The Sweetest Taboo

by Risqué

  “Yeah.”

  “Well, I always felt that I needed to find a man to save me. Like I needed to be rescued from this life.”

  “What life? Rescued from what?”

  “I don’t know…something…It’s just that ever since my mother died, I’ve been looking for security, for someone to take me to happily-ever-after land. And when I found Hassan I thought he came to take me.”

  “And?”

  “He led me to hell.”

  “Oh…kay. I mean you said he was rich and this big-time director. What is it, National Geographic? Isn’t he what you always dreamed of? Does this have to do with you not being satisfied with where you are in life?”

  “You don’t fuckin’ get it Yuri!” she screamed. “He’s a porn director. He does pornos, and he used me to do the auditions.”

  Seeing the look of shock on Yuri’s face, Drae continued.

  “Yes, I’ve been living a lie. There’s no fuckin’ National Geographic shit! He makes pornos. People fuckin’ all over my house.”

  “And what do you mean you’ve been doing the auditions?”

  “I was fucking the people auditioning! Dammit!”

  Yuri sat on the bar stool next to Drae in complete and utter shock. “What?”

  “He was my husband.”

  “You did what?”

  “I loved him.”

  “What did you just say?”

  “I thought I was ridin’ for him.”

  “Ridin’ where?”

  “I don’t know what to do, Yuri,” she began to sob uncontrollably again. “My job was the only sane thing I had going on in my life and he took that from me. Now I have nothing, I think I’ma go crazy.”

  “Your job? Did you really have a job or was that a lie?”

  “Yes, I had a job, but Hassan came to my job and made a scene. I’ve been suspended, but I know they’re going to fire me.”

  “Oh my God,” Yuri began to cry while hugging her. “My God.”

  They sat at the kitchen island holding each other. Yuri couldn’t believe that Drae had been in so much pain and never said anything. “You have to know that you are not alone. I know we don’t have a big family, but we have each other. You understand me? I’m here for you and I don’t give a damn if we have to sleep in my car together; don’t ever feel like you have no place to go. You understand me?”

  “Yes…I do.”

  “I love you, girl.”

  “I love you too, Yuri.”

  They kissed each other on the cheeks. Yuri cooked Drae something to eat and after a few hours passed, Drae sat at the kitchen island looking out the window. Everything in Manhattan moved so fast, she wondered if she needed to go to a town where everything was slower; slow enough where she could process all her thoughts of how and why she stayed so long, why she did what she did. And how she’d fooled herself into thinking that Hassan was it.

  Maybe she would be daring and go to Phoenix, but then again the heat might be too much. Maybe she could go to Atlanta, but she never liked the South. Maybe L.A. or San Fran, maybe St. Louis or Dallas or Murfreesboro, North Carolina. Just someplace, anyplace where nobody knew her and she could crawl under a rock in peace. For a moment Drae wondered: If she seduced death, would he promise to be sweet? “Listen, girl, let me get going. I didn’t mean to stress you out.”

  “You sure you’re all right?” Yuri asked, surprised Drae wanted to go. “You don’t have to go.”

  “No, I’m fine. I just have a friend I need to see.”

  Drae knew she was taking a helluva chance showing up at Naz’s house without calling. But at this moment she needed to see his face, to find comfort in his arms. And she knew she was bouncing from one man’s arms to the next, but she wasn’t so sure she could face herself yet. After all, what explanation would she have for being in such a fucked-up situation?

  Drae stood on Naz’s row-house porch and rang the bell. She could hear music playing and she could smell burning charcoal and barbeque. When she peeked over the side of the railing, she saw Naz’s daughter doing a dance and singing Bow Wow’s “Shortie Like Mine,” “Addicted to how we kick it…”

  “A’ight, Sydney, calm it down.”

  “I’m being a good girl, Daddy?”

  “Yes, you just a lil’ excited right now.”

  “That’s a good thing, Daddy?”

  “Yes, Sydney.”

  “Hey, lady.” She waved.

  Naz peeped to see who Sydney was talking to. He was dressed in a pair of baggy jeans and a wife-beater. He held a spatula in his hand. “Somebody told me,” Drae said as she leaned over the rail, “that this fine man lived here with his beautiful daughter. And I was so hoping that I would get to see them and show ’em that I have some barbeque skills myself.”

