The Shatterproof Heart

by Loretta Lost

  “See you in Switzerland!” he says cheerfully. “I know you won’t be able to refuse.”

  When he hangs up, I chew on my lip. Should I even suggest it to Scarlett?

  Doesn’t matter. I have to get to her first.

  And make sure that she’s okay.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Sophie Shields, 2016

  I must have zoned out while sitting on a bench in the courtyard, because I feel a hand on my shoulder and it startles me and makes me jump. I turn to see Cole’s dark eyes looking at me with concern, and I blink in surprise. Then I sigh with relief. I feel like I have been very tense, with all my muscles clenched tightly around my ribcage, ready and waiting for an attack. I take a deep breath, and I feel oxygen returning to the parts of me that were growing necrotic. Like maybe my soul.

  “Cole,” I murmur, standing up and wrapping my arms around his neck. He grips me around the waist, tightly, fiercely, yet gentle. I start to feel his warmth slowly seep into my body, first in the tiny capillaries closest to my skin, and then eventually to the arteries at my core.

  As I begin to relax, so does he.

  Cole moves to sit on the bench where I had been, and pats the spot beside him.

  I look at him questioningly for a second, but then I close the distance and sit where he is requesting. I edge near to him, and rest my head on his shoulder. Looking around, I am suddenly aware of the beauty of the garden. The foliage is still pretty, even though it is growing cold out. I have been at the asylum for almost a whole unbearable week now—I’m going to call it an asylum, even though it’s got a fancier name than that. Let’s call things what they are—it’s a house for crazy people. Because I’m crazy.

  If I worked in a strip club, I wouldn’t call myself an exotic dancer, or a burlesque entertainer. I wouldn’t say I worked in a gentlemen’s club, because all of these euphemisms are just there to sugarcoat the truth. Real gentlemen probably don’t even go to such places. I would be a stripper in a strip club, plain and simple.

  And now, I’m just a crazy woman in a madhouse.

  “Are you okay, Scar?” he asks me softly.

  I hesitate. “Honestly? Not really. I have problems opening up to people. I lie a lot when they ask me questions. I spend most of my time trying to appear normal so that I’ll get out of this place, and keeping it all in. I don’t learn much from the doctors or the group sessions. Some of the shrinks make me want to scratch my eyes out. I just feel like there is no point.”

  “Maybe this isn’t the right facility, with the right staff,” Cole says. “I just brought you here because it was near to where you were staying, but maybe we should look for someone who specializes your issues. And maybe we can meet with them often, in a way that doesn’t compromise you living your life or feeling free.”

  I wrap my arms around my stomach. “Thank you, Cole. I’m sorry if failed at this, or something. I feel like I was supposed to magically get better for you, but I’m still the same.”

  “You don’t have to get better for me,” he says softly. “It was supposed to be for you, Scar. I like you just the way you are.”

  “It sure doesn’t feel that way.”

  “Then let me prove it,” Cole says, taking my hands. “Let’s get the hell out of here, and get back to being us.”

  I look at him skeptically. “Do you mean it?”

  “I think... maybe I’m the sick one, Scarlett,” he mutters. “After you were taken, we never really got to spend much time together. It’s keeping me up at night, wondering how you are, whether you’re sad, whether you’re cold and lonely. I just stare at the ceiling wishing I could wrap my arms around you. I barely sleep, and if I do, it’s just to have nightmares about you getting hurt. It’s killing me to be far away from you right now, when we’ve just been ripped apart. Maybe I’m the one who belongs in here, because I can’t be without you for even a few hours without intense withdrawal pains. I just don’t know how to get through the day.”

  Exhaling thankfully, I put my head in my hands. “I’m so glad to hear you say that. I just can’t do this. It makes me want to die. I don’t know why it isn’t working, but it’s definitely not. If I’m honest, the experience with Benjamin has helped me to learn more about myself than anything these doctors have done.”

  “Then maybe let’s go home to California,” Cole suggests softly. “Or anywhere. Anywhere in the world you want to go. I recently got an interesting invitation to Switzerland, if you’re interested. Turns out you’re going to be an auntie!”

  “An auntie?” I say in confusion. Then it clicks. My biological brother. “You mean Liam and Helen…?”

  “Yes. And they invited us to their second attempt at a wedding.”

  I smile at that. “Could be fun to crash it again, I guess. Helen was really sweet, but that Liam guy was a douchebag.” I pause. “They said both of my parents are alive, Cole. It might be interesting to meet them.”

  “We could do that then. We could go meet them. We could do anything, Scar. Let’s just try to live our lives well, and heal through living. And we can try out new doctors if you’d like, until we seem to find one who knows his stuff. How does that sound?”

  “That sounds great to me,” I tell him. Then I hesitate. “Cole, did you ever find out about the baby? Was there a baby?”

  He shakes his head. “I don’t know. Rodriguez and Luciana are looking into it. There were no… bodies around Joy’s age at the crime scene. Most of the girls were older, around age ten.”

  “Bodies?” I ask, with a lump in my throat.

  “Benjamin used that farm for years, to capture young girls for amusement.”

  I close my eyes briefly. “I could do some digging on the internet. Just in case Benjamin knew something—he seemed to know something. Why did I see that little girl? It’s been driving me insane. Although, considering where I am, I guess that’s a poor choice of words. I don’t need to be driven any further insane—I already am insane.”

  Cole shakes his head passionately. “No. I don’t think you’re crazy. You’re just really wounded, with deep emotional scars. You’re always extremely high-functioning and intelligent, and our lives together are usually just fine until something bad happens. We don’t really have too many problems between ourselves. I think you just have really creative, and sometimes extreme responses to bad situations. Because you’ve been through so many bad situations, that you’re expecting the worst.”

