He looked down, twisting his long fingers together before shredding some blades of grass.

  “You’re going to love the new show,” he said, his voice wistful.

  “Does it have knife-throwing in it?” I teased. “Do you throw knives at Sorcha? Because I’d be totally up for seeing that!”

  He laughed in surprise and leaned in to kiss me on the cheek. “Feisty girl.” Then he stood up in one smooth, feline movement. “Come on, let’s go see Mr. Albert. Dono wants to say hi, too.”

  I frowned and bit my lip. “Your grandpa scares me.”

  Kes smiled. “Yeah, he scares most people, so don’t worry about it. He likes you.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah. Why are you surprised?”

  “I don’t know. He never seems that happy to see me.”

  Kes grinned. “If he didn’t like you, he wouldn’t let you hang around with us.”

  “Well, okay then, I guess. By the way, why do you call him ‘Dono’ now?”

  Kes’s cheeks looked flushed when I glanced at him, and he ran his thumb over his eyebrow.

  “It sounded babyish to keep calling him ‘Grandpa’. I dunno. Is that weird?”

  “I guess not if he doesn’t mind.”

  Kes laughed. “I never asked him—I just started doing it. He hasn’t said anything so it must be okay.”

  “I bet he has a way of letting you know if he’s mad.”

  “I’ve got the bruises to prove it,” he laughed.

  I gasped and stared. “Does he still hit you?”

  Kes shrugged. “Only when I’ve fucked up.”

  “But … but … it’s wrong! He shouldn’t hit you.”

  Kes was amused. “I know where the line is, Aimee. It’s my fault if I step over it. Don’t worry about it.”

  I must have looked mad, because he quickly changed the subject.

  “How’s your sister, um, Jennifer?”

  “She’s in school at Minneapolis, and I really miss her when she’s away.”

  Kes pulled a face. “Fucking college.”

  I knew how he felt about anything to do with education, but it made me sad.

  “Do you ever hear from Con?”

  Kes shrugged. “Yeah. He came back, I mean home, to Arcata, last New Year’s. He’s pre-med. He wants to be a doctor.”

  There was a mixture of pride and something darker in his words. I knew Kes still thought of himself as dumb, and his brother’s achievements seemed to compound that view.

  I planted my feet and put my hands on my hips, having to look up to meet his eyes.

  “Kestrel Donohue, you are the most amazing boy I have ever met, so you stop that right now!”

  Kes looked taken aback. “I could never do what he does.”

  “No, and neither could I. But there are very few people in the world who can do what you do either.”

  Kes frowned. “When he’s a doctor, he’s going to be able to save lives.”

  I shook my head impatiently.

  “We need doctors, of course we do. But you—what you do—you make people happy. When you’re in front of a crowd, nobody can think about their problems or their worries or anything else. You have a gift, Kes, an amazing wonderful gift. It’s special, just like you.”

  I whispered those last words.

  Kes stared, his eyes stunned, then he pulled me against his chest, his lips crushing mine so fiercely that I knew they’d be bruised. I didn’t care.

  “Say you mean it!” he hissed against my mouth.

  “I do!” I cried. “I do mean it!”

  He kissed me harder, his hands gripping my hips painfully.

  Until we were interrupted.

  “Oh my God, look at you two,” laughed Sorcha loudly. “How sweet is that? You’d better watch out, Kes, or you’ll be putting up a picket fence and buying a minivan any day now.”

  She sniggered at her own joke, making a choking motion.

  “Fuck off, Sorcha,” Kes said, as if he didn’t care if she lived or died.

  “Yeah, what he said,” I murmured, caring only that I was in his arms and he was looking at me like he’d never let go.

  She grunted and stalked off—not that I noticed.

  “Please tell me you’ve never kissed her,” I said to Kes. “Or anything else.”

  He gave an embarrassed laugh. “No way! She’s slept with half the guys here—my dick would probably fall off.”

  “That would be a shame,” I purred, rubbing against him.

