Falling Away

by Penelope Douglas

  Through all of her faults—the abuse, the neglect, the pain—she’d lost everything, and I was happier without her. I didn’t fear her, and I could go right now and not lose anything.

  But I didn’t go.

  I sat down, next to her on the bed, and waited for her to stop crying.

  “Hey, you.” Tate fell down next to me on the lawn chair where I sat. “Where’ve you been?”

  “To hell and back,” I muttered, sipping my wine cooler. “You know, the usual.”

  After my mother had calmed down, I got her in the shower, put her in clean pajamas, and made her eat a sandwich.

  She didn’t say a single word the entire time, and after she’d gone to bed—in her own room—I’d stayed until she was asleep.

  I’d return tomorrow. And if she finally spoke and said things I didn’t like, I would leave. But I had to go back to check on her. I was strong enough.

  “So, where’s your dad?” I asked Tate, looking her up and down and noticing the relaxed demeanor.

  She blew out a breath. “Jet-lagged. Went home a while ago.”

  I narrowed my eyes, studying her with a slight grin. “Are you drunk, Tate?”

  She snorted as if I’d said something funny, and I glanced over and saw Jared, sitting on a chair, staring off as he tipped back a shot of liquor. Aura hovered close to his side, sitting next to him and drawing on his biceps, the one that didn’t currently sport a tattoo. Since she did everyone’s tattoos, it was nothing to see her here. She’d become close to us all. But it was odd to see Jared drinking and Tate …

  “You are drunk, aren’t you?” I teased, but still felt somewhat concerned.

  “I’m not drunk!” Fallon nearly bowled me over as she crashed to my other side. “I’m severely and illegally buzzed with my father standing right over there but definitely not drunk.”

  She and Tate laughed, and I smiled, peering over through the glass doors to the man she pointed at. Her father, the infamous Ciaran Pierce, who employed Jax, didn’t look as intimidating as I thought he would. With light brown hair, grayed but distinguished looking, and wearing a suit coat, shirt open at the collar, and black slacks, he seemed more like a Ralph Lauren ad.

  Bringing the bottle back up to my lips, I laughed quietly. “Well, I guess I’m behind then. I’d better catch up.”

  I hadn’t gotten back to Madoc’s until an hour ago. After I’d dealt with my mother, the afternoon had been shot, and by the time I’d shown up to the party, the “parents” had retired to the bar area in the basement, letting the young people have the pool.

  “I need another drink,” I said, standing up. Leaving them together on the chair, I walked to the beer tubs between the brick wall and the pool, both overlooking Madoc’s extensive manicured lawn and the wooded area beyond.

  The emerald green grass now looked navy blue with the moonlit sky overhead, and I envied that Madoc got to grow up here. No wonder he loved life the way he did. What person wouldn’t who was allowed to roam and explore the way he must’ve been? He was the only one out of all of us who had had two loving parents. Except Tate.

  “So, I hear”—a man’s voice approached me from behind—“that you’re not with that guy anymore?”

  I turned, seeing Madoc’s friend from the carnival. Adam.

  That guy. Yeah. I closed my eyes and spun back around, embarrassed. I hadn’t really thought about my five-minute setup with Madoc’s friend, but after my disappearance in the fun house and reemergence with a half-naked Jax, I can’t imagine what I looked like to this guy.

  Easy. That’s what I look like. I laughed to myself.

  I tossed my warm, half-empty wine cooler away in the garbage can and grabbed another. “No,” I sighed. “I’m not with him.”

  He stepped up to my side, taking the bottle out of my hands and twisting off the cap. “Good.” He looked at me, full of suggestion as he handed the bottle back.

  I turned and leaned on the edge of the half-brick wall.

  “And Madoc says you might be staying here in town for college,” he said, leaning on the wall next to me. “I’m in Chicago. If I were willing to drive back sometime, would you let me take you out?”

  I let out a nervous laugh and looked away. “Believe me, I’m no fun right now.”

  “Why?”

  I chewed the corner of my lip, thinking. Yeah, why?