  “Is that so?” Naz smiled.

  “Yeah.” Drae hunched her shoulders. “That pretty much sums it up.”

  “Well”—his entire face lit up—“why don’t you come show me whatcha got? The front door is open.”

  Drae couldn’t help but admire his place as she walked through. There was nothing spectacular going on: no recessed lights, vaulted ceilings or heated floors. It was simply a home with a small entranceway, stairs leading to the second floor, a blue micro-suede living-room set, a small dining room, an L-shaped kitchen and a door leading to the backyard. But it truly felt like a home.

  Drae stepped into the backyard and Naz smiled at her. “What’s good, ma’?” He kissed her on the cheek.

  “Nothing.”

  “This is my daughter, Sydney. Sydney, this is Ms. Drae.”

  They smiled and said hello to each other.

  “So what brings you this way?”

  “Nothing, just wanted to see you, that’s all.”

  “I’m glad you did. Now, don’t think you sittin’ down. You said you got some barbeque skills and I wanna see.” He tossed Drae an apron. “You got to show me how you get down.”

  “We do have a child here.”

  He gave her a sinister smile. “Handle your business.”

  “All right.” She laughed. “Where’s your sauce?”

  “Right here.” He held up a Kraft bottle.

  “Oh Lord, I’ma have to school you. My daddy always said if you don’t make it from scratch, then use Jack Daniel’s. Anyway, give it here and let me hook it up.”

  “What you need? ’Cause I got it.”

  “Honestly,” she sighed. “I just need a friend right now.”

  Not expecting that response, Naz said with a serious face, “You got that.”

  She slipped her shoes and midriff jacket off. “Now, I also need you to get me some honey, vinegar, sugar and a little milk.”

  “Milk?”

  “I’m not eating that,” Sydney said. “I’ll just have me some chicken nuggets.”

  “Nah, Sydney,” Naz laughed. “Let’s watch Ms. Drae do her thing.”

  Drae took the barbeque sauce and doctored it up. Afterward she poured it on the ribs, steaks, and burgers that he had on the grill. When they were done, she served them.

  “A’ight,” Naz said, “I gotta admit this was da bomb.”

  “Yeah, Ms. Drae, this was good.”

  “Thank you.” She flicked Sydney on the nose. “I saw you dancing when I came up. You like to dance?”

  “Yeah, I take ballet and tap classes. Did you know my daddy can dance?”

  “Really?” Drae laughed. “He must be pretty good.”

  “Yeah, he tap dances. He’s going to be in a Broadway show one day, right, Daddy?”

  “No.”

  “Daddy,” she whined.

  “You tap?” Drae asked.

  “A lil’ sumthin’ sumthin’,” Naz replied.

  “So is that Naz’s secret? He wants to tap dance on Broadway?”

  “You wanna know my secret?” he asked.

  “Yes,” Drae responded.

  “You sure you’re ready for it?”

  “Would you just tell me!”

&
nbsp; “A’ight. I wanna be a regular niggah. Just regular. Go to work, come home, kiss my wife, play with my kids—”

  “Kids?”

  “Yeah, I would like another kid. I like being called Daddy. And I wanna wife, one day. To cook for me, take her shoes off and get pregnant.” He laughed.

  “Excuse me,” Drae snickered. “Mr. Daddy of a Daughter. I would think you’d want your wife doing more than that.”

  “I’m just kidding. All she gotta do is be down for me.”

  “Can you handle it if she is?”

  “I welcome the challenge.”

  “Ms. Drae,” Sydney interrupted, “can you dance?”

  “I can do a lil’ sumthin’ sumthin’.” She winked at Naz.

  “Like what?” Naz laughed.

  “Can you Wu-Tang?” Sydney asked. “Or do the Old Man, or Chicken Noodle Soup?”

  “She can’t handle those, Sydney. Let’s pick another one for her.”

  “Excuse you,” Drae laughed. “Everybody can’t compete with you and your little hip-hop group here.”

  They laughed. “Okay, Ms. Drae,” Sydney said. “You wanna do the electric slide?”

