The Price of Survival

by Meagan Hurst

  The Dragon continued to trace her scars and she closed her eyes in hope that it would make things easier. It did, but Nivaradros managed to startle her all over again—he kissed her. Not on the forehead. Cursing a blue streak, Z struggled to try to sit up, to hit him, to stab him, to do something, but the Dragon was already on the other side of the room before she managed to sit up, and there was no way she would make it over to injure him at her level of exhaustion. He had, naturally, planned this well.

  His expression caught her off guard. It was pensive, and surprisingly nervous. “Z?” he asked softly. Still keeping his distance—damn him to the hells.

  “I thought we agreed you wouldn’t try to shock me any more for a bit,” she finally managed to say. She also managed to dredge up a smile—she had no idea how—and the Dragon’s stance relaxed slightly. He did not, however, approach her.

  “I lied again.”

  Her laughter was a surprise to her, but a greater surprise to the Dragon, given the look he gave her. It wasn’t hysterical, but she had a feeling it should have been. “You are,” she said finally as she caught her breath, “impossible.”

  “I do try,” was the Dragon’s smug reply as he relaxed even more. He hesitated for a moment though. “And you are mine.”

  Pressing her lips together as the word resonated in her heart, she managed to keep from snapping at him, but watched his pained grimace unhappily. “I would like to stay furious at you for a few centuries or so,” she informed him curtly. “But you are making it damned hard to even consider staying furious at you for a whole day.” Or even a couple of minutes really. Knowing where the Dragon had come from, what he had given up to keep her, what he had done to keep her alive, and knowing what he had promised her in silence made holding a grudge impossible.

  “If I told you I trusted you, could we go back to the tent and reassure Crilyne that you didn’t do anything too stupid?” she wanted to know.

  “Possibly, if you meant it.”

  He was going to make her prove it. She could read it in his eyes. Swinging her legs over the edge of the cot, she got to her feet with effort and tried not to notice how damn graceful her movements were even when she was too tired to stand up—or felt as if she was; it certainly didn’t show. She made it to his side at long last, and he caught her arms as she reached him. When it was clear she didn’t intend to slap, punch, stab, or magic him she felt tension she couldn’t see drain away.

  “Much better,” he whispered as she let him hold her. She even succeeded in leaning against him. “Will you still allow this when you are not just barely able to stand?”

  “I haven’t the faintest idea,” she murmured.

  He chuckled softly in her ear and then tried his luck again; he kissed her a second time. She surrendered to it briefly before she jerked back, but she managed to keep from saying anything hurtful or injuring him. He shook his head but released her and stepped away from her.

  “Go back to the cot,” he advised with a bitter smile.

  She obeyed in silence and Nivaradros approached her this time. Gently putting his hands on her temple, she felt the world shift slightly and noticed—keeping her eyes open this time—the slight change in the air as they went from the shadowland back to the real world. She was surprised to see a change in the colors of things—though, with the new, wider range of visible colors she had gained with her immortality, she knew she shouldn’t have been—and when the Dragon stepped back from her, she found Crilyne was indeed waiting in the tent, and he didn’t look pleased.

  “Nivaradros, I told you not to push her,” Crilyne chided as he glanced at Z. His gaze flickered to the Dragon, but he abruptly stiffened as his gaze returned to her. “What did you do?” he demanded thunderously of the Dragon as he whirled to face him and called magic at the same time. Somehow Nivaradros had hidden his shadow magic from the Shade, and because of it Z knew she had to tread with caution.

  “I had to exhaust her to prove a point, Shade,” Nivaradros answered. “She is alright. Ask her if you do not believe me.”

  “I’m fine, Crilyne,” Z inserted quickly as the Shade’s cold gaze moved to her again. “He just wanted to try something.”

  “He kissed you,” the Shade said sharply.

  She cringed. “That he did.”

  “You’re not thrilled with it.”

  “That is hardly a concern of yours, Shade,” Nivaradros snapped. “She is alright, just not as okay with it as I would have hoped.”

