The Wedding Party

by Tracey Richardson

  She closed her eyes and pictured Amanda. Amanda smiling, laughing, looking at her with love in her eyes. It was the future being dangled in front of her, and like a drowning person seconds from being rescued, it was her choice to either grab the life ring or sink below the surface.

  She missed Amanda. Deeply. She also missed the woman she had been last week—the woman who had been happy, free. The woman who was falling in love.

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Shannon

  “Can you believe a week ago now we were dancing at our wedding?”

  “Ah,” Dani sighed happily, joining Shannon on the sofa. She handed her a glass of red wine. “To a week of wedded bliss.”

  They toasted. Shannon sipped tentatively from her glass. “Hey, not bad for an eight-dollar bottle.” They’d drink nothing more expensive than that now unless it was for something very special.

  “Guess we should have waited for Claire before we opened it.”

  “She should be along any minute.”

  Claire had phoned hours ago asking to come over and have a chat with them. It sounded serious, and more than a little mysterious.

  “Think she’ll mind a cheap bottle?” Dani asked.

  “She knows we’re cutting back. Besides, I get the feeling she has something important on her mind. She won’t care about the wine.”

  “Hmm, it does sound serious. You don’t think she’s going to tell us she’s moving away or something like that, do you?”

  Shannon’s stomach dropped. “Shit, I hadn’t even thought of that.”

  “Sorry, I’m sure that’s not the case. Claire’s rooted to this place, and God knows she’s devoted to her patients. Hey, maybe she’s going to take a six-month trip around the world.”

  “Yeah, right. Vegas was the first vacation she’s had since Ann got sick. I doubt she’s about to go on another one so soon.”

  “True. I can’t really see her taking a long vacation anywhere, though she did seem to have a good time in Vegas.”

  Moments later Claire walked through their door, her eyes shadowed with fatigue and her smile nervous and wary.

  “Everything okay?” Shannon asked as she poured her a glass of wine. It sure didn’t look like things were okay in Claire’s world.

  “More or less.”

  “Busy week at work catching up?”

  “Yes. Every day has been a twelve-hour marathon.” She accepted the glass of wine and took a small sip. “Thanks. I think I need this.”

  “Come on in here and get comfortable.”

  Dani welcomed her with a hug.

  “Nice fire,” Claire commented.

  “Yeah,” Dani answered wistfully. “I’m going to miss this fireplace. And the killer view, of course.”

  “Are you putting it up for sale?”

  “Probably,” Shannon said. “But we’re hoping we won’t have to. We’re going to wait a couple more months before we decide and see what happens.”

  “That’s probably wise.”

  “I talked to human resources at the hospital yesterday.”

  Claire’s eyes brightened. “Really? You’re coming back to work?”

  “If they’ll have me.” She exchanged a look with Dani. They’d had a couple of arguments about it over the past week. Dani didn’t want her to go back to work, at least not full time, but Shannon didn’t see any other choice. Besides, she wanted to go back. She felt useless sitting around the condo all day, especially now that there would be no baby to plan for and conceive. She was a nurse, and the hospital was where she belonged. Dani relented after finally seeing that it made sense on several levels. They could sure use the money and it would make Shannon happy.

  “Oh, they’ll have you, trust me,” Claire said confidently. She looked questioningly at Dani. “How are you with that?”

  “Fine.” She wasn’t totally fine about it yet, but she would be. Dani was quickly learning pragmatism.

  “So,” Shannon ventured. “What about you? Everything okay with you?”

  “Yes and no.”

  Claire could be stubbornly difficult to elicit information from sometimes and often needed help in that department. “Well, you seemed very happy in Vegas, but also kind of . . . I don’t know. Stressed sometimes. Like something was bothering you.”

  Claire nodded, stared into her glass, her hands cupped tightly around it. “I haven’t been a very happy person the last three years. I hadn’t realized quite how much until now.”

