Sucks to Be Me

by Painter, Kristen

  Bunni tipped her head, like she was trying to think of something, but Donna kept talking. “I was turned three days ago. It’s been…interesting. To be honest, I didn’t believe—”

  Bunni sucked in a sharp breath. “I know who you are!”

  Before Donna could say anything else, Bunni went on. “You’re Joseph Barrone’s wife. The mobster. Didn’t he just get bumped off or something?” She gasped again. “You’re Big Tony Villachi’s sister-in-law!” Then she laughed. “Sergio would freakin’ lose his mind if he knew I met you. Not that I care what that low-life scumbag pendejo thinks.”

  Donna swallowed. The women were all looking at her. Waiting. She nodded. “He wasn’t bumped off. He was killed in a car accident. And yes, I am, or was, Tony Villachi’s sister-in-law.”

  Neo sat up. “For real? The actual mob guy?”

  Donna took a breath and raised her chin slightly. She wasn’t proud of her former family, but she had nothing to be ashamed of either. Not anymore. “Yes.”

  Dr. Goldberg held up a hand. “Ladies, I think we should refrain from questions that are overly personal, but I would also like to remind you that what is discussed in group stays in group.”

  “It’s okay,” Donna said. She appreciated La’s efforts, but Joe’s reputation was what it was. Especially in this area. She made herself smile, lips tight. “I know from our sessions that the best results come from honest, open work. And I need this group to work for me. Becoming a vampire wasn’t something I planned. Frankly, it wasn’t something I even thought possible.”

  Neo nodded. “Yeah, I feel that.” She reached across Dr. Goldberg to offer Donna her closed fist. “We got you.”

  Donna hesitated, then realized what Neo wanted and tapped her fist against the other woman’s. “Thank you.”

  Dr. Goldberg smiled. “Excellent work, ladies. Donna, would you like to tell us how you were turned? Only if you feel comfortable, of course.”

  “Sure. I went to the cemetery to see Joe.” She snorted. “To give him a piece of my mind, actually. I was mad. About a lot of things.”

  “I hear that,” Bunni said.

  Donna continued. “While I was there, I was attacked by a young man. A vampire. Not that I understood at the time that that’s what he was. I thought he was some Goth freak hopped up on whatever drug the kids are doing these days. He bit me. I mean, who does that?”

  Francine leaned in, smiling. “We do. But not without consent.”

  “I’ll remember that,” Donna said. “Anyway, I passed out. When I came to, there was a woman crouched over me.” She swallowed, thinking back. “She was feeding me blood from her wrist, which should have been disgusting, but it wasn’t. Then she said she had to go catch the vampire who’d bitten me, that he’d gone rogue and shouldn’t have done that, and that she’d find me later and explain. After that, I passed out again. The second time I came to, I convinced myself I’d been the victim of a couple of weirdos cosplaying in the cemetery, and I’d just gotten caught in the middle of their crazy game.”

  Bunni looked unconvinced. “But you had to know something had happened, right? You had to know you were different.”

  “I didn’t. Not really. I had a lot of other stuff going on. More than just my husband’s death. Stuff I can’t really talk about.”

  “Mob stuff?” Neo asked.

  Donna hesitated. “Nothing I can talk about. But it was heavy enough that what happened in the cemetery got put on the back burner. In fact, even when Claudette showed up—that’s the woman who saved me—I wasn’t ready to hear what she had to say, because I couldn’t make myself believe that she was telling the truth.”

  “Claudette?” Francine asked. “I think she’s Meghan’s sire.” She clapped her hands. “You’re blood sisters, then! How fun. And how nice to have such a high-ranking sire.”

  “High ranking?” Donna asked.

  Francine nodded. “Claudette is the vampire governor of New Jersey.”

  Donna just looked at her. Everything still had a very surreal quality to it. She wasn’t sure what surprised her more. That Claudette had turned another woman in this group or that Claudette was someone in the vampire world. But then, she was the one who’d given Donna the card for the First Fangs Club, after all, so maybe that was her way of being responsible?

  Dr. Goldberg made a note. “Donna, are you feeling overwhelmed?”

