by J Peach
Two weeks had passed since Blaze’s funeral and everything was slowly returning to normal, somewhat anyway. With Blaze still injured from being shot in his legs, he wasn’t able to do much, which made his boys not want to be too far away from us just in case something happened. We had moved three times since I left the hospital. We went from Chicago to Indy and now we had settle in Muncie, Indiana.
Bellow found a nice big house out in Muncie, which was pretty much a damn hick town. I didn’t like it out here at all. The cell phone reception sucked and you had to drive damn near an hour just to get to a supermarket. I wanted to go back to my home in Lafayette. I missed my comfortable little spot and I missed talking to my girl’s every day.
After I finished the dishes, I started on dinner. We were having tilapia, spaghetti, macaroni & cheese and cornbread. I took out the tilapia and ground beef earlier so it had already thawed out. Blaze woke up craving that specific meal.
“Hey, Peach,” Bellow walked into the kitchen with his arms full of groceries.
“Hey, Bell. You can sit them on the dining room table. I’ll put it up in a bit.” I waved toward the table, while I stirred the spaghetti noodles.
“I’ight. Blaze’s beers goes in the garage fridge or in here?” he asked.
My brows raised as I glanced back at him. “Blaze, don’t get no beers—”
“Why the hell not? Bell, toss me one of those.” Blaze’s voice came from behind Bellow.
I peeked around him to see Blaze standing in the doorway on crutches. I turned the burner on the stove down. “Blaze, you should not be out of bed. What the hell are you doing?” I asked as I walked over to him.
He didn’t say nothing at first, he simply walked around me with Khyree and King behind him ready to catch him if he fell.
“Y’all give us a minute,” he told them. After King and Khyree helped him in his wheel chair, they left out. “Come here,” he beckoned me to him.
Slowly I walked to him. Once I was close enough he grabbed me by my waist and pulled me into his lap.
I freaked. “Blaze, what the hell? Let me go. I don’t wanna hurt you.” I tried to get up but he held me tight.
“That’s a good thing,” he said.
He confused me with his reply but I stopped moving. “You want me to hurt you?” I asked dumbly, not understanding.
“Hell no! This hurts but I can feel it. I couldn’t before.” He let out a sigh.
“What?” I didn’t want to believe what he was telling me.
“When I was shot, I lost all feeling in my legs. I couldn’t feel shit. About two weeks ago the feeling started to come back. Before you get mad, I told them not to tell you. I wanted to but when I was going to say something about it, I started to feel the pain in my legs. I wanted to make sure I wasn’t imaging it but I knew I wasn’t, when I go an erection.” He smiled big and that made me laugh.
Even so, I was pissed. “Blaze, don’t joke. If you couldn’t feel your legs, you should’ve been in the hospital. Not having Khyree looking after you and you should’ve told me.” They put too much into the twins.
“I know and I’ve been to the hospital. When you and Lil B go out with Bell, King and Khyree been taking me the hospital. The twins got an uncle who works at a hospital out here. Moving here wasn’t a coincidence. A Femoral—”
“A femoral nerve dysfunction. The bullets damaged the nerves in your legs. Blaze, you still should have told me. I’m glad the feeling is coming back. Did they give you medication? Do you have to go to physical therapy? Is the doctor actually qualified for this? I think I should meet him—” I started to rant.
“Peaches, shut up. Baby, you don’t need to do nothing. We got this. Yes, its therapy. I go for an hour. Plus, Khyree been helping me out. Bae, this the reason why I didn’t want to tell you because I don’t want you to worry. I’mma be good and I need you to believe that. So stop worrying. All I need you to do is make sure Lil B is good, I got food and…” he stopped talking as he pressed his tongue against the inside of his jaw.
“What’s that?” I asked, pretending I didn’t know what he was implying.
“Don’t play with me. You know what that mean—”
I didn’t hear his last words as I jumped off his lap and ran to the bathroom. Hurriedly I lifted the toilet seat and released the little fluids that were in my stomach before I began to dry heave. Once there was nothing left, I rolled off some tissue and wiped my mouth. Panting heavily, I sat on the tub trying to regain my breathing.
