Falling Away

by Penelope Douglas

  Other than Jared, no one had ever done that.

  I had set out to turn Juliet’s world upside down—draw her out—but in the end, it was me who had his world flipped on its side. I’d fought for her, but she’d fought for me, too, and even though I’d been scared to let her in, it was all worth it.

  Nothing mattered without her. She nuzzled her lips into my neck, and I tightened my arms around her waist.

  “I want to stay here forever,” she said, sounding calmer.

  I smiled, liking the sound of that.

  I kissed her temple. “Forever.”

  CHAPTER 29

  JULIET

  We didn’t stay in the shower forever. Three days later, we had our bags packed and plane tickets in hand.

  “You’re not wearing any makeup,” Tate observed as I threw my new hiking backpack into Jared’s trunk.

  I stuffed the bag down, trying to fit it next to Jax’s. “I know.”

  “And you’re wearing a baseball hat.” She pointed this stuff out as if waiting for an explanation.

  I slammed the trunk closed and smiled at her knowingly. “It’s not the end of the world, Tate. I still have red toenails.”

  She crossed her arms, looking uncertain. She was worried about me.

  Or she was going to miss me. Either way, it felt good.

  After the police had taken Thomas and his friend to jail, Jax and I didn’t leave the house for two days. It was the best two days of my life.

  We slept, I cooked, we talked, I found out he was ticklish on the inside of his elbows, and there was hardly a time when I could leave the room without him following me.

  We were in love.

  And Jax decided he wanted time away without distractions.

  So he’d gotten online the other night while I was asleep and scheduled a trip. To New Zealand.

  I freaked out, and not in a good way.

  When I’d woken up, he’d already hit a Bass Pro Shop and gotten us gear. The living room looked like a campsite that had exploded. Backpacks, water bottles with the built-in purifiers, sleeping bags, first aid kit, clothes, and shoes. He’d even picked out my clothes and shoes!

  “Chicks take too long to shop, and we don’t have time. I like this stuff. You’ll wear this.”

  The only problem was I had a job I was supposed to be starting!

  “I called them. You can start in the fall. Everyone loves me, so don’t worry.”

  Huh?

  And two round-trip tickets to New Zealand, not to mention the money spent while there? I couldn’t let him pay for that!

  “Nonrefundable tickets, babe. If we don’t use them, they go to waste. And that will piss me off. Don’t piss me off.”

  And after he’d unrolled a sleeping bag and spent the next hour helping me test it out, I finally gave in.

  Oh, God, did I give in! I fanned myself with my hand, walking around the car to Tate. Jared was driving us to the airport

  “So, when do you get in?” she asked.

  “We have a lengthy layover in Hong Kong,” I said. “I’ll call you from there.”

  We’d be gone for three weeks, and by the time we got back, the fall semester would be about ready to start. Jax got me into school with him at Clarke, but I’d insisted on taking out loans. And I wasn’t sure yet where I was living, but I had a feeling I wouldn’t have to worry about it.

  When I’d gone to check on my mom—who was at least back to showering and eating—and collect my passport, I’d packed up some more clothes and brought them to Jax’s house.

  Tate reached out and hugged me. I wrapped my arms around her, enjoying her tight squeeze.

  “New Zealand,” she mused. “You always wanted to go there. I remember your National Geographics.”

  I laughed a little, pulled back. “I wanted to hike, actually,” I pointed out. “I told him a road trip to Yosemite would be awesome, too, but he …”

  “Yeah, he’s Jax.” She nodded. “He has a mind of his own. Good luck with that.” But then she shook her head, amazed. “I’m so happy for you.”

  “I’m scared.” I let out a nervous breath. “But I’m crazy about him.”

  “I know.” Her face fell a little, looking thoughtful.

  I narrowed my eyes, picking up on the sadness in her voice.

  “Tate?” I leaned in. “Are you okay?” I asked quietly. “I mean, you and Jared. The barbecue the other day. Is anything wrong?”

  She blinked, looking uncomfortable, but then plastered a grin on her face. “Still worrying about me, huh?” she joked. “Relax. It’s not high school. Jared and I are fine.”

  I was about to press her more, but then I jumped, seeing arms come over my head, snapping a belt right in front of my face.

  “Jax!” I laughed, my heart leaping into my throat as he walked for the other side of the car with a self-satisfied smirk on his face.

  He’s bringing the belt. Shit.

  “Okay, yeah, don’t tell me everything about your trip, okay?” Tate teased. We both hugged again, and she followed me as Jax held the back door open.

  “So, you’re both registered for your classes, right?” she asked. “Because you’re cutting it close when you return.”

  “All set,” Jax answered, but then my smile fell.

  Behind Tate, I could see my mom crossing over from the sidewalk.

