by Sienna Parks
Thankfully, we caught two rabbits.
The rest of the day went by in a sort of easy discomfort. Things between Jules and me are strained, but I’m not ready to sit down and have a heart-to-heart with her yet. Eli loves having someone else up here with us. He’s been showing her everything he can think of, keen to share the intricacies of life on the mountain. It’s fun to see him so excited, but I fear he will grow attached to her as quickly as I did.
It’s been over a week since Jules appeared in our oasis. Some days are easier than others. She and Eli have become fast friends with whispered secrets and devious plans. Pranking me seems to be their favorite pastime. Today, we’re going to town and heading to the other house for a while. There’s a cold front coming in, and Jules still refuses to sleep inside.
Our hike down is uneventful, Eli out for the count on my back after two hours of running and chasing Jules at every turn. We walk in companionable silence for a while, but I can sense the burden weighing on Juliet’s shoulders.
“Travis… can we talk?” I want to say no, but we can’t keep ignoring the elephant in the room.
“Fine. You talk, I’ll listen.” If this doesn’t go well, at least she can go home when we reach Cricket.
“I need to tell you what happened.”
“I said I’m listening.” My jaw tightens at the prospect of reliving it all.
“I was devastated when I left. You saved my life, and we have this connection… this chemistry that consumes my entire being when I’m around you. Tell me you feel it, too.” I can’t say it out load, an almost imperceptible nod her only encouragement to continue. “I know everyone thinks I wrote that story with the intention of selling you out, but I promise you, I didn’t. The second I got on that plane, I wanted to come back to you, but we left things on a bad note, and I’d just found out who you were.”
“How did you find out?”
“The gravestone.”
“I thought you’d lied to me, and that what we shared wasn’t as important to you.”
“That’s not…” She stops me mid-sentence.
“I know. I was wrong. I see that now. Anyway, I started writing about the time I spent with you, trying to make sense of it all. When I got home, I had no plans to publish it. As time went on, and I didn’t hear from you, I was heartbroken. My boss was pressuring me for a bigger story about being lost on the mountain. I wrote article after article, but he kept throwing them back.” My annoyance at her boss and her has me twitching in an attempt to keep my mouth shut.
“Go on.”
“He threatened to demote me to freelance if I didn’t stump up the real deal. I couldn’t afford to go from an already pitiful wage to unreliable income. My rent was due, and I give my mom and dad most of what I earn. Before I tell you this, I don’t want your sympathy, and it doesn’t excuse what I did.”
“Trust me, I have no sympathy.” That’s a lie. I already feel bad that she had to choose between keeping that crappy apartment or keeping my secret.
“My mom has always been such a badass. She let my dad chase his dreams while she worked her way up, building a career for herself and raising a family. She’s my idol.” Her eyes begin to fill with tears. “A year ago, she was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s. She’s going downhill fast, and the medical bills are racking up. I’ve been paying for an experimental treatment for her. It’s not covered by insurance. At this rate, my dad won’t be able to care for her alone much longer. It breaks my heart, and I hate myself for throwing you to the wolves. And Eli…”
Tears stream down her face as she brushes her hand over his cheek—awe in her eyes as she watches him in peaceful slumber, clinging to me.
“I put this little boy through… oh God, Travis. I’ll never forgive myself, and you shouldn’t either. But, I’m selfish. I want you. I want what we had… what we could have. Tell me there’s a sliver of hope, and I’ll wait patiently without another word. Let me show you I can be trusted. I can’t stand this feeling anymore… I can’t breathe without you. I love you so much it’s a physical pain in my chest. I can’t bear it.”
I reach out my hand, cupping her cold cheek as I lean in to kiss her tears away. The salty taste of each drop, sweet on my tongue, making me ache for her… for us.
“Don’t cry. I hate to see you upset.” Our lips are millimeters apart, but I can’t close the gap. All I can offer is a glimmer of hope. “Don’t give up on me yet. I know I shouldn’t ask that of you when I can’t promise anything, but just don’t give up, okay?”
