His Lullaby Baby

by Airicka Phoenix

  “Brilliant!” Calla sucked in a breath and released it with a satisfied huff. “This will be awesome.”

  The evening ended when seven rolled around and bedtime became mandatory. The only ones who didn’t fuss about leaving were Sean, Colten, and Owen. The three boys stood off to the side as Kari and Hanna tried to barter another five minutes.

  “Sean has school in the morning,” Addy tried to tell her.

  “But we don’t!” Hanna whined.

  “Actually, that reminds me.” Sloan turned to Addy. “The second to last weekend of the month is our last campout of the year. Just the guys. We leave Friday and return Sunday evening. We’d like Sean to come, if you’re okay with that. He doesn’t need to bring anything, except his clothes.”

  Addy’s mouth parted in surprise. Her gaze jumped from Sloan to Toby before moving to where Sean stood, looking equally stunned.

  “What do you think?” she asked him. “Would you like to go camping?”

  Sean glanced at Owen, who nodded vigorously. “Yeah…” He looked back to his mom. “That could be fun.”

  Addy faced Sloan once more. “If you’re sure…”

  Sloan nodded. “Yeah, the boys love it and it’s perfectly safe. There’ll be five adults and three kids so we’ll have them outnumbered.”

  “We’ve been doing it since I was a kid,” Toby assured her. “We have yet to lose or maim anyone.”

  “Calla did come close that one time though,” Damon remembered.

  “You mean when you hurled that hatchet at my head?” Calla snapped.

  “I wasn’t aiming for your head.” Damon rolled his tongue over his teeth, badly concealing his grin. “I was aiming for your face.”

  “Which is on my head!”

  “All right you two,” Sloan intervened. “We’re trying to assure Addy that we’re going to bring her son back in one piece.”

  Calla huffed, but mashed her lips together.

  Addy laughed. “It sounds great. Thank you.”

  Sloan inclined his head. “We’ll talk more about it next weekend.”

  Twice in the matter of a few minutes, Addy’s jaw unhinged. “Next weekend?”

  Sloan raised an eyebrow. “You are coming back, aren’t you?”

  Her mouth opened and closed and only squeaking sounds emerged. Her wide, panicked gaze shot to Toby, silently begging for help. He just shrugged and motioned her to answer.

  “We would love to, but you don’t have to—”

  “Good,” Sloan cut her off. “We liked having you.”

  “Plus you promised to teach me how to make that caramel apple parfait,” Beth reminded her.

  “Oh…” Addy’s features softened. “Yeah, of course. I’d really like that.”

  “You know, we could have been playing right now.” Hanna’s grumble got a few chuckles and reminded Addy they were leaving.

  They said goodbye and made their way to the truck. Toby made sure Hanna’s belt was properly secured before getting behind the wheel and taking them home.

  “What did you think?” he asked later when the kids were in bed and the house was quiet. “Did you have fun?”

  Standing with the island between them, Addy kept her head down as she kneaded balls of dough from a bowl full of premade lumps. She hadn’t said much during their drive and even when they got home, she had been unusually quiet.

  “Ad?”

  She ceased her kneading and glanced up. The tears in her eyes had him leaping off his stool and skirting the counter as fast as his cane would allow him.

  “What?” he demanded. “Did someone say something?”

  She caught her lip between her teeth and shook her head. “They were all so nice.”

  Not having been expecting that response, Toby could do nothing more than gather her up into his chest and cradle her. His fingers worked through her soft hair and smoothed along the curve of her spine. Her goopy hands hung at her sides, but she leaned into him.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered into his shoulder.

  “You have nothing to be sorry about.” He kissed the hollow at her temple. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

  She pulled back and swiped quickly under her eyes with the back of her hands. “It’s ridiculous.”

  “I don’t believe that.”

  Her lashes lowered. “I’ve never had a family before.”

  There were a few times Toby had wanted to ask about her past, but he’d always refrained; the topic brought such sadness to her eyes that part of him wasn’t sure he wanted to know. But he knew eventually, he would need to ask and she would hopefully tell him.