  She looked right as rain in her light pink cotton skirt and sleeveless white blouse. Her hair hung down, though, in loose waves, sprayed to perfection.

  My stomach twisted for the first time in days, and I met her in the middle of the quiet street. She’d been agreeable when I was over to the house, but looking at her pressed clothes and perfect face, I didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t want her embarrassing me or being cruel to Jax.

  “Is everything okay?” I asked, guarded.

  Her eyes fell, and her breathing turned ragged. “Yes, everything is fine. I just …” She reached into the shopping bag she held by the handles and pulled out an envelope.

  “The funds from your college account.” She handed the envelope to me, her hand shaking. “It’s a cashier’s check, so keep it safe.”

  My college money? I swallowed, taking the envelope and for some reason feeling that I wanted to either cry or throw it back in her face.

  She narrowed her eyes, still looking down as her lips trembled. “And, um …” She licked her lips. “I was at the salon yesterday,” she said, reaching nervously into the bag. “I got you this shampoo for sun-damaged hair and sunscreen and some lip balm, and I didn’t know if you’d be going out for the evening on your trip, but if you wanted … maybe some hair products or, um … makeup, I can … I can send you—”

  “Mother.” I touched her arm, leaning in. “This is fine. Thank you,” I said, seeing her shoulders relax.

  “I’ll see you in a few weeks.” I took the bag.

  She glanced up, straightening her shoulders and face. “Jaxon.” She nodded somewhat kindly.

  I looked to my side, seeing Jax there.

  “Mrs. Carter.” His deep voice sounded like a warning as he put his arm around me. I twisted my lips to hide my smile. I doubted Jax would ever call my mom anything other than “Mrs. Carter.”

  Her timid eyes fell back to mine, and she gave a half smile before turning and walking away. I still didn’t know what to think. Maybe she was up to something. Maybe I should stay home and get her to a doctor.

  Or maybe I was finally happy, and I just had to go with it.

  Jax pulled me in. “Are you ready?” he taunted. “Hostels and roughing it?”

  “Are you?” I challenged, smiling up at him. “Do they have Wi-Fi on these multiday hikes and rafting trip you’ve signed us up for?”

  He turned me around, pulling me into his chest. “No showers. No beds.”

  “And no bikini,” I singsonged.

  His eyes widened, and I nodded smugly. “Yep. I didn’t pack it.”

  “What if you decide you want it?”

&nbs
p; I wiggled my eyebrows. “That’s part of the excitement.”

  He picked me up, staring up into my eyes as he carried us to Jared’s car. “You’re a wild little thing—you know that?”

  I pressed my lips to his forehead, whispering, “Don’t worry. You can keep up.”

  Please turn the page for

  a sneak peek at the continuation

  of Jared and Tate’s story in

  Available wherever e-books are sold in April 2015.

  TATE

  I blinked awake, the cool summer breeze caressing my face. The early-morning light crept in through my French doors, and I stretched my arms over my head, hearing the buzzing of my phone on the nightstand. The noise that had woken me.

  I sat up, ready to check the phone, but I stopped.

  Jared sat in my armchair next to the windows. Apparently watching me sleep.

  His presence filled the room, drowning out everything as it always did, and I couldn’t help the weight on my heart.

  He looked different.

  His hair was gelled, so unlike the reserved military style he’d adopted, and he was dressed in his jeans and black hoodie, since it was a cool morning.

  A sensual thrill shot through me, and I almost smiled. I’d missed this dangerous, foreboding look on him.

  Except for the bags under his eyes and the extra muscle, he looked exactly like the guy I had fallen in love with nearly three years ago.

  But we were barely talking these days, and I hadn’t gone home with him since my father had gotten back into town. Even though I was nearly twenty-one, Dad didn’t allow me to have overnight guests, and I’d opted out of going to Jared’s.

  After what I’d overheard at Jax’s, Jared was still holding back, and I was afraid.

  My phone buzzed again, and Jared tipped his chin, telling me to check it.

  Picking up my phone, I saw a picture from Juliet. I smiled, seeing a happy selfie of her and Jax with a bustling city behind them.

  In Auckland, baby! the text read.

  I set the phone down, rubbing the sleep from my eye. “They made it,” I said softly. “They’re in New Zealand.”

  Jared stayed still, eerily frozen as he watched me, and that was when I noticed the black duffel on the floor.

  I clenched the sheet. “Where are you going?”

  He hesitated, letting his eyes fall, almost whispering. “I’m leaving for a while, Tate.”

  My heart continued to beat even as my breathing stopped. “ROTC?” I pressed.

  “No.” He shook his head and leaned forward on his knees. “I …” He hesitated. “Tate, I love you—”

  I sucked in a breath and threw off the sheets, causing Madman to jump off the bed as I turned away. “Jax was right,” I choked out, my throat suddenly tight.

