The Traveling Man

by Jane Harvey-Berrick

  “Oh right,” I said as understanding washed over me. “But I meant years ago. The year after you … left, I went back to the carnival and Sorcha was working the hoopla booth. That’s when she told me about Dono.”

  Kes’s eyes narrowed and his gaze slowly moved to Sorcha. She licked her lips nervously, shifting from foot to foot.

  “Sorcha? You want to explain what the fuck is going on?”

  Zef and Tucker were following the drama eagerly as if they’d just stumbled on a particularly riveting edition of ‘Judge Judy’, except that Kes looked more like an executioner than a judge.

  “We can talk about this,” Sorcha said tentatively, reaching out to touch his arm.

  Kes jerked back as if he’d been burned.

  “Now,” he snapped.

  “Babe, come on,” she whispered, pouting a little.

  “NOW!” he roared, making me jump.

  “You’ve got this all wrong,” she whined. “I knew that little bitch was no good for you. Everything was fine until she came along. We’ve got a good thing going, haven’t we, babe?”

  Kes threw his coffee cup hard, and it shattered behind her head, showering her with cold coffee and shards of china. Shocked as I was, I knew he didn’t intend to hit her—the guy used to throw knives for a living. He never missed.

  Sorcha yelped as brown liquid spattered all over her.

  “Tell me the fucking truth for once!” Kes yelled.

  “Fuck you!” she screamed. “You’d be nowhere without me! Nowhere! I took you in when you had nothing. You’re a fucking illiterate circus act. I gave you everything!”

  Kes grabbed hold of her arm hard enough to leave bruises and manhandled her out of the RV. She stumbled, landing on her hands and knees in the dirt.

  I winced, and Tucker grinned at me. “Don’t worry, sweet cheeks, they do this all the time. They get off on it. Sorcha likes it rough, if you know what I mean.”

  My stomach churned and I gave him a withering glare which just made him laugh.

  Kes turned on him, his fists balled. “Out! Get out! Everybody get the fuck out!”

  I scrambled to my feet, joining the mass exodus. Kes was freaking out and he was damn scary.

  “Aimee, stay?” he whispered.

  I hesitated at the door. His eyes said please but his lips couldn’t say the words. Something else that hadn’t changed.

  “Okay,” I said hesitantly.

  I sat nervously on the edge of the sofa while Kes paced up and down the tiny living area, his hands gripping his hair as if he wanted to yank it out at the roots.

  “I can’t fucking believe this,” he muttered to himself. “Eight years. Eight fucking years!”

  He slumped into the sofa opposite me and rubbed his thumb over his eyebrow.

  “Just like your parents,” he laughed without humor. “You think you can trust someone, but they just screw you over.”

  I stayed quiet, not sure if it was safe to speak. Kes’s temper had been fierce as a teenager, but he was a man now, and I didn’t know what he was capable of.

  He looked up at me, and I could see that the storm of anger had passed for the time being, although I was still wary of him.

  “What a bitch,” he said sourly.

  Was I supposed to agree? Because frankly it went without saying.

  At that moment, my phone rang. Lousy damn timing.

  “Do you mind if I get that? It could be important.”

  He didn’t reply, but sat slumped in his seat, staring morosely out of the window. I reached into my bag and walked a few steps away, just to be polite.

  “Sorry, Jen. Things took a little longer than I was expecting.”

  “Is everything okay?” she asked. “It’s just that Dylan’s getting tired now and you know how bad tempered he gets.”

  “He’s being a real handful, huh?”

  She laughed lightly.

  “Okay, no problem,” I said. “I’ll be there. Where are you?”

  “By the cotton candy stand, where else? We’re on color number four … or it might be five. I’m afraid he’s going to barf on the way home.”

  “Something to look forward to. I’ll see you there in ten minutes.”

  I finished the call and looked apologetically at Kes. I hated to leave him here like this. Everything seemed to be such a mess.

  “You’ve got to go,” he said, without looking at me.

  “Sorry, duty calls.”

  “That’s okay,” he said heavily. “Your son needs you.”

