Broken: The sequel to THE PREACHER'S SON

by B. D. Anderson

  Max knew that he was a man of experience. He covered her hand that was clutching her blouse and gently removed it. He pulled her shirt off of her shoulders and removed her bra that he’d already unhooked. He stared at her breasts and Max blushed and looked away.

  “You’re beautiful,” he said, touching her chin and forcing her to look at him. He gently cupped her breasts. “I think these were made just for me.”

  Max giggled releasing the tension she felt. She smiled shyly at him. “Oh really?”

  “Yeah, and they taste good too,” he said, leaning down and capturing a nipple. Max groaned at the contact. She wanted to know things. She wanted to experience things and Matthew asked her to trust him.

  “Matthew, promise me that you will always stop if I ask you to,” she said, looking at him.

  He paused letting her nipple slip from his mouth. His eyes locked with hers. “Of course I will, Max. Trust me. If you tell me to stop, then I’ll stop. We’re on this journey together, OK?”

  “OK,” she said, smiling with relief.

  “Now tell me, are you wet?” he asked wiggling his brows at her.

  She giggled nervously. “Why do you want to know?”

  “A man wants to know if he’s doing it right, and if you’re wet then I’ll know that I’m doing it right,” he explained.

  “OK, you’re doing it right,” she admitted, feeling her face flush.

  “Good,” he said, kissing her before returning his attention to her breasts.

  Max closed her eyes getting lost in the sensations he was creating. She loved the way he caressed and sucked them, the warm feelings that consumed her.

  She found herself on her back before she realized it and Matthew moved from her breasts back to her mouth kissing her, pressing her into the sofa. She felt his weight shift realizing that he was on top of her and she could feel herself begin to panic. Fear started to consume her as Roger’s face flashed before her. Images of him on top of her feeling his hardness pressing into her belly invaded her mind. Max felt her throat closing up and could hardly catch her breath. She could feel Matthew’s arousal and suddenly she felt ill.

  Matthew broke the kiss and moved to her neck and Max began to tremble and tears escaped her eyes. She inhaled as best she could and pushed against Matthew’s chest with as much force as she could muster.

  “Get off me! Get off me!” she screamed, and Matthew immediately sat up, breathing hard. She quickly sat up and wrapped her arms around herself drawing her knees up close to her chest. She ducked her head and began rocking back and forth shaking like a leaf.

  “I’m sorry! What did I do wrong?” He asked obviously confused.

  Max didn’t reply immediately. He didn’t touch her and she was glad about that. She continued to rock back and forth for several minutes. She tried to open her eyes but couldn’t at first. She half expected to see Rogers standing in front of her and realized that she was having another episode. She kept telling herself over and over that this was Matthew, her Matthew and not that monster Rogers. She forced her eyes open and found an obviously worried Matthew watching her.

  Embarrassed, Max looked away not meeting his eyes. “I have to go to the bathroom,” she said, jumping up and running into the nearby half bath slamming the door. Once inside she stood with her back against the door for a moment trying to gather her thoughts, her heart beating hard in her chest.

  What a mess she was. Everything was fine until he lay on top of her. She now realized that position was one of her triggers and she wondered how in the world she was ever going to have a decent relationship. Matthew didn’t know what he was getting into. She knew that she had to break it off. She was too broken for a relationship.

  She quickly washed her face and looked in the mirror. She took a deep breath and walked out of the bathroom with her head down.

  Matthew as standing there waiting for her.

  “Tell me,” he said firmly, lifting her chin with his finger. “What happened? What did I do?”

  “It’s not you.” Max replied. “It’s just, I had an episode, you know, a flashback,”

  Matthew pulled her into his arms. “I figured as much. What was the trigger? Maybe we can avoid it.”

  “It was your weight on top of me,” she whispered, pulling away from him and walking over to the sofa. “I’m sorry. I can’t do this. I’m not ready.”

  She picked up her bra and was about to put it on when it was snatched from her hands.

  “Max, I want to help you,” he insisted. “Tell me what to do.”

  “Don’t you understand?” she snapped, reaching for her bra. “I can’t do this! I’m a mess! What man wants a woman that can’t make love with him? Even I don’t know all of my triggers. You’ll grow tired of being with a woman that falls apart! We should cut this off before we get in over our heads!”

  “I’m already in over my head,” Matthew replied calmly. “You’re episodes don’t scare me. You said that your doctor was helping you. Did she tell you what to do when this happens?”

  “I’ve never had this particular trigger before,” Max admitted sitting down on the sofa. “I was scared there for a minute, but I’m fine now. But once I know them I have to try not to respond to them like I normally do.”

  “What do you normally do?”

  “Withdraw,” she said, her voice barely a whisper. “Normally I’d avoid contact with people, especially men.”

  “What does your doctor tell you to do to help you?”

  “Exposure therapy. Face it then it won’t be so scary the next time.” she admitted.

  “Stand up,” Matthew commanded and Max stood without thinking.

  He put his hands on her shoulders and her eyes met his. “I’m here for you, Max. I’m not going anywhere. We can work through this, I know we can. You’re my woman now and I’m going to help you.”

