The Sweetest Taboo

by Risqué

  “Where?”

  “Right here…” Drae moved in close to his face, took her tongue and slowly licked off the ice cream that had melted down his chin, leaving a trail of kisses down his neck and stopping at his chest hairs, which peeped up from the top of his wife-beater.

  “What are you doing?”

  “I was helping you get the ice cream off.” She took her thumb and ran it across his lips.

  “I wish I could fuckin’ resist you. I’d leave you sittin’ here.”

  “You can’t resist me?”

  “Nah, and that’s a dangerous spot to be in with yo’ ass, ’cause you don’t give up.”

  “Would you want me to?”

  “I don’t do drama.”

  “You don’t have to do drama, just do me.”

  Naz couldn’t help but smile. “There you go.” He took a deep breath. “We got one time for me catch fever and this is a wrap.”

  “I thought you didn’t do married chicks?”

  “You’re married?” he asked sarcastically.

  “Maybe not forever.”

  “Look, I’m feelin’ you, I am. But I got a daughter and I’m not trying to get into no crazy shit, a’ight?”

  “So what are you saying?”

  “I’m saying that if we gon’ do this, it’s gon’ be by my rules this time.”

  “And what are those?”

  “We have to take it slow—”

  “Okay. All I ask is that you be honest. Believe me, I’ve been lied to enough.”

  “I will always be honest with you.” He pressed his chest against hers. “Now that we’ve established that, can we arrange for me to get some pussy tonight?”

  She pressed her lips against his. “I was just thinking that.”

  Yuri

  Every time Yuri looked at Jeff she hated that she wasn’t ready to leave him. She couldn’t stand to lie next to him, couldn’t stand the smell of him, the look of him or the thought of him. And she hated that corny-ass Caesar he rocked, that Mr. Clean fuckin’ earring he had and those hot-ass suits he wore…day in…and day out, and those ridiculous-ass Italian ties with the dice, the stripes and the eagles flying.

  Not to mention he snored too hard, coughed too loud, sneezed too much, wasn’t freaky enough and the sound of his Prada penny loafers (with actual pennies in them) clacking against the hardwood floor more than pissed her off.

  Jeff leaned against the bathroom door and stared at Yuri. Earth, Wind & Fire preached in the background as the lingering smoke from his dead cigar snuck in from the hallway.

  “I can’t take that smell,” Yuri said, almost in a whisper, as she sat on the edge of the tub, holding the sides of an old mop bucket, where she’d been vomiting and having hot sweats for the last hour. She was too weak to stand, which was why she threw up in a bucket as opposed to the toilet. Unfortunately, vomiting and waking up next to Jeff had become a morning ritual she couldn’t seem to get rid of. When she first started getting sick, she thought she had the flu, but after a week straight of Theraflu and no change she diagnosed herself with a stomach virus, which by now should’ve run its course.

  “What’s the problem, Jeff?” Yuri asked as she looked toward the door. “I’m holding you up from going to work or something?”

  “Give the attitude a day off, Yuri, it’s obvious you’re really sick, and I decided to stay home and check on you. I scheduled a doctor’s appointment for tomorrow.”

  “You…” she said in disbelief, “scheduled…a doctor’s appointment for me?”

  “Yes, I’ll drop you off on my way to work.”

  “Why, Jeff? You want some pussy or something—” before Yuri could continue, she was throwing up again.

  “Yuri, drop it.” After she finished vomiting he touched her forehead. “You feel like you have a slight fever. What do you think is wrong?”

  “I don’t know.” She wiped the sides of her mouth. “I’m just sick. Ever since I ate Chinese food a week or so ago at work, I’ve been sick as a dog.” For the first time it ran across her mind that maybe she had food poisoning.

  “You need to get in bed,” he insisted.

  “Why are you being so nice?”

  “I’m not. I just don’t want you dying on my watch.”

  “Hilarious, Jeff.”

  “Yuri, just come get in the bed. This is ridiculous; we don’t hate each other, do we?”

  She stared at him. “I don’t think so.”

