Cruel as a Queen

by Kendra Moreno

  He snorts, the sound grating on my ears. I don’t think that’s very good manners for a Prince.

  “Regardless, I’m the Prince, so you must do as I say.”

  I bristle. “No one is going to order me around. I’m not your subject.”

  “I order you to play hide and seek,” he continues, as if I hadn’t even spoken. “I’ll hide. You seek.”

  “That isn’t very fair. I’m a guest. Shouldn’t I get to choose?”

  “But I’m a Prince, and so what I say goes.” He looks at me, a childish grin on his face. How odd that I both want to wallop him and do as he says.

  “Fine.” I sigh. “But I get to choose what game we play next.”

  “Deal. Count to twenty, Alice.” Alex winks at me, and it makes my heart dance inside my chest. Curious. It’s never done that before.

  I turn towards the closest topiary, this one of a giant diamond, and place my head against it. “One . . . two . . . three . . .” I’ve always hated hide and seek. I don’t want to look for someone, and I certainly don’t want to find them. I’d prefer to sit alone and read my books. At least then I can keep the thoughts at bay. “Seven . . . eight . . . nine . . . ten . . .” I count the rest of the numbers in my head, already annoyed at the turn of events. When I speak twenty, I turn from my spot and squint my eyes, searching. The faster I get this over with, the faster I can change the game. “Ready or not, here I come.”

  I move deeper into the garden, realizing fast that it’s carved to be a maze. Inside the maze, it’s almost unnaturally quiet, the air moving with vibrations rather than sound. A fog hovers in the maze, making it a little hazy, and a little frightening.

  “Alex!” I call. I can’t help the slight quiver in my voice. Strong girls aren’t scared. Strong girls aren’t scared. “Come on. This isn’t funny.”

  I spin in a circle and look the way I came, already turned around and unsure which direction I should go. Blast! I’m going to lose, and Alex will have to come find me himself. I growl and hit the closest bush. There’s an answering squeak, and a tiny chipmunk runs out. I gasp. Another rodent! This world is filled with them, apparently.

  I squat down and hold out my hand to him.

  “Come on, little chipmunk,” I coax. “I won’t hurt you.” The creature stares at me before moving a little closer. “That’s it. Come on.”

  The chipmunk climbs inside my hand, and I immediately clamp my other one around him. He screams and bites me. I flinch, anger filling my body.

  “That wasn’t very nice,” I snarl, and squeeze. He screams in panic, and I hesitate for a second, my mind saying I shouldn’t do what I want to. It doesn’t last long before I’m squeezing harder, until his little screams cut off, and the maze falls into silence again. I look around me and see a bucket sitting forgotten on a stone bench. I’m about to drop the little body inside and pretend as if nothing happened, when an idea strikes me. I’m not a fan of the white roses the garden has at the entrance. I want to paint them red. I look down at the limp body of the chipmunk. I want to paint them as red as blood.

  I begin my work.

  Hours later, I find my way from the maze. The White Queen’s eyes immediately zero in on the bucket in my hands, where the scent of pennies wafts. She can’t know my secret, so I put the bucket behind my back and smile at the sweet Queen.

  “I found some red paint, your majesty. May I paint some of the roses red?” I make sure to smile sweetly at her. As a child, it’s important to make the adults think that they’re in charge, to make sure they think you’re just an innocent. I learned that with mommy and daddy, and it’s a lesson mommy taught me well. I get whippings at home if I don’t do as I’m told, but if I smile and play sweet, especially around guests, they forget all about the punishments.

  “What an imaginative child!” she coos, smiling at me. “Of course, you can.”

  I skip off towards the rose bushes and start painting with my fingers, a brush nowhere to be found. I try my best to ignore the murmurs behind me. I don’t really care what they have to say about me. I’m going to enjoy my time here while I can.

  Oh, how lovely the roses look painted red.

