For Always

by Janae Mitchell

  I sat down right there in the floor to look at my family for the first time. My eyes filled with tears and I had to wipe them with my shirt so that I could see. I looked to be about two and we were at a beach. This must have been taken right before she died. We all looked so happy. I definitely look like my mom. In one picture she was holding me on her lap and Dad was kissing her. And in another, Dad was holding me up over his head while my mom was looking up at me as I laughed. I had to wipe my eyes again, hating the fact that I was such an easy crier

  "Ya okay?" Beau yelled over the music, scaring me out of my wits.

  I got up to turn the music down and sat back down next to him. I picked up the pictures and started to put them back in the book. "I was just cleaning."

  "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle ya." He sat down on the floor next to me and looked down at the pictures. "Mind if I see?"

  "No, go right ahead." I started to hand them to him, but then remembered he couldn't hold them. "Sorry, I forgot." I held up the pictures of Grandmama and showed him, which he seemed to get a kick out of. When I got to the ones of me, he smiled. "Is that you?"

  "Yes."

  "And that has to be your ma."

  "Yeah, I look a lot like her. She died when I was two."

  "And that's your pa?"

  I nodded. I tried my best to hold back the tears that were attempting to escape my eyelids, but as soon as I blinked, there they went. I tried not to think of my parents too much, but when I did, it filled me with a longing that I couldn't control.

  "I'm sorry." He brought his knees up and rested his arms on them. "I can leave if ya want me to."

  "No, you're fine. I've just never seen pictures of us together before." I stacked them in a pile and laid them on my lap. "I was five when Dad died. Sometimes I don't know what's a real memory of him and what's just a dream." I looked down, causing another tear to fall. "I miss him…and my mom. I miss not being the family we should've been."

  He was quiet, looking at me with eyes that understood exactly how I felt. He reached his hand slowly toward my face, paused for just a second, and then wiped the tear off my cheek. "I'd tell ya it gets better, but I can't."

  My heart started racing. How could a ghost make me feel the way he was making me feel?

  I got up and put Grandmama's things away, but left the pictures out so that I could ask her about them when she got home.

  He leaned back, resting on his hands. "I didn't mean to bother ya. I just heard that loud noise comin' from in here and thought I'd see what was goin' on." He looked at me and shook his head, laughing. "You livers and your crazy music…" He got up and started to walk toward the door, but stopped and looked at me. "I'm sorry ya lost your family. I know it's tough. I've had a long time to learn to deal with it, myself, so if ya ever need me, I'm always here." He turned and walked out the door.

  I followed him. "Where have you been? I ain't seen you since yesterday."

  He kept walking toward the back door. "Did ya miss me?" When he got to it, he stopped and lowered his head, gesturing toward the screen door. "Ladies first."

  I walked out the door, making sure he was outside before I closed it. "I just wondered where you had gone, seeing as how you can't leave."

  He acted like he was ignoring me and started walking down through the yard. But then he glanced over his shoulder to make sure I was coming. "Our property goes back a pretty good ways. Sometimes I like to just wonder 'round and think."

  We continued to walk together in silence until we got to the stump by the river. He sat down and patted the small empty space beside him.

  "I don't think this butt will fit," I pointed out, turning to the side.

  "Yeah, it will. Sit with me," he said as he patted the spot again, smiling a smile that I'm sure he had used often to get his way.

  I sat down, liking the fact that I couldn't actually feel him beside me, which made it easier to relax. "What happened to this tree?" I asked, kicking the stump with the back of my shoe. "Do you know who cut it down?"

  "It was a weepin' willow. Us older boys used to grab a bunch of branches and swing into the river from it. My brothers and sisters loved playin' under it, too. The branches hung so low that it would sorta hide 'em. I'd help 'em build forts and stuff under it. They loved it."

  "Why is it gone?"

