Falling Away

by Penelope Douglas

  We laughed, but then Jared called out, “K.C., you still with us?”

  “Juliet,” everyone shouted, correcting him.

  I laughed. “I’m here,” I assured him. “I did my nails and makeup waiting on you slowpokes.”

  “Ooooh.” I heard some taunts at my joke and looked up to see Jax smiling back at me.

  An hour later and we’d finally reached our destination. Shelburne Falls was three waterfalls, but they ran in succession. One fell, poured into a pool, and fed another waterfall. That fell into another pool, which fed the final waterfall. We ended up at the pool that fed the lowest waterfall.

  Looking up, I saw the second fall cascading down, narrow but roaring, and could feel the lovely cool spray blow across my body. Boulders and rocks surrounded the calm little lake, and I clutched my backpack straps as I took in the high walls of the cliffs around us.

  I smiled, feeling gloriously small. I think I might like the outdoors.

  “Wow.” I stopped at the edge of the pool, looking up at the high fall. “This is amazing. Can we swim in it?” I asked Tate, who stood at my side.

  She started stripping out of her shorts and tank. “Yeah, it’s safe.”

  “Hey, there’s tire swings!” I pointed to the low cliffs and started over that way.

  “Juliet, don’t,” Jared warned. “You have no idea how long that shit’s been up there. Let me check it out.”

  My eyebrows shot up, and I looked over at Tate, who was shaking her head and smirking.

  “The military is making him very authoritative,” she explained. “Safety first.”

  “You like it,” he called back, obviously hearing what she’d said.

  She eyed him, nodding. “Yes, I like it.”

  Jared climbed up the wall like a pro, coming onto the landing about fifteen feet up and yanking on the rope, checking the weight and making sure the swing was safe to use. Fallon and Madoc were already in the pool, and Tate started walking for the tire swing.

  I looked around. “Jax?” I called, circling a three-sixty and looking to the others. “Where’s Jax?”

  “Over here,” I heard him call, and I whipped around to see him kneeling on the far edge of the pool. Where it dropped into the waterfall.

  Climbing across some stones, I wiggled out of my backpack and set it down right as I came up next to him. He stood on one knee, peering over the edge where the final waterfall was pouring into the last pool. After that, the water followed a steady stream that eventually fed into our town’s river.

  Inching to the edge, I peered down the long drop to the pool below until my heart filled my throat and the ground tipped up toward me.

  “Whoa.” I backed up, letting out a nervous laugh. “That’s a drop.”

  “Yeah,” he agreed, sounding dreamy as he stared over the side.

  “Oh, don’t fall!” Madoc came over, knocking Jax’s shoulder, but he pushed himself back.

  “Jackass.” He smiled, righting himself again.

  Everyone else started trailing over to catch the view, but my eyes stayed on Jax. I didn’t like how he was looking over the side. It seemed to me as though he was trying to muster up courage.

  “Jax, no.” I shook my head, reading his mind. “It’s too high.”

  He twisted his lips, still peering over, and my hands started to tingle.

  “It is tempting, though,” he whispered.

  “No, it’s not,” Jared countered. “This waterfall has an eighty-five-foot drop, and we don’t know how deep that pool is.”

  “You don’t,” Jax taunted. “But I do.”

  Jared loomed over him, and I swallowed when I saw Jax’s mouth curl up in a cocky grin.

  “No.” Jared’s deep voice issued his order.

  “I’ve never heard of anyone jumping from up here, Jax,” Tate added, heading back to the pool.

  Jared followed her. “And no one will.” He glanced back at Jax, his warning clear.

  “Woo-hoo!” Madoc howled, and I turned to see everyone dive from the rocks into the cool black water. “Come on!” He waved me in, and I smiled.

  But turning back to Jax, I felt my heart drop into my stomach, and I stared at the now empty space where he had just been standing.

  “Jax?” I breathed out, my mouth falling open.

  And then seeing his backpack lying on the rocks at the edge, I screamed, “Jax!”

  I rushed for the edge, dropping to my hands and knees, gulping in air as I peered over the side.