  “Where is your family?” he hedged carefully.

  Addy turned away. “I don’t know.” Her fingers sunk into the clump of dough. “I haven’t seen them in ten years.”

  He let it go. There was time to ask more later.

  “What are you doing?”

  She rolled and thumped the dough a few times before answering, “I’m prepping stuff for the café tomorrow.” She peered up at him. “Willa said they had enough stuff left over from the event, but I thought I would make some pies.”

  “More pie.” He scratched at the bristles on his jaw. “I can see I’m going to have to invest in a gym membership.”

  Addy laughed. “You could always not indulge.”

  “Oh, I never not indulge. Indulging is what I do best.”

  Those warm brown eyes rose up and met his. Her lush, pink lips were curved still in an almost secretive grin that tugged at all the muscles in his abdomen. Everything about that smile made him want to devour her, to sink his teeth into her until she was moaning and writhing. The sound she made when she was aroused kept him up at night. It kept him painfully hard and throbbing. Every part of him wanted to take her right there, right against the island, but something kept stopping him. Hell if he knew what.

  “Your sister was really sweet to offer to help me with the Halloween stuff,” she said when his brain continued to malfunction.

  Toby snorted. “Calla has a work obsession. She likes projects and keeping busy. Trust me, you’re doing her the favor.”

  Addy shrugged. “Still. I have no idea where to start so I really appreciate any help she can give.”

  His hand moved without his consent and settled lightly on the small of her spine. “Addy?”

  She tipped her head back and met his gaze. “Yeah?”

  “Not right now, but when you’re ready, I’d really like to know about what happened.”

  Her fingers still in their kneading. Her mouth tightened. Something closed behind her eyes like a door getting caught in a cold draft.

  “What happened when?”

  “Before you came to Willow Creek. About your family and the kids’ father. I want to know everything.”

  Her head turned away. “Why?”

  “Why do I want to know?” He almost laughed at the question, but knew she wouldn’t appreciate it. So, he bit it back. “Because it’s part of you and I told you, I’m invested.”

  Her chin jerked up. “So you just want to make sure you made a good investment in me, in case I’m some kind of damaged goods?”

  Toby jerked back. “Whoa! That’s not what I meant!”

  Her face snapped away once more and he could see the glass shattering force of her jaw working.

  “Addy.” He didn’t touch her again, but he wanted to. “I’ll tell you whatever you want to know about my past, because if we’re going to make this work, we need to be honest. Will whatever happened change my mind about you? Hell no! I’m crazy about you and those kids. I’m in it for the long haul no matter what, but we can’t keep things from each other.”

  “But this doesn’t matter.” Her voice was so low he almost didn’t hear her. “I can’t…”

  “Hey.” He took her arm lightly and turned her to face him. “Let me in.”

  Wet eyes met his from a face masked in dismay and pain. Uncertainty coiled around her mouth and along her jaw. The skin on her elbow seemed
to be vibrating.

  “It took a long time for me to put my past aside.”

  “But you haven’t,” he whispered gently. “You wouldn’t hesitate about the catering business or telling me what happened if you had.”

  Guilt lowered her lashes, concealing her eyes from him.

  “It’s not that simple.”

  His fingers grazed her cheek lightly. “I know, baby. But I’m here. I’ll listen and I’ll fix whatever you’re scared of.” He tucked his fingers beneath her chin and tilted her face to his. “I won’t let anyone or anything hurt you or the kids. I’ll keep you safe.”

  “I’m not ready, Toby.”

  “Okay, but I’m here.”

  Her slight frame lifted up on her toes and she brushed a loving kiss to his mouth. Her fingers splayed across the hard muscles of his chest, leaving smudges of wet dough on fabric.

  “Tell me your flaws,” she whispered, still pressed into him. “I need to know you’re not perfect.”

  Toby arched an eyebrow. “I don’t know. That’s going to be hard to do.” He grinned when she shot him a dry scowl.

