For Always

by Janae Mitchell

  "Ya want me to change here?"

  "Where else is there?"

  He sighed and got into the back seat. I tried not to watch, but it's like passing a wreck—I couldn't keep myself from looking. As soon as his shirt came off, it disappeared, which reminded me of the first time that happened. I felt myself blushing, so I turned to look out the window.

  I heard him rummaging through the bag, and then he stopped and said, "Um, I think ya forgot somethin'."

  I turned back to see what he was talking about and realized he was completely naked. I quickly turned back around. "What did I forget?"

  "There ain't no drawers in here."

  "Why did you take yours off?"

  "I just thought you'd got me some of them, too."

  I couldn't help but laugh. "Guess you'll be going commando for a bit."

  "Commando?"

  "Just put the pants on and we'll get you some underwear later."

  "If ya say so." He finished getting dressed, got out, and stood by my door. "How do I look?"

  "You look really nice," was the understatement I chose to use. He looked extremely gorgeous. "Get in and we'll drive over to the mall. There are so many outlets down there that we won't have any trouble finding something you like."

  As we walked up to the first store, Beau, of course, got in front of me to open the door. There was a lady that happened to walk in before me, and being the gentleman he is, he smiled and nodded as he said, "Ma'am," causing her to almost walk into the door frame. I always thought Beau was extremely handsome, and I realized I wasn't the only one.

  "You probably shouldn't do that. That lady probably thought you were hitting on her."

  "Hittin' on her?"

  "Yes. Guys just don't do that anymore. They may hold the door open, but that's it."

  "No kiddin'?" He was shaking his head as we headed toward the men's section. "Okay, be rude from now on. Gotcha."

  I just laughed. "You can open a door for a woman, just not so happily."

  "So I can be polite, but unhappy 'bout the fact that I'm bein' polite."

  "Exactly."

  We went over to a rack nearby and started looking at shirts. We picked out several things and he tried them on, making sure everything fit. Grandmama had been pretty close about his sizes. "We have to find me some underwear. This whole commander thing just ain't gonna do," he said as he adjusted himself.

  "It's called commando," I corrected him, trying not to laugh. "And we'll go to the Calvin Klein outlet and get you some."

  We walked toward the women's section so I could look around for a bit. "I can't get over it. I'd never have imagined that things would end up like this. It's like a whole ‘nother world." He pulled out a rather skimpy shirt and held it up to me. "But I like this new world."

  "I'm sure you do," I said, grabbing the shirt and hanging it back up.

  "Can I help you find anything?" I heard a girl ask.

  When I looked up at the sales person, I noticed she was looking at Beau, but quickly looked at me. "No, thank you. We're just looking." She smiled at me, quickly glanced at Beau, and walked away. I then noticed some other girls who worked there looking at us, or shall I say, looking at Beau. Beau noticed them at the same time I did and nodded his head and smiled. I then realized that him being stranded at home all the time might not be so bad after all. I grabbed his arm and pulled him toward the check-out desk. "I need to get you out of here before you have all these girls swooning over you."

  "I always did have that effect on young ladies," he said, winking at me.

  "I may have to put a leash on you the next time we go out."

  "Sounds like fun to me."

  We finally got out of the store and I was almost afraid to go into any more. I hated being jealous. I know Beau didn't mean anything by smiling and being polite to other girls, but I didn't know if the other girls realized that.

  "So, what's next? The drawer store?"

  Just then we happened to pass the salon that me and Grandmama had went to on my birthday. "No, let's go in here first."

  When he saw that I wanted to go into the salon, he said, "I'll just wait out here on ya."

  "Nope, you're getting a haircut."

  He planted his feet and wouldn't budge. "I'm not goin' in there. It's for ladies, not men." He peeked in the window. "I don't see one single man in there."

  I looked at him with the sweetest look I could muster. "You've not had your hair cut in a long time. I think you'll like it. And I'd like to see what you look like without all that hair hanging in your handsome face."

  He sighed and pushed his hair back, letting me know I had won. "Alright. But only ‘cause I love ya."

