Just a Little Insecurity

by Tracie Puckett

  Just a Little Insecurity | Tracie Puckett

  Just a Little Series Part V

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.

  Copyright © 2012 by Tracie Puckett. All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce, distribute, or transmit in any form or by any means. For information regarding subsidiary rights, please contact the author: traciepuckettnovels@gmail.com.

  ISBN 978-1-30181-601-9

  Manufactured in the United States

  First Edition February 2013

  © 2012. All rights reserved.

  Cover Photo © Dmitri Gromov | Dreamstime.com

  Chapter One

  Friday, February 08

  “Things change,” Matt said, rolling his eyes. “People evolve. Get—over—it.”

  I stared at my cousin open-mouthed, and I wasn’t alone. Uncle Charlie was just as baffled.

  Seriously? Of all people…Matt was the one talking about change?

  As long as I’d known him—our whole seventeen years of existence—he’d always had a plan, a direction. He’d always had his future mapped out—day by day, week by week, month by month.

  Distractions weren’t allowed, and maybe that’s why he didn’t break down when his ex-girlfriend was carted off to jail. Maybe that’s why he’d been able to get through life without questioning the loss of his mother at such a young age. Maybe… maybe life came so easily for him because he’d stayed on track and never focused on anything but achieving one goal—attending culinary school.

  And now he was talking about change? Something wasn’t right.

  “I don’t understand,” I said, staring down at my empty plate. “You’re not making dinner?”

  For the first time in months, the table was empty and the oven was untouched. I was hungry. Starving! And did I mention my plate was empty? But I couldn’t even press that issue. What I really needed to know was why my cousin suddenly felt the need to abandon everything he’d ever loved.

  I opened my mouth to question him, but he put his hand in the air.

  “I don’t wanna hear it, Julie,” he said. “Things change; people change. Roll with the punches.”

  “But—”

  “Roll with the punches,” he said, wearing a goofy grin as he glanced back at the clock. With a pat on Charlie’s back, Matt headed for the door. “Later.”

  I looked down at my plate for a third time. Then, still somewhere between angry and speechless, I glanced up at Charlie. He moved his lips, but he couldn’t find the words.

  “Did he just—”

  “Yes,” I said. “He just left us… without food.”

  He shook his head and grumbled something about needing a live-in chef. I considered reminding him that up until about five seconds ago, we’d had a live-in chef, one that’d just walked out the door. But I thought better than to provoke a hungry Charlie.

  After gathering the empty dishes and returning them to the cabinet, my uncle turned back to me.

  “Whaddaya say?” he asked, leaning against the counter. “Wanna go out and grab a bite?”

  “Um.” I scrunched my brow and stared at him. “Matt just told us that he was done cooking for us—hanging up the apron on his culinary dreams, I think he put it—and abandoned us to go spend the evening with his girlfriend. I think we need to address that issue first—”

  “What’s to address?” he asked, crossing his arms at his chest. “He’s changing directions—”

  “But it’s Matt,” I said. “Matt doesn’t change directions—”

  “Ah, Julie,” he said, combing his mustache. “Give him time.”

  “Time?” I asked. “We graduate in five months. He’s already accepted his admittance to Le Cordon Bleu—”

  “Matt’s a passionate person,” he said. “He gives his heart and soul to everything he loves—”

  “And he loves cooking.”

  “He’s distracted,” he said, aggravated that I wouldn’t let it go. “When a person has so much love in their heart for someone or something, everything else becomes less important, less exciting, less meaningful.”

  “Um?”

  “Matt’s feelings for Kara are stronger now than they’ve ever been,” he continued. “And those feelings have taken precedence over everything else—”

  “That’s the biggest load of crap I’ve ever heard,” I said, thinking of my relationship with Luke. If anything, loving Luke had made my senses and passions stronger. It’d heightened my awareness for the beauty of life. Every moment, every dream, every day… it all felt so special. Not meaningless. “Love makes everything greater—”

  “Then maybe you don’t understand true love,” Charlie said, brushing past me and ruffling my hair. “And I don’t expect you to, Pumpkin. You’re still young—”

  “I understand love just fine, thank you very much,” I said, knowing that it would thrill him to learn that what I had for Luke was nothing more than a passing interest. “And I’m the same age as Matt. If he’s old enough to understand love, then give me some credit—”

  “I’m starving,” he said, turning in the kitchen doorway and avoiding any further elaboration on my deep understanding of love. He rubbed his bulging belly. “Where’d we land on dinner?”

  “Oh, I don’t know,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Pretty sure our dinner plans strolled out the door five minutes ago.”

  “Well, I’m heading to Frank’s,” he said. “You in or out?”

  “In,” I mumbled, pushing myself up and following him through the door.

  On a typical Friday night, you’d never find me hesitant about drowning myself in junk food. But going out was a different story. I didn’t want to face the weekend crowd at Frank’s Bar & Grill. The weekend patrons consisted mostly of drunken men and lonely teenage boys. But God, I needed food. And because Matt had suddenly changed his life ambition, I had to find sustenance somewhere else.