  “Perfectly understandable. What you went through with Ann’s illness, and then her death . . .” Shannon glanced at Dani. “I don’t know how I would survive all that if the same thing happened to us.”

  “You do survive. At least most people do. But I’m tired of being one of the walking wounded.” She looked at Shannon. There was pleading in her eyes. “I realized last week that I want to live again. I mean really live. I want to be happy again. I don’t want to just exist or survive anymore. I’m tired of that, to be honest.”

  Thank God. So that’s what all this drama is about? “I’m so glad you’ve come to that realization. You deserve to be happy and to have a future. I hate seeing you alone, and I can’t tell you how long I’ve waited for you to say those words.”

  “We’ve all been worried about you the last three years,” Dani added solemnly. “You know that we would do anything for you.”

  Claire stood and began pacing, not looking at them. “There’s something else I need to tell you guys, and I’m scared as hell, because I love you both and I’m selfish enough to want your continued love and friendship.”

  “You have it,” Shannon said flatly. There was nothing Claire could tell her that would ever change her mind on that score.

  “I hope so, but . . . crap, I don’t know.”

  Shannon rapidly grew more worried. “Claire, we love you. There isn’t anything you could tell us that would change that. You have to know that by now.”

  Claire stopped her pacing and looked at her with such distress that it made Shannon’s heart skip a beat. She looked like she’d done something terrible, something criminal. Something that her friends might not be able to forgive her for.

  “Please tell us what’s wrong,” Shannon urged softly. The suspense was nearly killing her.

  Claire paced some more before she turned to them, her jaw trembling. “I’m in love with someone. And I want to be with her. And I want you to try and understand.”

  Shannon expelled the breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. She was relieved as hell. “Well, that’s great news! I mean, that’s—”

  “No.” Claire held up her hand ominously. “Wait. There’s more.”

  “Okay.” Shit. So it was some kind of bad news after all.

  Claire sat down, this time across from them, and Shannon was grateful the pacing had stopped. It did little to unravel the knot in her stomach, however.

  Claire took a deep breath, closed her eyes briefly, then spoke firmly. “I’m in love with Amanda. I mean, she and I . . . are . . . you know.”

  “What?” Shannon’s head spun with the news. Her heart had stopped. “Amanda? My Amanda?”

  Claire swallowed nervously, but her voice remained firm and her eyes resolute. “Yes.”

  Shannon might as well have been slapped. Her head back against the sofa, she closed her eyes and replayed Claire’s words in her mind, slowly grasping their meaning. My best friend is in love with my niece? What the hell? How is that even possible?

  “Will you say something? Please?”

  Shannon shook her head. I can’t.

  Dani cleared her throat and took over. “Are you sure about this Claire?”

  “Yes, I am.”

  “And Amanda. Is it mutual?”

  “Yes.”

  Curiosity was beginning to take root in Shannon’s mind. Anger too. The questions began flying out of her with rapidfire speed. “When did all this start?”

  “In Vegas.”

  “How? I mean, for God’s s
ake, we were only there a week. And before that you hadn’t seen Amanda in years, right?”

  “Yes, that’s right.”

  “But how—?”

  Claire shrugged. She was amazingly calm, the way Shannon had seen her give a patient bad news. “We got to know each other really well in Vegas. We spent a lot of time together there. And we realized how much we clicked. How much we liked each other and enjoyed spending time together.”

  There was the trip to the desert they’d been alone for. Had they had dates or something right under everyone’s noses? Shannon’s memory searched through every moment she’d seen them together. They hadn’t acted like they were an item. Nothing to indicate that they’d taken that kind of an interest in one another. They got along well, obviously liked each other, though it was true there were some moments when they’d acted a little strange.

  In a quavering voice, Shannon finally said, “I don’t understand this. I trusted you with her.”

  Claire’s eyes moistened. “I—We didn’t do anything wrong.”

  Shannon shook her head, hot angry tears streaming from her eyes. “She was vulnerable, Claire. She just came out of a bad relationship, for God’s sake! How could you take advantage of her like that? You’re almost twice her age!”