  He helped her up, she rinsed out the bucket and they walked to their bedroom, where she could tell he’d been strolling down memory lane with the multitude of records he had sprawled on the floor. She hoped he didn’t pull out his beat machine or, even worse, take out his Kangol hat and microphone.

  Yuri crawled into bed. “What are you listening to?” She pointed to the records on the floor and the record player he’d hooked up.

  “Five Star, ‘All Fall Down,’” he said, pulling the covers up to her chest and tucking in the sides.

  She fell out laughing.

  “What are you laughing for?” He couldn’t help but admire her smile, framed by two deep dimples. “This used to be my jam and you used to sing it to me; that’s how you hooked me. Don’t try and forget.”

  “Oh please, I hooked you because you wanted some of this young inexperienced pussy,” she laughed. “Remember when you rapped and I was your backup singer?”

  “I sure do, you were the Mistress of the Mic.”

  “And you were MC Ice Right. Whatever happened to our group?” she snickered.

  “Life. Life fucked us up, caused us to get married and mess up a good thing.”

  “Jeff,” she said, taking a deep breath, the smile she wore immediately leaving her face, “why do you always have to bring up shit like that? How come you never go with the flow?”

  “I don’t know what the flow is anymore.” They each stared at the other in silence. “I’ma run to Duane Reade,” Jeff said, breaking the troubling monotony, “and get you some medicine. You want some soup?”

  “I don’t have an appetite.”

  “That’s a new one….”

  “See why we don’t get along? Damn, Jeff,” she said, exasperated. “It doesn’t stop.”

  “You’re right. My apologies, that wasn’t called for.”

  “Apology accepted,” she said halfheartedly.

  “Well, you have to eat something.”

  “Jeff, I’m not hungry.”

  “I’m getting you some soup and that’s the end of it.”

  “If you insist.” Yuri lay in bed and watched Jeff leave the room. When she heard the front door close, she turned over and called Drae.

  “Hello?” Drae picked up on the first ring.

  “What the hell is all that noise in the background?”

  “I’m in the playground.”

  “Why?”

  “Remember that guy from the club?”

  “The one-night stand you were fucking in the bathroom?”

  “He wasn’t a one-night stand. Anyway, I’m on a mini-date with him.”

  “Are you cheating on your husband? Oh, we have to talk.”

  “Yes we do.”

  “Look, I called because Jeff is being a little too nice. So if you don’t hear from me by eight o’clock tonight, bring your ass over here and make sure I’m not bodied and bagged.”

  “Well, I hope I’m your beneficiary,” she chuckled. “And if you are bodied and bagged, how am I supposed to get in the house?”

  “The Venus statue by the door—look behind it, there’s a spare key. Now, good-bye.” And she hung up.

  “Yuri,” Jeff said in a whisper, “wake up.” He sat on the edge of the bed, handing her a tray with Tylenol Cold & Flu, chicken noodle soup, saltine crackers and a single red rose on it.

  “This is sooooo sweet,” she said, smiling. She couldn’t bear to tell him that she couldn’t take the smell of the rose, so she bore with it. “Thank you. Make sure you keep on being sweet,” she teased.
<
br />   “How I’ma keep being sweet when you know as soon as you get well, you won’t be home?”

  Yuri looked at Jeff as if she could strangle him. “Is it even safe for me to eat this?”

  “I’m not gon’ hurt you, Yuri, I’m simply making a statement.” He sat down on the floor and she noticed he had a bacon, egg and cheese McGriddle sandwich and an orange juice.

  The smell was making her sick all over again. “Jeff,” she said while praying she didn’t vomit, “what you wanna ask me?”

  “Ask you?” He sipped his juice.

  “Yeah, what is it?” She placed the soup tray on the nightstand. “You got something that’s been on your mind and I’m giving you the opportunity to just ask me.”

  “Yeah, right.”

  “I’m serious as hell, Jeff. I’m not gon’ snap.”

  “I’m not trying,” he said as he took a bite, “to argue with you, Yuri.”

  “What did I just say? I promise I won’t snap, I won’t go off, none of that. I’d rather you just ask me than say a buncha slick shit.”