  “Jax is always right,” he sighed. “Continuing like this.” He shook his head. “I’d make you miserable.”

  I turned to look at him, so many questions frantically filling my brain. “Jared, if you want to quit ROTC, then quit,” I cried. “I don’t care. You can study anything. Or nothing. Just—”

  “I don’t know what I want!” he burst out, interrupting me. “That’s the problem, Tate. I need to figure things out.”

  “Away from me,” I finished.

  He stood up, running his hands through his hair. “You’re not the problem, babe. You’re the only thing that I’m sure of.” His gentle voice was filled with sadness. “But I need to grow up, and it’s not happening here.”

  “Here, where?” I asked. “Chicago? Shelburne Falls? Or around me?”

  He rubbed a frustrated hand down his face as he stared out the window. I’d never felt so far away from him. Not even when we were enemies in high school.

  I couldn’t lose him. I closed my eyes. Please.

  “The apartment is paid up for the school year, so you don’t have to worry—”

  “A year!” I shot out of bed, turning my scared eyes on him. “A fucking year! Are you kidding me?”

  “I don’t know what I’m doing, okay?” he yelled, holding out his hands. “I don’t feel like I fit in at college! I feel like you’re moving a hundred miles an hour, and I’m constantly trying to catch up!” He breathed hard, and I shook my head, disbelieving.

  How the hell was leaving me going to solve his problem?

  He calmed his voice. “You know what you’re doing and what you want, Tate, and I’m …” He hardened his jaw. “I’m fucking blind. I can’t breathe.”

  I turned away, misery overtaking me as the tears rolled down. “You can’t breathe,” I mused, hugging myself against the fist wrapped around my heart.

  “Baby.” He turned me around. “I love you. I love you so goddamn much. I just …” He swallowed. “I just need time. Space, to figure out who I am and what I want.”

  I stared at him, so much pain simmering under my skin. “So, what happens?” I asked. “What happens when you find the life you’re looking for?”

  “I don’t know yet.”

  I nodded, defiant. “I do. You didn’t come in here to tell me you’ll be back. That you’ll call or we’ll text. You came in here to break up with me.”

  And I pulled away, turning around.

  “Baby, come here.” He pulled me back, but I came down on his arms, shoving them away.

  “Oh, just get out!” I yelled. “You cut off everyone who loves you. You’re pathetic. I should be used to this by now,” I choked out, hiding my tears.

  He walked toward me. “Tate—”

  “Just leave!” I bellowed, walking for the door and yanking it open. “I’m sick of the sight of you, Jared,” I growled. “Just go.”

  He shook his head. “No. I need you to understand.”

  I tipped my chin up. “All I’ll ever understand is that you needed to live a life without me in it, so just go and do that.”

  He struggled for words. “I don’t want this. Not like this.” I could hear the tears caught in his throat. “I don’t want to hurt you. Just sit down, so we can talk. I can’t leave you like this,” he insisted.

  I shook my head at him. “And I won’t let you stay.” I hardened my voice. “You need to be free? Then go. Get out.”

  He stood frozen, looking as though he was searching for what to say or do to soothe me, but it was in vain.

  I could be a supportive friend, more understanding and comforting, while he went off and tried to find himself, but the ship with the rest of my patience had sailed a long time ago.

  I’d waited for him. Time and again I had waited for him while he humiliated and tortured me in high school. I pined for him even as he abandoned me and left me alone and isolated. I loved him even when he’d brought me to tears.

  And I was disgusted with myself.

  And as I clenched my teeth and Jared turned blurry in my eyes, I stood strong and unforgiving. “Now,” I ordered.

  His eyes fell, and his shoulders were broken as he stood there, forced to own up to his choice.

  And then he picked up his bag. And walked out the door.

  I didn’t move as I heard the Boss roar to life and speed down the street, my ears hanging on to the last decibel it could catch of him leaving me.

  “I’m not waiting for you anymore,” I whispered.

  Dear Reader,

  I know that was difficult, but it had to happen. Jared and Tate will grow on separate paths, as is usually the case in real life, but they will come together again.

  Explosively. You can count on that.

  And when they do, I’ll finally give you that Epilogue I promised.

  Thank you for reading and look for the continuation of Jared and Tate’s story, Aflame, in April 2015.

  Penelope Douglas

  Penelope Douglas is the author of the New York Times bestselling Fall Away series. Born in Dubuque, Iowa, she earned a bachelor’s degree in public administration and then a master’s of education at Loyola University in New Orleans before becoming a teacher. She now writes full-time and
lives in Las Vegas with her husband and their daughter.

  Visit Penelope Douglas online:

  www.penelopedouglasauthor.com

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