“Never.” I take her hand in mine and continue along the trail. A contentment settles in my stomach, something I’ve not felt in a long time. The clouds threatening overhead make way for blue skies, the same stunning hue as Juliet’s eyes.
By the time we make it to my place on the edge of town, I’m exhausted, both emotionally and physically. Eli is full of energy after napping most of the way, so after getting Jules settled in the guest room, I take him over to my parents’ house on the other side of the property.
A few minutes resting on their couch turns into a three-hour power-nap. It’s probably a good thing. I don’t think it would be wise for me to be alone in the house with Jules right now. It’s all so raw. I know I’d give in and make love to her.
I need to digest everything she’s told me—take time to consider what this all means for Eli and me.
Before any of that, there are some things I need to take care of.
19
JULES
My heart is full of hope as the sun begins to rise, light streaming in through the drapes, an invitation to get up and make the most of today. Since my conversation with Travis, I’ve been walking on air.
The guest room is lonely at night, and my body yearns for his touch, but I respect his request for space. He’s letting me stay at the house which can only be a positive development.
I met his parents yesterday when I was out playing cowboys with Eli. My nerves got the better of me, but they were very sweet and welcoming. I’m sure Trav schooled them about holding back on the pitchforks and flaming lanterns. They should hate me for what I’ve put Trav and Eli through in recent months, but I received nothing but understanding.
I invited them over for lunch today, which I’m now thinking was a mistake. I managed small talk with Eli’s help, but what if they want to grill me about my intentions for their son. Trav doesn’t even know what he wants us to be. The past few days we’ve been skirting around the intense chemistry sparking between us every moment we’re together. He’ll hold my hand or sling his arm over my shoulder on the couch, but he hasn’t kissed me since he asked me not to give up on him.
When he’s near me, it’s as if my body has been connected to an electric circuit, and he controls the switch. There’s a constant thrum of anticipation coursing through every cell. We’ve talked about my parents’ situation, and the job I’m doing now. He can’t help questioning my decision to quit, but I’ll keep reassuring him.
He’s reluctant to open up about his wife, or that period in his life, but I understand—I need to earn it.
“You sure about this? My parents can be… overprotective.” Trav paces up and down the kitchen.
“Yes, and please stop pacing. You’ll wear a hole in the hardwood. You’re making me more nervous. If I want to be part of your life... if you want me to be part of your life… I have to get to know them. Family is the most important thing.” His shy smile melts me.
“I’m happy to hear you say that.”
“Of course. I hope one day I can introduce you to my parents. My mom doesn’t always know who I am, but on a good day, she’d love to meet you.” It’s difficult to say those words past the lump in my throat that forms whenever I think of her.
“I’m so sorry, Jules. I can’t imagine how hard that must be.”
“It’s nothing compared to what you’ve been through.” I busy myself with the food preparation, uneasy with any sympathy he may have for me.
He rounds the island, stalking me with a gentle intensity, my breath quickening at his proximity.
“It’s not a competition of whose pain is worse. You’re suffering a loss before your eyes. Losing the woman who gave you life while still being able to see her physical presence. It’s an unimaginable cruelty of genetics. No one should have to face this. Not her… not your father… and not you. You’re grieving, Jules, even if you don’t realize.” His hands run down my arms in a ghost of a touch. Enough to offer comfort but leaving me wanting. I spin to face him, close enough to feel his breath on my cheek.
“She doesn’t deserve it.” I rest my hand on his chest, the rapid beat of his heart giving me comfort. “You didn’t deserve what happened. Neither did Angela. I deserve my misery. Don’t you see that? This was my fault. Maybe my penance is that my mom won’t remember me.” He tucks a lock of hair behind my ear, his fingertips trailing down my neck.