  “All right…” It was obvious he was stalling. “Do you…still love me the same way you did…when we first…got together?”

  “Do you still treat me the same way?”

  He paused. “Maybe not.”

  “Then, maybe I don’t feel the same way.”

  “So what, you’re not in love with me anymore?”

  Yuri stared at Jeff and she knew by the look on his face, the one underneath the smug smirk that attempted to say he didn’t give a fuck, that his heart sat bleeding on his sleeve and his mind pleaded for her to say something he desperately wanted to hear. “I still love you, Jeff.” She barely got out “But I’m not sure…”

  “Sure of what?” he said anxiously.

  “How long I can keep loving like this.”

  “Like what?”

  “Like we mad-ass roommates. I wanna be desperately in love. I wanna look at my man and see my whole world.”

  “So that changed? You don’t look at me and see that?”

  “Oh my God, have you been fucking yourself or what? Do you see how you treat me? You don’t treat me like you still want me. I’m with you but I’m dying for attention. You depend too much on me just waking up every morning being in love, as if the air holds some type of keep-me-sprung magic.”

  “Excuse me, what about you? Since we being honest how about you owning up to the part you contributed to us being in this situation.”

  Yuri sat quietly for a moment. She’d never really thought about taking any responsibility for their marriage falling apart: after all, he was the one with the bastard child. But then again, she was fucking Britt and perhaps her part in that didn’t make her and Jeff much different. “Yes, Jeff, I know that I haven’t made it easy to try and rebuild our marriage, but what you did really hurts. And every time Kathy calls here or your son comes over, it just takes me back to that day when I found those child support papers. I mean how would you feel? You’re in the hospital, I’m looking for insurance papers and guess what I find? A child support order. What the fuck do you think happened to me that day? Do you know how much I cried, how loud I cried, how quiet I cried, how plain and simply fucked up I was?!”

  “Yuri, you never wanted any kids.”

  She sat up in bed. The space between her throat and her esophagus ached, “And what…the fuck…does that have to do with you fucking that bitch and getting her pregnant? Nobody told you to go strolling through the trailer park picking up trash!”

  “She’s not trailer park trash, Yuri.”

  “You defending this bitch?!”

  “No,” he said defensively, “I’m just saying you’re being a little harsh. Whether we like it or not she’s Jr.’s mother.”

  “Do I look like I give a fuck?! Her being Jr.’s mother was your choice; I didn’t get not one nut outta that. Shit, for all intents and purposes I’m Jr.’s fuckin’ mother, half our income is taking care of his ass. What the fuck does Kathy do? That bitch doesn’t even work. You provide health insurance, she lives with her parents so she doesn’t pay rent, and not only do you pay child support, you pay Jr.’s tuition, pay for all his birthday parties, Christmas, Easter, everything you pay for. And you know what’s funny?” Yuri couldn’t believe it, but she felt as if she was about to cry, “I was here first,” she pointed to her chest. “We were a family, and then you let this bitch and this little boy come and take over your life and now I’m on the outside. It’s like I’m the mistress and shit.”

  “So what you saying? You wanted to be Jr.’s mother?”

  “Jeff please, I don’t even want a dog named Jr.”

  Jeff blinked his eyes and cleared his throat. “Damn” was all he could say. After a few troubling minutes of silence, Jeff said, “You hate my son just that much?”

  “No, I hate what you did.”

  “So the problems come back to being Jeff’s fault again? I fucked up. I’m taking care of responsibilities with my child, Yuri—”

  “Yes, Jeff, you are, but somebody, somewhere has to tell me how the hell to be happy about that.”

  “I don’t know what to tell you, Yuri.”

  “And I don’t know what I wanna hear either.”

  They sat silent for a moment.

  “A’ight,” Jeff said, “I can accept that, but let me ask you something, though, Yuri. Were you ever in love with me? I mean truly, truly in love with me?” Although he tried to look cool, she knew he wasn’t ready for the truth.

