by Lynn Ames
The end of Yazhi’s question echoed inside Renée’s mouth as she kissed her hard, her tongue demanding entry. Renée felt the searing heat, then the same sense of oneness she had experienced before—as if she finally had come home. Somewhere in the deep recesses of her mind, alarm bells rang, but she was powerless to know why.
When Yazhi released her, Renée staggered backward into the wall, where she gasped for breath. “That doesn’t prove…” Renée flared her nostrils and narrowed her eyes as the source of the alarm bells became clear. She pointed her finger accusingly at Yazhi. “Lavender.”
“I’m sorry?”
“Lavender. You smell like lavender. The same scent I smelled this morning when I took off my sleep shirt.”
The expression on Yazhi’s face told Renée everything she needed to know. “You were already in my room. You weren’t coming in to wake me. You were sneaking out.”
Yazhi sat cross-legged on the ground and bowed her head. “You were in such distress. Your memories gave you such pain. I only wanted to take away the pain.”
“How the hell do you know about my memories?” Renée towered over Yazhi menacingly, her whole body trembling.
Yazhi looked up directly into Renée’s eyes. “The same way I knew about the boy in the alley, the young woman on the Ferris wheel two nights after that, the elderly gentleman walking home from the store…”
“No.” Renée put her hands over her ears. “You have no right.”
“I have never tried to intrude, Renée. The Great Spirit sent me to help you. To teach you the ways, so that you might reclaim who you really are and live a life in harmony—”
“My life is none of your damned business! Screw you and The Great Spirit. Get out of my head!” Renée stormed past Yazhi and sprinted toward the end of the canyon. She didn’t stop running until her sides cramped. She bent over and vomited, then slid down behind a large rock. Her whole body shook as she sobbed uncontrollably. “Leave me alone,” she whispered. “Just leave me alone.”
Chapter Eight
Yazhi paced back and forth across the small office. She peeked out the window at the impending darkness and bit her lip.
“Do you know where she is?” Ben put his hands on Yazhi’s shoulders.
“No.”
“But you could figure it out just by focusing if you wanted to. Why won’t you? I can see that you are worried.”
“No.” Yazhi shook her head. “She must come to terms with who she is and decide that she wants what I am offering. It would be wrong to tune into her energy when she has made it plain that she does not wish to let me in.”
“Yaz, I don’t want to point out the obvious, but it’ll be full nightfall in less than an hour, the temperature is dropping, she has no idea where she is, and she has no food or water out there. This is a safety issue.”
“I know.” Yazhi balled her hands into fists. “I have reached out only far enough to know that she is safe. Ben, she is more frightened of herself than she is of the obvious dangers.”
“That’s crazy.”
“A child’s fright can be very difficult to overcome, especially when it has been instilled by adults who reacted out of ignorance and their own fear.”
“But she’s an adult now.”
“Yes, but we all carry within us the lessons of our youth, however misguided, until we learn a better way.”
“And you think leaving her out there by herself will teach her a lesson?” Ben asked.
“As a child, she was taught that it was not safe to be who she was—she got the message very early on that awful consequences would ensue if she used her psychic abilities. That mentality still persists for her. That is her reality.”
“So I repeat, you think leaving her out there will teach her a lesson?”
“The lesson is within her. Renée needs to overcome her fear and look inside. That will not happen if I intervene. My telling her she should not be afraid is not good enough, though I wish it were. This is her journey.” Yazhi rubbed her eyes with the heels of her hands.
“Why don’t you go home? I’ll stay around for a little while in case she comes wandering in.”
“She won’t.”
“All the more reason for you to go home. Nothing will be gained by you wearing the carpet out in here.”
Yazhi considered Ben’s suggestion. If Renée hadn’t strayed too far from Lower Antelope Canyon, Yazhi could reach her just as quickly from the house as she could from the office. At home, she could light a candle and meditate. It might help ease some of the tension that was eating away at her insides.
“You’re right. I should go home.”
“I’ll stay for another hour or so. Just in case you’re wrong.”
Yazhi kissed Ben on the cheek. “You are a good brother. I think I’ll keep you.”
“I’m a lucky guy. Now get out of here.”
Yazhi lingered for a moment more. She closed her eyes and focused on her third chakra—the seat of intuition. Yes, going home was the right course of action. She grabbed her keys off the counter and headed out the door.
***
Renée shivered inside her jacket. The warmth of the day had disappeared with the sun several hours earlier. She jumped up and down and slapped herself to restore circulation. “I am not cold. I am not cold. I am not c-c-c-cold.” Damn, it’s freezing out here.
Although she couldn’t see the hands on her watch, Renée knew it had to be after nine o’clock. She wondered where Yazhi was and what she was doing. Was she worried? Was she out searching?
Renée shook her head. “You’re pathetic. Why should she care? Didn’t you tell her to butt the hell out?” A tear leaked out and rolled down Renée’s cheek and she angrily wiped it away. She’d shed too many tears already. She put her fingertips to her lips and imagined that she could still feel the warmth of Yazhi’s mouth on hers. “Oh, God.”