  “Have your memories taken leave?! She has never been okay with things like that!” Crilyne shrieked at the Dragon. His magic left his hands, and Z reacted without thinking; she shielded Nivaradros.

  The dark spell swirled around her shield—seeking a weak spot—before dispersing slowly. Nivaradros and Crilyne both turned to regard her in silent speculation. Clearly not even Nivaradros had expected her to defend him, but despite the fact she was exhausted and her nerves were high, she was beyond willing to protect the Dragon. She didn’t, however, know why. Perhaps later the answer would come, but for once the possible lack of understanding did not worry her. Exhaustion had a use after all.

  “Enough, Crilyne. It’s one of those things I apparently should be used to, or over,” Z stated darkly with a frown. “The Dragon’s at least someone I trust.”

  The Shade snorted. “You. Don’t. Trust.”

  “I did though,” she whispered. “A long time ago here, and where I was this last time, I trusted a select few, Crilyne.”

  “Trusted them how far?”

  “With both my death and my life.”

  Silence. Crilyne just stared at her in open astonishment before he turned to the Dragon. Nivaradros was also staring at her in amazement, but there was also a hint of jealousy lurking beneath it as well. “Who?” he rumbled.

  She shook her head wordlessly, glad to have gotten them away from their possible tussle, and she closed her eyes when neither of their gazes moved from her. “It doesn’t matter, Nivaradros.”

  “It does, on the off chance you decide to return to them.”

  Damn Dragon possessiveness. “They were just friends, Nivaradros. Honestly, like I would get involved with anyone in a strange world when I knew I wasn’t going to stay.” It wasn’t the entire truth, but it would have to do, as she wasn’t about to explain certain events to the Dragon, or anyone else for that matter. They didn’t, at this point, need to know. She also cringed inwardly at how easily she had attached the title ‘friends’ to those she had left behind in another word. She was certain both Crilyne and Nivaradros noticed the word.

  Smoke appeared as the Dragon snorted. “But you considered staying.”

  “Well, yes, I liked the fact half of my issues seemed to be lessened or gone entirely there.” Seeing the dark look he gave her, she relented. “Nivaradros, I came back for you,” she told him without thinking. “For our friendship,” she added hastily, when she felt the Shade’s astonishment and Nivaradros’s eyes rounded slightly.

  Crilyne choked to hide his laugh. “Nice cover,” he teased her gently. “Admit it,” he added. “You are attracted to the Dragon.”

  There were whole days she wanted to kill the Shade. And the Dragon. Sometimes she even wanted to kill them both. Scowling at Crilyne, she squirmed slightly. “Alright, fine,” she grumbled. “I am attracted to the Dragon.”

  She felt the Dragon’s stare. “Then why in the world are you so damn skittish?!” Nivaradros half shouted.

  “Issues, remember?” she asked coldly as she turned to regard him icily. “I’m sorry I’m human! Small things damage us permanently!” She expected him to react to her tone and temper with something equally cold and possibly cutting, but instead Nivaradros snorted and fell silent. His gaze went, of all beings, to the Shade.

  Crilyne hesitated, glancing at her, turning to the Dragon, and then returning his eyes to her. “Nivaradros, if you would be willing, perhaps we should take this discussion elsewhere.”

  “If you think that would be
best,” the Dragon agreed in a forced, even tone. He glanced sharply at her again before he strolled out of the tent in a huff.

  “That could have gone better,” Z muttered under her breath.

  Crilyne’s smile was kind. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. He’s not the most patient being in the world, and he happens to overlook your past often because it’s not something he is used to considering. He’ll get better, or you will, but either way, right now both of you are off balance. Nivaradros’s solution is to push, yours is to pull away. I’ll speak with him,” he added gently. “And I will have the Mithane speak with him again as well. Perhaps between the two of us we can get through to him.