  She nodded. “I am a little. I have so many questions. I feel…like a newborn. In a way. It’s very unsettling.”

  Francine patted the air in front of her like she was trying to reach Donna. “We have a group text. We’ll add you. Then you can reach out to us anytime you like.”

  “That would be great. Thanks,” Donna said.

  Dr. Goldberg uncrossed and recrossed her legs in the opposite direction. “Francine, why don’t you tell Donna your turning story? I think it would be good for her to hear some other experiences.”

  “Sure,” Francine said. Her eyes lit up, and Donna got the sense that telling this story was something the woman really enjoyed. “My third husband, Artie, may he rest in peace, was a movie producer. He left me buckets of money and a beautiful townhouse on the Upper East Side. After he died, I got a little lonely, so I turned the basement into an apartment and rented it to a nice young man. A musician. Artie would have loved him. I didn’t charge him a whole lot, because musicians are always broke, and he was a sweet boy. Anyway, I never saw Lionel all that much, except for Monday nights when he would come up and we’d have movie night. So much fun. Mostly, though, it was just nice to know someone else was around, you know?”

  Donna nodded.

  “Plus,” Francine said, “Lionel’s very handsome. So that didn’t hurt. Anyway, a couple years after he moved in, I got very sick.” Her smile disappeared. “To make a long story short, the doctors told me I had maybe six months to live.”

  It was Donna’s turn to gasp. “How awful.”

  Francine folded her hands in her lap. “It was. Just because I’m an old woman doesn’t mean I’m ready to die. Lionel was devastated when I told him. He wept. Actually cried. I was so touched. And then, a couple days after I told him, he came up to see me again. He had an answer, he said. A sort of cure.

  “Of course, I was interested, so I listened.” Francine’s smile returned. “He explained to me that he was a vampire and if he turned me into one, I could live forever, and my cancer would be cured. I thought he’d been smoking too much reefer, but it was such a kind offer that I said it sounded lovely. All the while, I was thinking if only it was possible!”

  Bunni laughed, and Neo let out a little snort.

  “Well,” Francine said, “he took that as my agreement and bit me. Next thing I know, I was a vampire.”

  “Wow.” Donna shook her head. “I guess you believed it then.”

  Francine nodded. “Oh boy, did I. Kicked that cancer right to the curb. I only went back to see the doctors one more time, just to make sure it really was gone, then I figured I didn’t need them anymore.”

  “I have to ask,” Donna said. “Does Lionel still live in your basement?”

  Francine’s grin went a little lopsided. “Not exactly. He’s moved upstairs now.”

  “Oh. Oh,” Donna said. “Good for you.”

  Francine gave a little snicker. “Very good for me. We have an open relationship, though.”

  “Very modern.” Donna admired Francine. She was definitely living her best life and making the most out of becoming a vampire, but then, she’d had a choice. Donna hadn’t.

  “Bunni, would you like to share?” Dr. Goldberg asked. “Your story is very different than Francine’s.”

  “Sure,” Bunni said. She leaned back, her hands resting lightly on the arms of the chair like she was holding court. “I was with my ex-boyfriend, Sergio, and his crew while they were scoping out a new warehouse location.”

  “For their drug-packaging business,” Neo said with an eye roll.

  Bunni glared at her. “Yeah, so?
I’m done with them now, so get over it.” She huffed out a breath before going on with her story. “The warehouse was abandoned, or so they thought. But there were some big containers in there. Crates. Couple of Sergio’s boys opened one up to see what was in it.”

  All cockiness left her expression as she remembered back. “I know now it was a den. A vampire sleeping spot. Opening the crate woke them. Two of them attacked.”

  Her hands came together in her lap. “Sergio and his crew ran. I got left behind. Hard to run in heels, you know?”

  Donna nodded, sympathetic.

  Bunni’s gaze filled with the resolute look of someone who’d accepted her fate. “I thought I was going to die. I was dying. But one of the vampires figured out that what had happened wasn’t intentional and took pity on me. He saved me. Made me one of them.”

  “That’s amazing,” Donna said. “You got lucky. If you consider being turned lucky.”