  I’ve been invited to the Red King and Queen’s table, where the entire length is filled to the brim with food. It’s surrounded by dozens of odd creatures, and I’ve finally met the White Rabbit in person. He sits across from me, a smile on his face, as he talks to the king of something or other. I haven’t been listening if I’m being honest. I’ve been trying to tune out the sounds of the eating around me. It seems many of the creatures sitting with me have never had to sit through etiquette classes. They’ve never had their knuckles bruised because they used the wrong utensil. They slurp and burp, hum and clatter; it makes my ears hurt and my stomach turn just listening to them. I don’t touch anything on my plate.

  “May I be excused?” I ask suddenly, and those around me stop what they’re doing and stare.

  “But you haven’t touched any of your food, dear Alice.” The sweet Red Queen points to my plate, concern on her face. I don’t want her concern. I don’t want anything from a woman determined to get rid of me.

  “I’m not hungry.”

  “Let the girl go,” the king says, already dismissing me. I like him even less than the Queen. “She can find something to entertain herself with, surely.”

  Her Majesty nods her head and meets my eyes. “Very well. Just be careful, child. And if you see Alex, tell him his mother is looking for him please.”

  I nod my head and stand, fully intending not to speak to anyone while I’m roaming the halls. This castle must have a library, certainly. What else is the point if it doesn’t?

  I stroll through hallway after hallway, peeking into rooms only to be disappointed each time. When a boyish chuckle reaches my ears, I turn towards it, searching for the source. One more doorway to look into; this time it bears the fruit I’m looking for. I step inside the massive room, the walls lined with bookshelf after bookshelf, each filled to the brim with leather-bound books. I turn in a circle, taking it all in. I would kill for this library, to have free reign of such a thing.

  “Aren’t you supposed to be at supper?”

  I whirl at the sound of the voice and grimace when I find the Prince lounging on a seat in the corner. He’s laying down completely at odds with his Princely title, his legs spread in a way that makes me blush. There’s a book open in his lap.

  “The Queen was looking for you,” I say while I’m staring up at the ceiling.

  “Why are you looking at the ceiling?” I can see him looking up, too, out of the corner of my eye, curious as to why I could be staring at the plain brown paint. I gesture towards him and his spread legs, my blush no doubt growing brighter on my face. “I can sit how I like. I’m the Prince.”

  “That doesn’t mean the rest of us should suffer for your unfortunate title.” I can’t help the slight growl in my voice. He’s insufferable.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I see him move and reposition himself. “Is this better?” he asks.

  I risk glancing at him, and I’m relieved to see that he’s sitting normal again. “Much.”

  “You’re a curious creature, aren’t you?”

  “I wish everyone would stop saying that.” I rub my hand along my dress and, for the first time, realize there’s a splatter of red on it. Oh, mommy will be very unhappy about that. “I’m not the odd one here. At home, I’m quite normal.”

  “But that’s why you’re so very odd, see? This world is mad. And here you are, logical in an illogical world. I find it intriguing.”

  “Well, you can just keep your intrigue to yourself,” I sniff.

  I glance at the books again, reading the spines. Some are in languages I know nothing about, others have names that make me cringe. When I come to a book titled The History of Wonderland, I pull it from the shelf and study it.

  “I used to study that book when I was younger. It’s rather bland.”

  “I don’t th
ink it’s bland at all.” I flip open the book and start to flick through the pages. “I think it’s wonderful.”

  “You like to read?”

  “Yes, but my parents don’t allow me to read books outside of my studies.”

  I can feel his frown from my position, and when I look up, it’s still there. “That’s very sad, Alice. You’re welcome to read anything in this room.” A smile. “That is, if you can read some of the languages. I think we have one written in Jabberwock somewhere. Harsh language, but it’s important to study everything.”

  “You would give me free reign inside the library?” I ask, surprised. I’m a stranger, and one that they keep referring to as curious. They should want to protect their books, not allow me to read them.

  “Of course. Why not?”

  “Well, aren’t you worried I’ll ruin them?”

  There’s that sadness again, his eyes looking down at the book in his lap. When he meets my eyes this time, the sadness is gone, and a smile lights his eyes. “Here,” he pats the seat beside him, the large chair big enough for two. “Sit down, and I’ll read to you.”