  But all I saw were the concentric circles rippling the water, telling me that someone had entered the pool.

  My hands shot to my hair, holding my head, as I frantically searched the water for signs of him.

  No, no, no …

  “What happened?” Jared shouted behind me. “Did he jump? Goddamn it!”

  “Where are you, baby? Where are you?” I prayed, scanning the water, seeing only the black of the depth and the white of the spray. My eyes flew left to right, seeing nothing.

  “Shit, where are you?” I whispered to myself, my voice cracking.

  I squeezed my eyes shut, fisted my fingers, and shot off the ground, standing up straight and tightening every muscle in my body.

  “Jaxon Hawkins Trent!” I bellowed, my face on fire with anger, remembering a teacher calling him by his full name in high school.

  And then, as if summoned, he popped out of the water, smoothing his hand over his hair and looking up at all of us as he treaded calmly.

  My body relaxed, and even though relief flooded me, my head swelled with anger. What was he thinking? What if he’d been hurt?

  It was too far away to tell, but I think he was smiling as he did the backstroke to the edge as if he hadn’t just scared the shit out of all of us.

  “Oh, thank God,” Tate exclaimed, coming up next to me. “He’s okay!” she shouted to the rest of the group.

  I dug my nails into my palm. “No, he’s not,” I retorted, watching him climb out of the pool and onto the rocks.

  “What do you mean?” I heard Tate ask.

  But it was too late. I was gone.

  I leaped over the side, sucking in a breath and my heart stopping as I shot out from the ground and plunged feetfirst through the air to the depths below.

  Oh, shit!

  My arms and legs tingled, and my heart started jackhammering through my chest as adrenaline raced through me.

  Air rushed up at me, sending my hair flying, and that thrill feeling crept up my throat, making me want to laugh out of fear. The kind of fear you get on a roller coaster.

  I vaguely heard someone yelling at me or after me, but before I knew it, the pool flew up at me and I had just enough time to suck in a breath before plunging through the ice-cold water and into the silent darkness.

  My arms and legs fanned out, stopping me in a weightless suspension, but I didn’t take time to look around.

  I didn’t care that I’d made it. I didn’t care that I just made an eighty-five-foot jump.

  Kicking my legs, I pushed myself back up through the surface, sucking in a deep breath as I swam to the side.

  “Juliet!” I heard Jax’s voice. “Jesus, what are you doing?”

  I crawled up the rocks and stepped out of the water, furious breaths pouring in and out of me.

  Jax grabbed my waist. “Baby, are you okay?”

  I looked up into his heavenly blue eyes, pushed my wet hair back over the top of my head, and slammed both palms into his chest, shoving him away and causing him to stumble backward.

  I didn’t care that he looked confused. I didn’t care that he almost fell. I only hoped that he felt the pain in his chest that I’d felt when I thought he might be gone.

  Motherfucker.

  CHAPTER 24

  JAXON

  What the hell did I do now? I just stood there, wide-eyed and completely fucking clueless as she stomped off, pissed at me yet again.

  Was it impossible for us to get through a twenty-four-hour period without g
etting into a fight?

  She’d just jumped off a cliff like she was eating a sandwich, but when she’d slammed her fists into me, I could feel her fury, and I didn’t know why I felt bad all of a sudden.

  I didn’t wait for the rest of the gang to climb back down the mountain. I could already hear Madoc’s laughter, so as soon as I got my head clear enough to move, I traipsed back down the trail.

  Going downhill was a lot faster than going uphill, but she had to be jogging, because my long legs carried me fast, and I never caught up to her.

  By the time I got back to camp, I could already smell the meat, charcoal, and lighter fluid in the air, not to mention that the music had kicked up a few notches, and people were in real good moods.

  I yanked open the flaps on our tent, and bent down to poke my head in, but she wasn’t in there. I searched Tate and Jared’s tent and Fallon and Madoc’s, but no sign of her. I headed straight for the woods, toward the parking lot, but stopped halfway.

  She was sitting on a log, leaning forward, with her head resting in her hand.

  Her hair, still stringy from the water, covered her arms and back, and I noticed the quick and heavy rise and fall of her body as she breathed hard.

