Remember Love

by Ginny Sterling

  Each text he’d sent her was overly polite, making him realize that she truly wasn’t interested in more than an easy friendship between them. He was glad Aurora was out of the hospital and she was getting back to her life. Her responses showed that she didn’t want anything more than being a pen-pal.

  The women quickly took off, waving goodbye. John and Ethan clapped him on the back and led him out of the airport. It felt good to be a part of something again when he’d been truly afraid that there would be a wall between them.

  “Welcome home, brother!”

  Ava sat distractedly in the group therapy session. Apparently, she wasn’t the only one either. Daisy kept looking at her wristwatch and the clock, making her feel like it was bothering her to hold therapy tonight.

  Her mother was watching Aurora tonight at her apartment. This meant that she’d end up with a pep talk on how she needed to maintain her home better for the baby. She was doing the best she could with what little time she had. The house was clean but scrubbing the baseboards or dusting daily just wasn’t going to happen. The free help was invaluable, so it was worth a little parental coaching on a weekly basis.

  “Ava? Did you have anything you wanted to talk about tonight?” Daisy asked her suddenly, startling her out of her reverie. Glancing at the woman, she found herself speaking before her mind had a chance to catch up.

  “How do you move on?”

  Wincing, Ava couldn’t believe she’d asked that aloud. That was more of a personal question that opened a floodgate of more questions and possibilities. She instantly felt twelve sets of eyes on her and wanted to sink down into her seat except that Rags would probably follow and lick her shoes there too.

  “Actually, there is no set timeframe,” Daisy answered honestly, looking at her with curiosity in her eyes. “It’s more of a personal choice. You have to be brave enough to take the first step, and then the next one. Before you know it, you look back and realize how far you’ve come. Is there something in particular you are referring to or want to share?”

  “No,” Ava squeaked, pushing Rags away from her shoe. The dog was licking her canvas sneakers that she’d worn to work earlier in the day. “No, I’m good. Just was curious, you know?”

  “You know, animals sometimes sense when someone needs attention or affection. You are the only one Rags ever does that to.”

  “I don’t get why either,” Ava muttered, nudging the dog again. The light-colored dog would slide across the floor slowly and then come right back to her foot, licking her shoe happily again. “I’m fine and don’t need either, you know?”

  “Maybe she senses something and…”

  “No,” Ava interjected quickly, meeting Daisy’s eyes. “I’m fine. There is nothing to talk about.”

  “No problem,” Daisy said smoothly, looking away from Ava. “Does anyone else want to talk about anything?” When no one spoke up, she smiled brightly and clapped her hands. “Then I guess we are finished today.”

  Ava stood up and watched Daisy go talk to a woman sitting at the back of the room with dark hair. The two nodded and Daisy met her eyes, looking curious. Ava suddenly got the impression that the two women were talking about her and immediately felt uneasy as everyone else filed out of the room.

  “Are you sure everything is alright?”

  “I’m fine.”

  “Okay,” Daisy began and pointed at the dark-haired woman. “Lily and I are going to lock up and put away the dogs. If you need something, you are always welcome to call or come by at any time.”

  “Thank you.”

  Ava carefully walked out of the room, trying to avoid tripping over Rags. The little dog looked like a dust mop that you sweep over the floor with a bright pink tongue that was desperately trying to sample her Keds one last time before she left the building.

  “Stop it, Rags,” she whispered annoyed, thinking of the dog slobber that was going to be on this set of shoes as well. She’d already learned her lesson the hard way and stopped wearing leather slip on shoes. The drool had left a watermark on the leather she wasn’t able to remove. She was almost near the front door, when it opened.

  Ava glanced up and saw Ethan was standing there with two other men… one of which was Colin. She recognized him from the photo and nearly gasped aloud. He was even more gorgeous in real life, his blue eyes watching her with interest.

  “Hey Ethan, I was just on my way out. Daisy is in the blue room,” Ava said quickly, panicking. She was keenly aware of how handsome Colin was and it scared her. “Gotta go!”

  She ducked out the front door before anyone could say anything or make introductions. They weren’t needed – she recognized him and was terrified at the attraction to the man. She felt like a fool. There was no way Colin could know what she looked like because she’d never sent him a photo of herself. So why was she feeling so alarmed?

  Colin was stunned at the beautiful woman standing there just inside the entryway to Daisy’s home. The men had spent some time talking and catching up before heading to go pick up John’s wife and Ethan’s fiancée.

  As they’d stepped inside, Colin felt like someone had punched him right in the gut as he met the softest set of hazel eyes he’d ever seen. Long eyelashes surrounded large eyes that were flecked with bits of gold, emerald, and blue. He felt himself falling into those pools and wondering just who this mysterious woman was. Her long blonde hair was hastily tied back in a braid that gave her a tousled look. His fingers itched to pull the rubber band from her hair in order to see it lay around her shoulders in waves.

  “Well I wasn’t expecting that,” Ethan muttered in surprise, looking at Colin strangely, his eyebrows practically touching his hairline.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Aren’t you two emailing each other?”