  Dani clutched her hand for support, whispered it was okay, but Shannon brushed her off. She was not ready to be pacified. “No, I need to hear this.”

  Claire bowed her head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t plan for it to happen. Neither did she.”

  “Did you sleep with her?” Shannon demanded brusquely.

  When Claire raised her eyes, they were devoid of their earlier determination. She looked weak, wounded. “Yes,” she whispered.

  “Oh my God!” Shannon felt sick to her stomach. How could Claire, the person she trusted most in this world next to Dani, do something so hurtful? So betraying? So disloyal? How could she fuck the young woman who was like a daughter to her? “How could you?” she demanded.

  “Wait,” Dani interjected. “Can’t we talk about this calmly?”

  “I think I should leave,” Claire offered.

  “Yes,” Shannon said. “I think that would be a marvelous idea.”

  “I’m sorry,” Claire said quietly at the door, “but she makes me happy.”

  Shannon could not look at her. She turned away. She could not fathom how or why this could happen. Her best friend and her niece. Sleeping together! Claire old enough to be her mother. And Claire knowing Amanda was her closest family member. It was incestuous. Disloyal. Sick. Hurtful beyond words.

  “I think you’re overreacting,” Dani said quietly after Claire was gone.

  “Don’t.”

  “Amanda is not a child. If she wants to sleep with Claire or anyone else—”

  “Don’t even talk to me about them sleeping together!”

  Dani sighed in exasperation. “I’m sorry, but would you rather not know the truth? Would you rather they lied or kept it from you? Jesus, Amanda is family and so is Claire. We don’t turn our backs on family.”

  “Amanda’s vulnerable right now. She doesn’t know what she’s doing. She needs our protection.”

  “What do you mean vulnerable?”

  “She has a bad history with women!”

  “Now wait. A bad history with one woman,” Dani corrected. “She’s a grown woman. And she doesn’t need anyone’s protection.”

  “She’s going through a divorce!”

  “Yes, to someone she was married to for all of about five minutes, and who she’s been separated from for over a year.”

  “Look, I don’t want to argue about this. It hurts, okay?”

  “No, we need to talk about this. I don’t want to stand by and watch you throw your friendship with Claire away. And don’t you think Amanda is going to be hurt over this? If she’s in love with Claire, your disapproval is going to hurt her very much.”

  Shannon needed time to process this. It still felt like a punch to the stomach.

  Dani pressed her into her arms and held her tightly. “It’s not about you, my love. They didn’t do this to hurt you, okay? They’re just two people trying to find some happiness in this world. It shouldn’t be wrong to try to do that.”

  “But . . .” Shannon gulped back the tears. “If it was anyone but Amanda and Claire.”

  “I know, but it isn’t. It’s two of your favorite people in the world. And they both love you. You have to believe that. It can’t be easy for them right now either.”

  She was still angry, still hurt, but Dani’s sensitivity and wisdom made her smile inside. The tough businesswoman who was a caring, sympathetic marshmallow inside. It was one of the reasons she loved her so much. “I’m sorry, but I need some time with this okay?”

  Dani would give her time, but not too much, she knew. Each understood that supporting one another and giving unconditional love also meant acting as one another’s conscience, shoulder to cry on, and butt kicker, all in one. Dani would help her through this; no more carrying burdens alone.

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Amanda

  Amanda tried hard to keep her eyes from glancing at the door, but it was often an exercise in futility. She’d mostly given up expecting Claire to call or walk through her apartment door, yet she continued to hope it might miraculously happen. And while she’d decided she couldn’t let it continue to monopolize her thoughts, there were still reflexive moments like this when she glanced at the door expecting—hoping—Claire would materialize. Claire loved her. Claire would do the right thing and give them a chance. She had to. Wouldn’t she?

  Amanda hurriedly drained her coffee cup and set it in the sink. She dared not be late for her first walking tour of the season, at least not for such a sorry reason as daydreaming about Claire.