  “What about the cha-cha, Sydney?” Naz added.

  “Yeah, that’s it, Daddy, let’s show Ms. Drae the cha-cha.”

  Sydney put on a cha-cha slide CD and turned it up. The three of them got up and stood in the middle of the backyard. “Follow us,” Naz smiled. “The song tells you what to do.” They started dancing and it wasn’t long before Drae picked up on the dance and started doing it without any assistance.

  “Now Charlie Brown!” the song sang. “Criss cross, everybody clap your hands…” And on it went until the sun started to go down.

  “If nothing else,” Drae said as they started to clean up, “I’m glad I came here today.” She nodded her head toward Sydney, who’d sat in the patio chair and fallen asleep.

  “Let me take her inside.” Naz carried Sydney to her bed and he came back out with a bottle of wine in his hand. “You need this?”

  “Yes.” Drae grinned. “Oh yes.”

  They sat down at his patio set and Naz poured them two glasses of wine. “You ready to talk?”

  “No. I just need you to be here for me, please. Just be here.”

  “I care about you….” He pressed his forehead against hers. “I really do.”

  “Thank you.” Tears slipped from Drae’s eyes. “Thank you.”

  “Can you stay for a minute?” He kissed her on the lips.

  “I can stay for a couple of minutes.” She responded to his kisses.

  Yuri

  Today was the first day that Yuri didn’t wake up and feel the emotional sting of losing her baby. It was also the first time since she’d left Jeff that she appreciated his not being anywhere around. There was no tension, no grunting, no wishing, no waiting or wanting to disappear. There was nothing to fuck up the atmosphere. She didn’t look around and see Jeff’s shoes all lined up perfectly, separated by color and style, and there were no Italian suits hanging meticulously in the closet separate from his jeans. For once she lived in a place where she was comfortable enough to be herself. There were no demands, no expectations, no comments about her weight; and this go-round, when she was told she had a fat ass, it was a compliment.

  She looked over at Britt and silently thanked him for being everything she’d ever dreamed. She knew sex wasn’t supposed to occur for six weeks after the miscarriage, but it’d already been four and there was no way she could continue to resist. Britt lay next to her with the flat white sheet draped across his hard dick. His bare chest was like a work of art, an undiscovered masterpiece that only she’d seen and could appreciate. And his thighs looked to be drizzled in the best chocolate the world had to offer….

  “I just want some,” she said to herself while sucking on the tip of her index finger. She slid the sheet back and kissed his beautiful dick. It was the best kiss she’d ever given. Slowly Britt’s eyes peeled open as he ran his hands through her hair. “Such a luscious dick, I couldn’t resist.”

  He opened his eyes and gave a sly grin. “You like that dick?”

  “I love that dick.”

  “You gon’ get the pussy wet for him?”

  “Uhmmm, is that what he wants?”

  “Yes.”

  She lay on her back and looked into Britt’s face. She took her wet index finger and circled it around her clit. Almost instantly her flesh came alive and began dripping with heat. She could feel shock waves float through her mind as she moved her fingers in a steady grind. Slowly she stroked her clit up and down, moving the tip of her finger like a tongue. Her clit started to swell.

  “What does it feel like?”

  “Hot…wet…and oh sooooo silky…” She quickened the pace of her fingers, dipping two into her pussy with one hand and playing with her clit with the other.

  “You gon’ nut on my dick?”

  “All over it.”

  “You gon’ put some on my tongue?”

  “You want some?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, you gon’ have to eat it for yourself.”

  “I want you to feed me.”

  Yuri took her creamy fingers and slid them into Britt’s mouth. “What it taste like?”

  “Candy, baby.” He sucked her fingers. “It taste just like candy.”

  Sensing Yuri was due to cum any minute, Britt turned her around and placed her backward on his dick. He watched her ass roll back and forth, working it in and out—out and in—of her pussy. It was the prettiest thing he’d ever seen. This was a classic…watching her pussy leave more and more cream on his dick as it slid up and down. He took his hands, placed them on her ass and assisted her pussy with climbing up and down his long vanilla-covered pipe.

  “Welcome home, baby.” He closed his eyes and his nut exploded into her. “Welcome home.”