“You i’ight?” Blaze asked from the doorway.
Clearing my throat, I nodded at him. “Yeah, I’m alright.” I wiped my mouth once more then tossed the tissue in the toilet before going to the sink and rinsing my mouth. I reached in the drawer and grabbed a new toothbrush to brush my teeth.
“You sure you’re i’ight?” His tone was as if he didn’t believe me.
Once I finished, I walked back to him. “Yeah, I’m okay. So don’t worry. Are you going to help me cook?” I pushed him away from the door while I leaned into him, pecking his lips.
“N’all, but I’ll watch.” He kissed me back before pulling back. “Gon’ ‘head so I can watch you walk.”
I started laughing. “Damn perv.”
“You already know that.” Blaze rolled up closer to me and grabbed my ass. “You gon sit on my lap?”
I burst out laughing. “See, I’m not about to play with you. Yo ass need to stop before Blake walk in here.”
“Don’t even speak his cock blocking ass up.” Blaze looked out into the hallway to make sure Blake wasn’t around. “You gon’ ride?” He grabbed my ass again.
“No. Blaze, stop. I’m not about to deal with you.” I laughed at him. Moving away from him I got the pot out to start boiling the macaroni noodles.
***
“So tell me this, when I was giving you a show at the hotel, was that real or you was playing?” I asked Blaze, trying to pinpoint when the feeling in his legs returned.
“That was real. I told you I got an erection. My dick was so hard, my shit just stopped aching yesterday.” He grabbed his crotch and squeezed it. “Mm,” His eyes lowered.
Laughing, I moved away from him. “B, stop playing. I’m being serious right now.”
“I’ight, I quit. Yeah, that was real. If yo ass wasn’t playing around when you got home, I would’ve been all in that shit.” He sounded amped as if imagining actually having sex with me that night.
My lips pursed together before I cleared my throat, trying to get rid of my laughter. “Bae, not trying to deflate your ego but umm what was you gon’ be in when you can’t move?”
The flirty look left he face and he glared at me. “Fuck you, Peaches. Yo ass foul for that shit, boss. Yellow ass trick.” He fussed.
“Damn, bae. You got real mad fast, huh?” Laughing, I took a fork full of spaghetti and held it out to him. “Taste this.”
He hummed and his head nodded. “Yeah, that shit good.”
“Okay, here.” I got some macaroni and had him taste that.
“Damn, keep cooking like this and I might have to make this official.” Blaze popped the elastic of my shorts.
“Dude, whatever. This is already official. I don’t know what you talking about.” I wasn’t paying his ass no attention. This was beyond official.
“Fuck you think you is? Yo ass think because you almost my height right now you can talk shit?” His head tilted to the side as his brow raised.
“You are such an asshole. You didn’t even have to go there. My height, tho’? That’s low.” Blaze opened his mouth to say something but stopped once I held my fork toward him. “I am making your plate.”
“I got it,” Blaze licked his lips. He didn’t say nothing else to me. He just watched me.
After I set the table, I made everybody’s plates, then sat three different pitchers filled with Fruit Punch, Pepsi and Sprite in the center of the table.
“Blake!” Blaze called out loudly. “Blake! Get down here!”
I turned to look at him. “You know he don’t hear you—”
“What’s up, Dad?” Blake came bouncing into the kitchen. “It smell good in here.” He rubbed his stomach before reaching over into the macaroni.
I opened my mouth to say something but Blaze beat me to it.
“If you stick yo dirty ass hands in that pan, I’mma break ‘em. Gon’ wash yo hands and come eat.”
“I was just gon’ get a little.” Blake mumbled under his breath as he walked past us.
“What you just say?” Blaze asked.
“Nothing,” Blake ran out of the room and into the bathroom.
Even though Blaze was in a wheelchair, Blake hadn’t lost respect for his father. But my son wasn’t dumb. He must have known his dad don’t forget anything and once he got better, he would get in that ass.
“You’re a great father. You really are good with him.” I complimented before kissing him.
“Now that you see this is, you gon’ give me my team? We gotda work on six more.”