  “You do care about him, but everything he’s done so far has only made it harder for you to remember that. You hate being pushed or forced into something and Nivaradros’s method is essentially just that. You’re handling it to a point because he’s important to you, but you’re also slowly pulling back. He doesn’t understand, and you’re unlikely to tell him everything bluntly because you don’t want to upset him. That’s where I come in, and the Mithane. We stepped in as father figures when you would let us, so leave this to us now; we will beat it into the Dragon’s skull if we have to.”

  She managed a smile but closed her eyes. “He hates to wait.”

  “He’s going to have to. You are better than you used to be, Z, but this takes time. You used to go from battle to battle to keep yourself going and you managed it, but you weren’t really accepting what had happened or living with it. You are trying to now, but it will not happen instantly. Give yourself that time—you now have it. Anyone who won’t allow you to work this out on your own isn’t worth it. He will wait. He has made it perfectly clear he is willing to; he is just vocal about having to accept it.”

  “You’re not overly fond of him.”

  “He has a dark past,” Crilyne replied dryly. “But he has set it all aside for you, and he will not break any of the restrictions he has placed upon himself if it is something you are against.” Yet again there was a flash of anger or something darker in the Shade’s presence. He was hiding something from her, and she was uncertain what it was.

  She thought her next words through but couldn’t find any way of diplomatically stating them. “Crilyne, he is powerful,” she began with care.

  “Not as powerful as you, or as you could be. Allow yourself a few millenniums and you two will be balanced. Give yourself a few more and you will exceed his power; he knows it. It is, after all, one of the reasons he decided to lessen himself by taking a lesser form. His chances as a Dragon to gain anything from you were decidedly small. As he is now, he has a good chance.”

  She grimaced. “Minus my dislike of contact.”

  “As I said, you are getting better. Recall, if you will, that before you awoke the Shades your Rangers thought they would have to kill you because you would attack anyone you didn’t know—which was anyone outside of Nivo, and then Kitra, once she met you—if they got within fifty feet of you. You let the Dragon kiss you tonight without stabbing him, that’s a rather large step.”

  “I was eight when I was being considered for execution with the Rangers,” she reminded him stiffly. She decided not to tell him Nivaradros had kissed her twice. She was still trying to figure out how much she had liked it. She was certain some part of her had enjoyed it, but she had turned off her interests in that type of thing for so long she doubted she could understand her own feelings. “I am slightly older now. I haven’t made—in most being’s eyes—that much progress.”

  Crilyne’s eyes were kind. “You were trained the closer someone was to you the deeper they would cut—it is a hard habit to unlearn. The fact you have managed at all is a success. I know many who suffered less and never recovered any part of themselves. Be patient, Zimliya. You are still young, and you are still healing from the events that no one deserves to be subjected to. One day—and I see it coming—you will understand just what you’ve overcome, and you will stop judging yourself by what you haven’t.”

  She raised a brow. “If you say so.”

  “You are such a pessimist,” the Shade sighed. “The glass is always half empty with you.”

  “Crilyne, the glass is always half, no matter how you look at it. Just half. That’s all.”

  “You are giving me a headache,” was the Shade’s irritated reply. “Eat something, go through the battle plans on the table, or relax for your last day away from your grandfather before you head back. The Dragon will return to both try to give you space and try to push you out of your comfort zone. If I wanted to be cruel, I could easily make him sabotage your tentative relationship, but I believe I would live to regret it.”

  “You’re dead, Crilyne.” And if he interfered at all she would kill him. Whatever Nivaradros was planning, for all her unease, there was a part of her that wanted what she thought the Dragon was offering.

  “Thank you for not pointing out the obvious,” he remarked with a roll of his eyes. “Anything else you would like to interrupt me to point out? No? Good. Now, I have one final question to ask you before I go to the probably beyond irritated Dragon.” He held her eyes intently. “Do you claim the Dragon?”

  She inhaled so fast she hissed. “Why does it matter?”

  “Because he claimed you, and I know you know what that means to a Dragon.”