  Drae

  This fantasy had been perfect and uninterrupted. Drae had stayed at Naz’s, played mother to his daughter every morning and made love to him every night. She dressed in jeans, tees, Adidas sweat suits and sneakers. She rocked her Louie bags while doing Sydney’s soccer carpool, and she cooked: fried, baked, and barbeque chicken, hamburgers, french fries and every night a vegetable. She and Sydney baked cakes, cookies, and surprised Naz, when he’d gotten sick one night, with Get Well balloons the next morning. It was perfect until this moment, when she sat on the edge of the bed, watched the flowing traffic out the window and realized she’d abandoned her life.

  It had been close to three weeks since Drae had seen Yuri and Nae-Nae. She called them only once to let them know she was okay. She officially resigned from her job and did all that she could to erase Hassan from her thoughts.

  Drae slid next to Naz on the bed and draped his arm around her shoulder. She didn’t exactly tell Naz why she left Hassan; she just told him she wasn’t going back and figured, for now, that should be enough.

  Drae caressed the side of Naz’s face and began kissing his neck. His scent was so seductive, yet she knew she had to leave. Otherwise, when she submerged into her life again, she wouldn’t be the only one not knowing who she was.

  She stroked his left ear and began sucking on his earlobe. “I need to leave,” she whispered. Her warm breath tingling the side of his face.

  Naz turned over to face her. “Where you going?”

  “I’m not going back to Hassan.” She looked into his eyes. “I don’t want that life anymore.”

  “So then, what do you want?” He stroked her hair.

  “I want simple shit.” She smiled. “Like Chinese food, stretch marks and babies.”

  Naz threw his head back and laughed. “Sunshine wanna be called Mommy.”

  “Yes, I do. One day. And stop calling me Sunshine.”

  “I’m sorry.” He kissed her.

  “Why do you keep calling me that?”

  “To remind myself that none of this is real.” He caressed her breast and ran his index fin
ger down the center of her body.

  “I’m not real?”

  “Uhmm, maybe you’re real. At least, this is the realness you want, but you’re not ready. You need some time to spend with yourself. Get to know what you want and like again. After that, anything is possible.”

  “So what does that mean?” She tried to sound playful and laughed. “You don’t wanna marry me?”

  He rolled on top of her. “It means that when you collect you and really get it together, where you’ve dealt with what’s really wrong and what’s going on, then you come back and kick it to me.”

  Now her laughter was genuine. “Kick it to you?”

  “Yeah, I want you to be like ‘Somebody told me that this fine niggah’”—he kissed her firm breast—“‘named Nasty Naz was here.’”

  “And what you gon’ say?” she asked as she felt him play with her clit.

  She opened her legs and while he slid down her belly he said, “I’ma say”—he parted her pussy lips—“‘Sunshine, Nasty Naz has left the building. But Nasir is here.’”

  She stroked the back of his head as he began licking her pussy like it was pudding. Chills ran up her back as she said, “And I’ma say, ‘My name is Drae.’”

  “What I’ma do without you?” He began to softly eat her pussy.

  “I don’t know,” she said as her hips began to move with the motion of his face.

  As Naz’s mouth made love to Drae’s soaked and wet middle, his hands felt like silk as he twirled her nipples between his fingers. Drae had melted over and over again as his tongue made her cum. She closed her eyes and imagined him being her man. She imagined this being real and not being a taboo moment. The last time she imagined this or even felt like this she was caught up in the newness of love. And love is not what this was. Drae was aware of that. This was a beautiful distraction from the real shit she didn’t want to deal with and music she didn’t want to dance to.

  After tasting her pussy to both of their satisfaction Naz climbed on top of Drae and slid his dick in. For some reason, he didn’t want to freak her or fuck her, he wanted to make love to her. And he knew better than to have thoughts like this. He knew better than to be holding her, pressing his forehead against hers and wondering if this was the moment when he was supposed to surprise her with the words, ‘I love you.’ He knew she needed to leave, and he needed her to leave, so that he could get back in check; his heart was slippin’ and now wasn’t the time to have love or any niggah that looked and felt like him, stepping up and rocking his world.