H When hell is the favourable option

by David Jaundrell

  The next morning Benny was sprightly, with no obvious after effects from the terrifying psychosis that had invaded her mind. Benny was back and chirpy as though nothing had happened the previous day! He made her a latte and toast, then wandered off in the Moke and went to the beach. Snowman was administering the cool wet soothing touch of an aloe vera plant to a tourist and when he had finished H went to him.

  ‘Remember me?’

  ‘Yo man’

  H held out his hand and snowman winced when H closed it around his. As H applied more pressure snowman's face showed the pain and his body started to shrink. H put his face next to snowman's. ‘What the fuck was in that shit you sold me?

  ‘Nothing man, it was good shit. I told it was good shit man’

  ‘You nearly fucking killed my woman’ snarled H whose grip had not loosened ‘you tell me why I shouldn't hurt you so fucking bad…?’

  ‘Its shit man, but its Bajan shit. It's not the shit you get at home man…..this is real shit. You gotta take it easy with the shit man….it's not home shit man………..please man…….’

  H was angry and could quite easily have hurt this man badly although he was quite aware that a crowded beach was not really the place. He was also aware that if what snowman was saying was correct, and it may not be, then it was H's fault. He had blithely given a drug to Benny with no thought about its strength or effect. It was just going to be a silly spliff. H stared at the man who was still in pain and waiting…..

  ‘Ok man. I believe you. But if I find out that you are not telling me the fucking truth I am coming back to finish the job. You understand that…?’

  ‘Just fucking Bajan shit man….just Bajan shit….sorry about your woman man……sorry man…..sorry…..’

  He let go of his hand.

  When he got back to the villa Benny said ‘Could we try it again? It may be better this time….?’

  H looked at her incredulously, went to the drawer where it was housed, went back to Benny, said ‘No’ then marched off and flushed the lot down the loo…..

  Two weeks soon went and relaxed and bronzed they boarded a small plane and headed for Bogotá, flying through Venezuelan airspace to circumvent the towering snow capped Andes.

  Benny pointed down. ‘I will educate you as we all learn this automatically at school…..What you call the Andes is actually the Queachua Antis and is the longest mountain range in South America at about seven thousand kilometres. The widest point is about five hundred kilometres; the average height is about four thousand metres whilst the highest is six thousand six hundred and ninety two metres.’

  ‘That's it? That's all you know? I could get a measuring tape and work that out.’

  She sighed as though explaining to a moron. ‘They are comprised’ she continued ‘of two great ranges; the Cordillera Oriental and Cordillera Occidental. They range through seven countries Argentina, Bolivia, Chile, Colombia, Equador, Peru and Venezuela. …….notice the alphabetical order?’

  H grunted.

  ‘The initial formation began in the Jurassic period, with no help whatsoever from Steven Spielberg but their present formation evolved in the Cretaceous period’

  She paused ‘How am I doing?’

  ‘Perhaps just one more fascinating fact and then let's get a drink….or two?’

  They were met by two men at the airport who doffed their caps to Benshima and nodded respectfully to H. H assumed they were farmhands or company employees but they had an air about them that fitted more into H's clubs or, perhaps more accurately, into his security company. Why would he think that? A large Mercedes waited outside for them. As it pulled away H noticed the car in front and the one behind did also.

  ‘We have an escort?’

  She just smiled and said ‘More than likely’.

  ‘Why?’

  She just shrugged. ’We're in Colombia……….’

  The convoy drove for about an hour through the countryside on the road to Yopal until they came to a large electric gate which swung open for them and they swept up a long road and stopped outside Benny's parent's hacienda. H suddenly realised that, for some reason, he had never asked Benny about her parents other than in a casual ‘how are they?’ when she got off the phone to them. He hadn't expected this……

  The hacienda was enormous and it reminded H, although it was the antithesis of, a film stars home. A house that suggested wealth and prestige but not ostentation.

  As they disembarked a small lady ran towards them and flung her arms around Benny. After more hugs and kisses she came round to H and tried to do the same but H was too big to embrace and too tall to kiss so H instinctively picked her up and kissed her. Suddenly feeling foolish and embarrassed he put her down quickly and mumbled ‘Sorry’.

  The mothers face flushed and she said something in Spanish to Benshima and they both giggled. H held out his arms as a gesture of apology and contrition but Benny said ‘Don't apologise. Mama thought it was wonderful and so do I’.

