Commando (Rogue Rebels MC Book 1)
Page 18
I kind of felt bad for the barely twenty-year-old guy. My own initiation into the group had been no less embarrassing. However, it was funny remembering the horrified look on his face when our base camp leader had spotted his mad dash.
A fresh round of laughter sounded at the table just before the world exploded.
The sound deafened me as my body was flown with the force of the blast. When my hearing came back, lots of noise intruded, hurting my ear drums.
My vision was blurred and a dull ache started to pulse on the back of my head.
I was disoriented and confused and for a moment I lost all my senses
“Medic,” someone yelled and I recognized the voice of my squad leader. “Medic, we need you over here!”
The voice grounded me and my focus became clear. My training kicked in and I got to my feet.
My job was providing medical support to the others.
It was my role in the group but most importantly, it was who I was.
I rushed over, steeling my muscles when my legs threatened to buckle under me.
People were screaming and some - those who could – were running away from the scene. Words I couldn’t understand were being shouted with panic and fear in the pitch and tone. Smoke and debris were making it hard to breath and faces were darkened with the mess the blast had created.
Later, we would learn that the explosion was the work of a suicide bomber with something to prove to a radical group hiding out in the area. Fuckers. But all I knew then was providing my team, and others who were injured in the incident, with the medical help they needed.
There were broken bones and limbs and blood, due to the bombers crazy beliefs. I saw a few sightless eyes and unmoving chests but I ignored them as I moved to where my squad leader was hunched over Luke. The other men were helping the injured people in the bar.
Luke was bleeding. Red was all over him, coming from his nose and mouth. He was just a fucking kid.
A large slab of wood was protruding from his chest and threatening his life.
I got to work, pushing my emotions to the side and focusing on the task at hand as my leader radioed in for more medical support and reported the explosion to the relevant authorities.
Luke suddenly grabbed onto my hand with surprising strength. My surprised gaze jumped up to his.
“Please save me,” he begged, coughing up more blood and fluids.
For a second his face changed, and it was my father’s. His lips repeating the same words.
That wasn’t the first time this had occurred while I worked on an injured person. I had gotten better as pushing my personal issues to the side, and just as quickly as my father’s face had been superimposed on Luke, it was gone.
I looked him in the eyes and said, “I’m going to do my best, buddy. Just hold on for me. You’re going to get through this”
Luke’s eyes had closed then and his life was left in my hands.
Presently, mine opened and I was awake, transitioning into consciousness in less than a second.
I laid still in my bed, my body quiet and my senses scanning my surroundings automatically. I heard the distance hum of traffic and a light drizzling of rain sounded outside.
My heart beat was slow and heavy and a fine sheen of sweat had broken out over my skin.
My mind was still reliving the event of that night almost a year ago.
Luke had lived, although his injuries had changed his life forever and left him no longer able to serve his country. They told me it was because of my efforts he had survived.
Every time I was told I was instrumental in saving someone’s life I felt a rush of pride but it was also accompanied by an insidious wash of guilt.
There was no going back with my dad. I would never be able to save him no matter how many others I helped.
Panic suddenly tightened my chest, making it hard to breathe. Even though I knew there was no one else in the apartment with me, I could hear voices calling out to me to save their life. Others blamed me for failing them. My father’s voice was the loudest of all.
I recognized the onset of the PTSD attack and quickly got out of bed, trying to block out the voices. I went into the bathroom, grabbed the prescription pills out of the medicine cabinet and filled a glass with water from the sink.
My hands were shaking and it took a few tries before I was able to open the small tube of white pills.
I threw the pills into my mouth and chased them back with the entire glass of water.
I just stood there for long minutes after, trying to calm my mind and center myself in the here and now.
My diagnosis of PTSD was part of the reason I got out of the military. The other was wanting to pursue a career as a doctor.
Eventually the voices quieted, and I was able to think clearly again.
I looked at the simple digital watch on my right wrist. It was after four AM and I knew there was no hope of me getting any more sleep before the sun rose.
Besides, being inside my small apartment, I felt claustrophobic after the panic attack. I needed to get out.
I donned sweat pants and a hoodie over the pair of boxer briefs I had slept in. With keys and cell phone in my pocket and headphones in my ears, I headed out the door.
I ran for several miles before my mind cleared and I was just able to enjoy the crisp early morning air.
I returned to my apartment just after six AM and immediately headed for the shower to wash off the sweat from my skin.
The heated water beat down on my head and shoulders. Hands braced against the tiled wall and head down, I was able to think about something other than death and war and of course, my thoughts turned to Hailey.
Instantly, my dick became hard and my heart beat quickened for an entirely different reason. My eyes closed and I imagined her face as she orgasmed on top of me. The image filled every corner of my mind, chasing away the shadows it held moments ago. I had wanted to spend the rest of the night bringing that look of bliss to her face. Our time together had ended far too soon.
