by Lynn Ames
Remarkably, she found that she was jealous—jealous of Yazhi’s ability to find such peace when all she felt was terror and turmoil.
“You can find the same thing, if only you would let yourself go.”
“I’m sorry. What?” How do you do that—get inside my head like that? Damn.
“You spend so much time running away from yourself that you have lost your way. The only time you let down your guard is when you are hiding behind a lens.”
The color rose in Renée’s cheeks. “Lady, you don’t even know me.”
“On the contrary, it is you who doesn’t know yourself.”
All Renée wanted to do was to knock that tranquil expression right off Yazhi’s beatific face. Instead, she stalked in the opposite direction, camera in hand.
“It is a long walk to anywhere from here. Also, there are a considerable number of rattlesnakes and scorpions. I recommend that you not go too far.”
Renée merely grunted and continued in the direction she’d been heading. If she got lucky, Yazhi wouldn’t be there when she got back. A little while later, she halted and took stock of her surroundings. Yazhi was nowhere in sight. Good.
Unfortunately, in her zeal to avoid further scrutiny, Renée had wandered farther than she intended. Brilliant, jackass. Just friggin’ brilliant. Now she can find something else to fault you for, as if she hasn’t already sized you up and found you wanting. You can’t follow instructions.
Don’t freak. Just look at the direction of the sun. You can do this. If you don’t get lost in the City, you certainly shouldn’t get lost out here.
“I can feel your anxiety. If you would but tap into a small bit of your ability, you would know how to find your way back to me. You will be fine.”
Renée spun around. “What the…” She had heard Yazhi’s voice plain as day. So where was she?
“Still your mind and listen. Take a deep breath and tune in to my vibration. I know you can do this. Do not be afraid.”
Renée walked several steps to her right, then back to her left. Yazhi was not within view. Renée spun in a full circle—still no Yazhi. You’re hallucinating.
“Renée, concentrate.”
Okay. Where the hell are you? Renée asked the question silently and stood, arms folded, sure that she would get no reply.
“I am right where you left me.”
Renée jumped. “Son of a bitch. Stop messing with me!” she yelled. Her voice echoed off the rock faces and came back to her. She sat down and dropped her head into her hands. As a child, she always had feared being separated from her parents. Once, she’d gotten lost in a department store and it had taken twenty minutes for store security to locate her mother. By the time they’d been reunited, Renée was curled up on the floor in a little ball, weeping.
“I can still feel your distress. Please, take a deep breath and focus on my energy. It really is that simple.”
Renée shook her head and wiped away a tear. She knew she was being ridiculous. She was a grown woman, not a little girl, and she’d been tramping through deserts and mountain ranges for years without incident.
She looked around one more time, but nothing looked familiar. With a sigh, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Nothing happened. This is crazy.
“You can do this. I believe in you. Take deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. Imagine a golden light coming down from above, filling your body starting at the top of your head. Sit still, clear your mind, and focus on your breath. The path you must take will become clear to you.”
Renée waggled her shoulders to loosen the tension, then settled down and followed Yazhi’s instructions. For several moments, she merely sat and breathed, feeling the warming sun beat down on her face. At first, her mind raced, but after a time, she felt herself go lax.
Renée’s eyes popped open. She had no idea how much time had passed, but she knew, with a certainty that she couldn’t explain, exactly where to go. She jumped up, pivoted on her heel, and walked off in the direction that felt right. Within ten minutes, she began to recognize the rock formations. Two minutes after that, she found Yazhi, sitting precisely where she last had seen her. Yazhi was beaming at her. A wave of relief washed over her, and, without thinking, Renée dropped into Yazhi’s waiting arms, sobbing uncontrollably.
“It’s okay. You’re okay. Shh.”
Yazhi rubbed Renée’s back and rocked her. Dimly, Renée thought the gesture felt oddly familiar.
“I knew you could do it. I knew it. I’m so proud of you.”