  “I guess ego could be added to the list,” she teased.

  Hooking his cane along the edge of the island, he clasped his hands at the curve of her lower back. He pulled her flush into him.

  “I’ve killed people.”

  That wasn’t the thing he’d wanted to share first. Something like that needed to be worked into a conversation. The other person needed to be eased into it, and while Addy didn’t pull away, her eyes had gone wide against her ashen complexion.

  “I was ordered to,” he attempted to justify. “But not always. We were in enemy territory and there are no rules there. I’m not proud of it. Their faces are all I see when I close my eyes. I know they were fathers and sons and brothers to someone and because of me…”

  “Toby…” Her fingers tightened into his top. “You can’t blame yourself for that.”

  “I don’t,” he whispered. “That’s the problem. I don’t regret what I did. It was either them or me, or one of my men, and I going home. I was going to see my family again. My men were going to do the same. So, I did what I had to do. It was how I got shot. We were deployed on a rescue mission and it was dark. One of the men thought we were the enemy insurgent. He shot blindly and got me.”

  “You were a police officer?” she asked softly, with just a hint of an edge.

  “Combat search and rescue officer. We’re the ones that go in to get our troops out of hostile territories.”

  She’d gone very still. “But you’re not a soldier?”

  He had to think about that for a moment. “No, I’m … I was an officer. We weren’t sent into battle to fight. We were sent to find and rescue and only engage when necessary. Some might consider us soldiers because of what we do and the way we put our lives at risk, but I’m not one of the guys at the front of the line. Those are the real heroes.”

  His top clung to her fingers when she pried them free. The heels of his feet hit the floor as she drew away.

  “What? Addy!” he said when she started to shake her head.

  Her gaze lowered to the mess she’d left behind on his top. “My ex was military,” she murmured. “Infantry. He was injured during his first tour. He took enemy fire in the chest. The shrapnel nicked his heart and lungs.” Her fingers closed around a dishrag. She swiped at her handprints on his chest. “He lived.”

  It wasn’t said, but he could hear the disappointment in her voice.

  “What did he do to you, Addy?”

  Thick lashes lifted and he was caught in the unwavering stare of her eyes. “Not tonight.”

  Chapter 14 ~ Addy

  October proved to be the busiest month of Addy’s life. Putting aside the fundraiser event, she spent the majority of her time baking heaps of confections for delivery to Under The Willow. When she wasn’t elbow deep in baked goods, she had a four year old with vast ninja skills to contend with; Hanna was eating the goods faster than Addy could produce.

  “You should put her in daycare with Kari,” Willa had suggested one afternoon while she’d stopped by to pick up the next day’s stock. “It’ll be great for her and she’ll have other kids to play with. Plus, she’ll be out of your hair.”

  Addy couldn’t argue the wisdom of that decision. The idea had never seemed logical when it was just her and cleaning. But the demand of her growing business propelled her to enroll the girl, and it was the best decision she’d ever made, except now she had to keep three fully grown men out of her kitchen.

  “I swear, if I see one more hand reaching for that pan, I will cut it off!” she threatened with a laugh, having caught Damon for the fourth time trying to sneak strawberry tarts off a steaming hot tray.

  “Just one!” the man pleaded. “I promise. Then I’ll go away.”

  Addy shook her head. “You said that about the turnovers.”

  Damon’s blue eyes widened. “And I only took one!”

  He’d also taken one cookie, one donut twist, and one full pie.

  “You know, I can’t figure out how you McClain men keep your figures,” she mumbled affectionately.

  “I’m a Dumont,” Jared interrupted. “And I was born with this girlish figure.”

  Laughing, Addy went back to shoveling oatmeal and raisin cookies off trays and onto cooling racks. “I need to start baking just for you boys.”

  Both Jared and Damon perked—Damon with a full cookie wedged in his cheek.

  “Really? You would do that?”

  She was shaking her head with silent amusement when Toby stepped into the kitchen. He looked at the two men crowding her island and raised an eyebrow.

