Living on the Edge

by Shannon K. Butcher

  That was not going to sit well with Sloane, and the fact that she hadn’t even looked at him since it was over was proof of it.

  Lucas limped out to the car and made his calls.

  He’d wait long enough to give his report, then hit the road. If he had to step into that house again and look at Sloane, he knew he’d grab her in his arms. And if he did that again, he knew, this time he wouldn’t be able to let go.

  It took half the night for Sloane to deal with the FBI and police and explain what had happened. She split her time between checking on Gina, searching for Lucas in the growing crowd in her home, and asking the officer interviewing her to repeat himself.

  Lucas had seemingly disappeared, and as much as she tried to tell herself it was for the best, she didn’t believe a word of that lie. She needed to see him. She needed to thank him for saving her and Gina tonight. She needed to run her hands over his body and make sure he was okay.

  Based on the way the agent was winding up to start asking her the same questions over again—for the third time—she guessed it was going to be a while before she was able to go search for him.

  Gina huddled inside a blanket Sloane’s mother had crocheted. A female officer was speaking to her, and so far, Sloane had no reason to believe Gina was in distress. She looked confused and rattled, but Gina was tough. She’d pull through this. Sloane would make sure of it.

  Sloane’s front door opened and her father walked in, surveying her home with a critical eye. She ignored the cop’s question and went to confront him. “What are you doing here?”

  Her father looked her over. His weathered hand reached toward her face. She’d hit the sink hard enough to split the skin over her eye and his fingers trembled close to the wound as if he wished he could take it away.

  Sloane tightened up every bit of resolve she had, battening down the hatches in preparation for his verbal assault. This was the part where he told her how this proved she was incapable of taking care of herself. How she needed to be protected and coddled and he was just the man to make it happen.

  She didn’t know how she was going to stand him listing all her inadequacies right now, when she already felt brittle and stretched too thin. There was too much going on. She, Lucas, and Gina had all nearly died tonight. There was the blood of a murdering drug lord all over her kitchen. People she didn’t know or trust had invaded her personal space. Lucas was nowhere to be seen, and right when what she needed most was a really tight hug.

  One good verbal hit from her father, and she worried she’d shatter into so many pieces she’d never be able to find them all to put herself back together.

  Her father’s hand settled gently on her head, stroking her hair. “Are you okay?” he asked, his voice strained.

  Sloane gave a tense nod. “Fine. It’s just a little cut.”

  “I’m sorry I couldn’t come sooner. It took a while to secure a helicopter.”

  “You didn’t need to come at all. I’m fine.”

  He nodded. His throat worked as if he were having trouble swallowing. “That’s what Lucas said when he called. But I had to see for myself.”

  “I’m sorry you had to come all this way. It really wasn’t necessary.”

  “You’re my daughter. Of course it was necessary. I love you.”

  A sob swelled inside her chest, threatening to burst free. She clenched her jaw until the urge passed and squared her shoulders. He’d used love as an excuse to control her before. She couldn’t let it happen again. “You should go. Everything is under control now.”

  He took her arm and led her down the short hall into her bedroom, where they had some relative privacy.

  His hand fell to his side in defeat, and suddenly, he looked twenty years older. His frame sagged and his eyes misted over. “Lucas was right. I should have told you everything. I didn’t, and now I’ve lost you forever, haven’t I?”

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about. Tell me what?”

  “I’m not sure it will even matter now.”

  Sloane didn’t know if he was using her curiosity against her, but she wouldn’t put it past him not to use every weapon at his disposal.

  She forced a shrug. “Tell me or not, but do it quick if you’re going to. I’m sure the police aren’t done with me yet.”

  “I know you think I’m a tyrant. I know you think I didn’t want you around, but you’re wrong. There were . . . circumstances that forced me to send you away when you were young.”

  “Circumstances. You expect me to believe that? What possible circumstances could there have been that would make you hate the sight of your own child?”

  “I never hated you. Everything I did was out of love for you.”

  “You had a funny way of showing it. You never visited. You hardly allowed Mom to visit. You didn’t want anyone to even know you had a daughter. What kind of father does that? What kind of father is so fucking selfish he can’t even give his own flesh and blood his name?”

  “I knew you’d be a target. I was involved with some ... bad things back then. I only wanted to protect you.”

  Sloane let out an angry laugh of disbelief. “Bullshit. You’re just saying that now that Mom’s gone and can’t clear up any lies you tell. You might as well admit the truth. Go ahead. It’s okay. I already know you were ashamed of me from the moment I was born. You wanted a boy who would grow up strong and brave and be just like you.”

  “You’re wrong. I wanted to shout to the world when you were born, but I couldn’t.”

  “Why? And don’t even try to feed me that crap about wanting to protect me. That was just a convenient excuse.”

  “It wasn’t an excuse. It’s the truth. And even with everything I did, I still failed to keep you safe. They found you when you were four. They took you. You may not remember, but it happened.”

  That weird flash from the jungle came back, bright as day. She could still taste the fear in her screams for her daddy. He’d told her he’d keep her safe, but strangers had taken her. They wanted to hurt her. They had all those needles. And the lady doctor with the bright red lips kept telling the others to hold her down.

