Fitzwilliam Darcy, Rock Star

by Heather Lynn Rigaud

  They spent the rest of the evening talking and laughing, until their eyes drooped and reluctantly they said good-bye, promising to talk again.

  ***

  “Jane, I just wanted to tell you that you got another dozen roses,” Mrs. Bennet sounded delighted over the phone.

  “Oh?”

  “Yes, these are pale pink. I guess the florist ran out of white ones.” She laughed at her own joke. “They’re really pretty. Exactly the color your hair used to be.”

  Jane felt a tightness in her chest. “Could you read the card to me?”

  “Certainly, dear; it says, ‘Please call me,’ and there’s a phone number.” Her mother recited the digits. “Hmmm, funny, no name again. Do you recognize the number, Jane?”

  “Yes,” she whispered. “Thanks, Mom.”

  “Are you okay, Janie?”

  “Yes, I just have to go, Mom.”

  “You take care, Janie dear. Bye now.”

  “Bye, Mom,” Jane replied automatically and clicked off the phone. The number was one she would never forget: Charles’s cell phone. She bit her lip, fighting back tears. It was supposed to be getting easier, not harder. Yet every day she found herself missing him more and more. She seemed to be on the verge of tears all the time, and last night a nightmare, in which Charles rejected her, woke her up and left her in a panic. In truth, she hadn’t been able to relax all day while she waited to see if this day’s flowers would arrive.

  Now she knew. The flowers had come, but with what? A request? A command? Jane knew the pink roses had been no accident. She knew Charles picked them deliberately to match her hair color from the night they first met. He was going back, trying to start over and make it right.

  Without her knowing quite how it happened, the phone was at her ear again and it was ringing, although Jane could not remember dialing. “Jane?” a desperate voice answered.

  “Charles?” she choked out.

  “Jane! Oh God, Jane, oh my God! Did you get my flowers?” He was panting with relief.

  “I got the message,” Jane said with a weak watery smile. She couldn’t believe how much she missed his voice, or how good it made her feel to hear it again. “You asked me to call?”

  “Jane,” Charles breathed. “Jane, could I please, please come and talk to you? Please. I need to try to explain what happened.” He paused. “Jane, I need to see you.”

  There was a sharp pain in Jane’s chest and tears were falling down her face unnoticed. “Okay,” she whispered.

  “I’ll come right now!”

  “No!” Jane exclaimed. “No, you can’t. I’m at my aunt and uncle’s, and now would not be a good time.”

  “Tell me when.”

  “Could you come tomorrow?” she asked softly.

  “Yes, I’ll come anytime, angel.” She could hear the desperation in his voice. “Tell me where you are.”

  The Gardiners lived in Kent Cliffs, a small community about forty minutes from the Bennets. Jane gave him directions and listened as he read them back. “I’ll be there, first thing tomorrow,” Charles said soulfully. “How have you been?”

  Jane bit back her response. She wanted to tell Charles that she had been horrible and let him comfort her, but she couldn’t. Not yet.

  Instead she ignored his question and just said, “I’ll see you tomorrow,” and hung up.

  Elizabeth found her, crying helplessly on her bed. “Jane, what happened?”

  Jane tearfully explained everything, from the flowers to the phone call. Elizabeth’s heart went out to her sister. Jane was trapped in a world of hurt, surrounded by thorns on all sides with no clear path to get free. Elizabeth understood exactly how she felt. Her own way was blocked with pain too, so she focused instead on Jane.

  “Jane, you have to give him a chance. Listen to him. Let him explain what happened.” Elizabeth was adamant. She knew this was the result of a misunderstanding and it hurt her to see Jane in so much pain. “Please do it for me, sweetheart. You know he loves you. He screwed up, but he’s very sorry.”

  Jane nodded, her faced closed off. “I’ll try, Lizzy.”

  Elizabeth left Jane alone and went to the room she was using. She checked her email and was disappointed to find nothing from Darcy. She wasn’t sure if this was a bad sign, or merely a glitch in the system. She lay down in the darkness and wondered where he was and what he was doing.

