When Life Happened
Page 14
Gus frowned, watching his prediction come true. He fastened his pants and grabbed his T-shirt off the floor. “I don’t regret it … unless you do.”
“Well, I’m not exactly proud of it.” She zipped her dress and fixed her mussed hair. “My boyfriend cheated on me with my sister. I sabotaged her wedding day—”
“You what?”
Parker shook him off. “It’s a long story.” She grabbed the tray of Jello shots from the fridge. “The point is I should be the last person in the world willing to have an affair with a married man.” Tipping the plastic cup to her mouth, she took a cherry-vodka shot. “It’s like the worst case of karma ever. And if I say I don’t regret it, then it’s implied I’m not ashamed of it, but I am.” She took another shot. “Yet I let it happen. I wanted it to happen. But there’s no way in hell I’d tell any of my family or friends about us.”
“You made these for me.” Gus grabbed her wrist as she brought the third cup to her mouth. He redirected it to his mouth. “Mmm … cherry.”
“Is there any other kind?” She grinned.
He cupped the back of her head and pressed his lips to her forehead. A tender gesture that came at the exact moment she needed it most. She fought back the tears because Gus felt like home, but he wasn’t her home, and he wasn’t the guy she could brag about to her friends, or invite to dinner with her parents.
“I won’t drag this out. Just promise you’ll wait for me … preferably without letting Dr. Good Feet in your bed.”
She blinked back her emotions and pushed away, quickly downing another shot. “I can’t wait for a married man. That’s the most pathetic thing ever. It ranks up there with turning down scholarships to play your favorite sport to follow some guy to his college of choice.”
Gus double-fisted the shots and took them one right after the other. “I can’t get a divorce overnight. But I’ll pack a bag and leave tonight. I’ll stay with my parents or at a hotel if it makes you more comfortable.”
“I don’t care where you sleep. It’s none of my business.”
He grabbed her arms and pulled her to him. “What if I want to be your business?”
“This isn’t love, Gus. Not yet,” she whispered.
“Love is stupid. So I don’t care if it’s love. You’re the best part of every damn day. You’re sunshine, and laughter, and the fucking oxygen in my lungs. If this life is a game, you make me want to play it forever, be damned who wins or loses.”
Narrowing her eyes, she twisted her lips. “Hmm … compelling speech, but I don’t buy it. You already gave me the speech on desire. We look like hell and smell like sex right now because of desire, not oxygen to your lungs. You’re going to have to show me something more than an erection for me to believe I’m your sunshine.”
He released her and turned her toward the counter. “Look in the sack, Sunshine.”
She grabbed the brown bag and looked inside. “Mr. Westman—”
“I’m not your teacher.”
“Too bad. I’ve always had fantasies about sex with someone of authority.” She reached her hand in the bag.
“What subject do you want me to teach you?” He stepped closer like an animal on the prowl.
Parker giggled, pulling a sprinkled donut out of the sack. She took a bite then offered him one.
He shook his head. “You should eat the slice of pizza first before it gets any colder.”
“My mom would not approve of you feeding my secret addiction, but I find it sweet.”
“I thought I was your secret addiction.”
Rags barked at the back door.
“I think Rags likes me more than you.” Parker took another bite of the donut.
Gus let him inside, shaking his head as Rags ran past him straight to her. She grabbed the slice of pizza out of the bag and tossed Rags a piece of sausage.
“You feed him food scraps and turkey jerky, of course he likes you.”
Her smile evaporated slowly as she set the rest of the pizza and donut on the counter, wiping her hands on a towel. “You’re going to break my heart. I can feel it.” Tears stung her eyes. “One month.” She blinked back her emotions. “I let you ruin me in one month.”
Gus tipped her chin up with his finger under it. “I won’t break your heart. But you’re breaking mine by saying I’ve ruined you.”
With one blink, a lone tear trailed down her cheek. “I thought I was a good person,” she whispered.
