by Sienna Parks
“My husband gave this to me after we got married. He said it brought him to me. Keep it close, and you’ll find Travis.” I’m overwhelmed by such a wonderful gift.
“I can’t accept this. It’s too precious.” She wraps her hands around mine, the compass nestled tightly inside.
“It will steer you toward love. You need it more than I do.” Tears well in my eyes, not only for the gift itself but more so for her support. I’ve been alone in this fight for so long, I never realized how much it would mean to have someone champion me in my quest to win Travis back.
“Thank you. I can’t tell you what this means to me.” With a knowing smile and a wink of her eye, she reassures me.
“I know. Just take care of yourself, you hear?”
“I will. Thank you, again.” Arron walks me to the door, his brow furrowed as I slip the chain over my head tucking the compass safely inside my coat.
“And, thank you, Arron. I know you don’t approve, but I appreciate you mapping it out for me.”
“I think you could do better.” He squares his shoulders holding the door for me.
“It’s him that could do better, but if he’ll have me, I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to be worthy of him.” He rolls his eyes and closes the door in my face. But, my heart is full. One person believes I have a chance—that’s one more than I had this morning.
As I walk home through the streets of Cricket, a warmth spreads throughout my body. I have to prepare, but tomorrow I set off on my journey. Just the thought of being proactive fills me with hope. I stare up at the mountain—a breathtaking backdrop to this little town.
My future is on that mountain. I need to convince him of that.
I don’t know how Travis managed this trail while carrying me. The terrain is unforgiving and the forest thick with trees. I thought being more vigilant this time would make this easier, but the pathway is difficult to follow. If it wasn’t for Arron’s map and Babs’ compass, I’d be as lost as I feel.
When I make it to the end of the mapped-out route, I rest for a while. Everything around me is both familiar and unchartered. I recognize the larger landmarks, but I could get lost in any number of directions.
With the compass clutched in my hand, I take in every aspect of my surroundings, praying for guidance. As the needle finds north, I think of what Babs told me and make up my mind to follow its path. Follow the needle—follow my heart. It’s a good a reason as any when I have no clue where to find Travis going forward.
Minutes turn to hours as I wade through the brush looking for any signs of life. When I’ve just about given up for the day, I see evidence of a campfire. Hikers don’t come this far off the trail. It looks old, but it’s something. With no tracking skills, I need to take what I can get.
There’s no perceptible path through the trees from this opening, so I take a few moments to gather my thoughts. I’m trying to conserve some energy to build a camp tonight if I need to, but I have a good few hours before then. I walk the circle of this small open space, staring at the trees, begging them to speak to me. To tell me where to go next.
It’s then that I see it… as if by magic. In big letters carved into one of the tree trunks.
ELI
To a lost hiker, it wouldn’t ring alarm bells, but for me… it’s a sign. I scan every tree that surrounds it, looking for another carving—anything out of the ordinary. It could be in any direction, so I take out a bright yellow hair-tie and attach it one of the branches. I search twenty yards in one direction, careful to stay in a straight line. There’s nothing, so I double back and start again. On my third sweep, I see his name—the same scratched-out letters. I check the compass and continue on the same trajectory—north. I find a third, fourth, and fifth tree with his name carved into the bark. It’s a map in case they get separated.
I follow the breadcrumbs until I hear a shrill squeal in the distance. It’s them. I’m sure of it. With Elijah as my unsuspecting guide, I’m almost there. It’s not easy to make out where the laughter is coming from, but as it gets louder, my confidence grows. The moment I hear Travis, my heart skips a beat.
I’ve been working on adrenaline all day, but as it courses through my veins, every muscle in my body stiffens, and my feet won’t move. I take a deep breath, the fresh smell of leaves flooding my senses. The sky is barely visible as I look up through the trees. Hints of blue splinter through the green canopy like shards of ice.
My pulse is racing, my palms clammy as I brace myself for what’s to come. I’ve been going over and over what I want to say to Travis when I see him rehearsing a monologue to rival Shakespeare. But, now that I’m within earshot, my mind has gone blank, nerves swarming me as I force myself to take the next step.