  “What?” Colin yelped as Ethan’s words clicked in his mind. That was Ava! He did an about face and jerking open the front door in order to see an older small red Honda drive off. He ran down the walkway to the house, intent on trying to flag down the car. Pulling out his cell phone, he tried calling her only to hear it go to voicemail. Her soft voice was a balm to his soul just before the recording beeped.

  “Call me, Ava.”

  Chapter 10

  Ava couldn’t breathe.

  She felt like she was running for her very life from something that terrified her- only it wasn’t the man she’d left standing there. It was herself. Her heart was pounding in her chest and her hands were shaking. She’d seen Colin run down the walkway to Daisy’s home and half expected him to leap over the railing with the panicked look on his face in her rearview mirror of her car.

  He knew.

  She’d run away the moment she’d seen him. Pulling into a parking lot, she tried to regain control of her emotions. Waves of fear, regret, and desire beat at her. As she parked the car, she locked the doors and immediately burst out crying. Her phone rang at that very moment and she stared at the caller ID horrified.

  Of course, he had her number.

  She’d texted him, emailed him, and led him on a merry chase – so maybe she was broken deep down inside and kept bringing these nightmarish events upon herself. So why did meeting Colin feel like such a romantic rollercoaster ride? She listened to his voicemail; the soft timbre of his words made her heart flutter as he asked her to call him.

  Her phone pinged with a text message notification and she knew he wouldn’t leave her alone… and she didn’t want him to either! She just needed a safety net, somewhere to run away and feel safe. That was part of the reason she’d been afraid to meet him in person – it made things real and he was no longer a faceless friend, but now a warm, red-blooded male she was attracted to both mentally and physically.

  Her phone rang again in her hand, causing her to yelp as she dropped it in her lap. She would have to tell him to go away, to leave her alone, and she wasn’t sure he could. Shaking, she slid the button to answer the call.

  “Ava? Ava? Are you there? It’s Colin.”r />
  She could hear the nervousness and confusion in his voice. She knew he didn’t understand why she’d run and probably would never grasp the idea of how scared she was mentally at being out of control or pushed into something she didn’t want.

  “I know you are scared – but it’s just me, Ava,” he murmured softly into the phone. “It’s Colin, your e-friend. Remember? Here’s proof it’s me: I swallowed a dictionary this morning and it gave me thesaurus throat I’ve ever had.”

  “That is absolutely and utterly terrible,” she whispered, feeling her throat close up with frightened tears as she cradled the phone to her head. It was utterly terrifying to picture a face with the voice – and his letters now had a husky timbre to them that she would recognize. Nothing would be the same anymore.

  “Now it’s your turn.”

  “I can’t right now. I just can’t…”

  “That’s okay,” he said quickly. “Don’t hang up, please. It’s okay that you don’t have a joke ready because I sprung it on you – just like us bumping into each other. I had no idea that was you and didn’t expect us to meet like this. I wanted to make an impression on my friend, not run you off. Ava, I got you both something but I don’t have it with me right now.”

  “You didn’t have to do that.”

  “I wanted to.”

  “Why?”

  “Because you are my e-friend, remember? You are the girl I confided in when I was scared and the person who wrote me over and over again to keep me going.”

  “I need to go.”

  “I understand,” Colin told her softly, making fresh tears spring to her eyes. “I’m okay with you taking your time but I want to keep hearing from you. Text me when you get home so I know you are safe.”

  “My mother is with Aurora at home. I’ll be fine.”

  “Then text me a photo of you both so I know who I am writing or talking to,” she heard the beseeching tone in his voice and felt guilty. She’d seen the interest in his eyes and it terrified her.

  “You don’t need a photo if we are friends via email.”

  “You’re right,” he conceded. “But I think you are utterly beautiful – both inside and outside. I want to get to know you more. If you need space, I’ll give it to you – but don’t run away from me. Okay?”

  Ava didn’t say anything; she was stunned by his words. He thought she was beautiful? She knew she thought he was gorgeous, but the idea of him being attracted to her reminded her of that night.

  “Ava?”

  “Colin, I don’t know if I can do this.”

  “You don’t have to do anything – just be you and the rest will come.”

  “I’m messed up.”

  “Aren’t we both?” he admitted with a sardonic chuckle. “If you can deal with my mess, I will happily deal with yours – maybe we can both help each other out over time.”

  Sitting there, his words echoed in her ear and her heart. Her mind was screaming for her to run away, but that nagging voice in her soul told her to listen to his words. Maybe she needed to listen to that little voice a bit more?

  “Ava, text me when you get home, okay? No pressure – I just want to know you are safe with Aurora.”

  “Okay.”

  “Perfect. I’ll be waiting.”

  Colin was standing there in the parking lot, staring at the road unseeingly in the direction that the small red sedan had driven off. He hung up the phone and turned to see the four adults standing there. It was obvious on their faces they’d heard most of the conversation.

  “Colin, I am so sorry.”

  “Everything is fine, Ethan,” Colin said quickly, jabbing his hands into the pockets of his jeans to keep them from throwing his phone down onto the ground in utter frustration.

  “It’s not fine. Didn’t you see her leave?”