  I blinked several times. “Dylan’s not my son,” I said at last. “He’s my nephew.”

  Kes looked at me and frowned. “I thought … he’s Jennifer’s kid?”

  “Yes. Wow, you really thought he was mine?”

  “Yeah, you looked really close.”

  I smiled. “Dylan’s great. I miss him so much when I go home.”

  Kes nodded slowly. “How long is it before you leave?”

  “It’s kind of open at the moment. I had some things planned, but they fell through. I want to spend time with Jennifer and Dylan, and I was going to see my mom…”

  I frowned at the thought, and Kes studied me with interest.

  “Are you still going to see her?” he asked.

  “Hell, yes!” I snorted. “She’s got some explaining to do!”

  Kes’s eyes narrowed. “And your father?”

  I shook my head. “I haven’t spoken to him for two years, and I haven’t seen him in four. He and Mom split up when he had an affair. He’s not really a part of my life.”

  “Good,” Kes said coldly, “because otherwise I’d be tempted to beat the shit out of him.”

  From the look on his face, he wasn’t joking.

  I glanced at my watch. “I’m sorry, I’ve really got to go.”

  Kes stood up suddenly. “I’ll walk you.”

  “Oh,” I said, surprised. “Thanks. I’d probably get lost, so that’ll be great.”

  He opened the RV’s door and jumped out, then turned to give me his hand to help me down.

  “Thank you,” I muttered.

  See him lurch from raw violence to sweet old fashioned values was confusing.

  But he dropped my hand quickly and I decided not to make too much of it. Besides, he said he was involved with someone. A horrible thought crossed my mind.

  “So, Sorcha’s your manager now?”

  He nodded briefly.

  “And your girlfriend?” I prodded.

  He shrugged. “Not really.”

  “Oh.” Was I relieved? “It’s just that you said you were involved, so I thought…”

  I saw him glance at me out of the corner of his eye, and the penny dropped.

  “She’s a manager-with-benefits?”

  He gave a small smile, but didn’t agree or disagree.

  “How come you call yourself Hawkins now?” I asked, thinking that might be a slightly safer subject to discuss.

  But Kes scowled. “That’s a long story.”

  I zipped my lips and decided that if he wanted to talk, he could choose the topic.

  I think he must have picked up on my irritation because he spent the rest of the time asking questions about Boston and living in New Hampshire.

  “Have you ever visited there?” I asked.

  “Yeah, a few times,” he said. “Not recently, but when I was a kid we had some bookings: Philly, Scranton, Albany … D.C. … some other places—I don’t really remember.”

  “You’ve traveled so much,” I said wistfully. “I always meant to, but really I’ve just shuttled between Minnesota and Boston.”

  He was silent, but I had to say something because I could see the cotton candy stall at the end of the midway where Jennifer and Dylan were waiting. Time was running out.

  “It’s been really good to see you again, Kes. I’m happy things have worked out for you. I always knew you’d be a star.”

  He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

  “And you’ve
done well,” he said quietly. “You’re a teacher—what you always wanted.”

  “Yep, guess it worked out for both of us,” I said, hiding my sadness at the thought of saying goodbye to him again.

  He nodded and looked down.

  “Maybe we could … talk … or something, before you head back east?” he offered, his voice hesitant as if he thought I might say no.

  “Really? That would be great!”

  My voice was far too enthusiastic, and this time Kes gave me his patented Kestrel smirk and raised one eyebrow.

  “Fine!” I snapped, elbowing him in the ribs. “If you hadn’t asked, I would’ve come back to the fair to stalk you.”

  He laughed out loud and I saw his right cheek dimple. My heart swooped as if I’d fallen a thousand feet.

  Kes was still shaking his head, very much amused.

  “Give me your cell phone. I’ll program my number.”

  I handed it over and watched while he added his details, then he called his own phone.

  “Now I have your number, too.”

  I grinned at him, and he winked.

  As we walked up to the cotton candy stall, Jennifer’s eyes grew huge. I could see her totally eye-fucking Kes, and for some reason, that really pissed me off.

