His Lullaby Baby

by Airicka Phoenix

“No!” she blurted. “Yes. I mean…” She exhaled and ran her hands through her hair. “It’s very complicated.”

  Toby opened his mouth to say something, not entirely sure what, but knowing he should when Colten ambled over, scowling.

  “Can we go now, please?” he muttered.

  “Hey, Colten,” Addy said. “Did you have fun today?”

  The look on the boy’s face said very clearly that fun was a word he would not use, but he and Toby both knew his mother would flatten him if he was ever disrespectful enough to actually voice his displeasure out loud.

  “Yes, ma’am. Thank you.”

  Addy smiled. “Good. I’m glad.”

  “Can you grab Owen and Rosie? I think Kari went outside with … with…”

  “Hanna,” Addy supplied.

  “Right. Hanna. I knew that. With Hanna. I’ll grab her and you grab the other two.” He grabbed his cane and pushed to his feet. “Okay, well, we’ll see you around.”

  Something flickered across Addy’s delicate features, but it was gone before he could figure it out.

  She nodded. “Okay, thank you for coming and we’ll see you Thursday.”

  With his own nod, Toby ushered Colten out the backdoor into the dimming afternoon. He found Kari running around with Hanna by a wooden play structure. He called her over as Colten pulled away to hunt down Owen and Rosie.

  “Why are we leaving?” Kari jogged over. “Hanna and I only just started playing.”

  “You did, yes, but your mommy wants you home in time for supper.”

  It was a fucked up lie. The truth was that he was a little more than freaked out by the bombshell that was Addy’s confession. While he had no problem with children. He did have a problem with married women, like the fact that they were married. He didn’t poach on another man’s territory. That wasn’t him. He didn’t like the word complicated either. Either she was married or she wasn’t. There was no maybe married or possibly married. If they were in the process of divorce then, no, she wasn’t married. If they were separated, they were so still married and she was so off limits. It was as simple as that.

  “Hanna.” Addy stood at the backdoor, arms folded. “Time to come in, baby.”

  Hanna pursed small lips. “We’ll play tomorrow,” she promised Kari. “Bye.”

  With a wave, she hurried to join her mother and together, they disappeared inside.

  Sullen, Kari followed Toby to the van and let him clip her in. Colten arrived with Rosie and Owen and the pair climbed into their seats. Toby glanced towards the structure once before getting in himself and pulling away.

  Chapter 2 ~ Addy

  “Mommy, can I have brownies for supper?”

  Sitting at the island, short legs swinging, Hanna watched as Addy whisked eggs in a bowl. She had her small chin propped on her fists and her hair was an untamed riot around her small face. It didn’t seem to matter what Addy did, that girl’s hair had a mind of its own.

  “You can have a brownie after supper,” Addy told her, as she’d been telling her for the better part of an hour.

  “But what if I get too full and can’t eat the brownie?” Hanna protested.

  “Don’t think that will ever happen,” Addy assured her.

  “It could,” Hanna insisted.

  “When has that ever happened?” Addy teased, pouring the egg mixture into a cupcake pan.

  “But if it does?”

  Using her free hand to brush back a curl out of her eyes, Addy sighed. “Then we will wrap it up and put it away for tomorrow.”

  “Sean will eat it!” Hanna cried, horrified by the very idea.

  “I’ll make sure he doesn’t.”

  “Can we put it in my room?”

  Laughing, Addy shook her head. “Absolutely not. But you can help me add the veggies if you like.”

  Bottom lip drawn, Hanna leaned closer to sprinkle bits of cut peppers, mushrooms and diced parsley over the eggs.

  Addy left her to the job and busied herself chopping potatoes into tiny cubes for hash browns. She was salting them when Sean walked in.

  “I put all the paperwork away,” he said.

  “Thank you, darling.” She offered him a smile. “Hungry?”

  He shrugged and climbed onto the stool next to Hanna. “I could eat.”

  “Good, ‘cause we’re almost done with our egg cakes.”