  I had no idea where this new, brazen version of myself had come from, but I liked it. Apparently Kes did, too, because he started running his hands up and down my back until he was cupping my ass and pulling me against his growing erection.

  I think at that moment I’d have let him do anything he wanted, but then he stopped and blew out a long breath. His eyes were wild and I could tell it was taking every ounce of restraint for him to stop. Honestly, the want and need inside him scared me a little.

  He swallowed several times, and I saw the storm in his eyes die back.

  “Come on,” he croaked, “let’s go get a soda. Mr. Albert will be happy to see you.”

  Dono was sitting outside the RV with Mr. Albert in his lap, talking quietly to Madame Cindy. I realized it was the first time that I hadn’t seen Dono in motion. I think Kes got his restlessness from him.

  Mr. Albert shrieked when he saw me and leapt into my arms. Dono’s mustache twitched, and he nodded.

  “Hello, Mr. Donohue,” I said politely, still nervous despite the years I’d known him. “Madame Cindy.”

  “Hello, Aimee,” she responded comfortably. “Good to see you again, darlin’. Good to know you’ll take care of our boy,” and she pointed at Kes with her chin.

  I had no idea what she meant about ‘taking care’ of him. I’d never met anyone who was more capable of looking after themselves. I smiled politely and sat on the ground, cuddling Mr. Albert who was chattering happily and tugging my hair.

  Kes just rolled his eyes, but made sure that Madame Cindy couldn’t see him. He went inside the RV and passed me a cold soda.

  It felt strange sitting there with the people who made up his family. We’d never really done that before. It felt like things were changing between us.

  “Why don’t you give her that present you’ve got hid, boy?” Dono said out of the blue.

  Kes’s cheeks flamed red as my gaze ping-ponged between him and his grandpa.

  “You got me a present?” I asked, pleased but a little bewildered.

  Kes’s blush spread down his neck and even the tips of his ears looked like they were on fire.

  He threw Dono an angry look, muttering under his breath. Then he ducked back inside the RV and came out holding something in a plastic bag. He wouldn’t meet my gaze and went striding off.

  Madame Cindy smiled. “Better go after him, darlin’.”

  Mr. Albert made little chirruping noises, but didn’t try to come with me.

  I followed Kes, jogging to keep up.

  “Hey, wait!”

  Kes was grumbling to himself, but his flushed cheeks seemed to be returning to normal.

  “Fuck’s sake! I hate having no p
rivacy,” he bitched. “Let’s go into town.”

  “That’s hardly private,” I pointed out.

  “No, but it’s away from here!”

  “We don’t have a car.”

  He eyed me warily. “I could take the truck. I have my permit.”

  I crossed my arms.

  He shrugged. “Dono lets me drive all of the time.”

  “That’s because he’s sitting up front with you!” I pointed out.

  I really liked the idea of being alone with Kes, but I wasn’t sure driving illegally was the best idea he’d ever had.

  Then I saw Zachary walking toward us.

  “Hey, Aimee! I thought I saw you earlier. How are you?”

  “Good, thanks,” I said, smiling at him.

  “What are you guys up to?” he asked, raising an eyebrow as Kes scowled.

  “Oh, just hanging out, you know. We were thinking about going into town,” I said casually.

  “I was just heading that way if you need a ride,” Zachary offered.

  I could tell Kes was going to tell him no, so I got my answer in first.

  “That would be great! Thanks, Zachary.”

  I wasn’t sure what Kes’s problem was with Zach, but it was an uncomfortable journey into town.

  Zachary had graduated to being second in charge of the Ferris wheel these days, something that seemed to require a good knowledge of engineering as well as several Health & Safety qualifications. Talking about the tests Zach had to take irritated Kes even further. I tried to change the subject several times, but Zach was proud of his achievements and eager to talk about them. I learned far more about the International Association of Amusement Parks regulations than I ever wanted or needed to know.