  “What’s wrong?” I shouted, and saw her back instantly straighten. “What did I do now?”

  She shot up off the log and spun around, stomping toward me without meeting my eyes. I thought she was coming to hit me again, but her straight face and defiant expression told me she didn’t even want to have anything to do with me right now.

  She marched past me, but I quickly grabbed her shoulders, stopping her. “What the hell is the matter with you? What did I do?”

  She swiped my hands away, looking up to glare at me. “You could’ve hurt yourself! Why did you want to scare everyone and just disappear like that? Why?” she shouted, her face flushed with anger and red from tears. “You pulled a stupid prank, and I was afraid. Why did you do that?” Her voice shook as she tried to hold back more tears.

  I pulled up straight, looking down at her, confused. I didn’t understand. I jumped off a cliff. It wasn’t as though I didn’t know I’d be fine. She had to know I wouldn’t have done something that would get me hurt.

  “I’m sorry,” she choked out, sniffling. “But you just can’t do things like that. I worry about you. Jared wouldn’t have scared Tate like that. And Madoc would’ve thought of Fallon first. You left me alone up there, and you didn’t think of me. It wasn’t fair.”

  I stared down, trying to understand.

  She didn’t know the drop was safe as I did. And I guess I would’ve been mad if she’d done it with no warning. In fact, I was. When I saw her leap, even though I knew she’d land okay, my heart still jumped into my throat, because for a moment, as she sprang into the air, she wasn’t safe.

  But I also didn’t like people worrying about me. Telling me what to do. Having an opinion about how I lived my life. I’d done fine on my own for so long. She was inching in, and I wasn’t used to this.

  This was just summer fun. For both of us.

  I dropped my hands from her shoulders, lowering my voice to a whisper. “I told you a long time ago that my brother and I are nothing alike. Don’t get your hopes up.” Better she get that through her head now.

  She nodded, her furious eyes focused to the side. “Yeah, don’t worry. I got it,” she bit out, backing away. “And I won’t forget again.”

  The puddle between us immediately spread into a vast ocean, and even if I reached out my arms, I would never be able to reach her.

  What the hell was the matter with me? I wanted her—I wanted today, and I wanted tomorrow, but I couldn’t think about next year or even next week. I wanted her curled up next to me, between the sheets, warm and safe, but I had to know when to let go. I had to do it before she did.

  She pushed past me. “I’ll stay in Tate’s or Fallon’s tent.”

  My shoulders fell. No.

  I darted out and circled my arms around her from behind, holding her close and burying my face in her neck. “Don’t,” I begged. “Please don’t.”

  My muscles strained, holding her so tight, and I heard her suck in quick breaths. I spun her around, wrapped my arms around her waist, and lifted her up, kissing her deep and hard.

  “I can’t let you go,” I panted. “I want you all the time. I’ll be unbearable, Juliet. They won’t know what do with me.”

  Her hands clasped my neck, as she looked into my eyes.

  “I like you, Jax.” She ran her fingers through my hair above my ear. “I like you a lot. You’re important.”

  I closed my eyes, meeting her forehead. “Say it,” I whispered.

  Her sweet breath fanned over my lips. “Only ever you.”

  And I groaned, hating and loving how those words affected me.

  In the years I’d wanted her, I’d thought I was good enough. I thought she should thank her lucky stars that I even gave her the time of day.

  But now … there was an ache in my chest and guilt in my heart. I had no right to her. I’d slept with a lot of women, and she deserved someone good. Someone clean. What if I failed her?

  I looked into her eyes, taking the leap. “I need to take you somewhere. Tuesday, after we all leave here, I want to take you into Chicago,” I said, kissing her lips softly. “There’s something I want you to see. Someplace I go … at night.”

  She nodded, never blinking. “Okay,” she said quietly.

  My lips were so close to hers, but my eyes never faltered. “I want you,” I whispered over the lump in my throat. “More than anything. I think of you first thing in the morning, and last thing at night. You’re the most important person in my life, Juliet.” No matter what happened, I needed her to remember that. “I’m trying to let you know me, okay?”