  ***

  Darcy sat with his mother’s guitar in his lap. He ignored the sheet music on the stand before him; it was memorized a long time ago. His fingers flew lightly over the nylon strings, his thoughts focused on his task.

  His concentration was not broken by the arrival of his sister. He nodded to Georgiana as he continued playing, until the movement was finished and he turned the CD player off with the remote sitting on the floor beside him.

  Then he looked to her, waiting. The young woman asked, “Got a moment?”

  “I’m playing.”

  “I know,” she replied gently, biting her lip. “But I’m only asking for a few minutes.”

  Darcy frowned. He was caught and he knew it. He motioned to the nearby chair and waited. He had tried to hide his mood from Georgiana, but he had clearly been unsuccessful. So instead he had taken to dodging her for the past few days. Now that had failed as well.

  “Will, what’s going on?” Georgiana asked softly.

  “What do you mean?”

  Georgiana took a deep breath, screwed up her courage, and spoke. “I mean that I left you in New York a week ago today, as happy as a clam, and on Wednesday you drove up here a different person. You’ve been moody and sulking all week.”

  “I have not.”

  “Will, you’re listening to U2!” she told him, gently contradicting him. “If I hear ‘With or Without You’ one more time, I’m going to snap the CD in half.”

  Darcy was forced to smile slightly. It was bizarre what his sister gauged to be a sign of his depression, but he couldn’t deny it.

  “Will, what happened on Tuesday? Did something happen at the awards? I watched them and you were great.”

  Darcy sighed. “Did you see the pre-show?”

  Georgiana nodded, unwilling to interrupt her brother once he started talking.

  “Did you see LBS?”

  “Yes, they’re the group on tour with you, right?”

  Darcy nodded. “The guitarist, Elizabeth…”

  Georgiana’s eyes got large and round as she stared at him with dawning comprehension. “You? And her? You’ve been dating?”

  Darcy nodded, his jaw tight. Then he forced himself to speak. “Not exactly. It’s kind of hard to date on tour. But we have been together a lot.”

  Georgiana smiled, excited at the idea of her dear brother having a girlfriend, then she thought about his behavior for the last week and frowned. “Okay, so you and Elizabeth have been together and getting to know each other. So what happened?”

  “The Monday that we came back from Europe, she came to the loft.” Darcy’s voice stumbled a moment as he did some quick mental editing. “The next morning, I told her I loved her and that I never wanted her to leave, and she left.” He shrugged. “I guess she didn’t feel for me what I felt for her.”

  Georgiana paled slightly as she realized what Darcy had left out. “Will, your problem is you are very black-and-white in your thinking, and you don’t realize that other people aren’t.”

  Darcy looked at her coolly. “And how would you know this?”

  “Years of therapy, Will. You pick up stuff after a while.”

  Darcy sat back in his chair, his eyes reassessing the little girl who had become an adult before his eyes.

  “Okay, let’s look at it this way,” Georgiana continued uncomfortably. “Let’s say I was at school, and I met a guy. Say we were in the same dorm and had some classes together.” She hesitated and licked her lips. “And let’s pretend that after a few months I decided that I like the guy and I go to bed with him.” She wasn’t quite able to make ey
e contact with him, but her point was so important, she pressed on.

  “And it’s great. It’s the best sex I will ever have in my life, okay?” she said quickly. “But then, the next morning, he tells me he loves me and he even wants me to move in with him, right away.” She stopped, letting the idea work on him, and then asked Darcy in a soft voice, “Would you want me to move in with him? Even if he was a great guy?”

  Darcy frowned and shook his head. “Of course not.”

  “Then how could you expect this of Elizabeth?”

  Darcy looked away. “It’s just that I was happy. I didn’t want that happiness to end,” he said softly.

  Georgiana put her arm around Darcy’s shoulder. “I know. And she probably didn’t either, but that’s really, really fast. She probably needed some time. Did you give it to her?”

  Darcy snorted. “She walked out. How could I not give it to her?”

  “So what happened next?” she asked gently.