  Because I liked the idea of being alone right now.

  Because the thought of another guy touching me made me sick.

  Because just then I looked up and saw Jax come through the sliding glass doors, and I stilled, feeling every hair on the back of my neck stand up.

  He had just stepped through, his tall frame filling the space as Madoc hooked his neck and hollered over the music.

  Both were smiling, and I noticed Jax’s friends—a small crowd—trailing him. Everyone had no doubt just finished at the Loop.

  The heat outside escalated, making my white sundress stick to my body, and everything felt tight inside me. Watching him happy and talking to friends. Watching him carry on, not knowing I was here and falling apart because he was so close and yet too far away.

  “Are you okay?” I heard Adam ask, and I blinked, coming to my senses.

  Taking a deep breath, I gave him an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry Madoc tried to set us up and wasted your time.” I stood up. “I don’t think I’m interested in seeing anyone for a while.”

  “No relationship, then,” he shot out, shrugging. “Purely physical. It’ll be tough, but I can do that.”

  I busted up laughing, shaking my head at him as he smiled.

  “See you around, Adam.” I tipped my bottle at him and walked away.

  I didn’t want to see Jax, and my friends were already drunk, so I just made my way back into the kitchen to grab a few things before I headed to my room.

  Picking up my purse from the table, I dug out my phone and checked for any missed calls from my mom.

  None. Hopefully she was still sleeping. I walked to the fridge for a bottle of water, thinking maybe I should’ve stayed the night with her. Maybe Madoc would let me take his car again.

  “Adam,” the deep voice said, startling me. “He must be a good guy if Madoc is friends with him.”

  I looked up, seeing Jax nod gently as he stood on the other side of the dark gray granite island with his T-shirt tossed over his shoulder.

  I braced myself, turning away from his eyes as I slipped my phone back into my purse.

  His slow footsteps fell behind me. “He looks like he comes from a good family.”

  I focused on the cabinets ahead, speaking firmly. “What does someone who comes from a good family look like?”

  Did he think he wasn’t good enough? Or that his baggage was too heavy? After everything he knew about me, that couldn’t be what he was worried about.

  I felt him brush against my back, but he didn’t put his hands on me. His voice hovered everywhere, though. “Do you want him?” he asked in barely a whisper, and I winced.

  Jesus.

  “Yeah, I want him.” I swallowed the tears. “Five days ago I let you fuck me on a desk while I cried and told you I loved you, but I want him.”

  Turning around, I locked eyes with him, unable to hide the pain I was feeling. He raised me up and then tore me down, and I knew it showed.

  And then I dropped my eyes, noticing them. He’d pulled the T-shirt off his shoulder, and my composure broke. I let my stunned gaze wander over his naked chest, seeing the bite-mark tattoo on his neck and the script over his heart.

  These violent delights have violent ends.

  “Oh, my God,” I whispered, remembering the words from Romeo and Juliet.

  “I don’t care about anything that much.” He’d said that when I asked why he didn’t have tattoos, and now he had three. He had my bite marks.

  I reached up to touch his face, but he pulled away from me, backing up.

  His face looked so childlike, confused, and sad as if he didn�
�t know what move to make next. Then his stunning blue eyes blinked, and he finally looked up at me.

  “Everything was real,” he rasped, his usual stone expression gone. “But he’d be better for you, Juliet. Anyone else would but me.”

  He backed away and finally turned, walking out the patio doors, while I just stood there staring after him.

  My face ached, and everything hurt. Everything, all at the same time. And I brought my hand back to my chest, trying to soothe my heart.

  No more.

  I set my bottle down and left the room, walking toward the stairs without even one glance back. I was going to bed, and then I was going to rebuild my life.

  Closing the door to my room, I felt my phone vibrate, and I shoved my hand into my purse, letting out a heavy sigh. This day needed to end.

  Seeing a number I didn’t recognize, I answered anyway as I threw off my purse. “Hello?”

  “Juliet Carter?”

  “Yes?” I plopped down on the bed.

  “Hi, this is First National. We’re calling to verify recent activity on your account?”

