Found in Understanding

by Debbie Zello

  Understanding and I stood next to my car holding each other. “I love you, Neomi. If anything happens, I can be there in a few minutes. I’ll pick you up at three so we can go to see Miller together. If Jaycon approaches you, press the button on the recorder. If you apply for a restraining order, it will help to have a recording if he threatens you. Make sure you tell him that you’re recording the conversation.”

  “This is all too much. He hasn’t made any threats towards me.”

  “Says every woman that I end up seeing in my office asking for protection. I believe there is a saying ‘there is a first time for everything.’ I want the first time on tape. I swear if he ever does anything to physically hurt you, I’ll fucking kill him myself.”

  “You’ve seen his picture. I even think I could take him myself. He’s not exactly menacing. He looks meek.”

  “Looks are often deceiving. I don’t want you taking any chances.” he said kissing me and opening my car door. I got in, started the car and put it in reverse. I waved as I backed out of the driveway.

  The class filed in. I tried to keep my focus on the papers on the lectern, pretending I was oblivious to them entering. I looked up as the last one took his seat. Quickly scanning the room, I saw him. “Good morning,” I said. There was a scattering of ‘good mornings’ said back to me.

  I handed the papers to the closest student and said, “These are the papers that I have read. If yours is in the pile, please take it. If yours isn’t there, I haven’t read it yet. I will get to the rest tonight and have them for you on Wednesday.”

  “I have enjoyed them so far. I’m slightly disappointed that I haven’t read that anyone is interested in becoming the American poet laureate. But your honesty is appreciated by me.” I attempted not to look in his direction.

  I continued the class discussing the reading I had given out on Friday. I kept an eye on the time so I could walk out of the room with a crowd of students, thereby avoiding contact with Jaycon. I was worried my less-than-friendly demeanor would spark some question from him. Up until now, I had smiled and acknowledged his presence every day.

  Class ended and I was out with the first rush of bodies. As I reached the ladies room at the end of the hall, I was almost giddy with my ‘crisis averted’ thoughts. I stayed in the bathroom, watching my watch, until I knew the next class had begun. Then I slowly opened the door, peeked out, and then exited into the hall.

  Understanding was waiting next to my car when I walked out at the end of my day. “How did your day go?” he asked, closing his arms around me.

  “Okay, nothing happened,” I said enjoying the comfortable feel of his strong hold.

  “I called Miller just to let him know to expect us. I told him you had an unusual paper written to you. He joked that in his twenty odd years of teaching he had seen just about everything. I told him I could guarantee he had never seen this. He is intrigued.”

  “I’ll bet he is!” I said getting into his car. As soon as we were on the road, he reached over and took my hand. His thumb swept over my knuckles as I watched it. “How is it that you know when to touch me and how to comfort me?” He laughed softly.

  “It isn’t that I know what and when to comfort you. It’s that I always want to touch you. Keeping my hands off you is the test.

  “Knowing that you’re upset and you feel afraid or even threatened is cutting me through. I like being able to control the situation and this I have no control over.”

  “I don’t believe that anyone has control over this particular situation. Even Jaycon,” I said contemplatively.

  It was a short ride to Professor Miller’s house. He lived in the Prospect Hill portion of New Haven. His was one of the old Victorian homes that had been fully restored to its former grandeur. It was painted a lovely teal color with black and deep pink accents. It was exactly what I wanted to own some day.

  We pulled into the driveway parking behind the professor’s Jaguar. Understanding came around and opened the door, helping me out. He stood in front of me rubbing his hands up and down my arms giving me solace. “Are you ready for this?” he asked.

  “I guess. He’s either going to say he spoke to him or he has no idea how he got this information.”

  “Right, let’s go and get the answer,” he said taking my arm. We walked up the path to the stairs. Four steps up and five steps to the door. Understanding rang the doorbell as I stood trying to remember to breathe.

  The door opened to Professor Miller’s wide grin. “Neomi and Understanding. Please come in.”

  “We’re sorry to bother you when you just barely got home. Something happened and I’m trying to figure out how this student got this information,” I said quickly. We followed him into the living room. He pointed to the couch and took a chair facing us.

  “Slow down. What information are you referring to?” he asked.

  “I’m sorry. I gave out the assignment that you suggested, to the first year students. I asked for an essay on their life and why they came to Yale. Why they’re in an English Lit course. I got them back and began to read them. This one,” I said handing him Jaycon’s paper “is from one of the students.”

  He began to read the paper. His eyes widening as he read. He looked up at me several times as if to accentuate the reading. When he finished he said, “Do you know him?”

  “As he wrote, he came into the coffee shop about a year after Royce’s death. I saw him two or three times there. Then he was at my graduation, standing under a tree. Then I saw him a few years later in the hall at Yale. He was there for a pre-admission visit. Now he’s in your class.”

  “You’ve never spoken to him about your life? About Royce?”

  “Never. It was all very casual conversations. We actually spoke more about him than me. He was in a terrible accident. His head was stapled back together and he had a noticeable limp. It all looked so painful, I asked about him.”