  We had to wait a few minutes before they took him back. I wanted to be surprised, so I waited on him up front. After forty-five minutes, I was beginning to wonder what in the world they were doing to him, but then I heard him laugh and saw his stylist some around the corner. I couldn't believe it when I saw him. Forget Hillbilly GQ—he was People's Sexiest Man. "Oh, my!" I quickly shut my mouth, which had been hanging open.

  "I know, right?" his stylist agreed. "You got yourself a hottie on your hands."

  "Hottie?" he asked under his breath.

  "Thank you so much. It looks great," I told her. It still had a little length on the top, but was cut short around the edges. And he didn't have to keep pushing it back out of his face. I ran my fingers threw it. "You look so good."

  He started to blush, so I thanked her again and headed to the receptionist to pay. "That did feel good. My hair's never been so clean in all my life—or death."

  We paid, went to get him some nice CK briefs, which I looked forward to seeing him in, and went in a few more stores. His favorite so far was the electronics store, which we spent most of Grandmama's money in. But since Beau didn't own anything at all, I knew she wouldn't mind. I couldn't wait to see what kind of music he would put on his new iPod. And he was amazed by the gaming system that they had set up as a demo, so I bought us one of those, too. I had never really been into games, but thought it might be fun learning how to play them with Beau.

  "Are ya sure Nellie ain't gonna skin us alive for buyin' all this stuff?" he asked as we loaded it all into the back of the Jeep.

  "No. She has a lot of money from her singing days and investments, so she won't miss it. And I'm sure she wants you to have your own things." I kept sneaking glances at Beau. I couldn't believe what a difference new clothes and a haircut could make. Who knew perfection could be improved upon.

  He caught me looking at him winked at me. "I love you," he whispered.

  When my heart finally started beating again, I told him I loved him, too. And I did—more than I ever thought I could love a guy, dead or alive. I knew at that moment that my decision to break up with Jace was the right one. I would always care about Jace, but Beau had my heart.

  * * *

  We made it back in time for me to get ready for dinner and our cemetery stroll with the dead. I was equally dreading both. When we walked in, Grandmama was in the sunroom reading a book. But when she heard us, she got up and came into the kitchen.

  "Well, looky here. Don't you look handsome?"

  "Thank you," he said, running his fingers through his much shorter hair. "I feel a lot different."

  "I've cleared out some drawers in the parlor for ya, so ya can put your stuff in there. And if ya ever want to sleep, that sofa can fold out to a bed. I can't really make it a bedroom, but feel free to use it like one."

  "I really appreciate that. Ya didn't have to, though. I don't wanna be no trouble."

  She patted his shoulder and said, "No trouble at all."

  I sat all the bags down on the counter and went upstairs to get ready. Beau told Grandmama about our trip while I was showering and getting dressed. He was so excited about it that he didn't stop talking all the way home, so I knew he was giving her an ear full. Hearing his amazement at everyday things made me realize that I took so many things for granted; like
toilet paper. I never knew that when toilet paper was first invented that it had splinters in it. It's bad enough that they had to use the bathroom outside, but having to dig splinters out of your butt when you were done was even worse.

  "Well, it's 'bout time," Grandmama said as I came down the stairs. "If you're meetin' Jace at six, we ain't gonna have much time to eat."

  Beau's head snapped around and he glared at me. "You're meetin' him tonight?"

  "Only to break up with him." I hated even saying it, so I knew actually doing it was going to kill me.

  His face softened. "Oh." He stood up and grabbed my hand. "Can I talk to ya outside real quick before ya go?"

  I nodded and followed him outside. "Did you talk Grandmama's ears off?"

  He didn't answer me. He stopped walking when we got to the middle of the yard. "Malyn, are ya sure this is what ya want? That I'm what ya want? I can't give ya what he can."

  "Are you having second thoughts about being with me? Because it sounds like you're trying to change my mind."