After our friends with benefits agreement less than twelve hours ago, she had answered her cell phone instead of continuing our interlude. After a whispered conversation that had me all kinds of jealous, she hightailed it out of my apartment without an explanation.
I hadn’t asked if she was seeing anyone. Was that her reason for resisting the obvious connection between us? She made me fucking crazy. I just wanted her for myself.
Eyes still closed, I wrapped my mind in the passion we shared earlier. I remembered the hot silken feeling of being inside her snug body. I remembered the way she responded to my every touch and word. She had been so open and generous with her wants. With her body. In her eyes, I thought I saw my every desire, physical and otherwise, reflected there.
I could come from just remembering those few stolen moments we had.
I didn’t remember grabbing hold of my dick but I hissed from the contact of my hand on the pulsing flesh.
My soapy hand gripped my swollen length tight and stroked hard. My hips jerked to the movements of my hand. My release rushed towards the surface.
“Hailey,” I groaned her name as I came. The sound was drawn out and low. Filled with longing.
My cum spurted from me, mixing with the falling water to run down the drain. It felt like I came forever yet it was over far too soon.
Energy suddenly depleted I sagged against the wall then looked down at myself ruefully.
My cock was still hard and pulsing like an angry snake. Despite my orgasm, I was still aroused, my fist a poor imitation of the heated clasp of her body.
After my release within Hailey’s body, my heart told me what I already knew but didn’t want to admit. I still had feelings for her. I was an idiot to have ever let her go but I wasn’t going to let her get away from me a second time.
My normal defenses were down once I found satisfaction in her body and I began imagining how things would be like they used to be. Better in fact, if the wa
y we just fucked was any indication.
Then I looked in her eyes, saw the regret and knew my little fantasies were just that… Fantasies.
I was hung up on this woman like nobody’s business and all she wanted to do was get away from me.
Was this my penance for handling her heart so callously in the past?
Before she even said us being together was a mistake I knew she would. It still felt like a knife to my heart hearing it though.
I panicked and blurted out the first thing that came to my mind.
“Let’s be friend with benefits,” I had said.
It felt wrong saying it but having a small piece of her was better than having nothing at all.
I would settle for any piece she chose to share with me.
For now.
I told her I would keep my emotions out of it but that was just a promise I could not keep. I needed a plan to win her over. I got out of the shower and towel dried my body. While my mind schemed, I got dressed and headed out. I would grab a bite to eat then head to the library to put in a few hours of studying.
My school bag was on my back when I closed the front door behind me.
It was a new day. The sun was out and even after the terrible way the night ended with Hailey, I was optimistic.
She would be mine again.
I never failed a mission.
Chapter Ten: Hailey
I was reading the same paragraph for the sixth time and still didn’t remember a single word. I sighed when I had to start for the seventh time.
My concentration was shot to pieces and it was all his fault.
Wyatt Murphy.
Being with him had been mind-blowing.
After I left his place, I hadn’t slept a wink, my mind consumed by the remembered sensations of what had transpired.
Even now, between my legs was deliciously sore, a reminder of what I had done with him. I looked around at the other faces in the library, sure that my salacious thoughts were clearly visible to all. No one was paying any attention to me. The serious faces looked like they were actually getting studying accomplished. Unlike myself.
Inside I was realizing that agreeing to a friend with benefits arrangement would never work for me. I wasn’t built in a way that allowed me to keep emotions out of a physical relationship, especially not with the man who was my first and only love. I would have to break it off with him.
Just as soon as I mustered the courage to face him again.
Jesus what a mess I had gotten myself into.
I turned my attention back to the biology text book in front of me and tried to focus one more time. I had been at the library for almost an hour and hadn’t retained anything new yet. I needed to shake off this Wyatt funk because at this rate I would be failing all my classes soon.
Noah was off at a playdate at a friend’s house and I thought I would take the moment of alone time to study. Being at the library always put me in the right frame of mind to do so. Not today though.
My head was down, eyes on a diagram depicting a part of the anatomy when I felt the air in the building change.
I looked up and my eyes went straight for the entrance. My breath caught in my throat.
Wyatt was here and he was looking straight at me. I felt that heated gaze clear across the room and squirmed where I sat, my body reacting as if on unspoken command.
The air was charged with sexual heat and it would be clear to anyone who looked our way. I could not tear my eyes away though, especially not when he started toward me. He came up to me and took my hand. He drew a lazy pattern on the back of my hand with his thumb and I felt that caress in my core.
He knew what he was doing to me too. I could tell by the knowing glint in his eyes. It made me wish I knew how to hide my feelings better. His knowing stare gave him too much power over me.
With a gentle tug on my fingers, he said, “Come with me.”