  "Pa cut it down after I died. He didn't want none of the children down here by the river. Ma was so mad at first that she swatted him a few times. She was cryin', askin' why he did it. Said it wasn't just their tree, but it was my tree, too. He grabbed her arms so she'd stop hittin' him and then he hugged her, sayin' he wasn't losin' another'n. He loved his family and he was keepin' 'em safe. He thought it'd keep 'em away from the river."

  "I'd say there was more to it than just that."

  "What do ya mean?"

  "It’s probably just like all my family pictures. My dad couldn't stand looking at them because it reminded him of what he'd never have again. Maybe your dad felt that way a little, too. Maybe it reminded him too much of when you were alive."

  He seemed to ponder that, looking out over the river. "Maybe.” We were quiet for a few minutes when he interrupted the silence. "Don't move."

  "Why?" Then I saw why. He slowly moved away from me, distracting the snake so I could get away. I ran as fast as I could toward the house. That was going to be my last trip to the river.

  A few minutes later Beau came walking up the yard toward me. "I don't think I've ever seen a girl move so fast," he laughed. "I'm glad ya did, though. Copperheads are mean critters and I don't think I'd be able to suck the poison out of ya."

  We were laughing as Grandmama came around the house. "I thought I heard ya out here. I brought ya some food."

  "Good, I'm starving."

  "You're always starvin'. What were ya laughin' 'bout?"

  "Beau saved my life."

  She sat the food down on the table and cut one of the porch fans on. "How'd he manage that?"

  "We've got snakes—mean ones. He was afraid he was gonna have to suck the poison out if it bit me, so he scared it away."

  "Yeah, I meant to tell ya that I'd seen a couple." She pulled Beau out a chair. "Have ya a seat, Beau. I'd like to share some stuff with ya."

  I had already sat down and was taking a bite of my burger when they sat down. "She's been in town all morning trying to find out information about you," I explained.

  "I done told you 'bout what happened to me. What else is she wantin' to know?" Beau asked.

  I looked at Grandmama with a big grin and said, "He said you know about what happened to him and to quit being nosey."

  "Don't tell her that," he ordered, but then started laughing.

  "Now, I know better than that, Malyn." Then she looked toward Beau's chair. "I just wanted to see if there's any information 'bout your family or anything."

  "Was there?" I asked, doubtful.

  "Well, actually, there was." She reached down in her bag and pulled out her camera. "This is in the middle of town." She clicked through some pictures and found the one she was looking for and turned it so Beau could see.

  I sat there patiently waiting to see what it was. "What is it?" Nobody said anything. "Let me see." I hated being left out of things.

  "Has he read it?" Grandmama asked, still holding her camera in front of Beau.

  He nodded, so I told her he had and she handed me the camera. She had taken a picture of a stone with an old plaque on it that was engraved with words that were barely legible. It sat in the middle of what looked to be a flower garden. It read:

  Beau John Brogan

  1891—1910

  May God keep and cherish,

  henceforth love will never perish.

  For he gave his life to save another,

  blessed be our son and brother.

  "This is in the middle of town?" Seeing this made his death feel more final somehow; like he wasn't really dead until that moment.

  "Yep, right beside the courthouse in their memo
ry garden. They said some of the memorial stones out there were over a hundred years old. Guess Beau's is one of 'em."

  He sat back in his chair and folded his arms over his chest and his face was unreadable.

  Grandmama looked toward the area of Beau's chair, then back at me. "Has he said anything?"

  "No," I said with my mouth full. I waited until I swallowed my food and asked, "Beau, are you okay?"

  He leaned forward and put his crossed arms on the table and smiled. "That must be what Ma was talkin' 'bout when she said I was honored in the town. Tell Nellie she made my day."

  I told her what he said, which made her day. She seemed to have a fondness towards him, even though she couldn't see or hear him. "Well, I'm glad. I was worried it might upset ya, but I wanted ya to see it either way."

  He reached his hand out and put it through her hand that still held the camera. "Thank you."

  Grandmama smiled, nodded her head like she had heard him, which I knew she hadn't, and started eating her lunch. "Oh, by the way, they’re needin' part-time help down at the marina."

  I looked at her as if this was supposed to mean something. "And?"