  “Ethan,” Daisy interjected, laying a hand on his arm. “Let’s ride with Colin to the restaurant. John and Lily do you want to follow us?”

  “Sure.”

  Colin listened in absolute horror and shock as Daisy confided what she could in the silence of the car. She wouldn’t tell him about the details as she assumed he already knew it, but instead prompted him to be patient and kind with her. It had taken weeks for her to come out of her shell and longer still for her to speak up in therapy sessions. She was dealing with a lot of hurt, anger, resentment and just now grasping at the chance for happiness – bonding with her child finally.

  He didn’t have weeks to be patient – he had a single week here in Texas and it felt like the countdown had already begun. He would do everything he could to meet with her in order to try and bridge the gap she’d created around her for protection.

  “What does she do for fun?”

  “I don’t know that she gets out or does anything anymore… wait a moment. She told me that she likes to take the baby to the park and feed the ducks.”

  “I knew that. Where’s that park at?”

  “Colin, you shouldn’t corner her. Give her the space she needs,” Daisy instructed. “You’ll have to be patient.”

  “I don’t have weeks or months to meet her.”

  “Then you are no better than her attacker, pushing her into something she doesn’t want to do,” Daisy said softly, turning back around and facing the front of the car. Colin stared at her, his blood boiling in anger at the comparison.

  “Daisy, that was a little harsh,” Ethan said, meeting Colin’s eyes in the rearview mirror. “What harm can it cause for him to be in the same place at the same time?”

  “Didn’t you see her back there? She ran away from him.”

  “But she talked with me,” Colin protested. “I just want a chance…”

  “She deserves one too,” Daisy argued.

  “Enough. Let’s change the subject,” Ethan abruptly said, trying to end the conversation. The trio sat there in silence. It was a long uncomfortable meal as Colin’s mind raced with ideas, trying to figure out how to meet Ava face-to-face for longer than two seconds.

  Ava listened to her mother describe how she needed to better care of her ivy sitting on the tiny breakfast bar. If it wasn’t one thing, it was another. Last week she was folding the towels wrong. The week before it was folding the fitted sheets in the linen closet incorrectly. The relationship between the two was strained enough as it was.

  “Mom, thank you for helping me.”

  “Of course, that’s what mom’s do. Someday you’ll have to help this little one manage through the rough spots.”

  “I hope she doesn’t have any.”

  “Sweetheart, that is every parent’s wish,” her mother said softly, looking at her. “But those hiccups in life do come- and as a parent you have to help your child regain her footing on the ground.”

  “Is that what you think Aurora is? A hiccup?”

  “No. I think she’s an absolute angel.”

  “Then what hiccup are you referring to?”

  “The one where you are frightened to live your own life. I want you to be happy, to meet someone and develop friendships to make you feel fulfilled. I hate seeing you closing yourself off.”

  Stunned, Ava stared at her mother and wondered if she knew what had happened earlier in the evening. Could she know about Colin? Why was this coming up now? It was like she’d sensed what was eating at her soul and decided to pounce on it in the timeliest fashion possible.

  “Sweetheart, whatever is bothering you – be strong enough to handle it and let someone in that could be there to support you. Your father and I won’t always be around and we love you too much to let you waste away your life hiding from happiness. Just think about it, okay sweetie? I’m trying not to ask for the moon and stars – but I am asking you to simply try to let someone into your world. You’ve pushed out everything and everyone – let someone in.”

  “What if they hurt me again?” Ava whispered, staring at her mother. She pulled her into her arms, hugging her.

  “I know it’s terrifying – but what if you pus
h away the one that can make you happy? Isn’t that even scarier? I’m not saying it will happen right away – just give happiness a chance and make a friend or two along the way.” Her mother released her and nodded.

  “If you need anything or want to talk – call me. Your father and I will always help where we can… until we can’t. I love you.”

  “Love you too, mom.”

  The moment the door closed behind her mother, she threw the deadbolt and walked into her bedroom to check on Aurora. Her daughter was sleeping peacefully in the bassinet next to her bed and she touched her cheek tenderly to make sure she was warm enough in her little gown. Her cheeks were cool to the touch and she draped a light receiving blanket across her little chubby legs.

  How could someone go from utterly dreading every cry and every look the infant gave her – to loving her with every ounce of her soul? Ava remembered those days, weeks ago where the nurse had handed her the baby. Her initial reaction had been to give the child back, that it was a mistake. She’d initially thought Aurora was proof of her attack, a reminder of that horror.

  But not anymore.

  Her little cherub had morphed from a fairytale once taken away… into a true Sleeping Beauty of her very own. Her sweet pink cheeks and cupid’s bow lips just made her heart turn to mush. The way she worked her tongue or tried desperately to put her thumb in her mouth – Ava felt her bones turn to Jell-O at the memory. She loved this child more than she’d ever dreamt possible – but it had taken her growing mentally and facing a future she’d never anticipated.

  Picking up her phone, she texted Colin.

  Sitting there at the table, Colin held his after dinner coffee in his hands and stared at the inky darkness in the cup. He knew he should be thrilled with the chance to reunite with John and Ethan – but his mind kept racing as he thought of Ava’s frightened expression. It was killing him.