  My bank? I sat up, wondering what recent activity they needed to verify. I hadn’t purchased more than a Diet Coke with my debit card in over a week.

  “Um, okay,” I answered, giving her the go-ahead.

  “We have a deposit made into your checking account yesterday,” she started, “in the amount of fifty thousand dollars …”

  Fifty what?

  “… and then a transfer out of your account,” she continued, “in the amount of twenty-nine thousand five hundred to Arizona State University.”

  I felt my heart leap in my chest, and I shot off the bed, gritting my teeth. Twenty-nine thousand five hundred was exactly what my out-of-state tuition cost.

  She spoke up again. “Do you verify this activity, ma’am?”

  I jerked the phone away from my ear and clicked END.

  “Motherfucker,” I snarled, shoving my feet back into my flip-fops and tossing my phone on the bed.

  Running back downstairs, I rushed into the kitchen, seeing Jared sitting alone at the kitchen table, Three Doors Down’s “Here Without You” drifting in from outside.

  “Where’s Jax?” I demanded.

  “Just left,” he answered, resting his hand on his chin. “Need to borrow my car?”

  And he slid his keys across the table, shocking me. No one drove Jared’s car.

  But he was in a mood, Tate was drunk, and shit was wrong. And I couldn’t think about other people’s problems right at this moment, so I grabbed them and ran.

  “Thanks,” I called.

  Jamming out the front door, I climbed into Jared’s car, turned it on, and released the clutch as I pressed the gas.

  And my angry shoulders sank when the car stalled.

  New car, new sweet spot. I hate clutches!

  Okay, not really. Turning the ignition again, I shifted my feet, feeling for it the way Jax had taught me, and finally took off. Accelerating quickly, I shot into second gear and then third, not stopping as I barreled onto the highway without even checking oncoming traffic.

  Pushing in the gas, I shot into fourth and then fifth, barely noticing the trees flying by. Lord help any animal crossing the street, because the only thing lighting up the road were my headlights. There was no way I would be able to stop quickly.

  I squinted, seeing the taillights of another car, and immediately recognized Jax’s NATIVE license plate.

  Speeding up, I damn near climbed on his ass, letting him know loud and clear that I was here, before swerving around him and cutting in front of him on the road. He honked his horn and swerved, probably afraid I would hit him.

  But I knew he had to recognize Jared’s car.

  Jerking the wheel, I skidded to the side of the road, where I pulled to a stop.

  I heard the gravel kick up under the tires and saw Jax had come in right behind me.

  I pushed my hair behind my ears and turned off the car.

  “What the hell are you doing?” I heard him shout from behind me, and I swung the door open, climbed out, and slammed it shut.

  “You know what?” I shouted, charging up to him. “I had a clean-cut boyfriend from a good family. His mom made brownies, and his dad played golf with the mayor.” I shoved Jax in the chest. “He cheated on me!”

  He stared at me wide-eyed as I pushed into his space again.

  “And Shane dated the student class president,” I pointed out, advancing as he retreated. “He got straight A’s, wore cuff links to church, and his pants were always ironed.” I shoved Jax again, watching him stumble. “He was gay!” I yelled.

  I bared my teeth and kept pushing him. “You know that football jock who’s on the cover of this magazine or that?” I jeered, shoving his chest again. “Well, he date-raped a girl in college. Or how about the mom you were jealous you didn’t have in the third grade?” I pushed him again. “Yeah, she’s on every antidepressant under the sun!”

  He just kept backing up, speechless, with shock written all over his face.

  “Stop being a fucking moron,” I growled, “and break the cycle, asshole!” I pushed him back again. “It’s all an illusion, Jax! There’s nothing wrong with you, and there’s nothing in this world better than you!” I cried, gritting my teeth and feeling the tears pool in my eyes.

  “You saved me, and I love you!” Every muscle in my body was hot with fury. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me! The best thing in my life, jerk-off!” Completely worked up, I slapped him on the arm, seeing him wince but take it. “And if you don’t want me”—I slapped him again—“then stop taking care of me!” I ordered.