  When Zachary let us out of his truck, saying our ride back would be in a couple of hours, Kes’s mood was sour. I could feel his threatening glare, even though his eyes were hidden behind some fake Aviator shades that made him look really hot.

  But first I needed to address the elephant in the room that Zachary’s talk of tests had introduced.

  “You know, they allow extra time for tests if you’re dyslexic,” I began tentatively. “Sometimes they’ll even let someone read out the questions for you and…”

  “I don’t want to talk about it,” he bit out.

  I would have liked to say more, something to soothe and reassure him that I didn’t think he was stupid, because I could tell he was thinking it.

  Instead, I smiled as steadily as I could. “So, now we’re in the heaving metropolis of Fairmont, what do you want to do?”

  Some of the tension left his shoulders, although I could see that his fists were still tightly clenched.

  “Where’s good to eat?” he said at last.

  “There’s the diner, or Perkins do great pancakes?”

  Finally, Kes smiled. “Pancakes sound great.”

  As we strolled along the street, he slung his arm around my shoulder. He’d never done that before.

  I squinted up at him, wishing I’d thought to bring sunglasses.

  “Is this a date?”

  I swear his cheeks looked warm as he glanced down at me.

  “Do you want it to be?”

  “Yes, please,” I said shyly.

  “Then it’s a date,” he said, looking ridiculously pleased.

  My overwhelmed heart gave a happy lurch. I was with the hottest guy I’d ever met and he was happy to be on a date with me. It was every teen dream I’d ever had come true.

  I debated whether I felt brave enough to hook my arm around his waist, or even tuck my hand in the back pocket of his jeans.

  I settled for his waist, feeling the firm flesh under my fingers as he grinned at me.

  At Perkins, we were shown to a table, and Kes tossed me the menu, resting his arms along the back of the booth.

  “What’s good?” he said.

  I wondered how many times he’d used this method as a way of deflecting attention from the fact that he could barely read. The thought saddened me.

  “Well, we could go traditional, blueberry with maple syrup, or their Griddle Greats is pretty good—buttermilk pancakes, Belgian waffles and French toast with syrup.”

  I didn’t care that it was breakfast time, or maybe brunch—I wanted sugar.

  “Let’s do that—one of each, then I get to try both.”

  I huffed a little, not meaning it at all. “Fine, but 50/50 or it’s no deal.”

  Kes grinned, his even teeth white against his perennially tan face.

  “Sure!”

  I wasn’t certain I believed him.

  Our server sauntered over, devouring Kes with her eyes. To my dismay, it was one of Camilla’s cronies. She barely registered that I was there; her eyes were all over my boyfriend.

  “Can I help you folks?” she asked in a syrupy sweet voice.

  “We’ll take one order of the blueberry pancakes, one of the Griddle Greats, and two Mr. Pibbs. That’s all. Thanks, Lauren.”

  She blinked as she looked at me, recognition making her frown.

  “Oh, Lamey ... I didn’t see you sitting there.”

  Kes narrowed his eyes, his body coiled as if he was about to leap up. I laid my hand on his arm, and watched with pleasure as Lauren’s eyes got wider.

  Kes was onto my game, grinning as he casually slid his arm around my shoulders and pulled me against his body. Then he brushed a soft kiss against my lips before he looked up at Lauren and winked.

  Lauren’s lip curled into a sneer as she walked away, and Kes’s gaze softened as he stared at me.

  “Is she one of them?”

  I nodded unhappily.

  He didn’t say any more, but I got the feeling he was plotting something.

  “Hey,” I said, desperate to break the sudden dip in his mood, “I believe you have a present for me.”

  His smile lit up his eyes and I swooned a little inside.

  “Uh, yeah. It’s not much, but…” and he pushed the plastic bag toward me.

  When I pulled the small box out of the bag, I began to smile.

  “You got me a cell phone?”

  He rubbed his neck. “I thought we could talk, you know, when I’m gone. You said your parents wouldn’t pay for one, so I thought … it’s not expensive or anything, but I put thirty bucks on it to get you started.”