My eyes slanted at him. “You always have to mess something up. Don’t talk to me.” I laughed, walking away from him.
“Shid, I’m serious. You need to stop playing. It’s getting to quiet around here. B, you want some siblings don’t you?” Blaze asked Blake as he walked back into the kitchen.
He shrugged his shoulders as he sat next to his dad. “Yeah and no. I don’t want to hear no crying baby but having a little brother will be cool.”
“Lil B wants a brother. Give it to him. Tell her, Blake.” He pointed at me.
I glared at him. “You get on my nerves.” I rolled my eyes at him. “King, Bell, Khyree and Khalil, come eat!” I called to the others. I could hear them coming before I saw them. “And don’t bring your damn phones, either!”
“Peaches, shut yo ass up. Everybody know by now not to have they phones at yo table.” Blaze laughed. “Y’all gotda excuse her. She’s sexually frustrated. She ain’t had none.”
I hit him upside his head then looked at Blake. Blaze didn’t care what he said or who he said it in front of.
“Blaze, shut the fuck up.” King snapped at him.
“Oh, you still mad because you caught her trying to be grown.” Blaze broke out laughing, thinking about King walking in on me teasing him.
“Blaze, shut up and King watch your mouth. Y’all are so disrespectful. Blake excuse them.” They pissed me off, cussing in front of Blake like he wasn’t a kid or around for that matter.
“Don’t say y’all. We didn’t do nothing.” Khalil jumped in.
I looked down at him.
“Khalil, shut yo creepy ass up. My momma wasn’t even talking to you.” Blake snapped at him.
I looked at Blaze.
“That’s what the fuck I’m saying. Yo ass took the words right out my mouth.” Blaze told him with a laugh. His eyes glanced up at me and his whole demeanor changed. “Blake, you better watch yo damn mouth. What I tell you about cussing?” Him and Blake shared a look and Blaze’s head jerked toward me slightly.
“I’m sorry, Momma. My bad, Khalil,” Blake apologized.
“We good, lil man.” Khalil and Blake bumped fist.
Blake looked up at me and smiled before he started to dig into his food.
Father God, help me with these men in my life. My son was going to be terrible because of them.
***
We all finished our food and we just sat at the table. Blake and I was silent as the guys talked about basketball. I rubbed my hand over my stomach as I took deep breaths while I swallowed. I was concentrating on keeping my food down. My eyes closed as my chest raised and fell as I tried keeping it at a steady pace.
“Ma, you okay?” Blake asked.
I jumped out my seat and ran to the bathroom and just like earlier, I release everything I digested.
“Momma,” Blake came into the bathroom and began rubbing my back.
Once I was finished, I wiped my mouth then flushed the toilet. This time I stood hunched over longer as I tried to catch my breath.
“You okay?” Blake questioned again.
“Yeah, baby. I’m fine.” I wiped my mouth again then stood up.
Blake put some water in the decorated cup and handed it to me. “You sure?”
Taking it from him, I drank the water and then let out a stranded laugh. “Yeah, baby. I’m sure. I promise I’m okay.” I kissed his forehead and pressed my head against his.
“Blake, come help yo uncles clean up the kitchen and then go get ready for bed.” Blaze told him. He looked hesitant to leave my side at first. “B, she’s good. Now gon’ help them.” He reassured him.
Once Blake was gone, Blaze came into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. He didn’t say anything, he simply stared. Ignoring his gaze, I went to the sink and started brushing my teeth. When I finished, he still didn’t say anything. My eyes soon started to water and I rolled them up in my head.
My fingers swiped at my cheeks quickly wiping the tears away.
Blaze’s fingers brushed against my waist. “Peach, come here.”
For some reason him saying that made the tears fall rapidly.
“Peaches, why are you crying?” he asked.
My eyes rolled harder as my head shook. Sighing, I glanced at him.
“You got something to tell me?” His head tilted to the side as he continued to look at me.
“B, I don’t know and I honestly don’t want to know.” I told him truthfully. I sat on the tub and put my head into my hands.