She wanted nothing more than to be lying in the comfort of Yazhi’s embrace. But the woman scared her silly. “If you’re going to be honest about it, fool, it isn’t Yazhi that scares you, it’s what she said and what she knows.”
For perhaps the tenth time since she had run out of the canyon, Renée replayed the events of the day. Everything had been going so well, until…“Until you realized that she knew about what happened with Mom and Dad.” Renée felt her cheeks go hot with shame and embarrassment at the memory.
“What bothers you more, idiot, the memory, or the fact that Yazhi knows about it?” Renée punched at the air in frustration. She’d been through this so many times over the past few hours, and still, she had no answer. Disgusted, she sat down on the flat rock she’d chosen for her perch. Hope to God you’re not sitting on some rattlesnake’s home, jerkball.
Renée felt the panic well up inside her as the reality of her situation sank in. “Okay. No reason to freak here. You can’t see two feet in front of your face, you’re hungry, you’re thirsty, you’ve resolved exactly nothing, and you’re in the middle of nowhere. No problem.” She took a deep breath. What was it Yazhi had said to do when she’d been lost that morning? Rhythmic breathing had been a big part of it.
Renée closed her eyes and breathed in through her nose and out through her mouth. Immediately, she felt the fear begin to recede. She imagined a golden light shining down on her, flowing through her and filling her until she glowed from within. Her shoulders began to relax and her mind started to drift.
You’re asking the wrong question.
Renée furrowed her brow. She did not recognize the voice in her head, yet she was not frightened.
What question should I be asking?
Why do you fear who you are? Why do you run from the knowledge? Why do you deny your true self?
I do not…Renée let the thought trail off. She did, and she knew it. She had spent the better part of her life running—running from thing to thing and from person to person—never standing still long enough to quiet her mind unless she had a camera in her hand. Looking at life through
the filter of her lens was her comfort and her shield. She was tired, so very, very tired of running.
What must I do? This is the only way I know how to be. How can I change?
Take the hand being offered.
Renée frowned. What the hell was that supposed to mean?
Yazhi. The answer came not from the voice, but from within. Renée’s eyes popped open. Yazhi. The thought of her brought a smile to Renée’s lips. Yazhi seemed so comfortable in her skin. She accepted her gifts so easily. Hadn’t Yazhi said she would teach her? Yazhi could help. Yazhi, with her patient eyes and enchanting mouth. Yazhi, who already knew the truths Renée had denied but had not turned away or judged. Renée wanted to jump for joy.
Then she remembered that she had shoved Yazhi away—had treated her badly—as she had so many others in her life. She had permanently alienated them all. Had she done the same with Yazhi? The thought made her sick to her stomach.
Please, God, if I’ve ever done anything right, please let me fix this. She closed her eyes again and focused. There was only one way to find out.
Yazhi, if you can hear me, I sure could use your help.
***
Yazhi’s eyes fluttered under her lids. She’d been meditating for nearly an hour.
Yazhi, if you can hear me, I sure could use your help.
I’m right here. How can I help?
Please, I know I don’t deserve it, but I want another chance. Can you forgive me?
There is nothing to forgive.
I have so much to learn. I want you to teach me.
Nothing would make me happier.
I know something that would make me incredibly happy right now.
What is that?
Being held by you.
I can arrange that.
But I don’t know where I am.
It doesn’t matter. Focus on my energy. I will find you. Stay exactly where you are.
Yazhi? Is this going to be all right?
I promise you it will.
Yazhi opened her eyes, sprang out of the chair, and scooped her keys off the hook. Within seconds she was in her car and headed toward Lower Antelope Canyon. Her heart was racing. Calm down, Yaz. She’s fine. Just keep it light for now, nothing too heavy. She’s had an emotionally wrenching day. She doesn’t need to know how frantic you’ve been. It won’t help her.
When Yazhi turned into the visitor’s parking lot, she put the Jeep in park and closed her eyes once again.
After several seconds of quiet concentration, Yazhi nodded. She removed a large flashlight from the glove compartment and checked her handheld GPS. Although she knew every inch of this ground, the darkness had a way of transforming the landscape. She didn’t want to take any chances.
Yazhi marked the starting point on the GPS and turned to her right. Although there was no trail, the flashlight offered sufficient illumination, and she had little trouble finding her way. She traveled soundlessly for nearly ten minutes and then extinguished the flashlight before continuing another fifty yards.
I’m almost there, Renée.
How do you know?
“Because I can see you.” Yazhi laughed with relief and turned the flashlight back on as Renée spun around on the rock and gaped at her.
“Very funny.” Renée jumped down from the rock, lifted Yazhi off the ground, and swung her around. “Boy, am I glad to see you.”
“Me too.”
For a while, they simply held each other and rocked in place.
“Thank you for coming to get me,” Renée said as she buried her face in Yazhi’s hair.
Yazhi could feel Renée shiver. “I always make it a point to rescue damsels in distress. If you’ve ever watched old Westerns, you must know it’s what we Indians do. I wouldn’t want to ruin our reputation.”
“I didn’t know you people were so concerned with PR,” Renée said.
“Only when dealing with extra special VIPs,” Yazhi answered.