  Then Dylan gave a happy shout.

  “Aunty Aimee! We’ve been waiting forever!”

  I laughed at his annoyed expression. “I was catching up with an old friend.”

  Dylan squinted at Kes and audibly gasped. “Motorcycle Man!”

  Kes smiled, then surprised me by dropping to the dirt on one knee so he was the same height as Dylan.

  “Your Aunt Aimee has been telling me all about you,” Kes exaggerated. “You sound like a cool kid.”

  Dylan squirmed with shyness and half hid behind Jennifer’s legs. “I like your motorcycle,” he murmured at last. “When I grow up I’m gonna have one just like it.”

  “Is that right?” Kes laughed, standing up again.

  “Not unless he wants to give his mom a thousand gray hairs,” Jennifer insisted. Then she smiled at Kes. “Good to see you again, Kes. It’s been too long.”

  He looked surprised at the warmth in her voice. I suppose he’d never heard anything but small minded slurs from my family before.

  “Um, thanks,” he said, bemused.

  Dylan seemed encouraged by his mom’s ease with Kes, because then he said, “You could bring your motorcycle to my house and I could show all my friends.”

  “Dylan,” Jennifer chided gently. “I’m sure Mr. Hawkins is far too busy…”

  But Kes interrupted her. “I’ve got shows Thursday through Sunday, but I could come by after that.”

  Jennifer’s mouth dropped open and she looked at me for guidance on how to answer. I beamed at her.

  “Well,” she said lightly, “that would be lovely. Maybe we could set something up for next week…”

  “I’m free Monday,” Kes said quickly.

  “Great,” Jennifer smiled. “I take it Aimee has your number so she can text you the directions?”

  Kes grinned at her, not the least fazed by her interrogative tone. “Yeah, I just gave it to her.”

  “That’s all settled,” she said. “Now I need to get this monster home before he grows horns and a forked tail.”

  “Mom!” Dylan groaned, but we all saw him check his head and butt, just in case.

  And then we had that awkward moment where nobody quite knew what to say or what to do with their hands.

  Or mouths, as it turned out, because Kes bent down and quickly kissed me on the cheek. But then he spoiled it by kissing Jennifer, as well, and I scowled at her while she raised her eyebrows. Finally, Kes reached down to shake Dylan’s hand.

  “Take good care of these ladies,” he said, and Dylan nodded seriously.

  Then Kes winked at me and strolled off.

  Jennifer fanned her face, mouthing, Oh my God!

  “I know, right?!” I laughed.

  “He’s certainly all grown up.”

  “Mmm-hmm!” I agreed.

  Jennifer nudged me. “We’ll talk later.”

  We drove back to Jennifer’s house in silence until it was safe for adult talk.

  Asleep in his child seat, Dylan was flopped like a cuddly toy, his round face ruddy from the sun, and his rose-pink lips parted.

  “He is so gorgeous,” I sighed.

  “Are we talking about Kes or the sleeping beast in the back seat?” smiled Jennifer.

  “Well, I was talking about your son, but yes, either/or.”

  She paused. “Are you going to tell me what was said? Because you two looked awfully cozy back there.”

  I blew out a breath. “Honestly, I don’t know where to start. It’s still a little confusing. He wasn’t all that happy to see me at first, but then it turned out that he’d gone to see Mom and Dad the winter I was sent to Aunty Mon’s.”

  “You’re kidding me!”

  “No, I’m not. He stole his grandpa’s truck and drove all the way from California. According to Kes, Dad told him that I thought he was trailer trash.”

  I winced, hating to repeat the words.

  Jennifer looked really angry. “That’s such a vile thing to say. Sometimes I can’t believe we’re related to that man.”

  “I know. So there he was, stuck in Minnesota, no money, no job, nowhere to stay. He was only 17 years old. He had no way of getting back to Arcata: he’d spent every last penny on coming to see me.” I sighed. “Dad paid him to leave.”

  Jennifer gripped the steering wheel tightly. “Unbelievable.”

  “But then things get even more strange.”

  “This should be good.”