Renée took a shuddering breath and sat up a little straighter. “How did you know?” She accepted the tissue Yazhi offered and blew her nose.
“Because you are gifted with special abilities.”
Renée shook her head.
“You are, although you go to great pains to ignore your capabilities.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The denial sounded weak, even to Renée’s ears.
“Is that so? Then how did you find your way back here? Do you deny that you heard my thoughts? Or that I heard yours?”
Renée started to nod, then bowed her head in defeat. Yazhi gently put two fingers under Renée’s jaw and lifted her chin until they were eye-to-eye, their noses mere inches apart, their breath mingling in the still-chill morning air.
Renée was shocked to see that there were tears in Yazhi’s eyes.
“Do not be afraid or ashamed of who you are, or what you can do, Renée Maupin. Never be ashamed. You are so much more than you let on. You never need to pretend with me.”
Renée swallowed hard. “I-I don’t—”
“You communicated with me telepathically. That’s how you found your way back.”
Renée squirmed, but Yazhi held her fast. “I’m not a…”
“Freak like me?”
“Something like that.” Renée blushed.
“Am I so very strange, so foreign to you? Do I frighten you?”
“N-no. No. Of course you don’t. It’s just…” Renée’s lips formed a thin line. What did she want to say?
“You have been trained to believe that relying on anything other than the five ‘accepted’ senses is unsafe. That doing so makes you evil.”
“That’s not true.”
“Isn’t it?” Yazhi put her fingers over Renée’s lips as she opened her mouth to answer. “Think before you speak. You may be dishonest with me, but I hope you will stop being dishonest with yourself.”
Renée swallowed the automatic denial, and instead sat back on her haunches and said nothing. She was exhausted.
“Come, there are a few other spots I would like to share with you.” Yazhi rose and held out her hand. Renée grabbed it, grateful for the apparent end of the discussion. Perhaps if she could just focus on the scenery once again, she could find her equilibrium.
Chapter Seven
It was close to two o’clock in the afternoon. They had gone home for breakfast, during which neither one of them had said a word. Afterward, Yazhi had taken Renée on a tour of Navajo land that had never been photographed by anyone other than a Diné. Apart from a few questions and answers about the history of the land, the uncomfortable silence had continued.
Now, they were in the Jeep on the way to Lower Antelope Canyon. “Are you hungry?” Yazhi asked.
“No. I’m fine, thanks. I really appreciate the access to your people’s lands.”
“You’re welcome.” Yazhi sighed. She wasn’t sure how much longer she could stand their stilted exchanges.
“Where are we going now?”
“I promised you that I would tell you what happened that day in the canyon. Your tour started right about this time. I thought, instead of telling you, I would show you.”
“Oh.”
Yazhi turned into the parking lot and killed the ignition.
“Hey, I recognize him,” Renée said, pointing at the man leaning against a pickup truck a short distance away.
Yazhi was a
lready out of the vehicle. “That’s my brother, Ben. He was your guide that day. We’ve closed the canyon to tours for a few hours, and I’ve asked him to help us out, since he was in the canyon with you and I was not.”
As Yazhi and Renée came to a halt in front of Ben, Renée grabbed Yazhi’s arm. “Wait a minute, if you weren’t here, how do you know what actually happened?”
Before Yazhi could say anything, Ben spoke up. “Oh, Yaz was here, all right. If it hadn’t been for her, you wouldn’t be standing here.”
“Ben. Hush.”
“Why? It’s the truth, Yaz, and you know it. You saved her life.”
Renée rounded on Yazhi, her eyes filled with questions. “What is he talking about?”
“It’s noth—”
“Yaz is the one who saw the storm coming.” Ben talked over her. “She made me lower her into that canyon so she could pluck you out of there. We could’ve lost her…” His voice trailed off on a sob.
“Ben, that’s enough,” Yazhi said, firmly. He hung his head and walked several feet away.
