I'm a fool to kill you rp-5

by Robert Randisi

  ‘OK,’ I said, ‘OK, let’s say I agree to that, for now.’

  The waitress came with the food, setting the plates down while staring at Ava’s face.

  ‘Rita Hayworth, right?’ Jerry asked.

  ‘No, no, that ain’t it,’ she said. ‘I’ll get it.’

  ‘Have I been out of films that long?’ Ava asked.

  ‘A couple of years,’ Jerry said. ‘When does your new movie come out?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ she said. ‘Maybe never.’

  ‘Why do ya say that?’ he asked.

  ‘Because I was awful in it,’ she said. ‘I look awful and I performed awfully.’

  ‘You can’t look awful, Miss Ava,’ Jerry told her.

  ‘I agree with Jerry.’

  ‘You two are sweet,’ she said. She picked up her burger and bit into it. There’s nothing like a good, big diner burger. And they make the best fries. I covered mine with ketchup.

  We devoured our food and when the waitress came with the check she said, ‘I think I got it!’

  Ava looked at her, smiled and said, ‘Kathryn Grayson.’

  ‘I knew it!’ the waitress said. ‘That’s what I was gonna say!’

  As we walked to the car I said, ‘Kathryn Grayson?’

  ‘I didn’t think you wanted her broadcasting that she’d served Ava Gardner in her diner,’ she explained. ‘Katy’s a good friend of mine, and she’s beautiful.’

  ‘You did Show Boat together,’ Jerry said.

  ‘That’s right.’

  ‘She ain’t as beautiful as you.’

  I nodded. ‘He’s right.’

  ‘You two are so good for my ego.’

  We got to the car and got in. Across the street was a gas station.

  ‘Let’s gas up, Jerry,’ I said.

  ‘Right, Mr G.’

  He pulled out of the parking lot and right into the gas station. He told the attendant to fill it up.

  ‘Check under the hood for ya?’ the man asked.

  ‘No, it’s fine.’

  Ava sat back and kept her face averted so the attendant couldn’t see her while he cleaned the windshield.

  He came to the window and Jerry paid him.

  ‘Think he saw me?’ she asked.

  ‘No,’ Jerry said, starting the engine.

  ‘Next stop, Vegas,’ I said.

  FORTY-TWO

  I had the length of the drive from L.A. and Vegas to decide where to put Ava. In the end, it was Jerry who came up with the answer. More than once Jerry had proven to be not just muscle, and it was usually when he came up with the simplest of answers.

  ‘Take her to your house,’ he said. ‘Nobody’s gonna look for her there.’

  ‘And you’ll be there with her.’

  ‘Right.’

  I turned my head and looked at Ava.

  ‘I’d love to see your house,’ she said.

  ‘It would fit into one room of yours,’ I said.

  She shrugged.

  ‘And my house would fit into one room of my villa in Spain,’ she said. ‘It’s all relative.’

  I turned back and looked at the road.

  ‘How come I can’t sit in the front?’ Ava asked.

  ‘Because I called shotgun,’ I said.

  ‘Boys and their stupid games.’

  As we approached Vegas Jerry said, ‘You callin’ yer buddy Bardini into this?’

  ‘Yeah,’ I said. ‘I need a P.I.’

  ‘And he’s the one?’ Ava asked from the back seat.

  ‘He’s a good one,’ I said.

  ‘And a pretty good guy,’ Jerry said.

  ‘Really?’ I asked.

  ‘You never noticed?’ Jerry asked.

  ‘You know,’ I said, ‘Danny says the same thing about you.’

  ‘That’s nice.’

  ‘What are you going to have your friend do?’ Ava asked.

  ‘He’s gonna find out what happened during your missing hours, Ava,’ I said.

  ‘Will he be discreet?’ she asked. ‘My experience with detectives-’

  ‘He’s not only good at his job,’ I said, ‘he’s also my friend. And he’s a movie buff. As long as he gets to meet you he’ll be fine.’

  ‘He’ll expect you to fall for him,’ Jerry warned her.

  ‘Oh, one of those men?’ Ava asked. ‘I can handle him.’

  ‘This should be real interesting,’ I said.

  ‘Hey, Mr G.,’ Jerry said, ‘think we can get to a book? I wanna make a bet on the Liston-Patterson fight. I think Liston’s gonna flatten him.’