  “So you’re here to find out if I know him and said something to him,” he said seriously.

  “Do you, did you?”

  “I haven’t got a clue who he is. I haven’t met any of the new students for this semester. His name means nothing to me. Furthermore, Neomi, I have never discussed you or Royce’s relationship with anyone, even my wife.

  “Your moniker is and always has been safe with me. I put it in Royce’s book but not in connection with your name,” he explained. He looked ashen, like I felt.

  “He says he is Royce. He knows things that only three or four people knew. He knows about my tattoo. You didn’t even know about that. How do I explain all of this to myself?”

  “You can’t. Have you asked him for a further explanation?”

  “No. This all began on Saturday. I was waiting to speak to you first.”

  “I’ve looked into his background. I have people on his friends, teachers and coworkers. So far, all I know is he seemed to be an average student before the accident and then exceptional after. He has memory loss for just about everything before the accident. The first thing that everyone reports is the complete change in personality, demeanor, and intelligence. Even so far as the foods he liked. The change is bizarre,” Understanding reported.

  Professor Miller took out his phone and made a call. “Hi Susan…yes it was wonderful. I’ll fill you in on everything tomorrow. I need you to make an appointment with a student for tomorrow. Jaycon Greenberg, he’s a first year. I want it as soon as possible, even if it means I’m missing a class. See what he says and then cancel my class if necessary…no I don’t want it documented just yet. Call me back as soon as you have the details. Thank you, Susan.”

  He looked at me and smiled. “We’ll speak with him tomorrow. Will you stay for dinner?”

  “Only if we talk about England and not about me,” I said smiling.

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  I introduced Professor Miller to each of his classes. In Jaycon’s class, I walked out right after the introduction. The less time spent trying to avoid him the be
tter for me.

  The appointment with him was after the third class. What was actually our lunchtime would be spent upsetting my stomach instead of filling it.

  I took a seat moving the chair to the side of the desk, so I could face Jaycon. I wanted to look at him, believing the eyes are the window to the soul. I pulled another chair next to me for Understanding. Then I waited for everyone to arrive.

  Alone with my thoughts, I began to panic. I heard the door open and Understanding walked in. His confident stride calmed me. His corresponding smile comforted me. I settled. “Hey, beautiful,” his warm voice said.

  “I was just about to run for the hills,” I mewled.

  “East or West Rock?” he said smiling.

  “Didn’t matter, just out of here.”

  “What are you afraid of? One way or the other, he can’t hurt you. I’m here. One look at me and he’ll know I’m here to protect you. It’s a guy thing,” he said with a chuckle.

  Miller walked in smiling. “Are we ready for the inquisition?” he asked.

  “As ready as I can be,” I answered. I watched him walk around to sit behind his desk. “I’ll begin, if you don’t mind,” he said to Understanding. “I’m just an interested third party to this. It might seem less accusatory coming from me.”

  “I was going to suggest that. I’m too close and therefore not impartial. Depending on what he says, I might want to kill him,” Understanding said taking my hand. We sat quietly for a few minutes. The knock at the door alerted us to his presence.

  “Come in,” Miller said. Jaycon walked in with his eyes moving from face to face. He stopped on Understanding.

  “Is he the man in your life now?” Jaycon said looking at me. I felt the words were accusatory.

  “This is Understanding Franklyn. What he is to me is none of your business, Mr. Greenberg,” I said angrily. I could see the weight of what I said settle on him.

  “Sorry, that didn’t come out the way I had intended. I’m known as Jaycon Greenberg but I’m really not him at all,” he said extending his hand to Understanding. They shook hands rather aggressively. He then turned to Miller and said, “Jeremy, how have you been?”

  “You are quite familiar, Mr. Greenberg. You may address me as Professor Miller, please. Take a seat as we have many questions to ask of you,” he said pointing to the empty chair. Jaycon sat down rather awkwardly. It was clear that his leg still bothered him. “I’ve read your essay. I want to know how you came about learning the information you wrote about.”

  “I believe the assignment was to write about yourself and how you came to go to Yale. I did the assignment. What I wrote is what I know of my life. I have no further explanation other than what I wrote.”

  “You want us to believe that you simply popped into another body? That you were one person, who coincidently died, and you woke up as this other person?” Miller said pointing to him.

  “That’s pretty much it. I can quote conversations we’ve had Jeremy, if need be. I can tell you verbatim what you told me about your mistress in England. Your two children with her and why you continue to accept teaching there.”

  “Firelight, I can tell you about our baseball euphemisms. How the night I died was going to be our first night together. Where we ate, the movies we watched and what I whispered in your ear.”

  “Proving to you that I’m Royce would seem easy to do. Making you believe it is far more difficult.”

  “There is one thing that I told you that I have never told anyone else. After I told you, I was sorry I had said anything. I was trusted with this and I broke that trust by telling you. If you can tell me what it is alone, I’ll know that you are Royce,” I said seriously. He smiled and nodded. I could tell by looking at him that he knew what it was. I began to cry. How could this be happening? How could it be real?