One… two… walking the green mile of my hopes and dreams. Until now, this conversation has been Schrodinger’s Cat. If he turns me away, the future I want… the future I need… will be beyond reach. I know my chances are already slim, but I keep reminding myself that he came to the café. Every time I’ve seen him in town, he hasn’t shouted or marched me to the edge of town and told me never to come back.
I can see the rustic logs of the cabin walls nestled in an opening ahead. The trees become sparser and the brush beneath my boots less dense.
“Daddy, Daddy. Don’t tickle me. I don’t wike it!” Endless giggles betray his protests—a melody echoing through the trees. Together they are a symphony. It dawns on me that I’m an intruder in their world—on the outside looking in.
The last time I was here, Travis was alone—a rugged stranger who saved my life. Suddenly, this place is wholly unfamiliar. It isn’t a cabin in the woods—it’s a home. Travis isn’t a mysterious knight in shining armor—he’s a daddy with responsibilities and priorities that I can’t begin to comprehend. I shouldn’t have come.
“I love you so much, champ. You know that, right?”
“I wove you, too, Daddy.” And just like that, I fall in love with Travis all over again. I fall in love with their little family, and I know without a shadow of a doubt… I want this. I want them.
I step out from the safety of the trees, my heart pounding so hard I feel like it’s going to burst out of my chest. The buzzing hum of terror whooshes in my ears, my stomach churns, and my knees shake so bad I feel like the ground is shifting beneath my feet—the world tilting on its axis.
“Hello, Travis.”
18
TRAVIS
I’m dreaming. Seeing things. She’s not real.
“Hewwo. You’re the wady fwon LA.” Eli waves. I’m not hallucinating. She’s really here. Juliet is standing at the edge of the trees, her eyes sparkling at the sight of Elijah running toward her. He’s excited to have someone visit the cabin. Not even my parents have been here.
“What are you doing here, Jules? How are you here?” She looks exhausted. Her eyes find mine, fear and trepidation clear in her expression.
“I begged someone in town to map out the trails for me.”
“That wouldn’t get you here.”
“I followed my gut and this.” She holds up a necklace of some sort. “Then I found the tree carvings.” The wind is knocked right out of me. Those little pathways are impossible to navigate if you don’t know what you’re searching for.
“There’s no way.”
“Then how do you explain it? Have you ever told anyone about this place?”
“No… but…” She takes a step toward me, Eli now holding her hand, trying to drag her faster. It’s not until she’s standing two feet in front of me that my brain kicks back in. “I don’t understand.” Shrugging her backpack off her shoulders, it lands in the dirt with a cold, hard thump! The fact that she managed to lug it all the way up here is a miracle in and of itself.
“I don’t think you’d believe me if I told you.”
“Try me.” My eyes are transfixed on her lips. They’ve haunted my dreams tormenting me with the fact that I can’t devour them.
“Babs gave me
a compass. She told me it would lead me to you. When the trails stopped, I decided to take her advice literally. The needle points north, so that’s the way I walked. I followed my heart.”
“Don’t.”
“I mean it. When I almost gave up hope, I found your fire and Eli’s name on a tree.” She looks down to where Elijah looks up in amazement. “He guided me the rest of the way.” My blood is pumping so hard I can hear it in my ears. Boom… boom… boom!
“Champ, can you go inside for me?”
“But, I want to stay with her.”
“Now, Eli. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”
“Okay.” He drags his feet the whole way, but I need a moment to think.
I wait until I hear the door click shut.
“I only carved those trees a week ago. I was teaching Eli how to get home if we got separated. There are four different paths. Your chances of coming across them were slim to none.”
“Doesn’t that tell you something? We’re meant to be together, Travis. I’m here to make you see it, too. I knew the risks coming out here again. That my chances of finding you were low. But, I had faith. We found each other once.”