  “I got mad, and when she came in at rehearsal for the show, I tricked Charles into playing ‘It’s All a Joke.’”

  Georgiana put her head in her hands for a moment then laughed and kissed her brother on the temple. “Only you, Will.”

  Darcy smiled at himself. “I might have overreacted just a little bit.”

  “Just a bit,” Georgiana agreed. “So then what happened? Did you talk to her?”

  “I tried to, but she wouldn’t have it.”

  “I can’t really blame her.” Georgiana took a moment to add up everything that had happened. “So what did you do then?”

  “We changed our song. We played ‘Feel Me’ for them.”

  Georgiana nodded. “I remember. Did it work? Did you talk to her after the show?”

  Darcy shook his head. “No, I just left.”

  Georgiana lightly slapped the side of her brother’s head.

  “Ow!”

  “Will!” she whined. “I can’t believe you. You’ve got to give her a chance to talk to you. That poor girl probably doesn’t know what to think.”

  “I thought that if she loved me, she wouldn’t have walked out like that.”

  She frowned. “Did you ever think that maybe Elizabeth just needed some time to think, and she was going to come back to you? After all, you played this song for her. Don’t you think you might want to see what she thought?”

  “I thought she didn’t want to see me again. She said she was done. They played that ‘Good-bye’ song.” Darcy pushed away from his sister and stood up. Slowly he walked to the huge window overlooking the Berkshire Mountains and put his forehead against it.

  “But that was before you played your song, right? Will, I really think you screwed up here.”

  “You’re right, Georgie,” he said in a defeated voice.

  Georgiana put her hand on his shoulder. “Before you make yourself crazy hating yourself, you might want to instead think about what you are going to say to her when you see her again.”

  Darcy turned and pulled her into a close embrace. “I will,” he said. “Thanks, you give good advice, you know that?”

  Georgiana looked into her brother’s eyes. “So do you,” she smiled lovingly.

  ***

  Elizabeth looked with sympathy at her sister. Jane had dark circles under her eyes and despite the kind and gentle way she was dealing with the three children, Elizabeth could tell she was deeply anxious.

  Jane seemed to be functioning, albeit slowly, as she brushed and braided the hair of the little girl who sat in her lap. “Lizzy,” she said softly.

  “Yes?”

  “I want you to stay with me when he comes.”

  Elizabeth nodded. “When do you expect him?”

  “I don’t know,” Jane said, her eyes once again losing focus.

  “What are you going to say to him?”

  “I guess that depends on what he says to me.”

  “What do you want?”

  “I want the hurting to stop, Lizzy. I just want to be happy.”

  It was at that moment that their cousin, a nine-year-old boy named Erik, came running into the kitchen. “Jane, come here, quickly!” he exclaimed.

  Jane and Elizabeth followed the boy into the living room where the television was on. MTV was positioned between Cartoon Network and Nickelodeon, and the children found something that stopped their channel flipping. Jane was on the screen singing “Everything You Are.”

  “Jane,” the eldest child said, “Erik said this was you on the TV, but I told him it couldn’t be you.”

  “Actually, Steph, it is Jane,” Elizabeth answered cheerfully. “Look, see? There’s me and Aunt Charlotte.”

  Jane was watching the TV, a sad smile on her face.

  “Oh,” said Stephanie, “I just thought it couldn’t be you. I forgot you are famous.”

  Jane smiled and pulled the girl close. “That’s me,” she said, “your famous babysitting cousin.” They laughed and watched the TV some more.

  “You look pretty there,” Stephanie told Jane, with the typical honesty of a child.

  “Thank you. I had a lot of people working on me to make me look pretty.”

  “You know, that’s the third time this morning I’ve heard that song,” a deep voice said. “I’m beginning to wonder if it’s a sign.”

  Elizabeth and Jane turned around quickly. Behind them stood Charles, holding the hand of the seven-year-old girl.

  “Jane,” said Michaela, “I answered the door. This man was looking for you.”

  The color drained out of Jane’s face. “Thank you, dear,” she replied automatically.

  “Why don’t you all watch TV, and a little later I’ll take you swimming,” Elizabeth told the children.