  “The summer after it all happened, I went back to the carnival, but he wasn’t there. You remember that?”

  “Yes?”

  “But I did find this girl he used to do his act with—Sorcha.”

  “The skank?” Jennifer asked.

  “The very one,” I laughed dryly. “Well, it turns out that either she lied and she did know where he was, or they met up again later. I’m not too clear on the details there.”

  “What a bitch!” Jennifer fumed.

  “True, but it gets worse. When she found him … or he found her … she didn’t tell Kes that I’d been looking for him. So all this time he’s believed that I thought he was trash. Hence the rather frosty greeting.”

  “Oh my God! That poor guy! He must be pissed that she never told him. So what happened to her?”

  I laughed angrily. “Ha well, she’s only his manager. She walked into the RV while we were talking and Kes completely lost it. He basically threw her out—he was so mad, I thought he was going to mash her into the wall.”

  “So she didn’t even deny it?”

  “No! The evil bitch basically told him that she did it for him, and that he was better off without me!”

  Jennifer shook her head. “That’s some story. I don’t know how they’ll work together after that.”

  “That’s not all.”

  “Oh my God, there’s more? You should have your own freakin’ spot on Jerry Springer!”

  “Sorcha is his manager-with-benefits … and apparently she likes it rough.”

  Jennifer shook her head. “I’m afraid to ask. You mean…?”

  “Yep. When we first started talking, Kes told me that he was involved with someone.”

  Jennifer shook her head in disbelief.

  “Now you see why I’m all over the place,” I added.

  Jennifer scrunched her eyes together. “But he really seems into you?”

  “I don’t know. It’s a lot to take in. Basically, he’s been with Sorcha for quite a while, as far as I can tell. And he’s only just found out that she lied to him all those years ago. Maybe they’ll just kiss and make up.”

  My stomach revolted at the thought.

  Jennifer shook her head. “I don’t know. It may be an old lie, but from what you said he had a pretty violent reac
tion to it when he heard. I mean, how do you feel about Mom never telling you? I’d expect it from Dad, but Mom…”

  I sucked my lips over my teeth. “Oh, believe me, Mom is going to be hearing about that. I am so angry with her, I don’t even know if I’ll be able to be civil.”

  Jennifer sighed. “Mom’s a basket case. Since Dad left, she’s completely lost the plot. I’m not even sure it’s worth talking to her about it. You can try; just don’t expect too much from her—like anything at all.”

  I nodded slowly. “I know you’re right, but I have to at least tell her that I know the truth. I’m not saying that running away with Kes when I was 16 would have been the smartest thing ever, but we wouldn’t have had to go to such extremes if we could have just stayed in touch or seen each other.”

  Jennifer frowned. “Why didn’t you just write to each other after Dad trashed your phone, or email, or something?”

  “I did write—eventually—but I left it too late. Kes’s grandpa died and…”

  Jennifer gasped. “Oh my God, that poor kid!”

  “I know. I’m not even sure what happened to him after. I didn’t get to hear that part of the story. But by the time I wrote, he’d already moved on.”

  “And you hadn’t swapped email addresses?”

  “Kes didn’t even have a computer, but that wasn’t the problem.”

  “Then what was?”

  I chewed on my decision for a few seconds. I felt disloyal giving away Kes’s secrets, but maybe that was all water under the bridge now.

  “Kes was … is … severely dyslexic. He never went to school, and I don’t think anyone in his family ever had much time to help him, so…”

  “So?”

  “Kes is functionally illiterate. When I knew him before, he could read a few simple words, but he really needed specialist help, and I’m pretty certain he never got it.”

  Jennifer nodded, compassion softening the shocked expression on her face.

  “And does that have anything to do with the fact that you always wanted to specialize in children with special needs?”

  I smiled at her. “That transparent, huh?”

  “Just a little,” she smiled. “Wow, that’s some story.”

  “And I haven’t even heard all of it yet.”

  Jennifer threw me a quick smile. “Well, he was pretty eager to drive all the way to Saint Cloud next week, so perhaps you’ll hear part two then.”