Allie's War Early Years

by JC Andrijeski

  Revik swallowed.

  Then, tightening his grasp on the curtain, he nodded.

  Feeling his face warm, he gestured to the seer that he understood.

  Then, pulling back the organic cloth with a sharp jerk...

  He fled.

  16

  LOVE

  REVIK WAITED OUTSIDE on a tree stump after Dalejem disappeared inside the hut.

  It was getting dark by then, and he found himself wishing he had a hiri stick with him, even though he hadn’t smoked them since he’d first gone to stay with those monks in the Pamir.

  Looking up, he watched the stars move slowly on their tracks, fighting not to mark time with his light or his eyes.

  Still, he couldn’t help it.

  It felt like Dalejem was in there for a long time.

  Far longer than Revik himself had been.

  Then again, he hadn’t really tracked how long he’d stood inside that curtained space, either, not until he got outside and saw that the position of the sun had changed.

  He watched the humans whose village it was cooking over the their fire pit, mainly boiling something in a large, cast-iron pot. He saw them laughing with one another a few times. He’d been sitting there long enough by then that he didn’t garner more than the occasional curious stare. He saw an older male on the far side of the clearing, too, burning some kind of plant and chanting over a stone basin, what might have been an altar.

  Revik reached out his light tentatively to what the man was doing, asking permission from the Barrier if he could see what it meant.

  Immediately, the space opened.

  Revik saw beings there, connected to the Earth, and again got a strong feeling of protection. He felt love there, too. Love for Kali and the Bridge... and what felt like a pact.

  When Revik’s eyes clicked back into focus, he saw the medicine man looking at him.

  Revik raised a cautious hand in greeting, and the old man laughed, shaking his head as he turned his attention back to the fire.

  Wrapping his arms around his ribs once more, Revik averted his gaze, wishing again he had a smoke, or maybe just something to eat.

  He kept his light away from the hut that whole time.

  Even so, he felt that pain in his heart a few times, seeing flickers of that bundle on the bed, a golden light that stood over this place, shrouding it in a kind of Barrier mist.

  He could feel the parts of him that it pulled, but he didn’t want to get very close.

  He was starting to get antsy again when a figure appeared at the door.

  Revik blinked, then made out the form of Dalejem, and stood up.

  The other man saw him when he did and walked directly up to him.

  “Come,” he said, avoiding Revik’s eyes. “Let’s go.”

  “What?” Revik said, staring at him. “What did she say to you?”

  Dalejem looked at him that time. Revik saw a glimmer of some emotion there. It was too dark for him to get more than a fleeting glimpse, much less to catalogue it in a real way. The other seer had his light shielded for the first time in days. He looked at Revik wearing what almost felt like his infiltrator’s mask, even as he exuded warmth from his heart.

  Then he inclined his head, aiming it towards the path back down the hill.

  “Let’s walk and talk,” he suggested. “I’m hungry.”

  Revik just stood there.

  He felt a pain building in his chest.

  Turning his head, he stared back at the darkness of the opening into the hut, feeling an anger coiling in his heart, shimmering hotter before he could pull it back. He felt himself losing control over his light, but he couldn’t make himself care about that, either.

  “She told you,” he said, his voice an open accusation. “She told you. Didn’t she?”

  “Brother, calm down.”

  “Fuck you with your ‘calm down’! I don’t want to calm down. Just fucking tell me what she said to you, Dalejem!”

  “Not here,” he said.

  “Yes, here!” Revik snapped. “I want to talk about it here! Right now!”

  “Brother...” Dalejem’s voice grew warning. “This is not a good place for this.”

  He pinged Revik’s light, pulling his eyes towards the fire pit.

  Revik turned at the impulse, unable to help himself. Once he had, he saw that all of the humans sitting there had fallen silent, including the medicine man by the stone basin on the other side of the clearing. Those nearest stared at him and Dalejem from the flickering light of the flames, their expressions still, almost forbidding in that warm, orange light.

  “We cannot fight here,” Dalejem said, soft. “They won’t permit it. Not this close to her.”

  Revik felt his jaw harden, but didn’t speak.

  When Dalejem tried to take hold of his arm, Revik jerked it away. He took a full stride backwards, once again struggling to breathe, fighting not to yell at him again. His jaw hardened as he stared at the other male.

  Then, realizing he was on the verge of striking him, he turned, abruptly, and began walking down the path into the jungle.

  He closed his light, but he knew the other seer followed him.

  He knew it without turning his head.

  HE CONSIDERED PICKING a tent at random to sleep in, avoiding the other seer altogether.

  He didn’t eat with him, although that was almost worse.

  He felt the eyes on the two of them, whispers of speculation about what had happened. A few of them frowned at Dalejem, probably because they could feel Revik’s anger at the other male from where he sat on the opposite side of the fire, eating chicken and rice without looking at any of them.

  He had no idea how Dalejem himself reacted.

  Even so, Revik fought with what to do when he’d finished eating.

  Finally, he realized he didn’t have any appetite left, and walked the plate over to a bucket they had been using for scraps. Dumping the remainder of his chicken inside he washed the plate in the plastic bin, then put it on a rack to dry.