Offering a sad smile, Gus softly kissed her lips and then her wet cheek. “You’re the best person. I’m going to prove it to you. I promise.” The sincerity in his voice comforted her, but it was easy to feel a false sense of security when it was the two of them in their little bubble.
“If I asked you to, would you go announce to everyone at the party that you just dry humped your wife’s assistant?”
“Yes.” He gave her a resolute nod. “And I’m pretty sure there was nothing ‘dry’ about what we just did.”
A tingling swept up the back of her neck as her face felt impossibly hot. She thought of all the panty changes she’d attributed to him.
“So …” He took a step back and jabbed his thumb over his shoulder. “I’ll go announce our recent physical encounter.”
“No!” Parker lunged for him and fisted his shirt. “I just wanted to know if you would.”
He chuckled. “I’m yours.”
She shook her head, feeling an ache in the back of her throat and a sluggish heartbeat beneath her weighted chest. “You’re not, and that’s what I’m afraid of.”
“I’m. Yours.” He cradled her head and pressed his forehead to hers.
“It’s only been a month. This is crazy.”
“I happen to love crazy.” He kissed her, and she gripped his arms, feeling weak in the knees.
She pulled back. “Don’t say that word.”
“More words … okay, Ms. Cruse, what word am I not allowed to say now?”
Parker cleared her throat and gave him a tight smile. “The L word.”
“Love?” He laughed.
She nodded, nose wrinkled.
“I said I loved crazy. I didn’t say I loved you.”
“But it felt close.”
“Close?” Gus nodded thoughtfully. “I see. Like I love your hair after my hands have thoroughly messed it up?”
Parker felt heart palpitations as he threaded his hands through her hair, tugging it in different directions until he had her chin tipped up, neck exposed.
He kissed his way from her ear to her collarbone. “Or the way I love how your skin feels against my lips?”
She released a breath with a whisper of a moan.
“Or the way I love how you whimper under my touch?” His hands ghosted down her arms eliciting a full-body shiver.
“Gus …”
“Don’t say my name like that, Parker.” He lowered to his knees, kissing her body over her dress as his hands skimmed up her bare legs. “I love it so much it makes me want to do very dirty things to you.”
“God …” Her head dropped, chin to her chest as she stared at him with glazed-over eyes.
He looked up with a sly grin as he pulled down her panties. His fingers ghosted up her legs again, pushing up her dress.
“Gus …” Her weak voice broke his name into fragmented syllables as her eyes drifted shut, hands fisting his hair.
He kissed the inside of one thigh and then the other. “If I can’t love you, then I’m just going to love everything about you. And I’m positive I’m going to love how you taste.” He kissed her, tasted her.
Sabrina had condoms in her toiletry bag. She didn’t deserve Gus. Parker wasn’t sure she did either, but she wanted him. What would her family think of her wanting something that was not hers to have?
Cheater.
Sinner.
Hypocrite.
Worst. Person. Ever.
Chapter Seventeen
“Tell me how you feel.” Parker tugged Gus’s arm before he opened the door.
“I feel like a fucking elated disaster.”
She blinked, looking down as her posture sagged. “That’s an interesting way to feel.”
“I have to end my marriage officially.”
“You don’t have—”
Gus cut her off with an adamant head shake. “I need you to remember that my marriage ended long before you came into the picture. Even the times Sabrina and I have had sex over the past few months, it’s been nothing more than trying to resuscitate something that’s too far gone. But there’s still a part of me that feels like a failure.”
He cupped the back of her head and kissed her forehead. “I don’t feel guilty for how I feel about you or what just happened here, but I feel guilty for dragging you into my mess. I am a prick who said inappropriate things to you and did things that are despicable. My anger at my life—my wife—came out on you. Fuck …” He laughed while shaking his head. “I couldn’t think straight. One minute I wanted you to hate me so you would run and protect yourself from me, and then next minute I just wanted you. And I didn’t give a damn about the rest of the world. I’ve made you feel guilty and bad about yourself, and for that I am truly sorry.”