  Fifteen minutes later, Charlie and I arrived at Frank’s and secured the only two empty seats left at the bar. Being seventeen, I wasn’t exactly allowed to occupy one of those barstools, but having Oakland’s Chief of Police at my side didn’t exactly hurt matters. After a quick round of barbecue wings, I surveyed the restaurant for familiar faces. A few kids from my high school were goofing around and enjoying a friendly game of pool in the corner. A couple of Oakland cops were throwing back beers at the end of the bar, and the loud buzz of friendly conversation filled the room.

  It was an environment of carelessness, and I appreciated how simplistic life in Oakland truly was. But a familiar face caught my attention and snapped me out of my small-town-life-trance. Nestled in a dark corner booth was the one person I never imagined I’d see here tonight.

  “I’ll be back,” I said to Charlie (who was so engaged in his conversation with the bartender that he didn’t bother acknowledging my leaving). I headed across the restaurant, stopped short of the booth, and tried not to wear a too-surprised expression.

  “Kara,” I said, smiling down at Matt’s girlfriend. “I thought you were out with—”

  “Oh, hey Julie,” she said, pushing her silky hair back over her shoulder. “What’s up?”

  “I uh....” I lowered my voice. “I thought you were out with Matt tonight…?”

  “Nope,” she said, still wearing her perfect smile. “Fridays are date nights with my dad.” She nodded to her father on the opposite side of the booth. “Dad, this is Julie.”

  I exchanged pleasantries with her father—noting that it was quite easy to see where Kara got her good looks—and admitted that I
must’ve misunderstood where Matt said he was heading tonight. I quickly apologized and left Kara to her father, wishing them both a good night.

  I turned to go back to my seat and realized that Charlie had already vacated his and joined his buddies at the end of the bar. I scooted back into my stool and asked the bartender for a glass of water. While waiting on my order, I sent a quick text to Matt to find out where he’d gone this evening. Thinking I wouldn’t hear back from him anytime soon, my phone buzzed and proved me wrong.

  Matt

  Hanging with Kara.

  I glanced over my shoulder to confirm, yet again, that Kara and her father were enjoying each other’s company… and Matt was nowhere to be found.

  Me

  What are you guys up to?

  As fast I sent my message, his response came through.

  Matt

  Just hanging. Talk later, k?

  “Yeah,” I mumbled, aggravated that my cousin—my best friend in the entire world—had blatantly lied to me. I tossed my phone down and dropped my forehead against the bar. I let out a low moan and banged my head against the wood.

  “Damn,” a sultry voice whispered close to my ear. “If being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged.”

  I groaned and looked up. “You did not just say that—”

  “Officer Lucas Reibeck,” he said, extending his hand to shake mine.

  I couldn’t help but smile at the wicked grin he wore as he took Charlie’s stool.

  “Officer Reibeck, you say?” I flashed him an equally devilish smile. “Julie. And I’ll go ahead and save you the trouble of using another pickup line—and God I hope you’ve never seriously said that to a woman—no, you can’t have my number.”

  “And what makes you think I want it?” he asked, arching his brow. Lines of fatigue bracketed his eyes, a telltale sign that he was exhausted after a long day of patrol.

  “Well,” I said, still playing along. “Judging by the way you walked over here with such confidence, and the way you haven’t taken your eyes off of me since you came up, I’m willing to bet you’re after something.”

  His wicked smile grew wider.

  “Sorry,” I said. “The answer’s no.”

  “Why’s that? You got a boyfriend?”

  “Oh yes,” I said, leaning closer to whisper. “And he wouldn’t be happy if I told him about you—”

  “I’m not scared,” he said, almost whispering. Luke’s arm fell lightly around my shoulder and he pulled his face closer to mine. Our noses brushing, he softened his gaze and smiled. “I don’t think he’d mind if I steal just one kiss,” he said, finally meeting my lips.

  The electricity of his touch lingered on my skin even after he pulled away.

  I closed my eyes, still trying to steady my breath. No matter how many times he did that, I couldn’t get used to it. I fell a little harder with every touch, every kiss, every gesture. So, I had to wonder how Charlie could think that love was anything less than what it was… a feeling that made even the smallest moments incredibly monumental.

  Settling back in his barstool, Luke took a peanut from a nearby bucket and crushed the shell.

  “What’s got you down, kid?” he asked, popping the nut in his mouth. He tossed the shell over his shoulder before setting out to smash another.

  “Nothing—”

  “Try again,” he said, dipping his hand back in the bucket. “I walked in and you were slamming your face against the bar—”

  “I wasn’t slamming anything.”

  “Right,” he said, softening his gaze. “What’s going on, Julie?”

  I looked back over my shoulder to confirm that Kara was there—not a mirage or hallucination—and then checked to make sure Charlie wasn’t in earshot.

  I lowered my head and nodded at the back booth. “Kara’s here.”

  “Can’t read your mind, kid,” he said, turning to look at her. “I need more—”

  “Matt blew us off tonight…said he couldn’t stick around to make dinner because he was going out.”

  “Okay?”

  “And I assumed he meant with Kara.”