  “I didn’t realize we were having a party.”

  He made his way to stand on Addy’s side … and stole a cookie.

  “Hey!” She swatted with her spatula and missed. “You three … I am going to tell your wives what pain in the asses you are.”

  Damon and Jared had the decency to look mildly panicked. Toby just shrugged and stole another cookie. He stuffed it into his mouth before she could snatch it back.

  “Knock yourself out,” he mumbled around the mouthful. “You’d only be addressing the complaint to yourself.” He turned away, completely missing the stunned look Addy shot him. “Ooo! Tarts!”

  Coming out of her shock, Addy lunged for him before he could steal one. “Put that back!”

  Blocked by his broad back, she could only flail and swat at air while he stuffed the entire thing into his mouth.

  “Hey! Why does he get one?” Damon demanded, genuinely offended.

  “Out!” she barked, jabbing a finger in the direction of the backdoor. “All three of you little thieves, out!”

  “But I didn’t do anything!” Jared actually whined.

  Toby grabbed four cookies and Damon grabbed another turnover before the whole lot shuffled out the door.

  Addy groaned and pinched the bridge of her nose. At least Hanna had been one tiny person and easily scolded into not touching. Three men twice her size … much harder to corral.

  Toby went to get Hanna from daycare later that afternoon. The other men left the same time to get their own children, leaving Addy alone to finish packing up what little she was able to save into containers and put away for Willa or Calla to pick up the next morning. She was cleaning up her morning mess when the front door swung open and Sean rushed home.

  “Mom!” he called out. “I’m home!”

  “Kitchen!”

  The pounding of his hurried footsteps filled the house before he darkened the doorway, hair in disarray, cheeks flushed an excited pink. But it was the honest to God grin straining from ear to ear that made Addy stop and stare.

  “Hey, what has you so happy?” she asked once she’d gotten over her initial shock at seeing her own child smiling.

  The books in his bag thumped as they hit the floor by the opening. His jacket quickly followed and he rushed to the stool.

  “Colten
asked me to sit at the back of the bus with him today!” the boy practically panted. “He just walked up to me and said, sit with us. Just like that. Sit with us.” Straight, white teeth flashed as his smile widened to the point she feared his face would split. “I sat at the back of the bus.”

  Addy had never taken the school bus. Her school had been down the block, within walking distance, so the bus situation was a new thing to her. Nevertheless, she beamed.

  “That is wonderful!”

  Sean nodded rapidly. “I think it’s because we’ve been spending so much time with them, you know? Going over on weekends and doing all that stuff … maybe he thinks we’re friends?”

  It was such an odd statement, Addy hesitated. “Aren’t you friends?”

  Thin shoulders swooped up to hang at his ears. His fingers splayed, palms up on the table. “I don’t know! I mean, the last few weeks is the most we’ve ever talked.” He scratched at his temple absently. “Lately, he and Owen have been asking me to sit with them at lunch and at recess. I didn’t think it meant anything, but…” Enormous brown eyes jumped to her face. “Do you think that makes us friends?”

  Her heart broke at the question. Self-loathing brewed in thick, bitter paste at the back of her throat. How could he not know what having friends was like? Had she really sheltered him that badly?

  “Who did you play with before?” she asked, fighting to keep her voice from choking.

  Sean shrugged. “No one. I just sat and waited for the bell to ring.”

  What little was left of her soul shattered and it was only because he was watching her, waiting for her to tell him what he should have known that kept her from sinking to the floor.

  “Yeah,” she whispered at last. “I think that makes them your friends.”

  His grin returned with a force that knocked out whatever of her was left. “I like that. Going to start my homework.”

  He hopped off the stool and ran to where he’d tossed aside his things. It was all scooped up and he was gone.

  Addy broke. She tried to smother the sob with her hand. It burned into her palm, mixing with the salty tears crashing endlessly down her cheeks. She clutched at the counter and doubled over as the pain ripped into her stomach.