“Am I one of those?”
Yazhi tightened her grip. “Oh, yes, you are most definitely one of those.”
“Yaz?”
“Hmm?”
“Take me home, please.”
The raw note of pleading momentarily cut through Yazhi’s resolve to keep the reunion lighthearted. “Yes. Of course.” She stepped back and took Renée’s hand. “You must be thirsty.”
“And hungry. Don’t forget hungry.”
Yazhi chuckled. “I think I can help you out there.” She tucked the flashlight under her arm, reached into her coat pocket, and produced a small bottle of water. When Renée had taken it from her, Yazhi reached back into the same pocket and pulled out a protein bar. “It’s not exactly filet mignon, but it will replenish your energy,” she said, apologetically.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you.”
The two women walked on hand-in-hand as Renée consumed the protein bar and washed it down with the water.
“Better?”
“Much. Thank you,” Renée said.
“Part of the job.”
“What? To come out in the middle of the night and search in the dark for idiotic hot-heads who lose their way?”
“Please, don’t do that.” Yazhi squeezed Renée’s hand more tightly.
“Do what?”
“Demean yourself in that way. Thoughts are real things, Renée. When you call yourself names and think about yourself in those terms, you send a message to the Universe that that is the sort of treatment you expect and deserve. You attract that behavior to yourself.”
“How did you get to be so wise?”
Yazhi shrugged. “I’ve had good teachers, a lifetime to learn, and lots of practice.”
They walked on a bit farther.
“Your brother called you a great healer.”
“My brother is premature.”
“Are you a healer?”
“My mother is the healer for my people. She has been grooming me so that one day I might take her place. I hope that day is far in the future.” Yazhi released Renée’s hand. “Here we are.” She directed the flashlight beam toward the passenger door handle and opened the door for Renée.
As they pulled out of the parking lot, Renée said, “You know what happened with my family, right? I mean, you saw it last night?”
Yazhi noted that Renée was no longer looking at her, and that her knee was bouncing nervously. She sighed. “I did experience your memory with you last night, yes.”
Before Renée could say anything else, Yazhi continued, “But I want you know I didn’t ask to see that. I would never intrude intentionally. I respect your privacy. The subconscious mind takes over during sleep and it is more difficult to control what we are privy to.”
“It’s okay, I guess.” Renée chewed her lower lip. “My parents weren’t bad people, really.”
“I make no judgments, Renée, except to say that they did you a disservice by making you feel the problem was with you. That you were somehow abnormal.”
“Wasn’t it? Wasn’t I?”
“No. You saw what you saw. Children are far more open to psychic experiences and abilities because they have not yet been taught to fear such things or to disbelieve. All you were doing was describing your reality,” Yazhi explained. “Because your parents’ perspective was so much more limited, they could not see as you did, and that unknown frightened them. It is unfortunate that they chose to deal with their fear by isolating and stifling you instead of educating themselves and encouraging you.”
“You are angry with them.”
“I don’t know them,” Yazhi said, simply and without rancor. “I am angry that a beautiful young girl with so many gifts was brought up to think that she was ‘less than,’ and that she believed she had to hide her true self in order to survive.”
Yazhi turned into the driveway and cut the engine, but made no move to get out of the Jeep. Renée had her hands in her lap. Her eyes were downcast.
“You keep talking about my true self, but I have no ide
a who that is.”
Yazhi reached across and covered Renée’s hands with her own. “When you are ready, I will show you. You are more beautiful than you can imagine.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because I can see the real you—the person Renée Maupin was born to be. And you will see her too. She’s very special. You do know that your name means, ‘reborn,’ right?”
“I hadn’t thought about it, but you’re right.”
“And so you shall be,” Yazhi said. She released Renée’s hands and got out of the Jeep.
“Yaz?” Renée asked, as they crossed the threshold into the house.
“Yes?” Renée’s use of her nickname brought a lump to Yazhi’s throat.
“Will you hold me tonight?”
Yazhi smiled brightly. “It would be my pleasure.”
***
Renée, cocooned safely in Yazhi’s arms, began to drift. “Yaz?” she mumbled.
“Hmm?”
“How come I went so many years without any visions or anything else happening?”
Yazhi sat up a little straighter. “Your fear allowed you to suppress your abilities. You ignored or lost touch with your guides. You filled up your life with noise and drowned them out.”
“Yeah, that makes sense. But then why did the accident in the canyon change all that? I still had just as much noise in my life.”
“Yes, but before you resumed that life, you had a near-death experience. You spent time in a coma, which is a subconscious state. You were suspended in a place where you were closer to your guides, with no defense mechanism or filter standing between you and them. The channel you’d closed was reopened. Your spirit guides brought you back so that you could be the woman you were truly meant to be. You got a second chance.”
“Yaz?”
“Yes.”
“Thank you for saving my life and for not giving up on me.”
“Never.”
Renée slid into slumber with a smile on her face. When next she awakened, it was still dark outside. She was curled up against Yazhi’s side, her head pillowed on Yazhi’s chest, her arm thrown possessively across Yazhi’s middle, and her leg sprawled across Yazhi’s pelvis.