  “Take your tuition money,” I snarled, shoving him again with all my weight, “and shove it up your ass!”

  And I whirled around, marching back to Jared’s car as I swiped my hand across the tear on my cheek.

  Asshole little shit.

  But before I reached the car, Jax hooked my elbow and spun me back around.

  “Come here,” he growled, and lifted me underneath my arms, holding me above him.

  I gasped, looking down at him and seeing the veins bulging on his neck.

  He smiled, excitement flashing in his eyes as he stared up at me. “I fucking love you, baby.”

  My eyes rounded, and I whimpered at the shiver shooting straight from my heart down to my core.

  “Huh?” My voice was barely a peep. Oh, my God.

  He shook his head, surprise and happiness written all over his face. “I do. I love you, Juliet. And you’re right, okay?” He nodded. “You’re right. I thought I wasn’t good enough. I thought you’d wind up being sorry that I was in your life, that I wasn’t the man I was supposed to be, and I wouldn’t be able to make you proud. But I was wrong. We belong together.”

  And he brought me down, crushing his lips to mine.

  The moan came from the back of my throat, and I wrapped my arms around him, holding him tight.

  He kissed the corner of my mouth and hugged me close, whispering against my neck. “I love you, and if you love me,” he breathed out, “and I’ve been good for you, and you’re not lying to me about that, then I’m keeping you. I’m fucking keeping you.”

  “Jax,” I cried softly, letting my head fall back as he moved his lips over my cheeks and jawline. “I love you so much. Only ever you.”

  His arms, still under mine, reached behind me and threaded through my hair, holding my face still. “Don’t go to Arizona,” he whispered against my mouth. “You belong with me, and I don’t want you more than ten feet away. Ever again.”

  His soft lips melted into mine, playing with me in short, deep kisses.

  “Okay,” I muttered between kisses, “but you have to stop paying for things.”

  He backed me into Jared’s car, one hand holding my neck, the other skimming down my back to grab my ass. “How are you going to pay for college, huh?”

  I kissed him again. “Loans.”

&nbs
p; “College loans are slavery.” He kissed me again, pressing himself between my legs.

  My eyelids fluttered, the wave of his heat hitting me hard. “If we don’t work out,” I gasped, “I’ll owe you money. So no.”

  “And if we do work out”—he hoisted my legs up and around him—“it’ll become my debt. So no.”

  I grinned, eating up his lips fast and hard. “Tomato, to-mah-to.”

  I fired a trail of kisses across his jaw, fingering his nipple rings through his black T-shirt.

  “Shit. You need to stop.” He twisted his head, his eyes closed and looking utterly undone. “You’re obsessed with those damn things.”

  “Yep.” I lightly bit his neck, close to the bite-mark tattoo. “Oh, and I’m not doing any threesomes with Cameron,” I pointed out, laying down a stipulation of my own.

  “I know.”

  I nibbled his neck. “At least not for a while,” I clarified.

  I felt his chest shake with laughter. “I love you.”

  “So get me to a bed.”

  CHAPTER 28

  JAXON

  “No!” Juliet squealed, running after me into the hallway as I halted in front of my office door, blocking it.

  I tipped my chin up, challenging her.

  “I want in!” She planted her hands on her hips, a smile tugging at her stern lips.

  I shook my head, biting back a laugh.

  “I want to see, Jax,” she ordered. “Move!”

  “There’s no porn in there, I promise!” My chest shook as I secured my hands above my head on both sides of the doorframe. “But we can make porn if you want.”

  Her eyes narrowed, and I let mine scale down her cute little body in my dark gray V-neck T-shirt. It was after midnight, but we hadn’t been to sleep yet.

  She stood there for a few seconds, eyeing me, and then sighed. “Well, I’ll get in there eventually.” She brought a hand up to her mouth and faked a yawn. “I’m tired. Coming to bed?”

  I smirked, stepping away from the door to follow her, but then I let out a laugh when she spun back around, darted to my side, and tried to get past me again.