His Lullaby Baby

by Airicka Phoenix

Toby nodded. “Yup, the whole McClain clan. Occasionally, Aunt Lily’s parents will drop by and Jared’s parents, but other than that…”

  “That must be very nice,” she mused quietly. “To be so close to your family.”

  “Trust me, we had no choice.” He grinned across the table at her. “Family is the most important thing in the McClain household. It’s synonymous with loyalty, respect and honesty. Thicker than thieves.”

  She smiled. “I like that. I’ve always wanted a large family.” As quickly as the words had left her, she looked away and cleared her throat. “It’s good that you have such a close connection with them. It is very important.”

  Unwilling to let it go, Toby pressed. “Do you have any siblings?”

  Addy shook her head. “No, I was an only child.” But that was all she would give him.

  Between bites, Toby studied the woman on the other end of the table. She hadn’t glanced up from her plate, which she was picking at absently. On either side of the table, the children were quiet as they polished off their plates. Maybe it was because he was used to Kari and Owen screaming at each other from across the table, but the absence of children being children was unnatural. Part of him wondered if they were always like that or if they were just uncomfortable with him being there. He was a stranger. But they had to be used to having people sitting at their dinner table, people they didn’t know.

  Nevertheless, he let it go. He’d only been there a few hours—most of which was spent sleeping—so he was in no position to question the way of things. Plus, it could change tomorrow.

  Supper ended. Sean helped Addy haul dishes into the kitchen, where Hanna dragged a stool over to the sink and climbed onto it. She passed plates to Addy, who scraped the excess food into the disposal, rinsed the dish, and stuck it into the dishwasher. The system was fluid, one that came from habit. Not given any instructions, Toby sat in the second stool and watched.

  “Paperwork’s done.” Sean returned to the kitchen an hour later. “I left the numbers on the desk for you to double check.”

  “You do the paperwork?” Toby asked.

  “I wouldn’t trust anyone else,” Addy replied without an ounce of concern as she wiped the counters down. “He’s better than even Macy was.”

  He’s ten! Toby wanted to protest, but he’d already begun to accept that everything he knew about children from watching his niece and nephews didn’t apply to Sean. That kid was in a league completely on his own.

  “I’m going to read and then go to bed,” Sean said when no further comment was made. “Do you want me to check on the horses before I go?”

  Addy shook her head. “I checked on them before dinner. Mr. LaRue will be by in a few minutes to put them to bed. Go ahead and turn in.” She set the rag aside and went to her son. She kissed him on the top of the head. “Goodnight, sweetie.”

  “Night.”

  With a quick nod at Toby, the boy turned and ambled from the room.

  “He’s one hell of a kid,” Toby murmured, genuinely impressed.

  “Yeah, he is.” Addy returned to the island. “I got very lucky.”

  “What about me?” Short legs swinging, Hanna peered at her mother with wide eyes.

  Grinning, Addy kissed Hanna on the brow. “Definitely lucky to have you, too.”

  Pleased, Hanna beamed. “Are we going to play Candyland again?”

  Addy shrugged. “Sure. If you want, but after your bath.”

  Squirming, Hanna turned on her stool and faced Toby. “Do you want to play?”

  “Candyland?” At Hanna’s nod of confirmation, Toby rubbed his jaw. “I think I can handle that.”

  Face bright with excitement, Hanna pivoted around to tug on her mother’s sleeve. “Mr. McClain—” Toby flinched. “—says he wants to play!”

  Addy’s gaze moved over the girl’s head and fixed on him. “Does he?” She lowered her eyes to Hanna. “Then we better hurry and get cleaned up.”

  With a nod, Hanna scooted off the stool and booked it out of the room. Addy draped the damp rag over the faucet to dry, checked for any stray dishes she might have forgotten, and then turned on the dishwasher.

  “Thank you,” she murmured, still staring at the dishwasher buttons.

  “For what?”

  Her head lifted. “Everything.”