  “How?”

  “You said that it was my weight on you, but before that you liked what we were doing, right?”

  “Yeah,”

  “OK,” he replied. “You’re not going to withdraw, Max. You’re going to concentrate on those good feelings you were having before.”

  He kissed her pulling her closer, his tongue stroking hers. Max felt his hand on her breasts pulling her nipple.

  “I like when you do that,” Max moaned.

  Matthew responded by pulling on her nipple again.

  “I’m going to kiss you, all over,”

  Max groaned in reply. She did not even know when he had unbuttoned her jeans and unzipped them. His hands and mouth on her breasts seemed to have her full attention. Her center was throbbing and small spasms of pleasure shot through her groin with each pull of his lips on her nipples. He seemed in no hurry to stop and Max could feel her walls trembling and aching. She wanted him to touch her there, but she dared not to voice it. It felt as if it was something she needed him to do, but she didn’t understand why. Instinctively she knew that his touch could relieve the achiness she felt.

  “You all right, Max?” he asked looking up at her.

  He’d kept her standing and her legs felt weak and shaky. She was trying to say something, but her mouth was dry and no words would come out, only sounds she didn’t remember making before. She felt air on her lower region and realized that he’d pulled down her pants and was kissing his way down her body.

  “Step out of your jeans.” His voice came out as a growl and she complied not able to think.

  His tongue worked its way down to her navel and her mind flashed back to Eric and Nadine in the hallway and she felt herself grow wetter with the anticipation of where his mouth was headed, she wanted him to continue, but a part of her was still afraid. She closed her eyes and was surprised that there was no dread, it was anticipation she felt.

  Her legs were trembling as she felt him rub his nose against her panty clad mound. She was embarrassed because she knew that she was very wet. She didn’t know how much longer she’d be able to stand.

  “Open your
eyes, Max,” he said, looking up at her. “And your legs.”

  She obeyed without even thinking about it. He looked up from between her quivering legs and she watched him as he rubbed his nose against her again, coming in contact with her clit before giving her center a quick kiss. She pressed her thighs together wondering what he was going to do next.

  Max swallowed nervously. She could feel his breath on her and her anticipation mounted.

  “Don’t you like this Max?” he asked watching her closely. “Don’t you want me to keep going?”

  She was embarrassed. “I’m not sure.”

  “I want to show you that this isn’t about me and my pleasure alone. It’s also about yours. I want you to want me, whenever you’re ready.”

  “You already have me,” she confessed. “I’ve never been this intimate with anyone else.”

  His response was to kiss her thighs. He was slow, painfully slow as he worked his way back up to her center. He didn’t attempt to remove her panties, but kissed her through them instead. Max moaned as he continued to lick and kiss her. Then just as quickly as he started, he got up and pulled her into his arms.

  “I think I’d better stop now before things get totally out of control,” he said, kissing her lips.

  Max was surprised at his words. What was he talking about? Things were already way out of control as far as she was concerned. She looked at him wondering what was going through his mind. She was still hot and aching and a part of her hadn’t wanted him to stop.

  “I want you so bad,” he said as if reading her mind. “But now is not the time, I realize that. I won’t rush you. I’m a patient man, Max. I just didn’t want you to leave here tonight with your last memory being of that episode you experienced. I wanted you to leave wanting more from me.”

  “Well, you’ve done just that,” she admitted.

  “Good,”

  “What about you?” she asked looking down at the bulge in his pants.

  “I’ll live,” he replied. He got up and handed her the bra and shirt that was on the floor.

  Embarrassed, Max took them from him not meeting his eyes. “I have to go to the bathroom,” she said, rushing in and shutting the door. She stood with her back against the door again for a moment trying to gather her thoughts, her heart beating hard in her chest.

  She looked in the mirror and quickly dressed wondering what Matt was going to say when she returned. She’d just had sex, well not really, but they had come pretty close. Matthew made her feel things that she’d never thought possible. She was aching between her legs, but it was a good ache. Nothing like what had happened to her when she was thirteen and she knew that it could only get better with time. She smoothed down her hair with her hand and opened the door.

  Matt was sitting on the sofa sipping another drink. He looked much calmer than she felt.

  “You all right?” he asked looking at her as she approached him.

  She sat down beside him. “Matt, I want to tell you something.”

  “All right, Max” he said, taking her hand in his.

  “I don’t think we ought to do this anymore. I know I freaked you out earlier and it’s going to take some time for, you know.” She would not look at him. “I think we should just kiss on the lips for now.”

  “Max, I wasn’t freaked out. I was concerned.” Matthew said, putting his arm around her. “I want to help you get better. You said exposure therapy would help. We’ll use that, under you doctor’s guidance.”

  “You are helping me,” she said, looking at him. “If we’re going to be in a relationship, I have to be honest and tell you what happened to me. Dr. Nelson said talking about it is healing.”

  “You don’t have to tell me if you’re not ready,” Matthew insisted.

  “No, I want to.” Max replied. “When Rogers tied me to that bed and undressed, I had never before seen a man naked, much less an aroused one. I was scared to death and my fear seemed to excite him more. I had no idea what I was in for.”