  The young cousins gave their general assent, and Elizabeth led the adults into the kitchen. Automatically, Elizabeth found herself pouring a cup of juice for Charles, knowing it was his morning preference. She smiled bitterly at the ironic situation they found themselves in, and brought the cup to him, sitting at the table with Jane.

  Jane stared at her cup, unable to speak as Charles looked at her nervously. “How have you been, Charles?” Elizabeth asked conversationally.

  “All right, I guess,” he shrugged. “How are you? I was surprised to find you here.”

  Elizabeth smiled. “You know our glamorous life.”

  “We’re giving Lydia and Kitty a week off,” Jane explained.

  Charles smiled warmly at Jane, carefully examining her with his eyes. “I’m not surprised. You’re so generous and kind.” Then he paused and looked away.

  “How has everyone been?” Elizabeth asked, trying to keep the conversation going. “Caro, Richard, Will?” Her voice was a trifle unsteady on the last name.

  “Oh, Caro is fine. Faust is coming back from London tomorrow, and she is going to spend the last week of the break with him. Richard’s been hanging out at his family’s place on the Cape.”

  “And Will?”

  “I haven’t spoken to him,” Charles said simply. He turned to Jane. “Could I speak to you—alone?”

  Jane looked from Charles to Elizabeth. Elizabeth’s eyes told her she would do whatever Jane wanted.

  “Please,” Charles added softly.

  Jane nodded and moved to the dining room. There they could speak softly without being overheard, but they were still close enough to Elizabeth. Elizabeth kept herself busy by washing the morning dishes, then by finding random chores to do. She wanted to keep her promise and stay with Jane, and the work helped her think. She wished Charles had some news about Will; she was starting to worry about him. Elizabeth set up her laptop on the kitchen table and was disappointed to find there was still nothing in her email box from either Will or Caroline.

  ***

  “You look tired,” Charles said gently as he sat down at the table with Jane.

  Jane’s mouth curled up in what could have been a weak smile or a grimace. “I didn’t sleep well last night.”

  Charles smiled gently. �
�I understand. I haven’t slept well in over two weeks.” His hands were restless. Instinctually, they kept reaching for Jane and he had to keep reminding himself not to touch her, not to hold her the way he wanted. “It’s amazing, isn’t it? How much can change in two weeks?”

  Jane looked at him mutely and nodded.

  “Did you mean it?” he asked. “When you sang ‘The Longest Good-bye’? Did you mean it? Were… Are you really ready to give it all up? Just like that?” He couldn’t mask the bitter hurt in his voice.

  “What else could I do?” she asked, her voice low. “Did you expect me to just sit around? To let you and your friends keep messing with my friends and me? You hurt me. You hurt all of us, and I couldn’t stay there and let it go on.”

  Charles looked down at the table and closed his eyes. Her words cut him deeply, and even more painful was the knowledge that she was right, and he deserved it. “Will you let me explain, please?”

  “What difference will it make?” she asked wearily.

  “It will make a difference because I love you and you love me.” Jane shook her head but he would not be stopped. “No, Jane. I was wrong, completely wrong and I admit that. I didn’t trust you with the truth and I should have. But I know you told me the truth when you told me you loved me. And you may not believe me, but I do love you. I have since the night we met and I will never stop.” His words were fierce and intense. He carefully took one of her limp hands in his own and said, “Please, let me explain. You deserve to know.”

  Jane looked at him for a long time. His hair and body were the same, but his face had changed. He looked older, and his eyes were marked by a sadness she had never seen in him before. His perpetual cheerfulness was gone, and looking at him, Jane was hard pressed to remember it; his face was so stricken. Jane squeezed his hand and nodded to him to start.

  Charles squeezed her hand back in gratitude and began. “Almost six years ago, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer.” He closed his eyes against the painful memory. “At first I thought it was nothing. Yes, it meant an operation, but I figured with all the different treatments, she would be okay.” He paused and looked into her eyes. “I was wrong. She fought it, we all fought it together, for nineteen months, but in the end, there was nothing left. She died four years ago this month.”