  ‘No way,’ Ava said. ‘Patterson will box his ears off.’

  ‘No chance, Jerry,’ I said. ‘But bet with Ava. Maybe you can make back some of your gin losses.’

  They started discussing terms.

  Jerry drove directly to my house without asking me for directions.

  ‘Cute,’ Ava said, as we got out.

  Jerry got the bags out of the trunk while I unlocked the front door.

  ‘Gotta open the windows and let some air in, Mr G.,’ Jerry said.

  ‘Do it.’

  Since meeting Frank, Dean and the rest of the guys I’d been beaten up in my house, Frank had make coffee in my kitchen, and Sammy Davis had shot a man in my living room.

  Now Ava Gardner was in my house.

  ‘My room is your room,’ I said to Ava.

  ‘That’s very kind,’ she said. ‘Where will you sleep?’

  ‘I probably won’t be here very much,’ I said. ‘Jerry will sleep on the couch. He’s done it before.’

  ‘Will you go and see Frank now?’ she asked.

  ‘Later tonight.’

  We’d gotten an early start that morning. Even with the 300 mile drive it was still pretty early for Vegas.

  Jerry looked at me and asked, ‘Can we eat first?’

  FORTY-THREE

  I went out, got some food and brought it back to the house. I had a bite and left Ava and Jerry still digging in. When she was hungry she had quite an appetite, almost but not quite matching his.

  I left the house, drove the car directly to a gas station to gas up. While I was waiting I thought about what I was going to say to Frank. How would I explain that I couldn’t tell him where Ava was? I was going to need Jack Entratter’s help for that.

  As I drove down the strip toward the Sands I got my usual kick out of reading the various marquees. Alan King at the Riv, Buddy Hackett at the Sahara, Louis Prima and Keely Smith at the Desert Inn. After almost 14 years in Vegas I still got a kick out of it like no other town, not even New York.

  I parked at the Sands and entered by the back way. The Sands was a special place to me. I couldn’t walk ten feet without bumping into somebody I knew, exchanging a friendly greeting. The amazing thing about my time there was that there was no one employee I actively disliked. Think about all the jobs you’ve held? How many times can you say that?

  OK, there was Jack’s girl, but she had a chip on her shoulder. I didn’t dislike her.

  I entered the office and asked her. ‘Is he in?’

  She looked surprised that I’d even asked.

  ‘Yes, he’s in.’

  I went into his office without another word.

  ‘Why don’t you ever let her announce you?’ Jack asked from behind his desk.

  ‘That would just disappoint her,’ I said, sitting across from him

  ‘OK, so you’re back from L.A.,’ Jack said. ‘What’s goin’ on?’

  ‘Have you talked to Frank?’

  ‘Only to find out that he sent Jerry to L.A. to help you. Is he with you?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘And Ava?’

  ‘She’s with me too.’

  ‘Good,’ Jack said. ‘Where are they?’

  ‘I don’t know if I can tell you that.’

  He glared at me. ‘What?’

  ‘Before I tell you where she is I need some assurances from you.’

  ‘What?’ he asked, again.

 
I started to talk and he said, ‘Wait a minute.’

  He opened a drawer, took out a bottle of bourbon and two glasses. He poured two fingers into each glass, pushed one over to my side of the desk. He downed his, so I picked mine up and did the same.

  ‘OK,’ he said, ‘I thought I needed a drink before I heard this. Go ahead.’

  ‘If I tell you where Ava is,’ I said, ‘I don’t want you to tell Frank.’

  ‘Why the hell not?’

  ‘Because something happened to Ava that she doesn’t remember,’ I said. I explained about the missing forty hours.

  ‘Somebody may be after her, and you don’t want me to tell Frank?’

  ‘Exactly.’

  ‘Are you nuts?’

  ‘That’s what Ava wants,’ I said. ‘She doesn’t want her trouble spillin’ over on to Frank. She’s tryin’ to protect him, Jack.’

  ‘Well. .’

  ‘Is Frank still in town?’

  ‘He’s in Tahoe, at the Cal-Neva, in a lodge,’ Entratter said. ‘He finished his engagement here and his family went home. So he went to Tahoe, and he wants me to call him, or you to call him, there.’

  Well, at least I wouldn’t have to face Frank. That was something.