  "You could never be a second thought to me, Malyn. I'm only here ‘cause of you. You're my everything . . . literally. You've tied me to ya in a way that I never thought possible. No matter what ya decide, you're here," he said, pressing my hand to his heart, "always."

  I stood on my tip-toes and kissed him, and he picked me up and kissed me back. When he finally sat me back down, I looked up into the eyes that I wanted to look into for the rest of my life. "Like I've told you before, you're like my air…and I can't live without it."

  He smiled, but then it faded and his jaw tightened. "But what is he to ya?" He never would say Jace's name.

  I thought about that for a minute. "He's like a Diet Sunkist or Grandmama's French toast. I really like those things, and would miss them if they were taken away from me forever, but I could live without them."

  "I'm sorry."

  "Don't be. I don't blame you for not wanting to share me. I wouldn't share you, either."

  He kissed me again and walked me back to the house.

  "So, are we ready now?" Grandmama asked, heading toward the door.

  "As ready as I'll ever be." I turned and kissed Beau's cheek. "I love you."

  "I love you."

  I shut the door behind me and smiled at Grandmama. "I am one lucky girl." I was loved by Beau Brogan.

  * * *

  It was already close to six by the time we got to Lakeside Grille. "Hey, ladies!" Beth yelled as we walked in. It seemed like forever since I had seen her.

  "Hey!" I hoped that me breaking up with Jace wouldn't ruin our friendship. I hadn't even thought of an excuse as to why I was breaking up with him. And if it was for another boy, would she be mad?

  "What've y'all been into? Jace drove us nuts last night, askin' if I'd talked to you, if I'd seen or heard from you. I take it y'all had a little fight?"

  "Sorta, I guess you could say." Maybe she would think that's why we broke up. "We need to hang out while I'm off this week."

  "Sounds good. I'll holler at ya later. Maybe you can spend the night or somethin'."

  I knew that wasn't a good idea. "I can't tonight. Me and Grandmama have plans. Maybe tomorrow or something." I wasn't sure if I would ever be able to stay at her house again after today. Not only would it be awkward, but I'm sure Beau wouldn't like it. "Or maybe you can come to my house." She sat us down at a table on the patio. "I'll call you tomorrow."

  "Okay. I'll let Jace know you're here. He's been waitin' on ya."

  As she headed back inside, my heart sank. "I don't know if I'm gonna be able to do this," I admitted, frowning at Grandmama.

  "You will if ya love Beau as much as ya say ya do. Just think 'bout him and you'll be fine, honey."

  We ordered our food and I told her 'bout our trip into town. Beau seemed to leave out the parts that included all the girls lusting after him. But our conversation was soon interrupted.

  "How are you ladies doing today?" He pulled his chair a little toward me before sitting down.

  "We're just fine, Jace, how are you doing? Is your mom and dad okay?"

  "Yeah, working just as hard as ever. They're slave drivers." He reached under the table and squeezed my hand, which felt awkward and normal at the same time. "Is it okay if I eat with y'all? I'm starving."

  "Why sure. The more the merrier," Grandmama said, smiling at both of us.

  "I'll be right back. Your food should be up, too."

  After he shut the door behind him, I looked at Grandmama and cringed. "Can't you break up with him for me?" She thought I was kidding, but I wasn't.

  "Now, Malyn, you know better than to ask me that."

  "I think I'm gonna throw up."

  "Well, just wait 'til after we eat. ‘Cause if I see you throw up, then I'll throw up."

  Jace came back with our food. It seemed like this was the fastest meal ever, even though I ate as slow as I could without it being obvious.

  After we got through eating, Grandmama said, "Well, I've got some runnin' to do, Malyn, so I'll meet you back here in a few minutes. Is that okay?"

  "I can bring her home if you need me to," Jace offered.

  "No, we have something we have to do this evening," I said rather quickly. "Just come back here in a few when you get done. Or I'll meet you in town if you don't get back in time." I think Jace could tell something was up, but it didn't matter at this point.

  "Okay, see ya in a bit. You take care, Jace. Tell your parents I said hello."