  H went to the boot to get the luggage but two other men had already beaten him and were taking it indoors. H looked quizzically at Benny but she only smiled. Who were all these men that chauffeured and fetched and carried?

  He walked to the door with Benny and her mother where a small man waited to greet them. Dressed in what could be termed ‘old’ clothes he could have been mistaken for the gardener but it was obvious from the deference shown to him by the men that he most certainly wasn't the gardener. The small man shook H's hand, smiled and said in slow, soft but almost perfect English

  ‘Welcome to our home James. We are glad and proud that you have joined us at long last’.

  It was not a criticism but a genuine statement. H felt a lump in his throat and fought furiously to keep control. Being welcome in someone's home by a father like figure was not what he was used to. They were ushered in to a lounge that could have housed a football match and looked out over miles of crops. After more ‘pleased to meet you’ and a welcoming cup of coffee they went upstairs to freshen up.

  H found his bags in one room but not Benshima's. He wandered down the corridor and found Benny's room. He walked in and held out his hands in question. She smiled.

  ‘Don't worry my little sex object this is for appearances only. Don't forget we are in a deeply Catholic country and the maids will expect it. Also don't forget we are not married; but you can pop in later if you wish and give me a good fucking’.

  H instinctively looked round to see if anyone could hear and she giggled at his discomfort.

  It was late in the day and before they sat down for dinner H pulled Benny to one side and urgently whispered ‘How do I address them?’

  Benny smiled ‘Mom and dad’

  Thanks thought H. Fucking thanks.

  The large dining room greeted them and it took a while for H to grasp that large and spacious was what you had in a hot country; if you could afford it. Perhaps in any country…? In Colombia land outside the town was relatively cheap and the climate meant that you built a spacious, airy home if you could. The family Reyes could.

  After an hour of family chat and small talk Senor Reyes said ‘You own clubs James. What kind of clubs?’

  Oh shit thought H this could be the end of a good evening or even visit. What the hell should he say? Children's nurseries? Line dancing. Bingo? What had Benny told them?

  He looked at her momentarily but her eyes gave him no clue. Taking an invisible deep breath he said ‘They are essentially night clubs sir although two operate in the day as well. They cater for two types of people. One is relatively well off and wants a good time with dancing, food and expensive wines and the other is for people who want a good night out dancing, a few drinks and some will be looking for sex. We don't actually offer sex but the atmosphere and the music feeds their fantasies which makes them feel good and of course they hope to meet a like minded soul who will have sex with them later’

  There was a silence. Fucked thought H; completely and utterly fucked! Ah wel
l when's the next plane?

  Benny started to applaud and giggle. ‘I told you papa not only is he an intelligent thug but in a peculiar way an honest one’.

  H squirmed and his embarrassment showed. He was uncomfortable being presented as a thug by the woman he loved and had never hurt in his life. Why would she do that?

  ‘James’ said Senor Reyes ‘we value your honesty and have no wish to embarrass you. How you make your living is only of interest to us because our daughter has chosen you over other men. We do not judge you. Benshima has done that and from first accounts I would say she had made an admirable choice’.

  H was totally lost. He was not used to this social intercourse which they found so easy. So this is what a real family was like? If this is what people do then…….

  ‘How do you make your living sir?

  Senor Reyes paused for a moment. ‘My wife is better at explaining that than I. I am not much good with figures and things. I am more…… strategic’. He said it in a self deprecating way but…….

  His delightful wife who, H later found out had an accountancy degree, cast off her invisibility cloak.

  ‘We are lucky James. Our ancestors have been in the Republica de Colombia for centuries and were traders; indeed we can trace our ancestry back to the arrival of Vasco Nunez de Balboa in the early 1500’s. Unfortunately their methods of trade would be frowned on today but that was then and this is now. Of course it was not the Republica de Colombia then as that name only came into being in the early 1800’s and was taken from the name Christopher Columbus or as we would say in Spanish Cristóbal Colón. Anyhow over the years our forefathers have built up interests in many industries and we now have the responsibility for those interests’

  ‘Interests? asked H

  ‘We produce coffee, tobacco and plantains mainly for export to North America; we also have oil and mineral interests’

  H was rocked. These people were wealthy but more to the point what was a plantain? He was about to ask when Benny said ‘A plantain is a form of banana; in fact a banana is actually a plantain but some plantains are sweet like a banana and others are a more staple product’.