She hugged him, resting her head on his shoulder. “You are the worst, and I’ve never met anyone more inappropriate. My standards should be so much higher.”
“But?” he said slowly.
Her lips pressed to his neck. “That’s it. No buts.”
Gus leaned back, inspecting her through narrowed eyes. “I’m the worst and most inappropriate person you’ve ever met and the only reason you’re giving me the time of day is because your standards are low?”
“Don’t fixate on how pathetic we are.” She grinned, slipping her hands into his back pockets. “Besides …” Her smile faded. “I’m still not convinced you’re not going to break my heart.”
Releasing a heavy sigh, he turned and opened the door. “You’re too busy busting my balls all of the time; my ego’s too damaged to break your heart. Now, let’s go crack open the piñata.”
*
“Where have you been?” Gus’s dad rested his hand on Gus’s shoulder as he walked into the tent a few minutes before Parker, who needed to thank the caterer’s on the Westmans’ behalf.
“Oh, you know…” Gus took a swig of beer as he watched Sabrina across the room throw her head back in laughter, clearly not missing him a bit “…feeding the dog, trimming my nose hair, and beating the shit out of the piñata.”
Gerald laughed. “Can I give you some advice, Son?”
Gus felt sure it wouldn’t help his situation at that moment, but he wasn’t ready to tell anyone about his intentions until he had a chance to talk with Sabrina. He may have been despicable, but a part of him still cared for the woman he married.
“Go for it, Dad.”
“Find happiness.”
Gus’s thoughts froze. He scratched his temple. “I’m not sure what you mean.”
“You’re miserable. I’ve watched the life drain out of my boy for months now. You were our kid who always had a smile on his face. Something has broken your spirit. If it’s something between you and Sabrina, then fix it.”
“Fix it,” Gus repeated, void of all emotion.
Gerald leaned in closer, lowering his voice. “You. Fix you.”
A numbness blanketed Gus. “I’m trying,” he whispered past the emotions bearing down on his chest.
After a firm squeeze on the shoulder, Gerald walked away. Sabrina’s eyes met Gus’s, and her smile fell off her face like his mere existence robbed every ounce of her happiness. He grabbed another beer and made his way to his wife and her group of friends, not a one that he’d ever met.
Sabrina’s jaw clenched as he approached, and when the two couples next to her looked from Gus back to her, she gave them a painfully fake smile.
“Sabrina, introduce me to your friends. Sorry, I’ve been MIA, some pranksters put up a piñata in our tree. The only way to get it down was to beat the shit out of it.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a handful of candy. “Candy, anyone?”
“We’re good, August,” Sabrina gritted behind her smile, which was nothing more than her lips curling like an attack dog. “Everyone, this is my husband, August.”
He turned and shook hands with the two overdressed couples. They looked him up and down a few times before formulating their own fake smiles that seemed to be sympathy smiles for his poor wife.
“Did you get dessert, August? He has such a sweet tooth.” Sabrina faked a laugh.
Gus’s lips twisted as he cocked his head to the side. “Uh … yes. I did. Parker made sure I got my fix.”
“Parker is my domestic assistant.” Sabrina managed to form a genuine smile when mentioning Parker’s name. “She planned everything.”
Everyone nodded, and they too found genuine smiles. Gus couldn’t begrudge his wife’s domestic assistant. He too was very fond of every single inch of her.
“In fact, August, you should check on Parker. I messaged her over fifteen minutes ago asking her to bring me a light sweater.”
“Good idea. I’d be happy to look for Parker. Nice to meet you. Thanks for coming.” He nodded to their guests and made his way to the house.
Rags jumped up from his bed when Gus walked in, but then plopped back down as if he’d wasted his excitement on the wrong person. Parker wasn’t in the kitchen, so he went upstairs. The light was on to their bedroom.
“Parker?”
Standing in the middle of their bedroom with her back to him, she turned slowly. Her body shook like the room was a deep freezer.