  "Will do, Nellie. And they said if I saw you to tell you they'd like to have you back to sing sometime. Everyone loved it."

  "We'll see," she smiled.

  When she left, I felt a tension build between me and Jace. I just sipped my coke until he finally broke the silence. "I'm sorry about yesterday. I didn't realize you'd take that like you did. I thought you'd be waiting on me when I got out of the shower, but you weren’t."

  "It's okay. Really."

  "I just don't want you mad at me. That's the last thing I want."

  I took a deep breath. "Jace, can we take a walk?"

  I thought by the look on his face that he was going to say no, but he dropped his head and nodded. When we stood up, he grabbed my hand, and I let him. Once we got down to the lake, away from the marina, he squeezed my hand and asked, "So, what's up?"

  Here we go. I stopped and looked at him. He really was cute…and sweet. And I just wanted to wrap my arms around him and not let go. I can't do this. "Jace…”

  "Yes?"

  I took a deep breath and swallowed hard, hoping that would get the knot out of my throat. "I…" I couldn't say it.

  He let go of my hand and gave me a serious look. "What's going on?"

  "When I got home from your house last night, someone was there."

  When I didn't finish, he raised his eyebrows, prompting me to continue.

  "He's someone from back home."

  He looked down at the ground before looking back up at me. "He? He as in an uncle or he as in something else?"

  "We dated, but he left. I never thought I'd see him again. But he's back." I was trying to stick to the truth as much as I could.

  "So, what does this mean?"

  I looked down at the ground, trying not to cry. I cannot cry. I took another deep breath and tried to blink my eyes dry. "I don't know right now."

  "You don't know what? I'm confused, Malyn."

  "I am too," I said, still unable to look at him.

  "What are you saying? Are you breaking up with me? I mean, this guy just shows up and that's it?"

  When I still didn't look at him, his stepped closer to me and gently lifted my chin, prompting me to talk. "We’ve just always had this connection. It's hard to break that."

  "I thought we had a connection, Malyn. Or is that connection just easier for you to break?"

  Damn you, tears! You always betray me. I wiped the traitors away and grabbed Jace's hands, wetting them with my sadness. "I do love you. I really do. But I can't be with two pe
ople. This decision has ripped my heart out, especially after hearing your message last night. I thought it was over between us up until then."

  He brought my hands up to his lips and just held them there with his eyes shut. "This is my fault," he mumbled into my hands. "I'm so sorry." He kept his lips pressed against my hands.

  "Please, don't be. I just…" I didn't know what else to say at this point.

  When he finally opened his eyes and looked at me, he had tears in them, which broke my heart all over again. He dropped my hands, but didn't let them ago. "I'll fight for you, you know. I won't give up on us…not yet."

  "Please don't," I begged him softly.

  He dropped his head back, looked at the sky, and groaned. Then before I knew what was happening, he grabbed my face and kissed me like it was the last kiss he would ever share with anyone ever again. I tell myself that I had no choice but to kiss him, since he was holding my face to his, but I know that's a lie—I was still kissing him when he let go.

  As his lips slowly left mine, he smiled and whispered, "I won't give up."

  This conversation was not going as planned. "Jace, you don't understand."

  "No, I don't. But one thing I do understand is that no matter who this guy is, or why he's here all of a sudden, you still care about me. And as long as you do, I'm not letting go." He grabbed my hand again. "I love you, Malyn."

  This is just great. He's not gonna let me break up with him.

  "I don't want you to hate me. And I don't want Beth to, either. But this has happened and I don't know what else to do."

  "I could never hate you, Malyn. And Beth could care less about who I date, or who I don't."

  I shook my head and said, "I don't wanna hurt you. That's the last thing I'd ever want to do."

  "Then don't."

  I closed my eyes, wishing I could transport myself away from here. "I need to go."

  He still held my hand, and I still let him. "I'll walk you back." He turned and we walked in silence back to the marina. When he saw Grandmama's car in the parking lot, he stopped and turned toward me. "Just tell me to leave you alone, and I will."