“I can’t do this.” Struggling to keep my composure, I take a step back, fisting my hands at my side to stop from pulling her into my arms. I need to protect my son. He doesn’t need to get to know her, only to have her leave. “You shouldn’t have co…”
Without a word, she lunges at me, kissing me with wild abandon. I should stop her, but every fiber of my being wants her. Our tongues twist and turn in a frenzied assault, our lips hungry for more. I wrap my arms around her, pulling her closer as her hands fist in my hair. I lose myself for long minutes, all of the reasons we shouldn’t be together… forgotten.
The delicious agony of my dick straining against my pants is what stops me.
Pushing her away takes every ounce of strength I have.
“You can sleep on the couch tonight. I’ll take you back to town tomorrow.” Her labored breaths only make me want to ravish her more, but kiss-swollen lips begin to form what I guess will be an argument.
“I brought a tent. I don’t want to impose. But, I can’t accept your offer for tomorrow.”
“Why not?”
“Because, I’m not leaving.”
“Juliet…”
“I’m going to prove to you that I’ve changed. That I love you, and I’ll wait as long as you need. I want to earn your trust. I know it won’t be easy, but nothing worthwhile ever is.” She turns on her heels and sets about getting her tent out of the oversized backpack she hauled with her.
“You’re really going to pitch a tent on my doorstep?”
“Yes.” I leave her to check on Eli, watching through the window as she wrestles with the tent.
An hour later, she’s still out there, obviously unwilling to come and ask for help. Finally, I relent and head back out. I take it out of her hands, much to her dislike.
“I didn’t ask you come help me.”
“No, you didn’t. But, if you insist on sleeping out here, I can’t very well let you freeze to death. How the hell did you survive out here until I found you last time?”
“The tent put itself up. I bought this one yesterday.”
“It’s almost dark. At least go inside and have a hot drink and some food.”
“I’m fine, thank you. I brought supplies.”
“Don’t be so stubborn. Eli won’t bite. You can come back out the minute I’m done. We won’t have to share the same space.” Bullheaded is one thing—stupid is another.
She disappears into the warmth of the cabin, but sure enough, the second the tent is finished, she’s out the door. I don’t know if I’m angry, impressed, happy, or pissed that she braved the mountain today.
“Night, Juliet. You know where we are if you get too cold. Don’t be an idiot to prove a point.”
“Good night, Travis. I love you.”
True to her word, she spends the night outside—a tent, a sleeping bag, and the unforgiving ground as her mattress.
“Hey, champ. Take this plate out to Miss Abrams.” Jules is going to need a hot breakfast after yesterday, but I know she’d never accept it from me. Eli grabs the plate and barrels out the door.
“Miss Abams!” If she wasn’t awake, she is now at the call of Foghorn Leghorn. With the guilt of a peeping tom, I watch through the glass in an attempt to shield myself from the emotions boiling up inside me.
She looks exhausted, but more beautiful that she’s ever been. A fresh vulnerability that is truly endearing. Her and Eli are perched on one of the log benches, chatting and smiling while she eats. When she sees that he’s shivering in the crisp morning shade, she wraps her sleeping bag over his shoulders pulling him into her side. A lightning bolt strikes my heart, forcing me to see what I’ve longed for without letting myself contemplate it—I want Eli to have a mother who loves him as much as I do. But, that can’t happen now… can it?
I leave them deep in happy conversation in favor of a hot shower before facing the day ahead. Cocooned inside, the water beating down on me, I let myself feel, if only for a few moments. The lump that’s been wedged in my throat since that kiss last night breaks free, silent tears rolling down my cheeks.
Talk to me, angel. I need your help.
I sink to the floor, the weight of emotion heavy on my shoulders.