  She nodded again. “Just as long as it’s not more cliff diving, okay?”

  A grin spread across my face. “No, it’s not that tame.”

  By the time Tuesday rolled around, I didn’t want to leave.

  The days were fun. The nights were fun. And the fun was easy.

  I realized how nice it was to have a girlfriend, and I enjoyed the little things we’d gotten comfortable with each other enough to do, like the familiar little touches, someone to wrap my arms around at the campfire, and waking up with the person I wanted right next to me in the morning. Someone warm and soft and made just for me. It was consistent and comforting.

  And after a lifetime of feeling as if I didn’t truly have a home, I finally had something that came naturally.

  I’d kissed every inch of her skin, and sucked and bitten anything and everything I could get my hands on. I’d lost count of her different smiles, and my favorite feeling was her teeth on my skin.

  She had gotten inside me, but when I slowed down long enough to think, then doubt crept in like a thick fog.

  I wouldn’t live up to her expectations, she’d start getting demanding, and we’d get ugly.

  Fuck. I rubbed my hand over my face, zoning out on the road as I drove. Fuck the doubt. I was good enough. I was strong enough. I was powerful enough. And I was worthy enough.

  “Are you sure this is how I’m supposed to dress?” Juliet asked from the passenger seat.

  I looked over, instantly biting back a smile. She looked the hottest I’d ever seen her, and I couldn’t wait to show her what I needed to show her and then get back in the car and get the hell home.

  She wore a black-and-white schoolgirl skirt that barely fell below her ass and a gray half-shirt tank top. Her makeup of black eye shadow and red lipstick was thicker than soup, and her severely straight hair fell in a shiny wave down her back. Fallon and Tate had finished the look for her with combat boots with metal buckles.

  “You’ll blend. Don’t worry.”

  “I look like a slut,” she mourned.

  “Those are Tate’s clothes,” I pointed out.

  “Which she bought on a whim and never wore,” she shot back. “What
about your clothes?”

  I wore medium-washed jeans and a short-sleeved black V-neck. I don’t dress up.

  “I’m big, and I’ll have a hot goth chick on my arm.” I smiled. “They won’t cry over my lack of eyeliner, okay?”

  She rolled her eyes and looked out the window. “I hate that you’re not telling me anything.”

  “I confided in Madoc once. He almost vomited,” I joked but not really. “It’s not something I’m going to give you a chance to run from.”

  She turned her wide eyes on me, probably wondering if now was too late to get scared.

  In all fairness, Madoc had been a good friend about it. One night, I’d dragged him to Chicago with me, to the Skull & Feather, because I’d needed to share it with someone.

  And for some reason, I didn’t trust Jared’s reaction. Madoc was unnerved, and I could tell it wasn’t something he was ever interested in experiencing again, but he was supportive. He kept the secret and even covered for me when Jared got suspicious about my long nights out in high school.

  We parked in the garage across from the club, and I took her hand in mine as we ran across the busy downtown street. The blacktop, bright with the glow of streetlights, glistened with the rain that had fallen earlier, and the sounds of car horns and tires kicking up water filled the air.

  Juliet kept pace with me as I walked through the club door, the stench of cigarette smoke instantly filling my nostrils, and I handed the bouncer two twenties for our cover. I came here nearly every week, and I knew the guy remembered me, but I never attempted to make friends. I never spoke to anyone, and I never hung out long.

  I didn’t want these people to know me.

  “Five minutes?” I confirmed.

  He nodded, knowing what I always came to see. “Five minutes.”

  I looked to Juliet, who was completely focused on the club scene.

  Since I came here so often, it was nothing new to me, but from her perspective I was sure it was an interesting sight.

  The old club sat on the first floor of a large warehouse, and even though the building itself was massive with sky-high ceilings, the actual club gave off an intimate atmosphere. There were two levels, with the top level in a U shape. Walking around up there, you could stand at the railings on all three sides and peer down into the bottom level where we currently stood. Several high round tables with stools were scattered around the room, along with a long bar that featured mirrors on the back wall, and gothic-looking chandeliers hanging from the ceiling above us.