“Don’t ever say that again. We all make mistakes. Some of us don’t get a chance to right our wrongs.” The scruff of his beard grazes my chin as we seem to be suspended in time—in an almost kiss—the beginning of a tender embrace. My breath hitches as his scent invades my senses, setting my soul on fire. He runs his thumb over my bottom lips, his eyes transfixed as I flick my tongue out taste him eliciting a low groan that affects me in ways I can’t even begin to process.
“Daddy! Gwanny and Papa are here.” And just like that, the spell is broken. Eli tugs on Trav’s pant leg, desperate for him to join in his excitement.
“Okay, okay. I’m coming, champ.” He turns to me with an apologetic grin, but there’s nothing to be sorry for. Seeing his eyes come alive when his son comes in the room fills my heart to overflowing.
“I’ll bring the food out to the gazebo. It’s so pretty outside.”
“Sounds good.” He hurries after Eli making him squeal with laughter.
I take a few moments to compose myself. Being so close to rekindling the physical side of my relationship with Travis is torture. I know taking that step is massive for him. Right now, he could walk away and ask that we stay friends. Taking it to the next level seals our fate. He won’t make love to me unless he can truly forgive my betrayal and say, hand on heart, that he’s in love with me.
I serve up lunch and make sure everyone has a drink before taking a seat next to Travis. His mom’s eyes track my every interaction with her son and grandson. We make pleasant conversation during lunch, but as soon as Eli leaves the table to make mud pies, Mrs. Thorburn gets straight to the point.
“So, Juliet, Travis tells us you’re no longer in journalism. How long will that last?”
“Mom!” His brow furrows as he stares her down.
“Don’t mom me. She exploited your grief for her own gain. I think I have a right to ask.” I place my hand on his thigh under the table, reassuring him that I’m okay.
“You’re absolutely right, Mrs. Thorburn. I would expect nothing less. I made a terrible mistake, but I did it to help my family. I know you understand family loyalty. I don’t expect anyone to forget what I’ve done, but I hope you can find your way to forgiving me. I’d like to earn your trust if I get the chance. I’m trying to make things right, and I love your son very much.”
“How do we know you won’t run off and sell another salacious story to the highest bidder?”
“I guess you don’t. But, I’m here, and I’ll do whatever it takes to prove I’m serious.” Folding her arms across her chest, she eyes me with suspicion. Travis’s dad looks more inclined to give me the benefit of the doubt and comes to my aid.
“Come now, Lillian. If Travis wants to move on, we should, too. It’s not your place to be judge, jury, and executioner.”
“I have a right to be concerned for my son’s well-being. She hasn’t had to live through seeing Travis devastated by losing his soulmate. Or how hurt he was by all of this nonsense.” Her revelations slam into me with the force of a thousand raging bulls. Not her reluctance to give me a chance, but those two little words that scare me more than anything—soulmate.
“Mom, that’s enough! I think it’s time for you to leave.”
“So, I’m going to be cast aside for some little gold-digging hussy who’ll stab you in the back as soon as look at you.” Travis is angry now and takes a defensive step in front of me.
“We’re not even together! We’re just friends. Keep your opinions to yourself.” I can’t process this 180º shift in our dynamics. An hour ago, we were sharing the same breath, sensual, erotic, and intimate without so much as a kiss.
“I’m going to clear the dishes.” It’s too uncomfortable for me to stay out here while they fight. I’m intruding on their family. Travis grabs my arm as I reach for the plates.
“Leave them.” The dark rumble in his voice scares me a little. I’ve never seen him like this, frustration cascading from him in waves. I turn on my heels and head back inside. I always knew this would be an uphill climb, but I don’t think I was prepared for how deep the abyss can be. Falling in love is only the first step. With every day that passes, I want more of him. His laughter, his smile, his secrets, and affections. I want it all, and the longer I draw this out, the harder it gets to walk away.
Dinner time comes and goes while I hide out in my room. Travis has been blowing off steam since his parents left. I hear him chopping logs in the yard behind my window for at least an hour mumbling under his breath every few minutes. We have enough wood to keep the fire going for the next year.