  Jaycon stood and held his hand out to me. I stood and placed my hand in his saying, “Please excuse us for a minute.” Understanding shot me a look that clearly meant ‘don’t go with him’ but I continued to walk.

  We got out to the deserted hallway and I turned to face him. He fingered the piece of hair that had come loose from my ponytail and placed it behind my ear. Something that Royce had done a hundred times before.

  He smiled and said, “Sky found the man that had killed his family before the police had. He murdered him slowly, piece by piece. When he finished, he buried him in a remote part of a mountain near where he lived. Then he sold everything and bought the ranch. He dedicated his life to helping others and taking care of the earth. He’s a great man, Firelight. If I could, I would have done the same thing.”

  I began to cry uncontrollably. I had the body shaking, hiccup and snot-running kind of crying. I was wobbling on my feet putting all of my energy into crying. He held me in his arms to soothe me. “I…never…thought…I…would talk…to you again,” I stammered out.

  “I didn’t either. I saw you pull my hand out from under the sheet that covered me. You were holding my hand and rubbing it. You were crying just like this and all I could do was watch.”

  “I don’t know how long I was there. When you’re dead, you can’t tell time. It all kind of flows together. You see snippets of things happening, the wake and funeral and then the memorial service. I was at your apartment a few times before I just vanished into nothingness. You were a mess and I was of no help at all.”

  “Then, as abruptly as it began, I woke up in a world of hurt. At first I could barely open my eyes. People were talking, asking me questions, asking me to move a finger. My first thought was holy shit did I live? Was that all some kind of nightmare? Once I could focus, I looked for you.”

  “I was surrounded by strangers calling me Jaycon. I thought it was all a stupid mistake. Someone had mixed up our names until the nurse gave me a mirror to look at my head injury. I almost shit my pants when I saw this face looking back at me. Holy fuck, how does this happen?”

  “How does this happen?”

  “No fucking clue. I’ve done internet searches, spoken to ‘experts’ in the paranormal, people who have had out-of-body experiences, nothing can explain this.”

  “My parents sent me to a shrink because I kept trying to convince everyone of who I actually am. I finally made up my mind that it was easier to join them than to change them. So I’m Jaycon. Jaycon who had to complete high school for the second time. Now has to complete a BA, MA and PhD twice.

  “The worst part is, I’ve lost the girl. I could do everything else easily if I still had you,” he said sweetly. The look on his face betraying the hurt of everything he had had to go through.

  “I’m sorry about that. Understanding has your bike. That’s how we met. I saw it outside the coffee shop. I couldn’t believe it was the same bike. He’s a good man,” I said defensively.

  “He had better be. I may not look like much but I’m wiry. He’ll squash me for sure, but I can put up a good fight.” That made me laugh. He wiped my tears away with his thumb. “We had better go back in. Your fiancé is patient but everyone has their limits.”

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  The four of us decided that no one would ever believe us. Therefore, in this case, the less said the better. We never spoke of Royce’s transformation unless we were alone with each other.

  Professor Miller did what he could to expedite Jaycon’s degree. He graduated in three years. Not much could be done to shorten his Masters but his Doctorate was shortened by two years.

  Professor Miller had retired the same year as Jaycon’s degree was granted. I supervised his Masters and Doctorate. I was given tenure and made a full professor, just as Jaycon finished his PhD.

  Understanding and I were married in our living room with about twenty friends and family in attendance. Understanding flew my parents, Sky, my sister and Ted in for the wedding.

  They stayed with us for a week for the first vacation any of them had had in almost forever. We went to Boston to walk the Freedom Trail and New York to stand in Times Square.


  We took them to the airport to send them home. Sky took me aside and asked what was up with Jaycon. He said there was something familiar about him but he couldn’t put his finger on it. My very perceptive Sky, always ferreting out the most obscure feelings. I told him that sometime I would enlighten him and I will at some point.

  Around the same time that Jaycon was defending his dissertation, Understanding and I began our family. We felt that was a good time for us to move to California and start a life there.

  I resigned my professorship at Yale recommending that Jaycon be given the honor. So much was taken from him and this he deserved. He would have taken over from Miller in the first place.

  Our son, Royce Matters Franklyn, was born in California. I took a year off to write a book and raise our son. Then I began teaching at a small college close to the ranch. I want my son to grow up in my field.

  Understanding’s business took off like lightning. Many of the stars knew him from working the local venues. When they heard he was in California, his firm was hired permanently.

  I lay with my head on my husband’s chest, my son on mine, in the middle of my field of tall grass and wonder…could anything be better than this?

  Acknowledgement

  The author acknowledges the trademark status and the trademark owners of the following, mentioned in this work of fiction:

  Yale University, University of New Haven, Josh Groban, Harley Davidson, William Shakespeare, The Anchor, Corvette, Lansdowne Irish Pub, Mohegan sun, Left Banke, The Tantra Chair.