  “What did I just tell you, Jeff?” She couldn’t bear to tell him again she loved him. “Nothing will stop me from caring about you, but you’re so wrapped up in me being in the streets, that you’re pushing me out there. You accuse me almost every day of cheating, so that I feel like either you’re doing it…again…or I may as well do it—”

  “I’m not cheating on you, Yuri. I learned my lesson the last time.”

  “When? When my GYN told me I had STDs that you and your eighteen-year-old mistress gave to me? Or when I found out you had a son?”

  Jeff leaned back against the bed as if he’d fallen against a wall. “We’ll never get through this.”

  “Maybe not.”

  “So we’re done talking?”

  “No, Jeff,” she said exasperated, going against her better judgment, “we’re not. I said we weren’t going to argue and that you could ask me anything. So go ahead.” She held her hands out in an “after you” fashion. “Continue.”

  “So it’s cool?” He arched his eyebrows.

  “It’s cool.”

  “All right.” He sat on the edge of the bed and scooted up next to her. “You haven’t cheated on me?”

  “Question or accusation?”

  “Question.”

  “What, you want me to say yes?”

  “I’m open to anything, Yuri, including the truth.”

  “Please.”

  “Look, all I’m saying is just be honest. I know there are times when I can be an asshole—”

  “You know this?”

  “Yes, and instead of talking, I accuse you. And just like when I cheated, I know there are times you need someone to talk to. Someone to be there for you and take care of you when you’re stressed out.”

  “Have you lost your fuckin’ mind?! She was eighteen, what the fuck were you talking about? How to be a child predator? The real deal is you wanted some young-ass white-girl pussy. Period. And you thought you had my ass in the bag because I was fat and confused.”

  “I’m not going through that again, Yuri. All I want to know is if you cheated, so we can deal with this. We’re married, Yuri, and I’m in it for the long haul.”

  “And how long did you prepare that speech? Before or after you said you see us divorced in five years?”

  “Why are you looking for an argument?”

  “Jeff, listen.” Yuri knew she needed to end this conversation, especially since Jeff was spewing a buncha bullshit. “All you need to worry about is
that I’m with you. All that other shit is taking up too much mental space. Drop it. Please.”

  “I’ma always fight for you, Yuri.” He brushed her hair out of her face.

  “You keep on fightin’, Ali,” Yuri said sarcastically, as she closed her eyes and turned over. “Can we finish talking about this later?”

  He turned the TV on and lay his head on her thigh. “Being pussy-whipped is a motherfucker.” Jeff laughed.

  “Shut up, Jeff,” Yuri started to drift to sleep. “Just be quiet, please.”

  Jeff and Yuri had both fallen asleep when he was awakened by her moaning. At first he thought she was having a bad dream, but when she gripped the edge of the fitted sheet, and sweat dripped from both sides of her temples he knew something was wrong. He massaged her leg to gently wake her up, but she didn’t budge. He thought for a moment she might have been having a seizure.

  “Yuri,” Jeff whispered; he didn’t want to scare her awake. “You’re having a bad dream?” She didn’t wake, but she continued to moan. He felt wetness in the bed and for a moment he thought she’d peed on herself, until he held his hand up and saw it was blood.

  Immediately he jumped up and looked at Yuri. There was no blood coming from her mouth, her hands or anyplace he could see. Maybe it was him, maybe he was bleeding. He hadn’t seen this type of blood since his brother was shot. Jeff yanked the covers back and Yuri lay in a pool of red. “Yuri!” Jeff screamed. “You’re bleeding!”

  Yuri’s heart raced as she jumped out of her sleep. She sat straight up and pressed her hands into the sheet. When she looked up at Jeff, the entire front part of him was covered in blood. As if someone were playing her life in fast forward, she looked down at the sheet and saw the bed was covered in red and the palms of her hands dripped as if she’d been playing in paint.

  Neither one of them knew what was going on, but they knew they had to get her to the hospital. “Jeff—” Yuri panicked. “What happened? Oh God!” She thought she was dying. She could feel an excruciating pain in her lower back and abdomen.

  “We have to go the hospital.” Jeff did his best to hide his anxiety.

  “Jeff!” Yuri started to scream. “What is happening to me?!”