  “I do,” Bunni said. “Better than being dead.” Her eyes narrowed. “Now I’m going to do good things with my life.”

  Dr. Goldberg’s pen was poised to write. “What are those good things, Bunni?”

  Bunni hesitated. It was clear what she wanted to say was not what she thought she should say. “I don’t know why taking out Sergio and his crew would be such a bad thing. He left me for dead.”

  “And they’re drug dealers,” Neo added.

  “Ladies, we’ve discussed this,” Dr. Goldberg said. “The way forward needs to also be the way up. Revenge only takes us backward and down.”

  Bunni’s lids fluttered in what looked like a barely suppressed eye roll. “Yeah, well, he’s selling dope to little kids, and the cops can’t pin him on it, so I’m supposed to just let that go?”

  Donna leaned forward. “Can you give the cops the evidence they need to arrest him and his gang?”

  Bunni shrugged. “I tried, but he’s got a cousin on the force that got wind of the raid, and Sergio cleared out the house before the cops got there. He’s wired up good. They have all kinds of protections in place.”

  Donna nodded. “I understand that.”

  Bunni grinned. “I bet you do.”

  “Maybe you need to go bigger. Talk to the FBI.”

  Bunni seemed to think about that. “Yeah, maybe. You think they’d listen to me?”

  Donna lifted one shoulder nonchalantly. “I know a guy. I could ask him. Would you be willing to wear a wire? Get Sergio to incriminate himself and his gang?”

  “Sure,” Bunni said. “What have I got to lose? He can’t hurt me anymore.” Then her expression turned coy. “How come you know a fed?”

  Donna paused. Telling the truth might not be the best thing to do, but she was tired of dancing around it and giving vague answers. Dr. Goldberg had already pointed out that what was said in group stayed in group, and Donna chose to believe that. “Because I wanted out of my life and away from my husband and his horrible family. To do that, I needed protection. I could only figure out one way that I could make that happen. Turn state’s evidence against the Villachis.”

  Neo, Bunni, and Francine looked at her with sharpened gazes that seemed, at least to Donna, to be filled with respect.

  Francine was the first to speak. “You’re a brave woman, Belladonna. You’re going to do just fine as a vampire.”

  “Yeah,” Neo said. “Respect. That’s hard-core.”

  Bunni nodded. “It is hard-core. And if you can do it, I can do it. Will you talk to your friend for me? Or would you maybe go with me to see him?”

  “I would be happy to,” Donna said. She hoped she hadn’t spoken out of turn and that Rico could actually help Bunni. And did she need to tell Bunni that Rico was a werewolf? What was the protocol on that?

  The group was helpful, but what she really needed was for Claudette to get in touch with her. Or find some kind of a manual. Did such a thing even exist?

  Maybe she should write one. Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Becoming a Vampire But Were Afraid to Ask.

  At some point, she did need to start thinking about earning her own money. The insurance was only going to last so long. Were there any rules about writing a book on being a vampire?

  She sighed. There was so freakin’ much she didn’t know.

  Becoming a vampire was like going through puberty all over again. And not in a good way. If there was a good way to go through puberty.

  Chapter Twenty-one

  “More great work, ladies,” Dr. Goldberg said. “Why don’t we talk about your highs and lows this week?”

  Donna kept her internal struggle to herself awhile longer.

  Neo, still slouching, raised her hand. “I got a high. Just got the blood supplier on East 58th as a new client, and as a bonus, they’re hooking me up with a half-price membership.”

  “Well done, Neo,” Francine said.

  “Thanks.” Neo looked at Donna. “You been to one of those yet? You’ve been turned for a couple days now. You’re going to need to eat.”

  “No,” Donna said. “I didn’t even know such things existed until recently. Claudette’s not even the one who told me. I think she’s mad at me. She hasn’t answered my call yet. Although I suppose being governor keeps her busy.”

  “Why do you think she’s mad?” Neo asked.

  “When she showed up at my house, I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to accept everything she was telling me. I basically asked her to leave, and she did. I got over all of that the next day, though, and I called her back like she said to do, but she hasn’t shown up yet.”