  Then her father slammed into the room and batted them all away as easily as if they’d been stuffed animals. He’d scooped her up into his arms and held on to her like he’d never let go.

  “I remember.” And the memory left Sloane reeling. Her father wasn’t lying. At least not about that.

  “I never wanted you to know. I didn’t want you to be afraid. I had enough fear for both of us.”

  “Who did it? And what did they want with me?” she asked, her voice shaking.

  “It doesn’t matter now. I made sure you were always kept safe after that. You hated me for it, but that worked in your favor, so I let it stand. The less contact you had with me, the better.”

  “You can’t use that to excuse how you treated me. You had me trapped as a prisoner at that school.”

  “They never mistreated you. I made sure of it.”

  Sloane had to control the snarl of contempt that threatened to come through her tone. “That’s easy to say now. I hated it there.”

  “It was for your own good.”

  “Bullshit.”

  Her father let out a heavy sigh. “Think about it, Sloane. You’re a security professional. How would you have handled keeping a child safe from her parent’s dangerous, violent enemies?”

  Because Sloane had nothing to lose, and couldn’t stand arguing with her father, she took his question seriously. “I would advise staying in a secret, secure location until the threat was removed.”

  “And if that threat could not be eliminated? If more permanent arrangements had to be made?”

  A child had to learn and have some kind of a life. Go to school. Have friends. “Electronic surveillance. Around-the-clock armed guards. Carefully screened visitors. Restricted time in public.” As Sloane continued the list in her mind, she began to see a pattern.

  All those years, her father
had rarely made contact, and when he did, it had usually been through a handdelivered message from one of his men. All the parties and dances he’d forbidden her to go to were those conducted away from school grounds. Even Gina had gone through a security check before they were allowed to room together.

  Looking back with adult eyes, she could see his actions in a different light now. Maybe his efforts were less about controlling her in an effort to punish her for not being good enough and more about keeping her safe.

  Sloane’s whole world shifted, coming into sharper focus. She understood things that had always confused her before, but even that understanding couldn’t excuse one thing.

  “Why didn’t you go to Mom’s funeral?”

  His face sagged in grief. “I knew you would be there. I knew you’d cry. I can’t see you cry and not want to hold you, honey. I still have enemies, and there was no way to guarantee one of them wouldn’t show up there with a sniper rifle.”

  That declaration shocked the hell out of Sloane. Even after all she’d been through in the past few days, nothing had prepared her for that kind of news.

  “You’re telling me there are people out there who want to kill you? Still? Now?”

  He shrugged. “Only other old men like me. I try not to worry about it too much, but I couldn’t risk you—not with such long notice for the funeral. Anyone would have had time to prepare for a hit.” He looked at his shoes, but Sloane caught the glint of tears in his green eyes. “I went to her grave. I said my own private goodbyes. She would have understood even if no one else did.”

  “Mom always understood you. I thought it was because she let you walk all over her, but it was more than that, wasn’t it?”

  “Our relationship wasn’t conventional, but it worked for us. I loved her. Just like I love you.”

  “I’ve never been as understanding as Mom. You should have told me this before. If I’d known, maybe things would be different.”

  Her father nodded, sighed. “I thought it was safer not to tell you, even after you were a grown woman. I didn’t want you getting mixed up in my mistakes. And the habit of protecting you is a hard one to break. From what Lucas told me, you don’t need me anymore. He says you know how to protect yourself.”

  Lucas told him that? How could he have lied that way after saving her life tonight? If it hadn’t been for him, there was a good chance both she and Gina would be dead. “Does this mean you won’t be sending any more of your men to follow me around like you did with Lucas?”

  He looked her right in the eyes. “Is that what you want?”

  “It is. I have to live my own life. I can’t keep worrying that you’re going to butt in because you’re ashamed of me or think I’m incapable of doing what needs to be done.”

  “I’ve never been ashamed of you a day in my life. I’ve spent years in fear for you, but never once felt a moment of shame. I’m amazed at the formidable woman you’ve become. I’m proud of you, Sloane.”

  She’d been waiting her whole life to hear those words. A sliver of her that was still Daddy’s little girl began to cry on the inside. Outside, she held it together, not wanting to give away how much his words had moved her. She still didn’t trust him completely. Maybe she never would, but for the first time in years, she was willing to give trust another shot.

  Sloane wrapped her arms around her father and hugged him hard. He was stiff for a moment before his arms came around her and held her tight. “I love you, Sloane. It makes me sad that I can’t show the world, but I’m going to make sure you never doubt it again.”

  Sloane couldn’t speak. She knew she was supposed to tell him she loved him, too, but words were beyond her. It took everything she had to hold herself together and not break down into the kind of emotional scene she knew he’d hate.

  And she did love him even though she had told herself for years she didn’t. It was easier to pretend than to deal with the rejection by the man who was supposed to love her most in the world.

  He pulled back, smoothing her hair away from her face. “Things are going to be different between us from now on. I promise.”