  The El train traffic was fairly light. It was early April—too soon for tourists to be out in droves, but hopefully there’d be enough of them to make the tour worthwhile. She loved conducting the walking architecture tours downtown; she could talk about the old buildings all day. And while it didn’t much matter whether there were three people or thirty on her tour, she found that the greater the number of questions and interest shown, the more she got excited about it.

  Two weeks had gone by since the wedding, three since she met Claire at the airport in Vegas. In some ways it seemed like yesterday, and in other ways, it was as though months had gone by. Being away from Claire seemed to consume disproportionate chunks of time—time that was wasted, as far as Amanda was concerned. But Claire needed space and some time, and she had agreed to give it to her without realizing how wrenchingly difficult it would be.

  She was still reeling from the conversation at lunch with her aunt yesterday. Anxiety churned anew in her stomach. Shannon confessed that Claire had come over and told them what had happened between them in Vegas. The news hadn’t pleased Shannon, which was totally predictable. She was being overprotective, hurt beyond reason, but she seemed to recognize that her reaction was her own problem and she was trying to come to terms with it. She hadn’t seen it coming, but then, none of them had, Amanda assured her. She told Shannon that she and Claire certainly hadn’t gone looking to get involved and hadn’t fallen into it without giving it a lot of thought. It hadn’t been an easy decision, she said.

  “Are you in love with her?” Shannon asked after much hesitation.

  Amanda simply nodded, afraid if she tried to speak, her voice would desert her.

  Shannon frowned. “She said she was in love with you too.”

  Amanda exploded in a smile. Hearing someone else say Claire was in love with her made her giddy inside. She wanted to leap up and do a fist pump. Yes! Claire loves me!

  “Well, you don’t have to look so happy about it.”

  Amanda’s excitement evaporated, but only a little. “I won’t be miserable about it, if that’s what you’re suggesting.”

  Clearly, her dating Claire was torturing her aunt. Her emotions paraded across her face—a
nger, disappointment, fear, concern, puzzlement. Finally Shannon sighed, and her small, conciliatory smile was her white flag. “You’re right. Love is not something that should make you miserable. I’m sorry.”

  “Good, because I’m happy with Claire. Incredibly so.”

  “Are you scared about it? After what happened with Jennifer?”

  “No. Claire is not Jennifer, and I’m not the person I was two years ago.”

  The inquisition ended there. Shannon went on to express her worry that she didn’t know how to act around the two of them, that it would take some getting used to but that she really did want them to be happy. “It just means I have twice the worry now, since I worry about both of you so much.”

  Amanda promised it would be okay, that they would all figure it out together and do whatever it took to make sure everyone was comfortable. What she hadn’t been able to confess to her aunt was whether she and Claire were even an item anymore, because she simply didn’t know. This self-imposed blackout in communicating with Claire was killing her. While it thrilled her that Claire had spoken to Shannon about their love for one another, she had no idea how Claire felt now. For all she knew, Claire was going to tell her she needed another six months to get her head around this. Or that she couldn’t bring herself to try a relationship with her after all.

  Distractedly, Amanda approached the small cluster of people she pegged as her clients. The fact that most of them were clutching the brochure for the tour was her first clue. “Good morning,” she said with her customary cheery smile, forcing her attention on her work.

  They greeted her eagerly. After introductions she began explaining the history of the great fire of 1871 and the massive rebuilding. She led them across Adams Street to her first showing—Berghoffs, which was one of the first buildings constructed after the fire. It was only four stories high because there were no elevators, she explained. To illustrate the construction differences after elevators made their appearance right before the turn of the twentieth century, she pointed to the Marquette Building, a national historic site built in 1895 and one of the city’s first skyscrapers at sixteen stories. She talked about the history of the building and how it was constructed as she led the small group into its lobby. The rotunda was spectacular with bright mosaic murals depicting the early settlers, solid bronze grillwork and mahogany sheathed walls. The floor was marble. It really was a thing of beauty and the group was awed.