By the look in his eyes, I knew exactly what would happen if I followed him. He could not have been more explicit of what he wanted from me with the conversation we had last night.
I should tell him off and walk away.
His friends with benefit offer would never work because despite what I said, I knew my emotions would get involved.
They already were and I couldn’t afford for them to be.
But I knew I couldn’t say no to him, I never could. Clearly that hadn’t changed.
My body was betraying me. My nipples were hard, pointed and probably showing through my dress. My core had turned molten and was leaking my heated desire onto my panties. Damn him and his fuck me eyes.
My heart wasn’t doing much better, doing all sorts of flips and hops in my chest.
My brain was valiantly trying to erect my emotional defenses and I promised it that this would be the last time I let myself fall under this man’s spell.
I would allow myself the pleasure of his body one last time. I would risk my heart one last time, then I would put an end to this relationship and move on.
Just this one last time…
Besides I knew he was likely to hate me once he found out the secret I had harbored for all these years. And I knew is it was only a matter of time before he found out.
I got up and followed him, leaving my text book and bag behind.
He led me to one of the private study rooms in the back of the library.
The room was small and could barely hold a handful of people comfortably. The inside was outfitted with a table and three chairs. The walls were distraction-free and painted a plain beige color. It was the perfect place to focus on your studies, or for me to see Wyatt’s naked body again.
I heard the door close and the lock click. I turned back to find Wyatt leaning against the wood and watching me with heavily hooded eyes.
I swallowed hard and moved to undo the buttons of my dress. We were here to have sex. I was going to get to it as quick as possible so that I could go lick my wounds in private later.
I had only undone one button before Wyatt pushed away from the door and came to me. His movement was cool and confident. Predatory.
Sexy.
When he was within kissing distance, he stilled my hands with his and said, “Let me do that.”
I expected this romp between us to be quick and to the point just like last night.
Instead Wyatt took his time, unbuttoning my dress like he was unwrapping his favorite treat.
When all the buttons were free, he pushed the straps off my shoulders. His fingers caressed my skin in the process and made me shiver with yearning.
He was careful with my clothes, putting the dress carefully on the back of a chair even though he never took his eyes off me.
He moved to my hair next.
I had put it up into a high ponytail that morning. He gently pulled the holder away and my hair fell heavily around my shoulders. The strands teased my skin and goose bumps rose along my shoulders and upper arms.
He made a sound in the back of his throat then announced, “You’re so fucking beautiful I can’t stand it. You have no idea what you do to me.”
This was so unfair. He was acting like he cared. Like he felt something other than desire for me. This was giving my poor heart hope when there was none. I had to stop that mess in its track before it got out hand.
I pulled my eyes away from his.
“Hurry,” I told him. “Someone could knock at any second. You know they might want to actually study in here.”
He put his finger on my lip. Even that simple caress seemed so sensual when he did it.
With a gentle touch, he made he look back at him and whispered, “Shhh, don’t worry so much. Just enjoy the moment. I’ll take care of you.”
He finished undressing me with the same unhurried precision, as if we had all the time in the world. This was so different from the rushed race to the finish of last night.
Then he undressed before my eager gaze and I got my first clear view of his body in almost five years.
He took my fingers away and kissed each one.
He then took my lips briefly before nuzzling where my neck met my shoulder. His tongue tasted my skin and he groaned low as if sampling a rare, delicious delicacy.
“Mmm, so fucking sweet.”
I shivered, hearing that sound and his following words. My eyes closed and air rushed out of my parted lips when his teeth closed on that same spot, reminding me of a wild animal claiming its mate.
He licked the mark before moving lower and capturing my nipple between his lips.
He loved my chest with his mouth, his hand moved over me in the process and brought me to a fevered pitch quickly. He moved lower still and knelt at my feet. He positioned one of my thighs over his shoulder and I watched with wide eyes as his face moved closer to my mound.
He opened my soaked lips with his thumbs, exposing me to his gaze. He licked me there and I had to bite my lips to contain the sounds that threatened to emerge from me. He serviced me with teasing soft touches that made my hips jerk closer to his talented tongue.
It felt so good but I was greedy. My fingers fisted his hair and I pulled him closer to me yet. I rested my upper body against the wall and tilted my lower half more toward him.
“More,” I whispered and he gave me just what I wanted. What I needed.
He opened his mouth on me and kissed my pussy like he did my mouth. My juices poured from me and he lapped it up. He probed my entrance with his tongue and sucked on my lower lips.
Then he added his fingers into the array and I had to make more drastic measures to contain my cries. I bit the inside of my wrist when he found the secret place inside me that took me straight to the edge once he touched it.
“Come for me,” he said and I did.
He licked me to completion twice then stood. He kissed me and I moaned into his mouth, aftershocks still rocking my frame.