  Dinner was eaten as it was normally, with Hanna describing her entire day even though Addy had been present for most of it. Sean ate his food quietly then waited for everyone else to finish before helping with clearing the table.

  “I’m going to bed,” he said as Hanna and Addy grabbed a board game out of the hallways closet.

  “But it’s still early,” Addy protested. “Can’t you play one game?”

  Sean shook his head. “I’m tired.”

  “Okay,” Addy relented. “Goodnight.” She kissed the top of his head. “Love you.”

  “Love you, too.”

  She watched him shuffle out of the kitchen and disappear down the hall in the direction of the stairway. His thin back was curved as though the world’s problems had settled on his shoulders. The sight of his exhaustion hurt her heart.

  “Can I be pink?” Hanna asked, interrupting Addy’s thoughts.

  Her gaze dropped to the game board in her hands.

  “Yeah, of course.” She grinned at the girl impishly. “You know the pink ones make me hungry.”

  Hanna giggled. “Remember when you ate one?”

  “Yes!” Addy groaned. “It was so good.”

  Hanna squealed and made a face as she ran for the table.

  Addy watched her with a sort of lightness only her children could ever bring out in her. It filled her with a sense of purpose. Both had been given to her by the same man, but were born under completely different circumstances. Sean had been born in a world of stress and darkness while Hanna … Hanna was light. She was born and raised in freedom. She would never know or understand, but Sean would never forget and that was a guilt Addy lived with daily. Had she been stronger, had she been smarter, he wouldn’t carry his past like a dagger in the chest. His pain and suffering was her fault and there was nothing she could do about it.

  “My calendar says you were supposed to be here yesterday.”

  Phone tucked between her shoulder and ear, Addy rushed around her kitchen, scrubbing down every flat surface she came across with a wet rag and a bottle of all-purpose cleaner.

  “I’m telling you, you’re not in the books!” the grumpy man on the other end snarled back.

  “I booked you guys a week ago!” Addy protested. “Look, I have guests coming in three weeks and I need an inn that is actually functioning.”

  The man huffed. “The best I can do is sometime early October—”

  “October? Are you—?” The bells above the front door chimed. The sound carried through the entire house in a frenzy of jingles that made Addy’s already throbbing temples scream. “Are you kidding me?” she finished sharply to the man. “This is your … you know what, never mind. I’ll find someone else.”

  Snapping the phone off, she slammed it down on the counter, stared at it a full minute, before pulling in a deep breath and trying to put on a face that didn’t scare the customers away.

  “Coming!” she called in her most cheerful tone. She wiped her hands and headed into the next room. “Hi, sorry about that. How can I … Mr. McClain?”

  He stood in her foyer, sucking up all the air in the room. Blue eyes lifted and met hers from a face perfectly kissed by the sun and surrounded by an unruly mess of hair the color of wet sand on a beautiful summer afternoon. He held his cane in one hand and her Tupperware container in the other.

  “Toby,” he corrected in that deep, rich baritone rumble of his. “Hi.”

  Stunned by his presence and the flurry of unwarranted emotions he seemed to be able to invoke just by being too close, Addy could only stand there and gape at him. Her mind churned with a million things she kn
ew she ought to say and yet her mouth refused to deliver them.

  “Hi!” she blurted at last, coming to some of her senses. “You’re back.”

  “Yeah, I came to drop this off.” He set the container down on the desk. “There’s banana bread inside. I didn’t make it. Damon did. So it’s safe to eat.”

  “Oh!” She gave a weak chuckle. “Thank you.”

  He nodded slowly and the awkward tension that radiated off him actually hurt. She knew it hadn’t been there yesterday when he’d flirted with her. It had blossomed to life just after she told him about Hanna and Sean. Part of her had expected it. Using her children as a deterrent was something she’d done frequently in the past when men had shown their interest. There was nothing like the dreaded C-word to make men turn tail and run and she had always appreciated that. But Toby’s rebuff actually hurt. She had no idea why, yet it did.

  “There’s enough there for you and the kids, unless you’re like Willa.”

  “Thank you,” she said again, wishing he would just leave already.