  Chapter 6 ~ Addy

  There was an infinite sort of peace in the predawn hours when the rest of the world was either still sleeping or just climbing out of bed. There was a time Addy could sleep until noon and still wake up exhausted and miserable. But that hadn’t happened in years and it had nothing to do with the children. Her inner alarm clock immediately sprung to life the moment five o’clock pushed around the corner. It didn’t matter what time she’d gone to bed the night before or how tired she still was. There was no going back to sleep after that. It was the one piece of her past she was unable to relinquish. It was the one bit of control he still held over her and she hated him all the more for it.

  Nevertheless, she tried to see it as a way to bake and spend a few hours alone before the children woke up or guests arrived. In the summer, it was her chance to take her morning coffee and stand on the porch and watch as steam rose off the grounds and the birds began their first song of the day. In the winter, she busied herself preparing cakes and cookies and watched snow shimmer along the windowsill. That morning, she put the three pans of bread in the oven to bake, made herself a cup of coffee, and stared at her reflection in the calm liquid.

  She hadn’t bothered with any of the lights, except the one over the stove. The house hummed with its usual tranquility and calm, but there was a war raging inside her. It hammered at her and built up like a storm in her chest until she could feel herself drowning. The familiar fist of panic and worry clung like a funeral shroud to her shoulders, pulling her under even as she struggled to remain afloat. It had been years and still every day felt like that last one, the day after. Any moment he would find her somehow. Someone, somewhere, would tell him where she’d gone and he’d show up. He’d take Sean and Hanna and—

  “Morning.”

  The unexpected intrusion snapped her out of her crumbling abyss with a ferocity that jerked at her nerves. The coffee mug toppled out of her grasp. It struck the counter flat on its bottom and cold coffee erupted from inside in a glorious arc that splattered across the marble. Addy yelped and jumped back, not from the brown puddle now streaming to the floor, but reflexively from the shadow that stood hovering in the doorway.

  “I’m sorry.” Toby hobbled in a step closer. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

  Addy shook her head. “No, I’m sorry. I’m not used to having people up with me at this hour.” Heart still hammering¸ she pulled out the mop. “Please, come in. Would you like some coffee or breakfast?”

  Toby did as she asked and made his way to the island while she cleaned up her mess. He sat, but didn’t speak until he had her full attention.

  “You okay?”

  Flustered, she nodded. “Yes, of course.” She pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. “How are you? Did you sleep all right?”

  A lopsided grin turned up the corner of his mouth. “I haven’t slept that good in ages. I might steal that mattress.”

  Addy laughed despite herself. “It’s my favorite as well. I practically lived on it when I was pregnant with Hanna. It was the only bed I could get comfortable on.”

  He hadn’t shaved yet. His jaw was a dark, stubbly carpet of growth that prompted an unexpected desire to touch, to rub the bristle beneath her palms and feel the contrast of his smooth lips. His hair was tousled and he wore a white t-shirt over a pair of loose flannel bottoms. His feet were bare and the sight of him so … casual in her home did strange things to her insides. But it was the swirl of ink winding down his arms that made her skin tingle. There were so many, an overlapping sea of colors and images. So many she couldn’t even begin to describe them all.

  “Are you hungry?” she blurted, tearing her eyes away fr
om the way his shirt strained over his chest. The material was nearly transparent, revealing even more tattoos underneath that she couldn’t properly make out. “I was going to make French toast.”

  Not waiting for a response, she turned away from him and all his distracting ways and began gathering the ingredients. She set them on the counter between them, along with a mug. She filled it with coffee.

  “Do you have any plans for today?” she asked, cracking eggs into a bowl.

  “Going to shower then probably head on over to my parent’s place.” One hand unfurled from around the mug and lifted to scratch absently at his jaw. The soft rustle was a nice sound. “Might not be back until Sunday evening though, or early Monday morning.”

  Addy never glanced up from her task, but she nodded. “That’s all right. The Charleston’s will be arriving later this afternoon so…” she let the rest trail off, not entirely certain where she was going with it to begin with.

  “Addy?”