  "Well, I thought ya might like to make some extra money this summer. Maybe save up for a car." Grandmama had enough money to buy me a car, but she believed in working for what you want, not getting it handed to you.

  "What am I supposed to do at a marina? Park boats?" I laughed so that she knew I was kidding and not being mouthy. Beau just sat back and listened.

  "Well, it's not just a marina, it's a bait and tackle shop, and they've got a small restaurant there, too, right on the lake. It's nice down there. The Stones own it and they're good people."

  "I'll go with you the next time you go to town and check it out." Then I remembered the pictures. "Oh, did you know that you had pictures of me with Mom and Dad in a book in your parlor?"

  I could tell she was trying to remember, but looked puzzled and said, "No, I don't recall havin' any. You'll have to show me."

  I glanced over at Beau because he was being so quiet and once again, he was staring at me. When he saw me look at him he smiled and winked. Oh, my word! What's wrong with him? I laughed, mainly so he couldn't hear my heart pounding.

  "What's so funny?" Grandmama asked.

  "Beau. He's very entertaining."

  "Well, I hate that I'm missin' it." She scooted her chair out to get up. "Come show me those pictures. I'm anxious to see 'em."

  I wasn't sure if Beau would come with us, so I was glad to see him get up, too. We went into the parlor and I grabbed the pictures off the hutch and handed them to her. She started smiling as she went through them.

  "Well, looky there. That was taken at the Grand Ole Opry."

  "Yeah, Beau seemed to like that one. He said you sure were a looker back in the day." Beau just laughed and shook his head.

  "What do ya mean back in the day? I'm still a looker," she said as she shook her hips.

  "Okay, now, you're gonna break something if you don't quit," I laughed.

  She got serious as she got to the family pictures. "Oh, my gracious. That was taken in Panama City. They talked me into goin' that year." She started laughing. "You absolutely hated the sand. That's why I didn't get any pictures of ya playin' in it. See," she said, pointing at the picture of me on my Mom's lap.

  I smiled, but only on the outside. I wish I could remember those days. But then again, it would only make me miss them more. "Well, I'm glad I found them."

  "How did ya find 'em? Snoopin'?" She looked at me inquisitively, but I knew she was teasing.

  "I'd be scared to go snooping in your stuff. No telling what I might find." And that was the truth. "I was actually helping you clean and they fell out of this book."

  She patted my shoulder. "Thanks, Malyn. Here, you can keep 'em." She smiled, handed me the pictures, and headed out the door.

  "I love listenin' to you two." I had almost forgotten Beau was there.

  "Why?" I walked over and sat down next to him on the antique sofa, which was really hard and uncomfortable. I bounced up and down on it a few times trying to soften it up.

  "’Cause of that right there. Y'all are fun to watch." He turned toward me, propping his arm on the back of the couch. "I'm sorry I was rude yesterday. I didn't think you'd notice I was gone."

  "Why would you think that? Wouldn't you notice if I just disappeared for a day?" I doubted it, but was hopeful.

  He looked at me like he wasn't sure of his answer, but then he said, "I think I'd notice if ya disappeared for just a few minutes." He smiled and my heart sped up. "What are ya gonna do today?"

  "Um, there's still some stuff in my room I need to organize. I really need to convert some of my new CDs over to my music library, too." He looked at me like I was speaking some sort of foreign language. "You want to come up? You can listen to some of them. You never know, you might like something." I stood up, looking at him to see if he was coming.

  "Do ya think Nellie'll mind?"

  "I don't see why she would. It's not like we could do anything." I really needed to think before I spoke.

  He let out a mischievous laugh as we headed upstairs. "I'll be in my room!" I yelled to Grandmama, who was sitting in the sunroom. As we walked into my room, I realized something. "You're the first boy that I've ever had in my room."

  "But do I really count?"

  "Yes, you count. You look like a normal guy to me." I laughed and picked up a pillow off my bed and threw at him, or shall I say, threw it through him. "Dang it! I keep forgetting."