  He sighed heavily. “I, uh, I want to apologize for how I acted yesterday. It was … weird. I don’t normally—”

  The phone rang in the kitchen, cutting him off.

  Addy put up a finger for him to hold on as she darted back towards the kitchen. She snatched the receiver off the counter and mashed it to her ear.

  “Macy’s Bed and Breakfast. How may I help you?”

  “I think we got disconnected,” said a gruff, annoyed voice.

  Addy frowned. “Who is this?”

  “Bill from—”

  “We did not get disconnected,” she retorted sharply. “I hung up. I don’t need your services. Thank you.” She hung up a second time and hit the tiles with the phone she tossed down. “Jerk,” she mumbled to herself.

  “Everything okay?”

  Toby’s presence in the doorway made her jump. She whirled around.

  “Yes, it’s nothing.” She cleared her throat. “My repairman never booked me and I have a couple coming in a few weeks and—”

  “What do you need fixing?” he asked. “I’m kind of handy with a screwdriver.”

  It was on the tip of her tongue to refuse. Having him around when he made her so uncomfortable was just asking for trouble. But the work did need to be done and it would take the three weeks to get through the endless list.

  “Can you fix a clogged tub?” she asked with grudging acceptance.

  He rolled a broad shoulder. “Lead the way.”

  It felt so wrong forcing him to climb a flight and a half to the second floor, but he shrugged out of his leather jacket, tossed it over the banister, and started the climb without complaint. At the top, she led him into the third guestroom on the left—the Sun Room. The room itself was painted a soft, buttery yellow that complimented the sheer drapes and the white bedding. In the early hours of dawn, the whole place seemed to glow. It was the room the sun touched first.

  “It’s just through there,” she told the quiet man behind her.

  She watched as he shuffled into the attached room and propped his cane against the doorframe. He limped the rest of the way to the tub and leaned over the edge. He studied the drain, ran the water, studied some more. Finally he straightened.

  “I need to grab some stuff from the hardware store.” He turned and hobbled to his cane. “I’ll get some chemicals and a snake.” He stepped into the bedroom with her. “Is that the only thing that needs fixing? I can grab everything at once if it’s not.”

  Addy pulled in a congested sigh. “I have a list downstairs.”

  Leading him all the way back to the kitchen, she went to the counter and picked up the list she’d made for the original repairman. Then she made her way to where her purse hung on the hook next to the backdoor. She fished out the business credit card and walked back to him.

  “Just put everything on my card,” she told him, passing both over. “I’ll pay you for your time and service—”

  “Why don’t we not worry about that right now, okay?”

  He took the items from her and started for the hallway. She watched him until the front door closed. A second later, she heard the soft shuffle of feet padding down the stairs and then Hanna was ambling towards her, sleep rumpled and adorable with her hair a wavy mess around her flushed cheeks. She had a tiny fist grinding into the back of her eyelid as she stumbled in an almost drunken stagger into the kitchen.

  “Mommy?”

  “Hey darling.” She scooped the girl up and nuzzled her warm neck. “How was your nap?”

  “I don’t like naps,” Hanna grumbled, slumping full on in Addy’s arms with her legs and arms dangling and her head flopped down on Addy’s shoulder. “They make me sleep.”

  Chuckling, Addy moved them to the island and dumped the girl onto a stool. “How about a snack to wake you up?”

  Hanna perked. “Brownies?”

  Darting a quick glance at the clock on the oven, Addy nodded. “Sure. Why not? Brownie it is.”

  “And juice?”

  “How about milk?”

  Hanna nodded. “Can I play with Kari afterwards?”

  “You can play with her tomorrow when she comes for her lessons.”

  The sulk was back, but she didn’t complain. She nibbled on her brownie and sipped her milk as Addy finished cleaning. Afterwards, Hanna took herself out back to the playset and Addy went to check the Sun Room. It was the one her guests had specifically asked for and she wanted to make sure everything was perfect for their arrival. The sheets were clean. The towels fresh. She had swept and dusted every inch of it and would do so again before their actual arrival. The only thing left to change was the light bulbs, the creak in the closet door, and to put an end to the leaky faucet in the bathroom.