  “That’s all?” he asked, shaking his head. “You can’t be angry with him for an assumption you made.”

  “I know, but…when I texted Matt a few minutes ago and asked him where he was, he said he was with her.”

  “Okay—”

  “And he’s clearly not.”

  “And?”

  “And nothing,” I said, throwing my hands in the air. “That’s it. He’s lying. Which means he’s probably sneaking around behind her back, meeting other girls, lying to her face, cheating—”

  “Down girl,” he said, lowering my flailing arms. His simple smile curved up and he shook his head. “No assumptions, okay? I’m sure there’s a simple, logical explanation—”

  “Yeah, he’s cheating on her—”

  “You don’t know that,” he said, squeezing my hand. “Think about it, Jules. It’s Matt. He’s not the kinda guy to run around—”

  “And he’s not the kinda guy to leave his family starving, but he did that,” I said, still bitter. “Who knows what else he’s capable of?”

  Luke’s smile wore off and he shrugged. He seemed content enough to listen to my list of complaints, but he wasn’t buying it. If Matt was cheating on Kara, I was the only person who suspected it.

  My phone buzzed and I snatched it up to read the screen.

  Matt

  Can’t reach dad. Tell him I’ll be late. Seeing a movie with Kara. Later.

  I turned the screen so Luke could read it.

  “I told you.”

  Luke flashed a quick glance at Kara and then back at the message.

  “Hmm,” he said, and that was all he said before taking the phone from my hand and putting it aside. “Forget it. When he’s ready to tell you what’s really going on, he will. In the meantime, trust him. And… whatever you do, don’t tell Kara about your suspicions. You don’t really know what’s going on, Jules. And that kind of misinformation will only hurt her.”

  “But—”

  “Julie,” he said, giving me that look of his, the one that said he was done humoring me. “Trust him.”

  I rolled my eyes and sunk lower in the stool, knowing I had no choice but to pretend I trusted him—just for the sake of placating Luke.

  “Now,” he asked, pushing the bucket of peanuts aside. “Are we still on for tomorrow?”

  “God, I hope so,” I said, brushing my thumb across his hand. “As long as you don’t bail again.”

  “I won’t.” I gave him an I don’t believe you look. He threw his hands up. “I Promise. Tomorrow night… I’m all yours.”

  Chapter Two

  Saturday, February 09

  Rekindling a relationship with his father was his number one priority over the holidays, so I hadn’t seen much of Luke over the past month. He’d spent the better part of Christmas with Lonnie and Grace, doing his best to fit into a family that had somehow managed to thrive without him. And though he always reported back with news of good visits, it was clear that he still carried a broken heart.

  The family he remembered had changed and molded over the years… and it was a realization he needed to make, but one he didn’t want to face.

  Luke was on duty almost every day after Christmas. Just for the sole purpose of sneaking a glimpse of him between shifts, I squeezed in a few minutes here and there down at the station. But between patrol, paperwork, and family, I’d taken the back burner on his list of priorities.

  Though we’d made plans several times in the past month to get together, those plans always fell through, and it was always because of something on his end. Last night at Frank’s was the longest I’d seen him since Christmas Eve. I loved every second I could steal with him, but it didn’t keep me from wanting to wring his neck. I needed time with him; we needed time together. That was the only way this relationship was going to work.

  But I wanted to be fair. Lu
ke had made it clear that he didn’t want to establish any new relationships until he’d mended his broken ones, and we’d jumped the gun on that. So that I understood. But it still sucked.

  When the doorbell rang, I smoothed the wrinkles on the front of my red dress. I whipped open the door to a smiling Luke, who clutched a beautiful bouquet in front of him.

  “Come in,” I said, stepping aside.

  He took the invitation, walked in, and pressed a quick kiss to my cheek.

  “A little gift from Dad,” he said, lifting the bouquet. “He wanted to apologize for monopolizing so much of my time lately.”

  “Ah, that’s sweet,” I said, taking the flowers and bringing them to my face. I took a deep breath and inhaled the smell of the fresh roses. “I’ll have to remember to thank him—”

  “And these,” he said, pulling a smaller arrangement from behind his back, “are from me.”

  I’m sure he read the joy in my expression because his smile widened as I took the second bouquet.

  “Luke,” I said, dropping my head to hide my blushing cheeks. “You didn’t have to—”

  “I did,” he said, taking the opportunity to remove his coat while his hands were free. He hung the coat over the bottom of the banister and turned back to me. “You’ve been so patient, Jules. You have no idea how much that means to me, to my family.”

  I smelled the flowers as an excuse not to look up. I didn’t want him to see the tears welling in my eyes. Sure, I’d cried in front of him before…plenty of times. But those were almost always tears of sadness or anger. But if I let him see me cry now, he’d see just how vulnerable he’d made me. He’d finally know just how big of a hold he really had on my heart.

  “Plus,” he said, lifting my chin. He brushed a stray hair behind my shoulder and ran his finger back along my cheek. “Tonight is our Christmas and Valentine’s Day wrapped into one, and what fun would that be without a gift or two?”