  ‘I don’t know about this, Eddie,’ Jack said. ‘Frank’s not gonna stand for it.’

  ‘We have to convince him, Jack.’

  ‘We?’

  ‘I need your help on this,’ I said. ‘We either have to convince him, or lie to him.’

  ‘You want me to lie to Frank Sinatra?’

  I didn’t blame him. It’s not something I wanted to do, either. Then I got an idea.

  ‘Is Dean still in town?’

  ‘Yeah,’ Jack said. ‘He wants to get in some more golf. He’s stayin’ in his suite.’

  ‘OK,’ I said, ‘let’s get him to help.’

  ‘So you want Dean Martin to lie to Frank.’

  ‘Dean won’t have to lie,’ I said. ‘He’ll be able to convince Frank that we’re doin’ the right thing in not tellin’ him. I think if Frank will listen to anyone, it’s Dean.’

  Jack Entratter thought that over, then said, ‘You might have a point there.’

  FORTY-FOUR

  Dean was on the golf course, and since it was late in the day I didn’t want to bother him. I figured I’d let him finish his round and then catch him when he came back. Instead, I went down to the lobby and used one of the desk phones to call Danny Bardini.

  ‘How’s your case load these days?’ I asked when he picked up.

  ‘I answered my own phone, didn’t I?’ he asked.

  ‘I noticed that. Where’s Penny?’

  ‘Gone for the day. Not enough for her to do.’

  ‘Well, I got a job for you, but it might involve some traveling?’

  ‘All expenses paid?’ he asked.

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘Where to?’

  ‘Well, L.A., New York. . and probably Spain.’

  ‘Spain? Are you serious?’

  ‘I am.’

  Danny hesitated, then said, ‘This has got somethin’ to do with them, ain’t it?’

  ‘It kinda does.’

  ‘What does “kinda” mean, Eddie?’

  ‘I’m sort of doin’ a favor for a friend of a friend.’

  ‘Like with Marilyn Monroe?’

  ‘Like that, yeah.’

  ‘OK,’ he said. ‘Who’s the client?’

  Now it was my turn to hesitate before I said, ‘Ava Gardner.’

  ‘You better not be kiddin’, bud.’

  ‘I’m not kiddin’, Danny.’

  ‘Where do I sign up?’

  ‘Silver Queen Lounge, half an hour.’

  ‘Make it the Garden Room and a meal and you got a deal,’ he said.

  ‘Be there,’ I said.

  Half an hour later we were sitting in the Garden Room Restaurant of the Sands, Danny with a burger and fries in front of him, me with coffee. Danny was a man of simple tastes.

  ‘You’re not eatin’?’ he asked.

  ‘I’ve been eating too much lately.’

  He stopped chewing for a moment, then smiled and said, ‘Damn, Jerry’s in on this, ain’t he?’

  ‘He is.’

  ‘Is he in town?’

  ‘He is.’

  He leaned forward and lowered his voice.

  ‘And is she in town?’

  I lowered my voice and said, ‘She is.’

  He popped a fry in his mouth and said, ‘OK, I’m gonna eat now and listen. Go.’

  I told him the story from the start, and I didn’t leave anything out. Danny was my oldest friend in the world — my big brother’s best friend when we were kids — and I trusted him like I trusted nobody else.

  He listened intently and didn’t stop me with any questions. He had one of the sharpest minds I’d ever encountered, hid it behind what some people called ‘childish bravado.’

  When I was done he shook his head and said, ‘Ava Gardner. Hot damn. Do I get to meet her?’

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘Is she like they say?’

  ‘She’s exactly like they say,’ I answered, ‘and much more.’

  He ate his last fry and asked, ‘She’s at your place, isn’t she? With Jerry?’

  ‘Now how’d you know that?’

  He smiled.

  ‘Last place anybody’s gonna think you’d put her, my friend,’ he said. ‘It would be too dumb.’

  ‘Yes, it would.’

  ‘Another foolhardy idea would be to try lying to Frank Sinatra.’

  ‘That’s why I’m gonna enlist Dean’s help to get Frank to go along with Ava’s idea.’

  ‘And you think he will?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ I said, ‘but he always listens to Dean.’

  ‘I’d tend to agree with that. When are you gonna talk to Dean?’