The sweet sounds of Eli playing find their way inside as I wonder how much longer we can all go on like this. Soon, Travis will want to return to the cabin, and where does that leave us? Will he want me to go with them?
When darkness falls and they finally come inside, I steel myself to have a frank conversation with Travis after Eli goes to bed. I’ve grown so fond of that little boy. I can’t imagine my life without him in it. I pad quietly down the hall and into the living room where they are about to settle down for a bedtime story by the fire.
“Can I join you?” Eli rewards me with a beaming smile, but Travis is reserved.
“Sure.”
“Daddy. I weft my bwanket outside. Can I go get it?”
“Yeah. Straight back in, though.”
“Yes, Daddy.” He jumps off the couch and gives me a great big hug on his way out the door. I hold him a few seconds longer savoring his unconditional acceptance. He skips outside without a care in the world.
“Look, Jules… about today.”
“Can this wait until Eli’s asleep? I doubt this is going to be a two-minute conversation.”
“Okay.” He can’t even look at me, and it breaks my heart.
“I’m going to go and clear the dishes from the gazebo.”
“I’ll do it. I should’ve done it earlier.” He moves to get up, but I convince him to stay put. I need to busy myself and burn off some of this nervous energy. It’s my stay of execution.
The temperature has dropped, but it’s the eerie silence of this vast expanse of land that sends a chill down my spine. I scan the yard for Eli, realizing it’s too quiet out here. My eyes are drawn to the soft twinkling lights of the gazebo where Travis and I made smores all those months ago. It’s then that I see Eli.
His eyes find mine, his body frozen to the spot, clutching his favorite blankie.
Twenty feet from where he stands… there’s a black bear in the gazebo.
I open my mouth to scream his name, but Eli slowly presses his finger to his mouth. I don’t move a muscle, fighting everything inside me that wants to run to him. Silent sobs rack my body as I contemplate how to get to him without putting him in more danger.
He backs up two steps toward the house, his eyes fixed on the bear, careful not to startle it. Suddenly, I remember all those years my dad drilled me on campsite safety. I left the food out. We’re too close to the mountains for me to be this careless. What was it he always said about bears? I’m willing myself to remember.
Don’t make any sudden movements.
Don’t scream.
Back away slowly.
Eli is doing exactly what Travis must have taught him. Okay, if he can stay calm right now, so can I. I breathe in the cool night air as I take a few shaky steps toward him, stopping to make sure I’m not going to rile the bear. Tears stream down my face as I keep walking, my eyes flitting back and forth between the bear and Eli. It’s a conscious effort not to sprint.
The closer I get, I see his little body shaking violently, his silent sobs mirroring my own.
A strange calm comes over me. I can’t and won’t fail. I need to save him. I love Elijah as much as I love his Daddy. In my heart, he’s already mine, and I’m not going to let anything take him away from me.
In a low, soothing whisper, I call out to him. “It’s okay, sweetheart. When I take a step, you take a step. Can you do that?” He nods his head, his eyes pleading for me to help him. We edge toward each other, closing the gap, minutes feeling like hours. “Listen to me, baby. If I tell you to run… you run. Don’t look back. If I say the word… you run as fast as you can back to the house and get Daddy.”
The fear that mars his innocent, perfect little face sends my heart splintering into the stratosphere.
The second he’s within reach, I grab hold and scoop him up into my arms.
“Are you okay?”
“I want, Daddy.” I press his head to my shoulder in an attempt to calm him, but he can’t hold back any longer. His cries echo out into the night alerting the bear to our presence.
“Shh. It’s okay… I’ve got you.” I try to soothe him in hushed whispers, but it’s too late.
Clutching him close to my chest I back up, never taking my eyes off the wild beast who threatens everything I hold dear. I pray that it will go back to the feast laid out before him, but its gaze is fixed on us. I don’t get far before it starts moving toward us. At this distance, I’ll never outrun it with Eli in my arms.