  He considered walking again, just disappearing into the jungle, but when he turned around, Dalejem stood directly behind him.

  Without speaking a word, he took Revik’s arm roughly in his hand. He started pulling him towards the tent they’d been sharing, walking fast.

  Revik considered fighting him.

  Then he considered yelling at him.

  In the end, he didn’t do either.

  Dalejem tugged him inside the tent flaps and Revik braced himself, sure the seer would try to force him to talk. Instead, Dalejem closed the flaps to the tent, then turned around and promptly started to undress him. Revik felt his pain spike when the other yanked the shirt off his arms, then tugged roughly at his belt, unhooking it without preamble and then unfastening his pants. Revik only stood there, fighting back anger, nausea, what felt like a black hole that lived somewhere in his chest.

  Something about the abyss that lived there felt more familiar than even her light had been. That darkness wanted to annihilate him from the inside out, to stamp out the last part of him that felt anything, that gave a damn about anything.

  He didn’t know he was crying until Dalejem caressed his face.

  “Brother,” he murmured, kissing his tears. “I love you, brother. Don’t do this. Please.”

  “You’re leaving me,” Revik said. It wasn’t a question. It was barely coherent. “You’re fucking leaving me because of that bitch...”

  He didn’t even know what he was saying.

  Or which one of them he was even talking about.

  The other seer pulled him deeper into the tent, then down onto the mat.

  Revik barely knew where he was, what was happening, and then the seer was inside of him, pinning him to the ground.

  He let out a low gasp, closing his eyes as the seer groaned over him.

  “Gods,” Dalejem cried out. “I love you,” he said, arching into him harder.

  He cried out again as his light swam over
Revik’s, fighting to open him, to pull him apart from the inside.

  “Gods, don’t do this brother,” Dalejem pleaded. “...Please. Please. Let me in...”

  Revik closed his eyes, blinded him with pain, even as he fought to block it.

  “I love you, brother...” Dalejem murmured, softer. “Let me in, brother... please.”

  Revik only stared up at the roof of the tent.

  He felt like his chest had been hollowed out with something like a broken bottle. He lay there, gasping out tears, even while he came, groaning when the other male managed to open his light enough to get him there. Then Revik just lay there, unable to move as he spasmed against the other man. He felt desire building again in Dalejem’s light by the time he’d finished, and Revik clutched the other seer around the neck.

  His chest started to hurt all over again.

  “I hate you,” he told him, clinging to him tighter. He knew how young he sounded, but he didn’t care. “I fucking hate you...”

  Dalejem stroked his face, kissing him, sliding his light deeper into his.

  “I know, brother,” he said, soft. “I know.”

  “I hate you...”

  Dalejem pooled even more of his light into him, cradling him in his arms.

  Biting his own tongue, Revik gripped him harder, fighting to breathe.

  He pressed his face against Dalejem’s shoulder as the other seer wrapped him in his light, tugging him open gently as he stroked his hair.

  KALI AND HER people left the next day.

  Revik barely listened as Balidor addressed the entire group.

  The Adhipan leader spoke through the Barrier that time, using the construct so that he didn’t have to shout to be heard over the sounds of the jungle and the rustle of clothes and murmurings of the sixty or seventy seer infiltrators gathered in the main area of camp between the several dozen tents.

  The current group was now bigger than any Revik had yet seen. It included the entire team that Revik first came with, plus the Adhipan infiltrators who had assisted in freeing Uye from the SCARB prison in Los Angeles and escorted him down the coast to South America.

  Revik fought not to look for Dalejem’s face in that crowd.

  He hadn’t seen him since that morning, when he’d crawled out of the tent while the other seer was still asleep. Revik had barely slept himself, and when he couldn’t stand lying there anymore, he’d gone for a walk in the jungle in the hours before dawn, watching the sun come up from a hill not far from the hill where Kali’s people had camped.

  He felt pings to his light a few times while he sat there.

  Some of those were questions... pleas.

  Dalejem wondering where he was. Dalejem wanting him.

  Revik blocked it all out. He didn’t answer him, and eventually, the questions stopped.

  When he came back to the camp for breakfast, an hour or so later, he hadn’t seen Dalejem, either.

  Now, standing in the crowd of other seers, he wondered about that, too.

  Although Revik’s focus remained elsewhere for most of Adhipan Balidor’s speech, he still heard snippets. Balidor’s words continued to fill the background of his mind even as he looked for Dalejem’s face, scanning the features around him more urgently.

  ... have been asked to split our forces, following our break of the camp here, Balidor sent, his tone businesslike over the construct dome. We have been asked by the Council, in particular by father Vash, to expend at least some of our resources to try and learn more about this force from the south, since they do not appear to be affiliated with SCARB or the regular Org hierarchy. The rest of us will be joining our brothers and sisters back in Asia, so as not to alert the Org to the movements of sister Kali and her husband and child. She and her mate say they are well-fortified now, and by those who know well how to keep her safe, and out of view...

  Revik watched a colorful bird where it alighted on a nearby palm tree.

  It called out a musical string of notes, and another bird, from deeper inside the jungle, answered it, repeating those same notes back.