  ‘Right after I finish feeding your cheap ass,’ I said.

  ‘I am not cheap,’ he said, ‘I’m broke.’

  ‘You been payin’ Penny?’

  ‘She insists on it. I’ve been writin’ her pay checks every week.’

  ‘She been tearin’ up the checks?’

  ‘Yes,’ he said, smiling. ‘She insists on it.’ He sat back in his chair and sighed. ‘OK, tell me what you want me to do.’

  FORTY-FIVE

  I left a message for Dean. I also told the front desk where I’d be: on the casino floor, even though I was technically off duty.

  I strolled through the casino, talking to some of my regulars, patting the butts of some of the waitresses — which was allowed back then — exchanging greetings with a celebrity or two; Nat King Cole, for one, who had come in right after Frank and Dean.

  We talked a few minutes and he said, ‘Hey, I understand Tony LaBella’s going to be in the lounge. Now, there’s a cat with some pipes.’

  ‘I bet he’d love for you to come and see him, Nat.’

  ‘You know what, Eddie? I’ll do that.’

  It was because of Frank and Dean that Sammy Davis, Nat Cole and other black performers were being allowed to stay in the same hotels they played. Just one way they had changed Las Vegas.

  I had just finished talking with Nat when one of the desk clerks came up to me and said, ‘Mr Martin picked up his messages, Eddie. Says you should come on up.’

  ‘Thanks, Harry.’

  I walked back to the lobby with him, then took the elevator up to Dean’s suite.

  Mack opened the door and said, ‘Come on in, Eddie. He’ll be right out.’

  He walked to the bar.

  ‘Bourbon?’ he asked.

  ‘Sure,’ I said, ‘rocks.’

  He poured a bourbon for me and a ginger ale for Dean. The ever-present comic books were on the coffee table in front of the sofa — Dean’s, not Mack’s.

  As he passed me the drink Dean came out, his black hair wet from a shower.

  ‘Hey, Pally,’ he said. ‘Good to see ya.’

  He sat on the sof
a. Mack walked over and handed him the ginger ale.

  ‘Thanks, Mack.’ Dean moved the comic books on the table around so he could see the covers. That led me to believe Mack had bought them and put them there for him. I could see a lot of color, but not what the books were. Or maybe I just wasn’t that interested.

  ‘Why don’t you go on to your room, Mack,’ Dean said. ‘I’ll see you in the mornin’.’

  ‘Call me if ya need me.’

  ‘I will.’

  Dean waited until the door closed behind Mack’s hulking form.

  ‘What’s on your mind, Eddie?’

  I sat down on one of the stools at the bar.

  ‘It’s about Ava, Dean. And Frank.’

  ‘I had a feelin’,’ he said. ‘What’s goin’ on?’

  ‘I’m really not sure yet, Dean,’ I said. ‘I’m tryin’ to find out, but I’ve got a problem that only you can help me with.’

  He looked up from the comic books and said. ‘What‘s that?’

  ‘I’ve got Ava stashed away someplace safe-’ I started.

  ‘She needs to be stashed?’ he asked.

  ‘Yeah, we think so.’

  ‘We?’

  ‘Me, Jerry and Ava.’

  ‘Ah, Jerry,’ he said. ‘I shoulda figured he’d be involved, too. OK, go ahead. Sorry I interrupted.’

  ‘Well, the simple fact of the matter is, I’ve got her hidden away someplace safe and she doesn’t want Frank to know where that is.’

  Dean sat back on the sofa, sipped his ginger ale and said, ‘Oh.’

  I put my drink down on the bar.

  ‘Dean, Ava doesn’t want her troubles to spill over on Frank.’

  ‘What exactly are her troubles, Eddie?’

  I explained about the lost hours, about the cab driver getting beat up by somebody who thought he was me, about being followed.

  ‘She’s afraid she’s done something. . bad, something that would bring her terrible publicity. . or worse, something she couldn’t live with. If there is bad publicity it might affect Frank. She doesn’t want that.’

  ‘Can’t say I blame her.’

  ‘I don’t want to lie to Frank,’ I said.

  ‘So you want me to lie to him?’

  ‘No, sir,’ I said. ‘I want you to tell Frank the truth, and get him to accept it.’

  Dean crossed his leg, drank some more ginger ale and considered my request.