“Is that true?” Renée asked, her eyes boring into Yazhi.
“That is part of the truth, yes,” Yazhi answered reluctantly.
“I didn’t know. I just assumed maybe I had washed out of there or been saved by snagging on a rock or something and you found me afterward. I guess it never occurred to me that there might have been human intervention in the middle of the flood.”
“You would never have survived without Yaz, even if you had, as you say, ‘snagged on a rock.’” Ben approached again. “You would have drowned. That wall of water was at least fifty feet high.”
“Bennn,” Yazhi warned.
Ben simply jutted out his chin and ignored his sister as he continued to address Renée. “She won’t tell you, because she doesn’t want to scare you. But I think you should know that Yaz is your hero.”
“You’re done,” Yazhi said to Ben. She moved between him and Renée.
“I thought you needed my help.”
“Not any more. I can take it from here.” For a moment, Yazhi thought Ben might defy her. He crossed his arms and stared at her.
Finally, Ben shrugged. “All right. Have it your way. But I’m not sorry for telling her the truth.” He motioned in Renée’s direction. “If it had been me, I might have left her insufferable ass in there. But no, not you. Not the great healer, Yazhi Begay. You saved her, went with her on the helicopter flight to Phoenix, and waited with her until her family came. And she stillhasn’t thanked you. I almost lost you,” Ben’s voice broke, “and she has no clue.”
“Get. Out. Now.” It was exceedingly rare for Yazhi to lose her temper, but it was all she could do to maintain self-control. She did not break eye contact with Ben until he stalked off and jumped in his truck. He peeled out in a haze of dust.
Yazhi paused to collect herself before she turned to face Renée. “I’m so sor—” Yazhi stopped talking mid-sentence. Tears streaked Renée’s cheeks. “No. No, please don’t cry.” This was not the way I wanted you to find out.Yazhi closed the distance between them and took Renée in her arms.
“You risked your life for me. I didn’t know.”
“Of course you didn’t,” Yazhi said, stroking Renée’s back in comfort.
“Oh my God, you could have died in there. And for whom? An asshole like me? Your brother is right—I’m not worth a quarter of you.”
“Don’t say that,” Yazhi said, heatedly. “Please, don’t say that,” she added, more softly. “You have no idea of your worth.”
“I’m a miserable excuse for a human being, and I have been for a very long time. That’s just a simple truth,” Renée said.
“That is not the truth,” Yazhi tightened her arms around Renée to emphasize her point, “but you have allowed others to convince you that it is so, and that saddens me. You have always tried to be as others define you, instead of trusting the truth that lives inside you.”
“How many times do I have to tell you—you don’t know me.” Renée tried to pull away, but Yazhi held her fast.
Yazhi could feel the waves of misery flowing from the woman in her arms and it nearly destroyed her. “I know you much better than you think. I have known you, as you have known me, over many lifetimes.” She leaned back until she and Renée locked gazes. Slowly, Yazhi rose up so that her lips brushed first Renée’s chin, and then her mouth.
It was the briefest of touches, and it sent sparks shooting through every one of Yazhi’s nerve endings. She gasped. When she opened her eyes, Renée was staring at her, slack-jawed.
“I-I’m sorry,” Yazhi stammered, as she dropped her arms to her sides and stepped back. “I shouldn’t have—”
“Shouldn’t you?” Renée asked, pursuing her.
“I—”
Renée covered Yazhi’s mouth with her own before she could say anything else. Yazhi’s knees buckled, and she felt strong arms come around her. Fire streaked through her veins, and she yielded as Renée sought entry, her tongue stroking Yazhi’s, the beats becoming increasingly insistent as the kiss deepened.
In the recesses of her mind, Yazhi heard a desperate groan. With a start, she realized the sound had emanated from her. Her body surged forward, pressing against Renée until they were wedded all along their lengths. Hungrily, she returned Renée’s kisses, dropping any pretext at control.