  Something about the way he always said her name made her stomach flutter and her chest tighten. The conflicting emotions never failed to mess with her head.

  She peered up at him. “Yes?”

  His blue eyes were so incredibly focused. They burned into her, tearing away everything to get to her very center. Addy shifted.

  “I hope you don’t feel like I ambushed you into letting me stay here,” he said at last. “That wasn’t my intentions.”

  Taken completely by surprise, Addy started. Her whisking paused as she regarded him.

  “No, I never thought that.” And she hadn’t. She’d been ambushed and strong armed into doing things she didn’t want to do her entire life. She knew the feeling well. She hadn’t once felt that way with Toby. “I appreciate everything you’ve done and are doing for us.”

  Toby searched her face a moment before speaking. “Good, because I don’t mind leaving if you would rather not have me here.”

  The offer was tempting. Him being there was a distraction she couldn’t afford to have, but fair was fair. He’d already done so much for her without asking for a single worthwhile thing in return. Giving him a bed was hardly skin off her nose. It was the very least she could do.

  The mug was brought to his mouth. The ceramic rim rested lightly against his bottom lip. It was tipped back and his Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. It was a normal gesture, but everything about it momentarily captivated her. He captivated her. It was ridiculous, but she couldn’t help feeling a stab of jealousy towards the inanimate object.

  Feeling like an idiot, she quickly turned her attention back to the bread soaking in her batter. She dropped several pieces onto the hot, greased griddle.

  “Would you like another cup of coffee?”

  Dusting her hands off on the soft grain of her jeans, Addy turned to the man taking up too much space in her kitchen. “No, thank you. One cup is usually my max, spilled or not.”

  A grin turned up his mouth. “Did you even drink any of your first cup? When I got here, you were trying to scare it into submission. Had it offended you?”

  She laughed. “I’m all right. Thanks.” She returned to the pan and poked the soggy bread with the edge of her spatula. “So what do you guys do all weekend?”

  The stool under him creaked. She didn’t glance back.

  “It all depends on the weather and the season,” he said. “We mostly do family stuff.”

  “All weekend?”

  She did turn then, just in time to catch his nod.

  “Fridays, Jared, Damon, and I go to Billy’s for a few beers before heading over to my parent’s place. It’s something we’ve been doing since I turned twenty-one. Never miss a Friday with the boys. But other than that, most weekends, we’ll go away or we’ll make plans for more than one activity so we just crash at my parent’s place or my aunt and uncle’s.”

  She flipped the breads before dusting her hands and turning. “That sounds so wonderful.”

  “Do you have family nearby?”

  Addy shook her head. “No.”

  “So it’s just you and the kids?”

  “Always has been,” she murmured quietly.

  He leaned forward resting his forearms on the counter between them.

  “Where’s your husband?”

  A muscle tightened in the pit of her stomach, a familiar fist of dread that never really went away.

  She prolonged responding by busying her hands checking on the breads. She switched them out for new ones and brought the cooked ones over to the table. The syrup and powdered sugar were set down next to the steaming plate.

  “He’s not in the picture,” she told her hands while she set a second plate in front of Toby. “He hasn’t been since Sean was six. It’s just the three of us.”

  “So Sean and Hanna, different dads?”

  She shook her head. “Same dad. I didn’t know I was pregnant when we left. Hanna was a surprise.”

  “Ah,” he murmured softly. “Does he see them?”

  “No.” She turned away to face the griddle, hoping that was enough of a deterrent to make him stop asking questions.

  “Has he ever met Hanna?”

  Her fingers tightened around the spatula. “No.”

  It was only the fear of letting the breakfast burn that kept her from making an excuse and leaving the room. Even then, the urge was overwhelming.

  “I’m sorry.”

  I’m not, she wanted to say.

  “It’s okay,” was what she actually said. “We’re fine.”

  He said nothing else, to which she was eternally grateful. She stayed by the stove while he polished off two stacks of French toast and two cups of coffee. He was carrying his dishes to the sink when Sean arrived, dressed and showered and dragging his backpack behind him. He dumped the bag down next to the door and heaved himself up onto the stool Toby hadn’t been occupying.