  “Read to me?” I can’t help but parrot his words. He’s being so kind, and it confuses me. Before, he had been horrible, teasing, and full of himself. This new attitude makes me hesitate; I’m uncertain how to handle it.

  “Come on, Alice. It’s alright. I think you’ll like this one. It’s an adventure story about a Knave and his Princess.”

  I hesitate for a moment more before I move towards him with jerky movements, completely uncertain if I should be doing as he says. When I sit down beside him, he smiles and chuckles under his breath.

  “Relax, Alice. Don’t think of me as a Prince. Think of me as a friend.”

  I don’t correct him, that I don’t care if he’s a Prince, but it’s uncommon for a girl to be sitting so close to a boy alone. It’s not proper at home. But I suppose I’m in a different world, so I can act differently. I force myself to relax my spine and lean back in the chair. We’re close enough that our shoulders touch, goosebumps trickling up and down my arm. Alex turns to look at me, his bright-blue eyes meeting my own pale ones, and for a moment, my heart starts that irregular beat again, so loud I can feel it in my ears. I’ve never felt so nervous.

  A friend, I don’t think I’ve truly had one of those before.

  Alex reaches up, and I tense as he touches my wild hair around my shoulders, his fingers running down the gold.

  “You have the prettiest hair. I don’t think I’ve seen anyone else with our colored hair. Yours is much paler than mine.”

  “It’s common at home,” I say, more to remind myself than to correct him. I’m trying to get my heartbeat under control, taking slow measured breaths. I keep expecting my momma to appear out of nowhere and berate me for sitting so close to a boy.

  “Well, in Wonderland,” he says, “you’re not only curious, you’re unique.” He grins. “I like that.”

  Then he turns to look at the book in his lap, unaware of just how much his words mean to me. For the first time, I don’t think impolite thoughts. I don’t question things or feel the need to find answers.

  For the first time, I feel at peace, as Alex begins to read.

  “Once upon a time, there was a Knave and his Princess, soon to be Queen. . . .”

  Chapter 3

  Aged Eight

  “I don’t really want to go home,” I tell the Hatter, staring at the swirling green and white tunnel in front of me. White had explained that the rabbit hole will spit me back out where I fell in—the woods near my home.

  “You’re a part of Wonderland now, Alice.” The Hatter squats down in front of me, a half smile on his face. “One day, when you’re ready, you can come back. But you must go home first and figure out if that’s what you want.”

  “Of course, I want that.” I’ve been here a week and already know I want to live here forever. I will be counting down the moments until a white rabbit shows up at my doorstep and tells me I can come back. “I don’t want to leave.”

  Alex stands next to his parents, a thin gold circlet around his head. He’s revealed to me he hates the thing, that it’s uncomfortable on his brow and pinches his ear. I don’t think it’s so bad, but I don’t have to wear one all the time, so what should I know? He’d given me the book to take with me, The Knave and The Princess. Now, I clutch it in my hands like a treasure. I’ll have to hide it when I return home. Momma and Daddy won’t allow me to keep it.

  “See you around, Alice,” he says, a smile on his face. He waves at me, and I know, I’ll remember him best. Alex and the Hatter. The others I can do without, really.

  “You promise you’ll come back for me, that I’m a part of Wonderland?” I ask the Hatter, frowning. My newest fear is they’ll forget all about me, and I’ll live out my life dreaming of white rabbits, Hatters, and a Prince.

  Hatter takes my hand, a simple smile on his face.

  “I promise one day you’ll return, but to come back here you must learn that things must happen as Wonderland deems, and then you’ll return as if in a dream.” His eye twitches.

  I nod my head and turn to the rabbit hole, to the pretty swirling colors. I only glance back one last time at Alex, to see his smile and another little wave of his hand, before I jump inside with a squeal.

  I’m thrown out of the spinning lights rather quickly, and I land on the forest floor with an oomph. The leaves and dirt run along my blue dress, no doubt making me even filthier, but I smile anyways and stand up, brushing myself off.