  He stuck his tongue out at me and laid down on my bed. "I like it…that you're able to forget."

  I tried not to look at him lying on my bed, so I went straight to the shelf and gathered up my CDs. "We don't need to forget, though, really…do we?" I put one of my CDs in for us to listen to while I uploaded the others.

  "Why not?"

  "I don't know. It just seems like it would be for the best." I still hadn't looked at him as I sat down at my desk.

  He came over and sat down on the edge of it, but I kept my eyes on the computer. "Whatever ya say." He got close, leaning toward me so that his face was just above mine. "But I've got a feelin' we just might have a hard time with that."

  I leaned back in my chair and finally looked up at him, shaking my head. "What am I gonna do with you?"

  He slid off my desk and headed back toward my bed and laid back down. He laughed and wiggled his eyebrows up and down as he said, "I could think of a couple of things."

  I just smiled, shook my head, and turned my attention back to my stack of CDs. Beau Brogan was definitely gonna be the death of me.

  Chapter 6

  FEELINGS

  Malyn

  It had been over a week since I had moved here and I loved it so far. We had spent all week working outside in the flower beds and doing some much needed work to the yard. Beau just watched.

  "Wish I could help," he said as he laid in the hammock, sporting a smile that said otherwise. "I really do." He crossed his arms under his head so he could see me better.

  "Yeah, you look like it," I teased him, which I had done a lot this week. Teasing him seemed to help ease the tension that had been building between us. We seemed to both be attracted to each other, but with him being dead and all, it made it awkward.

  "I'm just glad I can't smell y’uns, ‘cause ya look like you'd stink."

  "Beau said you look stinky," I told Grandmama.

  Beau laughed and said, "I'd whoop you, Miss Reed, but I think you'd like it too much.”

  "Well I'd say Beau is right," Grandmama said. I looked at her, shocked at first, forgetting that she couldn't hear him. "We are filthy!" She dusted off her knees that had been buried in the dirt. "Why don't we go on in and get cleaned up and go into town for supper. I'll show ya 'round and introduce ya to some locals."

  "Sounds good to me." Then I thought about Beau not being able to go. I looked toward him, but his eyes were shut like he was asleep,
which I knew he wasn't. I went on inside so that I could go ahead and take a shower. I knew that I didn't have to worry about Beau infringing on my privacy while I bathed. One thing I had come to learn about him was that even though he was a little rough around the edges, he was also a gentleman. He had been raised to respect women, which had stayed with him even after death.

  He was waiting on me when I walked into my room. "Will ya take some more pictures for me? I'd like to see how much things have changed in the past hundred years."

  "Sure. I may not get many before it gets dark, but I'll take what I can." I felt sorry for him. I tried not to, but how could I not. "I wish you could go."

  He was watching me comb my wet hair. "I do, too. Ya have no idea how bad I wanna get away from here." He got up and went to look out the window. "It's just been so long…"

  He was quiet for a bit, so I knew he wasn't gonna elaborate. My hair was so long and thick that I rarely dried it. I would usually braid it so that when I took it down it would be in waves, or just let it hang and air dry. I was tired today, so it was just gonna hang. And like my hair, my lashes were also long and thick. I didn't wear much makeup, just mascara and lip gloss, which didn't take long to put on. I got up, slipped my shoes on, and grabbed my purse and camera off my dresser. When I turned around, I almost walked right through Beau.

  "Ya look awfully nice, Miss Reed," he said with an approving smile. "I betcha smell a lot better, too."

  I smacked at his arm, which went right through him.

  "It feels good when ya do that. Not at all painful like ya intend for it to be."

  He was still standing in front of me, blocking my way to the door. "I forget," my voice trailed off as I looked up at him. I hated saying he was dead or a ghost. He seemed alive to me until I would forget and try to touch him, or saw him go through something.

  He knew I wasn't gonna walk through him, so he moved to the side to let me pass. "I hope y'all enjoy your evenin'."

  I stopped at the door and turned to look at him. He seemed sad. "We won't be gone long."