Finally, regretfully, she pulled away to catch her breath. For several seconds, the only sound Yazhi could hear was the thudding of her heart.
“What the heck was that?”
Renée’s question snapped Yazhi back to reality, but she couldn’t seem to find her voice.
“I mean, I’ve kissed my share of women, which is perhaps not a good thing to be pointing out right now,” Renée said, her tone filled with wonder, “but nothing has ever felt like that. It was as if we were one…”
At first, Yazhi could manage only to nod. Eventually, she managed, “In many ways, that is true.”
“I don’t understand.”
“We are twin flames—destined in many lifetimes to find each other—and always to be intertwined, like two halves of a whole.”
“I’m sure what you just said made sense to you, but I have no clue what it meant.”
“I will explain later.” When Renée looked as though she would object, Yazhi reached up and kissed her softly—just a touch of the lips. “I promise.” She lowered herself back down and took Renée’s hand. “Right now, I really want to show you what happened that day, while we are still within the time span that you spent in the canyon.”
***
Renée’s mind was spinning, and her body tingled all over. What she’d told Yazhi was true—she’d never felt anything like what had overcome her when their lips touched. It was as if their souls fused together. It was disconcerting, and confusing, and oh, so deliciously exciting.
“Can you show me where you were set up before the accident?”
Yazhi’s question forced Renée to focus. They were walking through the middle of Lower Antelope Canyon. Although she wanted badly to bring her camera along, Yazhi had asked her to leave it in the Jeep.
“I was standing over there.” Renée pointed to a spot roughly fifteen feet farther into the canyon.
“Okay.” Yazhi walked to the indicated spot and turned in a circle, her expression pensive.
“What is it?”
“Huh?”
“What are you looking for?” Renée asked as she came up beside Yazhi.
“I’m calculating where I was above ground in relation to where we are now.”
“Oh.” Renée thrust her hands in her pockets. “Is that…is that what you did? Follow the crevice from up top?”
“Yes,” Yazhi replied. She seemed distracted. “I asked Ben for his last position fix, and then I tried to estimate how far the force of the water would have swept you, and the point where the fissure would be wide enough for me to rappel down in time to reach you before…”
A
chill ran down Renée’s spine as she filled in the blanks.
Yazhi, whose back had been turned, pivoted around and took both Renée’s hands. “Don’t. It didn’t happen. You’re here and you are fine.”
For several seconds, Renée simply allowed herself to get lost in the security of Yazhi’s compassionate gaze. “How do you know what I was thinking? Is that just a hunch, or…?”
Yazhi shrugged, but maintained contact. “I am empathic. I can feel what you feel. Because we are twin flames, this would not be hard, in any case. If you look inside yourself, you will find that you have an equal sensitivity to me.”
Renée dropped her hands and wandered over to examine the striations in the rocks.
“This notion makes you uncomfortable.”
Renée shook her head, but did not turn around to face Yazhi. “It’s not something I’ve thought about. It’s foreign to me.”
“Is it?” Yazhi’s question was asked softly, but for Renée, it’s implication reverberated off the walls.
“Of course. Not everyone has your abilities or can do what you can do.”
“No. That is true. But you can.”
“What makes you so sure?” Renée turned to find that Yazhi was standing right behind her, essentially trapping her against the wall. She squirmed. “You’re really short, you know that?”
“So my name says. But you are changing the subject.”
“Your name means short?”
“No. Yazhi is Navajo for ‘little one,’ and you are still avoiding the topic at hand.” Yazhi stood within inches of Renée, her arms crossed and her legs shoulder-width apart.
“All right. What makes you so damn sure I have any sort of supernatural powers?” Renée made air quotes around the last two words.
“Have you forgotten how you found your way back to me this morning?”
“I was desperate and bound to find my way.”
“But that is not what you did, and you know it. How do you explain how it feels when we do this?”