  There’s a chill in the air that hadn’t been here when I’d first left, and I frown. It feels like snow, but that can’t be right. It was summer when I slipped inside the rabbit hole.

  Furrowing my brows in confusion, I push my way through the trees and out to the house. My worry only grows when I see my home. The garden has died. Not a single plant is left alive for my mother to tend to, and she loves her gardening.

  I make my way towards the door and try the knob. Locked. I knock, feeling odd for doing so on my own home. I’ve never been locked out before.

  “Momma, daddy,” I call. “I’m home.”

  There’s a thump inside the house, as if someone dropped something very heavy, and then hurried footsteps towards the door. Something shatters. The locks are clicked, and there’s a furious scuffle before the door is yanked open, and I meet the sickly eyes of my mother. Her face is thinner than I remember, dark circles under her eyes.

  “Momma?”

  She grabs me and yanks me inside, enveloping me in a tight hug.

  “Oh, Alice. We thought you were dead. Where have you been? We’ve looked everywhere for you! Richard! Richard, come quick!”

  Steps upstairs and then my daddy is coming down, his eyes confused when he sees me. There’s no relief in his eyes as there was in momma’s. There’s no love there, either, but I don’t think about that.

  “Where have you been, girl? It’s been months.”

  “Months?” I frown. “It’s only been a week.”

  “You went missing in July, Alice,” momma says. “It’s November.”

  “That can’t be right. It was only a week! I swear! Perhaps, in Wonderland, things are different.”

  “What is this Wonderland?” daddy asks.

  “I fell down a rabbit hole and ended up in this curious world. There was a Mad Hatter, and a White Rabbit that wears a wrist watch, and a Cheshire Cat. The King and Queen were a bit rude, but the Prince was lovely.” Daddy shares a look with Momma over my head, and I clench my jaw. “You don’t believe me, do you?”

  “We believe you, Alice,” Momma whispers, but Daddy doesn’t agree. He doesn’t believe me. Neither does Momma. They’re looking at me as if I’ve grown a second head. “Your dress is filthy, Alice. What have you been doing?”

  “Adventures, Momma. I went on an adventure.”

  This time, I ignore the look they share. It’s okay, because I have Alex’s book tucked safely inside my apron.


  “Can you explain this Wonderland again?” Daddy asks, and I know I will be punished for daring to speak of such things.

  But it’s true. It’s all true.

  And I refuse to dismiss the memories as if they’re nothing more than mad ramblings.

  “Come along, Alice. We’re late.”

  “Where are we going, Momma?” I glance up at my mother, see her restlessly twitching, which is unlike her. Momma is always calm and relaxed.

  “Don’t ask questions, dear. Hurry up.”

  “Okay.” I frown. “I will just go grab my coat.”

  She clenches her jaw like she wants to say more, but she doesn’t speak, so I go grab my jacket and pull it on. I come back to the doorway and Momma gets down on her knees to wrap her arms around me. I’m surprised for a moment, confused as to why she’s hugging me so tight just to go out, and it puts me on edge.

  “Momma, are you okay?”

  “Of course, dear. I’m just so glad to have you back at home.”

  It’s only been a week since I returned from Wonderland. Momma and Daddy had been asking me repeatedly about my time there. I’ve told them the entire story at least a dozen times and even took Daddy to the spot where the rabbit hole appeared. Of course, it’s nothing more than a regular spot now. It won’t be a rabbit hole without White’s magic. I tried to explain that to him, but the frown-lines on his face only grew deeper. He’s been acting strange since I returned, stealing glances at me when he thinks I’m not looking, and the worst thing of all is the overwhelming disappointment I sense from him now. It had been there before Wonderland, but now, it’s so strong, it makes me flinch.

  My parents usher me into the automobile, not giving anything away. My confusion only grows when we turn a direction I’ve never gone before, down streets I don’t recognize. The trip takes around thirty minutes, and my confusion grows when we pull up outside of a plain brick building.