  “Morning,” Addy said to her son as she slid a plate down in front of him. “Do you have everything?”

  Sean nodded mutely and dove into his breakfast.

  Addy made three more stacks and wrapped them away. She cleaned off the griddle and polished down the counters.

  “The Charleston’s will be here around noon,” she told the boy. “Is everything ready up front?”

  Again, Sean nodded. “I’ll turn the debit machine on before I go.”

  Addy smiled. “Thanks, love.”

  “You are amazing,” Toby piped in as he shoved his newly rinsed dishes into the dishwasher. “Owen can’t even find his socks in the morning and don’t even get me started on Colten.”

  Sean lowered his head, the tips of his ears red. “It’s not a big deal.”

  “Dude, totally big deal,” Toby argued. “I have never met a ten year old like you. Someone needs to clone you or something.”

  A muscle at the corner of Sean’s lips twitched into an almost grin before he chased it away with the forkful of French toast he shoved into his mouth.

  “I’m going to double check the room,” Addy decided. “Make sure everything is perfect before they arrive. Hopefully your sister will be awake when they get here or God help us.”

  With a shared grin exchanged between mother and son, Addy left the kitchen.

  Realistically, there was nothing wrong with the room. She’d already gone over every inch of it with a fine tooth comb the last three weeks. But she needed to put space between herself and Toby’s questions. Aside from Macy and her support group, no one knew about her past. No one ever asked. The people who visited the inn were mostly out of towners and politeness kept them from asking. People from town, when she’d first arrived had been waylaid by Macy, who had insisted Addy was her niece from out of town and her business was her own. Nothing more, nothing less, and Macy had been part of Willow Creek for too damn long for anyone to press. Addy had clung behind that for so long that she didn’t know how to answer anything beyond the last four years of her life. Now, with Toby crashing into her world, she had nowhere to hide.

/>   “Mom?”

  Spinning away from the bed she’d been staring at the last ten minutes, Addy turned to the small figure standing in the doorway.

  “Yes, baby?”

  Sean adjusted the strap on his backpack higher on his shoulder. “Bus’ll be here in a few minutes. I started the debit machine and pulled up the Charleston’s application on the computer.”

  Toby was right, Sean was an amazing kid. She had no idea how she got so lucky, but he and Hanna were the only things that made her past bearable.

  She crossed the room and pulled him into her arms. He’d gotten so tall; he reached her shoulder. She crushed him close and kissed the side of his head.

  “I love you.”

  He didn’t hug her back, he never did, but he didn’t pull away.

  “Love you, too.”

  She stroked the back of his head a couple of times before drawing back. She peered into his brown eyes and tried to only see her own face peering back, but he looked like his father. There was no escaping that.

  “Have a good day at school, okay?”

  With a nod, he turned and shuffled out of the room. Addy stayed a moment longer before making her way further down the hall in the opposite direction of the stairs. Her, Sean, and Hanna’s rooms were at the very end. All three doors were closed, but she stopped at Hanna’s door and gingerly nudged it open. The girl could sleep like the dead, but Addy was still careful not to wake her if she could avoid it. That was the last year Hanna would be allowed to sleep in and she wanted her to enjoy it while it lasted.

  Sure enough, the girl was sprawled star-fish style across the bed, surrounded by an army of stuffed animals, dolls, and books. Her little face was mashed into the pillow, her mouth propped open. Her hair was a chaotic tangle. One tiny foot twitched, but she remained blissfully ignorant to Addy.

  Addy shut the door and crept to Sean’s. She opened the door and peered inside for leftover laundry or an unmade bed. Instead, she found a perfectly made bed and a room that could pass a military inspection. Every book was neatly in its place. Every hanger was exactly two inches apart. It was the room of someone with severe OCD tendencies, but that wasn’t the case, nor did it seem to matter that he’d only been six and four years had passed since those days. Some habits could never be broken. She knew, because her own room was the same.