  She did the lights herself, not because she enjoyed climbing a rickety ladder, but because she didn’t want Toby to have to do it with his injury.

  The simple glass shade was easy enough to unscrew and set gingerly on the flat of the ladder. It was balancing with her hands up while the ladder rocked unsteadily beneath her that made things complicated.

  “What are you doing?”

  With an undignified squeak, Addy tipped forward. Her hands grabbed the sides, nearly knocking the shade to the ground.

  Toby stepped into the room, a bag in one hand and his cane in the other. “What are you doing?” he repeated with an edge to his tone.

  “Changing a light bulb!” she cried breathlessly. “What are you doing?”

  “I just got back,” he said, moving into the room. “Isn’t that on my list?”

  “Yes, but I was here and thought I’d do it,” she said shortly.

  Ignoring his scowl, she turned back to the task at hand. She switched the bulb out with a new one and replaced the shade. Job done, she gingerly climbed down to face the man taking over the doorway.

  “Were you able to find everything you needed?” she asked, slightly breathless.

  Toby held up the plastic bag dangling from between two fingers. “Yup, got the rest downstairs.”

  “Great! That’s good. I’m glad.” She dusted her hands and turned to reach for the ladder. “I’m going to put this away and finish cleaning downstairs.”

  “Sounds good.” Toby shuffled back into the hallway, not far enough for her to get through, but enough to leave a bit more air for her. “I’ll bring up the rest of the bags and start—”

  “I can get them,” Addy volunteered.

  Blue eyes narrowed. “I’m not in a wheelchair. I can walk up and down a set of stairs.”

  It was a task not to grimace. The last thing she wanted to do was offend the guy helping her out.

  “Of course, I never meant to imply…” She sighed. “I’m going down anyway so I just thought it would save you some time.”

  Those unfathomable blue eyes bore into her, deep and intense, and filled with a shimmering reflection of light that caressed the length of her. She’d never met anyone with eyes like his.
There was something so incredibly infinite in them, like a book. Falling into them was an adventure that hummed with danger and an intensity she wasn’t prepared for.

  She quickly looked away. “If you’d rather do it, then that’s fine, too.”

  “I would,” he said with a finality that left no room for argument.

  No choice but to accept, Addy nodded. She folded the ladder up and tucked it awkwardly beneath her arm. It rattled slightly in the silence that strained through the subtle scent of furniture polish and lilacs. Toby let her pass before ducking into the room she’d vacated. The muffled thump, thump, thump of his cane echoed across the hardwood. Addy didn’t wait to hear him reach the bathroom. She took herself and the ladder downstairs.

  The ladder went back on the peg behind the laundry room door and she headed into the kitchen and the phone she’d abandoned on the island. The device was picked up as she made her way to the window overlooking the backyard and the play structure she’d talked Macy into building a few years back. The children loved it, but at that moment, there was only one child there and the sight of her daughter sitting alone on the swing made her insides hurt. It made her set the phone down and head outside in the cool autumn midafternoon. Her shoes crunched on discarded leaves as she crossed to the caged off play area and the little girl absently kicking sand with the toe of her sneakers.

  “Hey baby.” Hanna’s head popped up. One brown eye squinted against the sun as Addy drew closer. “What are you doing?”

  Hanna jerked a tiny shoulder. “Nothing.”

  Addy took the empty swing next to her. “How come you’re not playing?”

  Wisps of light brown hair feathered across rosy cheeks with the soft whisper of wind. “It’s no fun playing alone.”

  “I’ll play with you,” Addy volunteered. “What do you want to do?”

  Hanna shook her head. “No, thank you.”

  Addy reached over and brushed the strands back behind Hanna’s ear. “Want to help me make muffins?”

  Hanna’s head bent to the side. “Can I lick the bowl?”

  “Oh absolutely!” Addy rose. “I wouldn’t let anyone else take that honor.”

  Delighted, Hanna hopped off the swing and took the hand Addy offered. “When is Sean coming home?”