  Sloane offered him a tentative smile. “I’d like that.”

  “You’ll have to be careful. I still have enemies and they won’t hesitate to use you against me.”

  “I’ll be careful. I promise.” And she meant it. She wasn’t going to make any mistakes and cut short a life that looked more hopeful than ever.

  “I don’t want to butt in, but I do want to help. Is there anything I can do?”

  “I’ve got it under control. They’ve already moved the body. I think the authorities will be wrapping things up here soon. I’d appreciate it if you could find Lucas for me, though. I haven’t had a chance, and I want to thank him for what he did here tonight.”

  Her father frowned. “Lucas left before I came in. He called me. Said he was going home.”

  “Home?”

  “Arkansas. He’s got family there. I thought you knew.”

  She hadn’t expected him to leave without so much as a word after what he’d done tonight.

  Then again, they’d already had their farewell. No point in him staying, right? She’d made it clear there was nothing keeping him here. She wanted him to go and do what he needed to do. His family had to come first.

  Her father tipped her face up to study it. “You love him, don’t you?”

  She didn’t have to answer. Apparently there were some things even estranged fathers could see plain as day. “He has obligations.”

  “I spent a lifetime letting my obligations get in the way of being around the people I loved. It was a poor choice. If you love the man, don’t let him make the same mistake.”

  It was the bleakness in her father’s gaze that swayed Sloane. There was a kind of emptiness inside of him so huge, she swore she could almost hear the echo of his regrets. He’d made his own choices and he had to live with that, but she couldn’t stand the thought of Lucas suffering that same kind of emptiness. Even if it meant she had to leave her life here behind.

  Sloane nearly laughed at the idea of dropping everything for a man. She’d never once even been willing to make a compromise to let a man into her life. She’d thought it was because she was independent and didn’t need anyone. Now she realized that she’d just never cared enough before to make the sacrifice.

  “Can you help me find him?” she asked her father. “Maybe get the feds to finish up here so I can hit the road?”

  Bob Norwood’s smile filled his face, stripping away the years. “I’d love to.”

  Chapter 29

  Lucas sat on the front porch of the house he’d grown up in, letting his mother fuss over him. Pam Ramsey was thrilled her boy was home. Who was he to take that away from her just because he wished he were back in Dallas with Sloane?

  Mom beamed, grinning from ear to ear as she handed him a glass of milk and a plate of cookies. It wasn’t even noon yet and she was already baking up a storm.

  Dad was quieter in his welcome, but he hadn’t gone more than ten feet away from Lucas since he’d come through the front door early this morning. They’d even closed the restaurant so they could have the day off with him—something Lucas could remember happening only a handful of times in his entire life.

  “So, son,” said Dad, “you’re back for good, are you?”

  “Looks like,” said Lucas, trying to sound pleased by the idea.

  “I wasn’t sure you’d go through with it. I mean, I know you love us, but the restaurant has never been your thing.”

  Lucas shrugged. “I’ll adjust. It’s not like I don’t know the ropes.”

  Mom patted his knee. “You’ll do a great job. You’ll see.” She jumped up and headed for the front door. “Oops. Almost forgot the bread.”

  Lucas pushed the porch swing, letting the motion of it calm him. The neighborhood looked different now. Smaller. Except for the trees. They were huge, looming high overhead, shading the whole yard.

  “Wh
at’s bothering you?” asked Dad.

  “Nothing,” he lied. “Just settling in.”

  “How’s the knee?”

  It still hurt from the blow Soma had landed, but he’d survive. “It works. I’m grateful for that.”

  “Where were you the last few days? I kept trying to call.”

  “I was out of the country. I had a ... friend who needed some help.”

  “Ah. I see. A woman.”

  A car turned the corner, heading down the street. Likely another neighbor who’d heard he was home and came to welcome him back. That was the thing about small towns. Everyone knew his business here. He wasn’t sure he’d ever get used to that, even if he lived here for the next fifty years.

  Lucas grunted. Dad always seemed to know whenever there was woman trouble. In high school, it had been hellishly embarrassing. “It’s over.”

  “Not for you, from the looks of it. Want to talk about it?”

  Not even on a dare. “Nothing to say. She wasn’t interested.”

  The car turned into the driveway, the sun glinting off the windshield. Lucas didn’t recognize the car, though he imagined it would be a while before he’d memorized every vehicle in town, like he had when he was a kid.

  He took a swig of milk, wishing it was something stronger to help him get through this next round of nosiness disguised as well-wishing neighbors.

  “I don’t suppose that’s her getting out of that car, is it?” asked Dad.

  Lucas’s gaze shot to the driveway. Sloane stood there with the sun shining off her dark hair. She didn’t step forward. Instead, she hovered by the car, looking shy and uncertain.

  Lucas had no idea she even knew what those things were.

  “What the hell are you waiting on, son? Go out there.”

  Dad was right. He shook off his surprise at seeing her here and went down the steps to greet her. He did his best to hide the limp he couldn’t quite seem to control today. It didn’t matter if things were over between them. He still had his pride.