  “Probably just busy. Or maybe teaching you a lesson,” Neo said. “Some sires can be divas. Not saying Claudette is, just that it happens. Don’t worry. We’ll help.”

  “Great. How often do I need to…feed?”

  “At least every couple of days,” Francine said. “But more when you’re young. So maybe even tonight. You can come over to my place if you’d like. I have plenty on hand.”

  “That’s kind of you, but I really need to get my own source,” Donna said. Then it all started to feel heavy. And despite her newfound strength, she wasn’t sure she could handle it.

  Frustration settled over her. “I feel like I’m never going to get the hang of this. Like I’m going to screw up and accidentally kill myself—or worse, someone else—by doing something wrong. I didn’t ask for any of this, you know. I just wanted my freedom back. To live a life where I wasn’t constantly looking over my shoulder.”

  She pressed a hand to her chest. “I’m not a bad person, but people think I am because of who I am. And who I’m married to. Was married to. And now I’m a vampire. A freakin’ vampire!” She tossed her hands up before shaking her head and slumping back into her seat. “I didn’t ask to be turned into a monster. How is this fair? It isn’t. Not even the tiniest bit.”

  No one said a word, and she realized her rant had shut the group down. Had the word monster offended them? Or was it something else she’d said? Didn’t matter now. What was done was done. She grabbed her purse. “I’m sorry. I should go.”

  “No,” Neo said. “Don’t go.”

  “No, don’t,” Francine echoed.

  “Yeah,” Bunni said. “Stay. We get it.”

  “We do.” Neo looked at Donna, all bravado gone from her demeanor. “We’ve all been there. Well, maybe not Francine as much, because she had a clue about what was happening. But yeah, I think we all had a point where we felt like we’d been given more than we could handle.”

  “That’s how I feel,” Donna said.

  Bunni leaned forward a little. “I had a couple days where I wished they’d just let me be dead.”

  Neo, despite the opening, didn’t snap back. Instead, she nodded solemnly.

  “Did you feel that way, Neo?” Donna asked. “Like you wished you’d just died instead?”

  Neo stopped nodding and stared at the table in the center of the space. Her gaze was distant and bitter, and for the first time that night, she looked vulnerable.


  Donna decided to ask a different question. “How were you turned, Neo?”

  For a moment, she said nothing. Then she cleared her throat. “I was in Belgium for a big cybercon. Out on the town, having fun…a little too much that last night. Made a wrong turn on my walk back to the hotel and ran into a group of rogue vamps.”

  The faraway gaze went deeper. She shook her head. “They were cruel. They wanted me to be afraid. I was too. Terrified. After a couple minutes of torment, they attacked. Drank me nearly dry and left me for dead.”

  No one in the group said a word. Donna got the sense that Neo didn’t tell this story often. Or ever.

  She started again. “I lay there, staring up at the stars, my life fading away, and I was powerless to do anything about it.”

  She rubbed a hand across her face like she was trying to wipe away the memory. “Thankfully, like most of you, another vampire found me and took pity on me. In my case, it was three vampires. Brothers who spent their nights in the Belgian streets looking for victims of the gedrocht, the monsters who attacked me. It took blood from all three of them to revive me, that’s how little I had left.”

  Suddenly, she smiled and sat back, the worst of her tale apparently over. “It’s pretty rare to have three sires. I’m hoping it means I end up with three special abilities.”

  “You’re very fortunate to be alive,” Donna said. She made a mental note to come back to the special abilities. “I guess that’s the takeaway here. We could all be dead. But we’re not. That second chance just comes with the burden of learning to live in a different way.”

  Dr. Goldberg nodded. “That’s a very smart way to look at it, Donna. Very smart. This is a second chance.”

  Bunni pursed her lips. “To right wrongs.”

  Dr. Goldberg frowned.

  Bunni shrugged. “What? Donna’s gonna help me do things the forward way. Right, Donna?”

  “Right,” Donna said. “Can I ask a question? About those special abilities that Neo mentioned? Claudette said something about that too. That sometimes vampires develop other abilities. What kinds of things are we talking about?”