  The pain in Revik’s chest returned as he listened, a low, dull throb under his ribs.

  ... I am sorry I could not tell any of you this earlier, Balidor sent into the construct next. But we are losing one of our brothers on this day. For reasons of security, we could not announce his departure until now. But know that it is his wish that it be so, and that it is a higher calling to which he has been sent. I know many of you will still be grieved to see him go...

  Revik flinched, expecting to hear his name.

  He’d already been told what his fate would be.

  Ironically, it would be the exact one he had asked for, so Balidor was right in a way, it had been his wish. It just wasn’t his wish anymore.

  He understood Balidor’s reasoning when he’d explained it.

  ... Brother Dalejem, Balidor sent, his thoughts holding a thread of sadness. He will no longer be wearing the Adhipan colors, my brothers and sisters...

  Revik’s head and eyes jerked around.

  He stared at where Balidor stood in the open area by the fire pit, certain he must have heard him wrong. As he did, Revik felt his breath stop in his chest.

  ... Brother Dalejem has been given another assignment, my brothers and sisters, Balidor continued solemnly, his thoughts clear inside the space of the Adhipan construct. One for which he was chosen by the gods themselves. We are to wish him swift wings on his flight, and send him all of our love as he embarks on this new calling, which speaks only to his higher light and the honor with which he has bestowed us by being with us all of these years...

  Revik felt his breath squeeze tighter in his chest.

  It felt as if he’d fallen under the weight of a stone, his heart crushed inside bones and earth like the tightened fingers of a fist. He found himself scanning faces in the crowd, looking for Dalejem’s openly now, but he didn’t see the green-eyed seer anywhere.

  ... Of course, brother Revik will also be returning to his enclave in the mountains, Balidor added, his words inside the Barrier space still weighted with feeling. I know you will join me in feeling immense gratitude for what our young brother has risked for us, both body and light, by joining us in our mission out here... and what he endured personally in order to keep the Bridge and her family safe at this critical time...

  Revik continued to scan faces, ignoring the smiles aimed in his direction, the pings of warmth from nearby seers as they acknowledged Balidor’s words.

  Revik didn’t feel Dalejem in any of it.

  He didn’t see his face.

  Hesitating only another second, he opened his light. He looked for him openly that time, searching for the familiar resonance. Then he pinged him... and when that didn’t work, he called out to him in the space. Finally, in desperation, he opened his light completely, offering it up in the space, begging the other seer to answer.

  He didn’t answer, though. Because he was no longer there.

  When Revik sent out a harder blast, using more of his light, he saw a few seers around him flinch, turning their heads in surprise, but none of them were Dalejem either.

  He really wasn’t there.

  Pain hit Revik’s heart as he found he understood, as the reality sank into his awareness.

  Dalejem was gone. He’d left with Kali.

  He was just... gone.

  He cried out, unthinking, even as eyes turned towards him again in surprise, their expressions twisting in sympathy when they saw who it was. Revik stared back at all of them, fighting to shut himself down, breathing too much, until he couldn’t see, couldn’t hear the words being spoken by the gray-eyed seer, even from inside the Barrier.

  He felt hands on him then, voices in his mind and his ears.

  He felt their concern flicker around him, but he didn’t want to listen.

  He didn’t want to hear any of it at all.

  Somewhere in that, someone must have knocked him out, because all at once, the world e
clipsed around a single dot...

  And then he was somewhere else.

  Wind played gently with his hair, whispering by his cheek.

  He found himself standing at the edge of the world, looking over a landscape of endless light.

  A golden ocean lived there.

  Red clouds massed at the horizon, but they were distant still, only a warning, not anything he could touch or feel yet... not anything he would have to face by himself.

  Silent. It was still here... still as a held breath, despite the wind and the curling white foam of crystal waves and the calling gulls. Those same rolling waves lapped shores of pure, white sand, wetting his bare feet where he stood. A shocking, turquoise sky swam overhead, still as glass, but filled with light, so much light... shimmering in tiny fragments of life and meaning where birds flapped silent between beats of his heart.

  He was alone there.

  He was alone...

  But somehow, being alone was okay.

  17

  RETURN

  REVIK OPENED HIS eyes, realizing only then that someone stood in his room when they gently touched him with their light.

  He didn’t feel any alarm.

  He let himself come back gradually, until he felt the room itself as it seemed to creep back around him. The stone floor grew solid under his legs even as he smelled the particular scent of the rock walls, the smell of incense probably from the open door leading out of his room.

  Sitting was getting easier for him.

  A lot easier.

  Revik found he actually craved these sessions now, hungered for them.

  It wasn’t for the escapist reasons he might have cynically expected when they first brought him inside these rock walls. The opposite felt true, really. More and more, Revik felt the layers of who he was being slowly peeled back, exposed to the light so that he could finally just accept what lived beneath all of the countless masks and veneers.

  He could finally just allow it to be, without trying to change any of it.

  On the other side of that, things felt simpler, somehow.

  At the very least, Revik found he could see some fraction of the truth behind all of the things and people he had been. He could see the common thread running between them, some deeper core to his light... that thing which seemed to remain there, no matter what he did or who he was in the outside world.