I wasn’t prepared for this. For any of it. It was supposed to be you and me, forever. I wanted that so badly it breaks my heart anew each time the sun rises. Then, she came along and threw my carefully-constructed world into chaos. I hate myself for loving her. It feels like I’m betraying your memory. I know I shouldn’t want her after everything she’s done… but every cell in my body sparks to life when she’s around. My heart beats without the agonizing emptiness I’ve felt every day since you left. What do I do? You always knew the right thing. You were my north star. I’m lost, angel. I love you, and I always will. It makes no sense to me, but I love her, too. More than I ever thought I was capable of. Show me what I’m supposed to do… for me… for Eli. Give me a sign. Something. Anything. Please.
“Daddy!” I’m torn from my melancholy by the sound of Eli banging on the door to my bathroom. I wipe my eyes, pull myself up, and switch off the shower.
“I’m here, champ. What’s up?”
“I think Miss Abams needs a bath. She doesn’t smeww good.” No matter how low I fall, Eli always finds a way to pick me up and make me smile. Wrapping a towel around my waist, I unlock the door and follow him out to the living room. I can’t help wanting to glance through the window to see what she’s doing.
“Did she ask you?”
“No.” His little brow furrows in concern. “She said she’w wash in the stweam. Daddy, that’s bad, wight?” Holy crap. Has she lost her mind. I run for the door without thought for my state of undress. True enough, she’s gathered a small wash bag and some fresh clothes and is on her way over to the stream at the other side of our opening.
“Jules! Stop. Are you out of your freaking mind? You’d get hypothermia in there.” As she turns to face me, I’m rewarded with her gasping shock and burning stare. It’s almost enough to keep me warm out here.
“I… I…”
“Get inside, now. I will not fight with you about this.”
“Wow.” She bites her bottom lip, the rapid rise and fall of her chest visible as she fights the intense connection we share. When she doesn’t move, I stride barefoot over and throw her over my shoulder. Being unsure about what I want doesn’t mean I won’t do what’s best for her.
“You’re as stubborn as a mule, woman. You’re not dying on my watch.” Her breath is warm against my back, her hair trailing over my side, sending a thrill of desire straight to my groin. When we’re safely inside, I put her down.
“I told you I don’t want to impose.”
“And coming up here in the first place isn’t an imposition?” Sorrow dulls the sparkle in her eyes. That came out h
arsher than I meant it to be. “If you’re going to stay up here, I need to know you’re getting hot water, hot meals, and anything else that’s needed to keep you healthy. Okay?”
“Okay. Thank you.” Her gaze is fixed on the floor—wounded, cold, and rejected. “Do you have a towel I can borrow?”
Eli bounds over, grabbing the towel around my waist before tugging it has hard as he can.
“Here. You can use Daddy’s. He’s aww dwy now.” Naked as the day I was born, with a raging hard on, Jules has the good sense to pull Eli close, covering his eyes with her hands. Beyond that, her eyes are transfixed on my cock. Her breath hitching as she takes in every last inch of me.
I should ask for my towel back or find something to cover how aroused I am by her, but the adrenaline coursing through my veins leaves me unafraid. She’s seen it all before—kissed every inch. I let her stare, basking in the feel of her eyes on me, until I can’t stand the ache any longer.
I leave her standing and attempt to stay calm as I disappear down the hallway to my room. I hear Eli asking if he did something wrong, and why she was covering his eyes for so long.
“Were we pwaying hide and seek?” Jules goes straight to distraction.
“Yes. I forgot to hide. How silly of me. How about I have a shower and then we can play? I’ll count and you hide. Maybe Daddy will want to play, too.”
It takes ten minutes of reciting football stats to get rid of my hard-on. My balls are bluer than The Blue Man Group. I run a bath, putting whatever bubbles and nice smells I can find. Johnson’s Baby Head to Toe will have to do. I’m not exactly the type to relax in a bath. It’s like a slow cooker for your nuts. Why would any guy enjoy that?
She’s surprised by the gesture, but I can tell she appreciates it. I can’t sit around imagining her naked in the tub. I’ll drive myself crazy. Instead, I set about our normal routine. Eli and I set off to check the rabbit snares we set yesterday. If they come up empty, we’ll be on the hunt for whatever crosses our path.