  Tears started running from her eyes and she looked at Matthew.

  “He just climbed on me, put his weight on top of me, and he just shoved himself inside me.” Her voice cracked with emotion. “It felt like he was splitting me in two, it hurt so bad, Matthew and he just laughed and laughed-”

  “God Max, I don’t want to hear this.” Matt said, jumping up, running his hand through his hair. The thought of someone doing that to her sickened him. He looked up at her and then looked away, unable to deal with the pain he saw in her eyes.

  Max grabbed his hand. “I need to tell you Matthew, please!”

  He sat back down beside her. “I’m sorry Max. If talking about it helps, then I’ll listen.”

  “I was bleeding. I didn’t understand. I knew the mechanics of sex from what I had been told, but this, this was hell. He did it to me over and over again. When they found me, I didn’t want anything to do with a man.” She paused again looking at her hands holding his.

  “When I saw men, even my father I knew they had penises and what they did with them and I hated them. How could they do to women, what was done to me? I put myself in a box and I locked it from the inside vowing never to come out.”

  Max watched as he rubbed his thumb over her knuckles. “The problem was that it was very lonely in that box. I knew I had to get better somehow. I started going to the doctors, but what kind of changed my perception of men was seeing Eric and my sister. When I saw them, then I knew that my perception of sex was all screwed up.”

  “What did they do?” Matthew asked.

  “It’s embarrassing to admit now to what I did. I saw them making love. Nadine was the aggressor and it shocked me that she would want him like that. Watching them made me realize that my perception of sex was not normal, that something was really wrong with me. Dr. Nelson explained it best. She asked me to picture the ocean on a beautiful summer’s day. She asked me to describe it and I did. I told her the breeze was blowing lightly and the seagulls were there and I was lying on the beach and the sound of the ocean was pleasant and comforting. The sky was blue and there was not cloud in the sky. She then told me to close my eyes and then she put on the music from Jaws. That changed my whole perception of the beach by just hearing that music. She then told me that the Jaws music was my perception of sex, and my perception of the perfect day on the beach was what other people experienced. I knew then, that I didn’t want Jaws, I wanted normal.”

  Matt looked at her as she wiped her tears. “That’s what I want for you too. I wanted to show you that sex is not a bad thing.”

  “You have shown me,” Max said, touching his face with her hand. “I feel all warm and achy and wet. You did that for me. I know that I’m not dead below my waist.”

  “No, you’re not.” Matthew chuckled.

  “But it’s going to take time,” she responded seriously.

  “I know that,” he said, kissing her cheek. “I’m a patient man, Maxine James. However I do have one request.”

  “What’s that?” Max asked dreading his answer.

  “Shave off some of that hair down there so I can get to the good stuff because I’m going to taste you tongue to skin, no panty barrier when you’re ready.”

  Max stared at him with her mouth dropping open at his request and he chuckled.

  “I think my panties just dissolved,” she said, closing her mouth with a grin.

  “Ah, I like the sound of that,” he said.

  She started putting her socks and shoes back on. “I’d better go. It’s getting late.”

  He walked her to the door giving her an impish smile. “Call me when you get home and consider my request.”

  Max gave him a quick kiss and then grinned at him. “Deal,” she said before rushing out the door.

  Matthew watched her as she got in the car and pulled off. He thought about everything she told him and wished that he could just get a moment with the man who had taken away her innocence, not knowing that it would not be very long before
his wish would come true.

  CHAPTER 20

  He will repay my enemies for their evil. Cut them off in your truth. Psalm 54:5

  Max couldn’t believe how well things were going between her and Matthew. After Thanksgiving night, she saw him on a weekly basis. He took her out to dinner and some nights and on others she invited him over to have dinner with her.

  Christmas came and went. Max decided to keep the boots and gloves if Matthew would agree that the two were her Christmas present. He agreed, but he still showed up with a present of a silver double heart necklace for her on Christmas morning. She wore it every day.

  They still hadn’t progressed past kissing and some touching and Max was worried that Matthew would grow tired of waiting for her. She continued her sessions with Dr. Nelson and wanted Matthew to come with her, but Dr. Nelson felt that she still needed to see her alone and Max reluctantly agreed. Still Matthew would press her down on the couch for a few seconds from time to time while kissing her and would stop immediately as soon as he noticed that she was beginning to panic. She was happy that it was taking longer for her to have an episode when he kissed her while on top and she was sure that eventually the position wouldn’t bother her at all.

  March 27 was their four month anniversary and Max wanted it to be special. Matthew was busy preparing his campaign for the council seat that would be up for grabs in November. He was still a diehard Republican but having an African American girlfriend who was a Democrat had garnered him some media attention and she knew that as the election date drew closer the reporters were bound to show up at her door.

  To celebrate, Max made reservations at Mario’s where they’d had their “pretend,” date. She’d taken the day off from the gym and couldn’t wait for the two of them to go out.

  Nadine had gone shopping with their mom in search of Easter dresses for the girls. The house was empty with Eric being at work and so she took the time to clean up while they were gone.