  Grimacing as she conceded the point, she exhaled slowly and then growled. “Of course I do,” she grumbled. “He would be dead if I didn’t—especially since he didn’t ask, or warn me, or give me the slightest indication that was even being considered. Hells, Crilyne, I thought he was simply after my power and my friendship!”

  “That would be your lack of social familiarity,” Crilyne told her with a soft smile. “He has been playing this game for at least four years, and while I still doubt his intentions and his true interest in you, I was aware he was up to something.”

  She smiled as well, but she also knew the Shade was lying. Crilyne hadn’t noticed until recently, and she was positive he still was uncertain how to handle it. “Will you tell him?” she questioned.

  “That you claimed him in return?”

  She nodded, and the Shade frowned. “I have a feeling if I tell him he’s going to do something stupid, like try to kiss me again,” she explained in a rush.

  “Or worse,” the Shade concurred. He sighed though and eyed her out of the corner of his eyes. “Alright,” he agreed at length. “But only because it’s you, and it’s him. He will do something stupid, and you will react by doing something you will regret. But I am not going to be your go-between with the Dragon forever.”

  Nor did she want him to be. “Please don’t threaten him too much.”

  “I’m not the one who seeks advice and then threatens after getting it,” Crilyne retorted with a roll of his black eyes. “That would be your giant, temperamental, flying lizard.” She raised a brow but declined to comment since he was entirely correct in that regard.

  Chapter 20

  She was in the middle of paperwork when the Dragon returned. It was hours after the Shade had finally left her alone, and Z had given up on the idea of a short conversation after about fifteen minutes. Immortals rarely had short conversations unless it was during a war and someone was in the middle of dying. Otherwise, all bets were off. Turning over the report from one of the mortal rulers who had been unable to make it out of his kingdom before Midestol’s forces had surrounded it, she scowled and made notations where a few things didn’t add up.

  The idea that one of the mortal races would ally itself with Midestol was concerning, but not unheard of, and Z didn’t have anything in the way of solid proof just yet. Just her suspicions, and the report he had sent. Wondering vaguely if he had sent others, Z moved stacks of paper around with care—but irritation—as she looked for the familiar script of the ruler elsewhere on the table. Through it all the Dragon stood behind her in perfect silence, watching her.

  “Has Quarntiras sent any de
briefings other than this one?” she finally asked Nivaradros as she looked over her shoulder at him. His stance came as something of a surprise, and she rolled out of her chair with a dagger in her hand before she realized it wasn’t directed at her.

  Unfortunately, he caught on to the fact that her reaction was directed at him. He stared at her dagger until she put it down. “You suspect he is on Midestol’s side as well, or in Midestol’s hold?” Nivaradros asked as he took a seat. He chose one that wasn’t next to her, and she could see he intended to keep his distance. Great. Now what had Crilyne and the Mithane said to him?

  “His wording is slightly off in his reports,” she sighed as she resumed her seat and picked up the perfumed letter—something that seemed odd in her mind—and reread over it. “Who else suspects?”

  “As far as I know, only me. Everyone else just thinks he is being his usual unhelpful and paranoid self.” The Dragon turned his hand upright and glanced at her as a glass of something that could only be alcohol appeared between his thumb and index finger. Given who he was, it was probably stuff that could put most others on the floor with a sip. Nivaradros, however, drained the cup in a single motion, and Z found herself inwardly cringing. Obviously Crilyne had said something he probably shouldn’t have.

  He caught her staring at him and snorted. A delicate glass appeared on the table before her, and it was likewise filled with a liquid that wasn’t water. Evidently Nivaradros thought she needed a drink as well. Oh, what the hell. Picking up the beautiful glass, she sipped the contents with care before raising a brow at the Dragon.

  “You stole this,” she accused.

  “I have many habits considered impolite,” Nivaradros replied. He refilled his glass with a thought and drank it a hair slower this time. “If you would prefer a different type—”

  “This is fine,” she told him quietly. She took another sip and closed her eyes. “What did the Shade say?” she demanded without thinking. When her question was greeted with a stony silence, she opened her eyes and gazed at the closed features that were watching her.