  I leaned across the table and kissed his soft lips.

  “I love it,” I whispered.

  “Good,” he said, looking relieved.

  Our date went by too fast. I loved having his company all to myself. I loved how easily we talked and joked together. I loved the person he was when we were like this. I wanted more of it, but as always, the clock was ticking.

  I felt as if I’d met my soulmate, but he was always being taken away from me. Life was so unfair. But at least we could talk to each other now. That was something.

  After we finished our pancakes, we had to hurry. At least Kes wasn’t in a foul mood with Zachary anymore.

  Back at the carnival, I watched Kes preparing for his act. He made sure Jacob Jones and the other ponies were warmed up, then he went into a huddle with Sorcha and the two guys that I hadn’t met yet. Sorcha rested her hand on his shoulder as he talked, but I don’t think he even noticed. His focus was unwavering and I could see how much this meant to him.

  Ollo came over while I was perched in the bleachers, watching.

  “Hey, Aimee! Good to see you again, girl.”

  “You, too, Ollo. How are you?”

  He laughed, coughing slightly. “Ah, getting old,” he said, shaking his head. “That’s why I’ve got to pass on all my tricks to Kes.”

  “Like knife-throwing?” I questioned, blanching as Kes pulled out a set of brightly polished steel throwing knives.

  Ollo nodded. “It takes even more skill than fire-eating, although you wouldn’t guess it. Anything with fire always gets the audience going, but then you’d know that, wouldn’t you?”

  I pretended I didn’t have a
clue what he was talking about. We both knew that Kes wasn’t supposed to have taught me any of the fire-breathing skills.

  Ollo smiled and looked back at Kes who was throwing knives onto a wooden board, forming a bristling cordon around Sorcha. I couldn’t help hoping he’d miss, just a tiny bit.

  “He’s not interested in her,” Ollo said, patting my knee.

  I sighed and offered him a weak smile. “I know, he told me. But he sees her all year; I only get him for two weeks.”

  “Not for winter break,” Ollo corrected me. “But yes, it’s tough not being with the person you love.”

  I tried to hide my shock. I’d never dared say the L word to myself, let alone share it with anyone else. I spent fifty weeks of the year trying to keep my emotions tightly tethered. Maybe that’s why everything seemed so intense now.

  “You can’t hide it,” Ollo said quietly. “And neither can he. You’ll work it out. You just gotta have a little faith.”

  “Faith in what, Ollo? Because sometimes it’s just so hard.”

  “Faith that you’re meant to be together,” he said, nodding to emphasize his point.

  “How do you know?” I begged.

  “How do you know you love our wild Kestrel?” he asked.

  I shook my head. “I just know.”

  “Then there’s your answer.”

  He patted my knee again and went to take up his position on the drums. I was even more confused after our conversation.

  After their rehearsal, Sorcha left to change into her costume, and Kes came to find me.

  “What did you think?” he asked.

  “Wow! That’s the short answer. Just wow! You were amazing! You could be on TV or in Vegas with an act like that. It’s…” I was almost lost for words. “It’s like magic!”

  His grin was huge. “You really think so?”

  “Definitely!”

  Kes’s expression became determined. “I want to make this work,” he said fiercely.

  I was a little taken aback. “What do you mean?”

  He pressed his lips together. “Carnivals are dying out, Aimee. How much longer can we go on trekking from one small town to the next?”

  “But … but the carnival’s been getting bigger and better every year?”

  Kes sighed. “I’ve heard Dono talking to Madame Cindy about how it’s not making any money. He’s always worried about the price of gas; permits are harder to get and take longer and the Health & Safety regs are killing us; we’ve got Safe Haven to pay for ... I mean Arcata. Forget it. People want to get on an airplane and travel to Disneyworld and go on the big rides. Small carnivals like us, we’re dying. The good acts are being picked up by people like Cirque du Soleil.” He looked down. “A guy came to see me after one of the shows.”