Clarissa Harlowe; or the history of a young lady — Volume 7

by Samuel Richardson

  LETTER LXXI

  MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ.FRIDAY, AUG. 4.

  SIR,

  I hold myself extremely obliged to you for your communications. I willmake no use of them, that you shall have reason to reproach eitheryourself or me with. I wanted no new lights to make the unhappy man'spremeditated baseness to me unquestionable, as my answer to MissMontague's letter might convince you.*

  * See Letter LXVIII. of this volume.

  I must own, in his favour, that he has observed some decency in hisaccounts to you of the most indecent and shocking actions. And if allhis strangely-communicative narrations are equally decent, nothing willbe rendered criminally odious by them, but the vile heart that couldmeditate such contrivances as were much stronger evidences of hisinhumanity than of his wit: since men of very contemptible parts andunderstanding may succeed in the vilest attempts, if they can once bringthemselves to trample on the sanctions which bind man to man; and soonerupon an innocent person than upon any other; because such a one is apt tojudge of the integrity of others' hearts by its own.

  I find I have had great reason to think myself obliged to your intentionin the whole progress of my sufferings. It is, however, impossible, Sir,to miss the natural inference on this occasion that lies against hispredetermined baseness. But I say the less, because you shall not thinkI borrow, from what you have communicated, aggravations that are notneeded.

  And now, Sir, that I may spare you the trouble of offering any futurearguments in his favour, let me tell you that I have weighed every thingthoroughly--all that human vanity could suggest--all that a desirablereconciliation with my friends, and the kind respects of his own, couldbid me hope for--the enjoyment of Miss Howe's friendship, the dearestconsideration to me, now, of all the worldly ones--all these I haveweighed: and the result is, and was before you favoured me with thesecommunications, that I have more satisfaction in the hope that, in onemonth, there will be an end of all with me, than in the most agreeablethings that could happen from an alliance with Mr. Lovelace, although Iwere to be assured he would make the best and tenderest of husbands. Butas to the rest; if, satisfied with the evils he has brought upon me, hewill forbear all further persecutions of me, I will, to my last hour,wish him good: although he hath overwhelmed the fatherless, and digged apit for his friend: fatherless may she well be called, and motherlesstoo, who has been denied all paternal protection, and motherlyforgiveness.

  ***

  And now, Sir, acknowledging gratefully your favour in the extracts, Icome to the second request I had to make you; which requires a great dealof courage to mention; and which courage nothing but a great deal ofdistress, and a very destitute condition, can give. But, if improper, Ican but be denied; and dare to say I shall be at least excused. Thus,then, I preface it:

  'You see, Sir, that I am thrown absolutely into the hands of strangers,who, although as kind and compassionate as strangers can be wished to be,are, nevertheless, persons from whom I cannot expect any thing more thanpity and good wishes; nor can my memory receive from them any moreprotection than my person, if either should need it.

  'If then I request it, of the only person possessed of materials thatwill enable him to do my character justice;

  'And who has courage, independence, and ability to oblige me;

  'To be the protector or my memory, as I may say;

  'And to be my executor; and to see some of my dying requests performed;

  'And if I leave it to him to do the whole in his own way, manner, andtime; consulting, however, in requisite cases, my dear Miss Howe;

  'I presume to hope that this my second request may be granted.'

  And if it may, these satisfactions will accrue to me from the favour doneme, and the office undertaken:

  'It will be an honour to my memory, with all those who shall know that Iwas so well satisfied of my innocence, that, having not time to write myown story, I could intrust it to the relation which the destroyer of myfame and fortunes has given of it.

  'I shall not be apprehensive of involving any one in my troubles orhazards by this task, either with my own relations, or with your friend;having dispositions to make which perhaps my own friends will not be sowell pleased with as it were to be wished they would be;' as I intend notunreasonable ones; but you know, Sir, where self is judge, matters, evenwith good people, will not always be rightly judged of.

  'I shall also be freed from the pain of recollecting things that my soulis vexed at; and this at a time when its tumults should be allayed, inorder to make way for the most important preparation.

  'And who knows, but that Mr. Belford, who already, from a principle ofhumanity, is touched at my misfortunes, when he comes to revolve thewhole story, placed before him in one strong light: and when he shallhave the catastrophe likewise before him; and shall become in a mannerinterested in it; who knows, but that, from a still higher principle, hemay so regulate his future actions as to find his own reward in theeverlasting welfare which is wished him by his

  'Obliged servant,'CLARISSA HARLOWE?'