“What’s wrong—”
Gus stopped, his feet unable to take another step as his pulse shot up with panic. The bomb-strapped-to-the-chest look on her face sucked the air from his lungs.
Swollen, red eyes.
Tear-stained cheeks.
Quavering lower lip.
“You just broke m-my heart,” she whispered.
“Jesus, Parker, what are you talking about?” He managed to move his legs again, just barely.
She eased opened her hands fisted at her chest, revealing a pregnancy test.
He shook his head, taking the last few steps between them. “I … where did you get this?”
Her brow pulled tighter. Gus didn’t think she could look any more pained. He was wrong.
“I was looking for…” she swallowed and sucked in a shaky breath “…Sabrina’s sweater.”
He eased it from her hand. The display window was blank. “Has it been used?”
Parker shook her head.
“She’s not pregnant.”
Bloodshot eyes shot up to meet his gaze. “How can you say that?”
Gus continued to shake his head, willing the whole fucking nightmare to disappear. “Because—”
“NO!” Parker sobbed and yelled at the same time, running her hands through her hair. “You don’t get to make up some excuse for this. You fucked her. You told me you fucked her!”
Every word hit hard and true. Gus couldn’t undo his past, but he could hold on to his future—his happiness. “Parker, listen—”
“No! No more Parker. No more listening to you. I choose the wrong guy every time and it stops now.” She shoved him enough to throw off his balance.
He used the wall to right himself and lunged for her, grabbing her arm before she got to the bedroom door.
“Let. Go,” she growled.
He grabbed her shoulders and shoved her toward the bathroom, and she tried to wriggle out of his hold.
“Let me go!” She fell into the wall as he released her and shut the door behind him. “Locking me in the bathroom with you won’t change anything.”
He leaned against the door and crossed his arms over his chest. “Look in the trash.”
Her efforts to shove him aside were met with his refusal to let her go mixed with desperate fear of losing his happiness. She’d have to kill him to get past him.
“Look in the trash.”
“I’m not looking in your stupid trash!”
“Then I’m not moving.”
She bared her teeth as a vein in her forehead popped to the surface. “Fine. Then I walk out and you never contact me again. If that means I have to move, then I’ll move.”
Gus swallowed hard. His eyes widened under furrowed brows. A painful tightness in his throat made it difficult to breathe. In one month Parker Cruse slammed into his life, shaking his entire existence, magnifying his misery, and cracking open the door to the freedom he needed.
After a few moments of silent, unbearable tension, Parker sighed, directing her gaze to the trash. She chewed on the inside of her cheek for another few painful moments, then she pressed the toe of her shoe to the bottom of the stainless steel bin and the lid popped open revealing wadded toilet paper and tampon wrappers.
“She’s not pregnant,” Gus whispered.
Parker kept her lifeless gaze on the trash. “It doesn’t matter.”
“The hell it doesn’t!” He hated the wall she’d built between them.
“I can’t see past the ‘desire.’ And it’s going to ruin me.” Regret-filled eyes shifted to meet his as she moved to Sabrina’s vanity. “I have to fall in love with my eyes open this time.” She unzipped one of the pockets of Sabrina’s toiletry bag. “And maybe it’s none of my business, but you need to open your eyes too.” Parker tossed the condoms onto the vanity counter.
Gus blinked trying to focus. He hadn’t purchased condoms in years. Thoughts scrambled to make sense, desperate to glean something that made sense. For a moment he closed his eyes, feeling a bit lightheaded.
“I’m sorry.” Parker’s words echoed as if she were miles away.
His body jerked, taking a few steps forward, fighting for balance as she turned the doorknob and pulled open the door. Every bit of strength and fight he had wobbled like the rest of him.
When he squeezed his eyes shut, he saw Sabrina on their wedding day, Sabrina in bed wrapped around his body, and long walks at Grey’s Lake hand-in-hand with Rags tugging them in every direction. He’d been so blind. Him. When Gus opened his eyes to an empty bathroom and a sharp image of condoms on the counter, he turned and ran after Parker.