  “I am my own shield and armor,” I tell him softly.

  He nods. “Maybe the bad situations have just been that bad. Worse than anyone should have to cope with—worse than usual. Maybe we’ve been unlucky in life, and these are the things we’ve had to do. I had to kill Professor Brown. You had to bite off Benjamin’s penis. But I don’t think we’re crazy.”

  “Then why did you stick me in this place?” I ask with exasperation. “I’m only here for you, Cole. I’m trying to be the person you need me to be, because I can’t take hurting you anymore.”

  “I never needed any more than you could give. This is all wrong.” He puts his hands in his hair with frustration. “I never needed you to be anyone else, Scar! How could you be better, when you’re already the best, to me? I just needed you to be there. I’m just afraid you’ll always keep running.”

  “I can’t make any promises, but I will try to stop. I’m getting older, and I am getting less afraid. I think that killing Benjamin has been really healthy for me. I’m no longer searching for him in every dark corner, waiting for that part of my past to catch up to me, because I knew it would someday. He’s really gone.”

  “And you’ve got the vertebrae to prove it,” Cole says. He leans closer and brushes away my hair to whisper in my ear. “I actually find that to be quite sexy, and not creepy at all, in case you were wondering. If you’re in there, Snow, you did a really good job protecting our girl. No one could have done it better than you, and I’m sorry I never properly thanked you. Maybe later.”

  I sta
re at him for a minute, a slow smile spreading across my face. “Cole, I thought you wanted to lock me away to punish me for being a bad girl,” I say, sliding my hand over his leg.

  “Well, I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong,” he admits, and then groans at my hand stroking his thigh. “I think that the only thing locking you away achieved was punishing me. I just can’t stand the taste of oxygen when you’re far away, Scar.”

  His words tickle my insides, and make me feel powerful and good. “Hey, Cole,” I say teasingly, undoing the top button of his shirt. “I can think of many fun ways you can help me get better.”

  “Oh, yeah?” he asks.

  “Yeah,” I murmur, leaning forward to place kisses against his neck as I shift my legs to sit on top of him, straddling his thighs. I let my weight and my warmth rest against him, as I slowly undo another button, never releasing eye contact. “Don’t you want to take me right here in the insane asylum?”

  He groans and rocks his hips upward against me. “In the garden where everyone can see?” he asks. “Snow, stop teasing me. Also, it’s called a psychiatric hospital.”

  “It’s not just Snow,” I tell him, as I rain kisses against his neck and nibble gently on his ear. “It’s both of us. And we’re both crazy for you. Did you know that there’s a sex addiction treatment center here? So, if we do get caught, we can immediately get help.”

  “Dammit, Scar,” he growls. “Or Snow. Probably Snow. Are you just doing this to me so that I’ll check you out of this place right now, and take you back to my hotel?” His fingers tightly grasp my hips, digging into my skin as he drags my body against him, trying to melt us together. The only thing in the way is our clothing, and I can see in his eyes that he is as eager to dispose of them as I am.

  “Is it working?” I ask him softly.

  “Maybe a little too well,” he says. “I think I might have to keep you in bed with me all day.” One of his hands move to capture my chin so he can press his lips against mine. He kisses me soundly until I am dizzy and drunk on him, and I forget where I am.

  When I pull my lips away from his, I feel renewed. I literally don’t care about anything that has happened in the previous weeks. He is my perfect drug—he tastes like some strange combination of paradise and salvation. His architect’s hands tightly grip my flesh, putting me in that delicious kind of captivity which holds promise of liberation.

  He is, quite simply, all I will ever need in this life.

  “Scar,” he says between kisses. “Will you marry me again?”

  “Huh?” I say in surprise, pulling away slightly. Electricity slices through me like mini lightning bolts, causing my heart to falter and skip a beat. I realize my lips are parted. “Are you serious?”

  “Dead serious.”

  When I realize that he is pulling a ring box out of his pocket, I panic and place my hand on his to stop him. I take a deep breath, while scanning his eyes for earnestness. Then I recover my composure and smile. “Maybe I will. Why don’t you ask me again? In Switzerland.”

  “You want to go?” he asks with pleasant surprise in his voice. “Are you up for it?”

  “I’m up for anything with you. But in case you haven’t noticed, I’m focused on seducing my way out of an asylum at the moment.”

  “It’s just a mental health facility,” he corrects again. “And you’re here voluntarily, so I volunteer that we can leave right this instant. But I also volunteer that we don’t bother waiting until we get to the hotel, and investigate to see if you’re all better in the car.”

  “Okay,” I tell him, planting kisses on his nose. “I just need you to sign this waiver that says the hospital is not liable for any future damage to penises that may occur. Then they have to hang a sign on me that says ‘use at your own risk.’”

  “You’re the most frustrating person I’ve ever met,” he tells me fondly.

  I smile as I peel myself away from him to stand up. “You have absolutely no idea. And I’m going to enjoy frustrating you for many years to come.”

  “Is that a yes?” he asks.

  “It depends,” I tell him slowly, as I walk away in the direction of his car. Glancing back over my shoulder, I lift my eyebrows in appraisal. “What does the ring look like? I’m going to need something a little nicer than Walmart, this time around.”

  Coming soon…

  The Thunderproof Sky

  Cole and Scarlett use Helen’s wedding as an excuse to venture far, far away from the USA, leaving behind all their bad memories. An exciting architectural challenge tempts Cole to travel even farther, although Scarlett’s recovery is his primary concern. When the reasons behind his family’s death come back to haunt him, Cole might end up wishing that Mr. Bishop had never told him the truth…

  Most of all, he will find out whether Scarlett is still fireproof.

  Available on preorder!

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