“Are you pregnant?” he asked and I shook my head no. “Come on, Peaches. Talk to me. Damn!” Frustration was seeping into his voice.
“I don’t know for sure. Blaze, I don’t want to know if I am. I don’t even want to think or speak about it.” My head shook as if that was going to emphasize what I was saying.
“Why not?”
My head snapped up and my eyes locked with his. “Are you seriously asking me why I don’t want to know if I’m pregnant? Why? B, look at you. Look at where we are! Blaze, I don’t want to bring a baby into this chaotic world. It’s starting to seem like every time something good happens tragedy is never too far behind. I can feel it. That’s why I’m not trying acknowledge this.” I hated to admit that but I didn’t think now was our time. The first time I had gotten sick was at his memorial service. I didn’t know for sure then but now I was positive of it. Although there was a slight hope inside me that the vomiting was all stress related.
“What are you saying, Peaches?” he asked.
I shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“What? You thinking an abortion?” I heard the disbelief in his voice.
I didn’t even have to look at him to see it over his face. “I don’t know—”
“What the fuck you mean yo ass don’t know? Peaches, don’t fuckin’ play with me.” Blaze’s tone raised, causing a slight echo in the bathroom.
I wasn’t expecting his anger or his deep bass filled voice to shout at me, which made me jump.
“Were you even going to tell me?” He continued to question.
“Blaze, I don’t know. I wasn’t trying to think about it. Every time I did, the whole thing with Le’Ron popped up. I don’t want to go through that again. I can’t lose another baby. I hadn’t thought about an abortion but maybe it’s just not our time—”
“Peach, you not the only mothafucka that lost a fuckin’ baby! You a selfish ass bitch to even think to say some shit like that. You can’t lose another baby. Yo ass wasn’t the only one who lost something. Shit ain’t the best right now. Shid, fuckin’ with me, nothing is ever going to be a perfect time. What happened in the past, you gotda let that shit go. Peaches, I don’t give a fuck you not having an abortion. So if you thinking about that shit, you might as well lose those thoughts,” he said in a final tone.
It pissed me off. “You’re selfish to even ask me to bring a baby into all this bullshit! You want me to let shit go but how can I when bullets are fly
ing? I don’t want to bring a baby into this. Especially when I don’t feel safe!” I spat out of both anger and fear. I didn’t want to bring my baby into this bullshit. What if something else happened and I lost it. An abortion was the last thing on my mind. But I didn’t know what I wanted to do.
Blaze let out a laugh. “You don’t feel safe? What you think I’ll let something happen to you? Do you think I won’t be able to protect you, y’all? Is that what you saying?” The angry lines showed across his forehead.
“Blaze, I didn’t say that—”
“Answer the fuckin’ question! You think I can’t protect y’all now? Why because I’m in a wheelchair? I can’t do shit now?” He yelled at me.
“I didn’t say that—”
“But that’s what the fuck you thinking! If you wasn’t, why the fuck don’t you feel safe? Huh?” Blaze continued to yell.
“I didn’t mean it like that.” I tried to explain.
“Peaches, get out.” He moved back so I could walk past him.
“Blaze, I didn’t—”
“Get the fuck out!”
My mouth snapped shut but opened right back, nothing came out. He looked pissed and hurt. I never meant it in that way. Then again I didn’t know. Without a word I walked past him and out of the bathroom.
“Fuck!” Blaze’s yell was followed by the sound of glass clashing and breaking against the floor.
I stopped to go back into the bathroom but King stopped me. “Peach, give him a minute. Why don’t you go check on lil man?”
I stared at the bathroom door for a long minute until King gave me a slight nudge. “Gon’ ‘head.”
Sighing, I turned away from him and made my way up the stairs. I went straight into our room, sat at the end of the bed and tears just started pouring from my eyes.
I didn’t want to hurt him but I couldn’t deny the fact I was scared of losing everything this time. Not only our baby but everybody, Blake, Blaze and King. Deep down I knew it wasn’t going to stop until everyone was dead. Who was to say it wasn’t going to stop at Blaze? I didn’t know and I felt it wasn’t. Shit was going to get crazier.