  ‘Thanks’ said H not quite knowing what else to say and not really feeling much wiser.

  The dinner went on and ritual small talk took over. Benny as a child etc etc. Let her be embarrassed for a change thought H. At the end of the dinner Senor Reyes took H by the arm and led him from the dining room, through the lounge and on to a large patio. H was aware that he was using the word ‘large’ to describe most things. They sat on two beaten up old rocking chairs and stared out into the incredible star lit night. With little light in the countryside the stars shone with a brightness that H had never witnessed before. A maid arrived with coffee and cigars.

  ‘Our coffee’ said Senor Reyes ‘and also our own cigars. As you can see we are quite lucky’.

  They are, thought H, but they are also approachable and down to earth and that relieved H mightily. They sat for quite some time saying nothing, just sipping coffee. H had declined the cigar but the wonderful aroma from Senor Reyes made him wonder whether he should? Nah.

  ‘Do you speak Spanish?’

  ‘No sir, to my chagrin, I do not’

  ‘Chagrin?’

  ‘Sorry. I suppose it can mean several things but in this context I think it would mean embarrassment’

  ‘Embarrassment?’

  ‘Yes sir. It is obvious that I have been living with Benshima a considerable time and have made no effort to learn her mother tongue. It is also obvious that I have come out here to meet her parents and I know nothing about them or their country. For that tardiness……lack of effort, I apologise. It is for that that I am embarrassed.’

  ‘We have our own lives to lead and sometimes other things are ……below the radar’.

  They both smiled.

  ‘Let me tell you a little about our country’ he said ‘to lessen your embarrassment. Our country is about four times larger than yours and twice the size of France. It's just in excess of one million square kilometres and we border one sea, one ocean and five countries. In order that's the Caribbean Sea and the Pacific Ocean and Brazil, Ecuador, Panama, Peru and Venezuela. Impressive? Just think James your tiny little Island used to own most of the world. What happened to all your power?’

  It wasn't really a question but H had an answer.

  ‘We elected a parliament and gave the decision making to incompetent idiots who do things by committee!’

  ‘You dislike them James?’

  ‘Dislike is not quite right sir. I despise them. I despise their morals, their greed, their incompetence and their arrogance. I despise them for bringing my country to the ‘lowest common denominator syndrome’. I despise the fact that everything that is made privately gets but better but anything the government is involved in such as education and the National Health Service get worse’.

  H realised he had shot off his mouth but it was one of his pet subjects. God knows why as he did not use the NHS or have children in school but he still despised them. Ah well…. They talked some more then Senor Reyes decided that it was time for his bed. H readily agreed and off they went. H was actually knackered and he went to his room, got in bed and was asleep in three minutes, quite forgetting Benny and what he was supposed to do…….

  The next day, after a light breakfast and a gentle chiding from Benny about her ‘rejection’, the women went off to Bogotá to shop and Senor Reyes arranged to show H some of ‘the crops’. Outside they were met by three men on quad bikes. Each carried a semi automatic gun and H looked enquiringly at Senor Reyes.

  ‘Don't be alarmed. Our country has seen a degree of lawlessness over the last few years and we do not take chances. It is remote that anything would happen but there may be an idiota who does not know who I am and will try and kidnap me or my wife for a ransom. So don't worry, you are quite safe’.

  They got on to the back of a quad bike, went down a narrow road for a mile until H saw a light aircraft sitting on an airstrip. Two men sitting by the plane immediately came to life and greeted Senor Reyes. They shook H's hand and nodded in respect. Any friend of Senor Reyes was obviously a friend of theirs. Flying over the countryside he saw, for miles and miles, fields of coffee and plantains. Heading west towards the coast he saw an enormous grey cement factory at the side of an estuary. Farther up the coast they pointed out a refinery. H was mightily impressed. Had he known Benny's family was so wealthy he wouldn't have had the guts to approach her. Shit……..

  ‘Impressive’ said H.

  ‘As I mentioned before we are just guardians of the legacy’

  One of the men imperceptibly caught Senor Reyes eyes and nodded his head towards the north, but Senor Reyes just as imperceptibly shook his head……

  Three days later at dinner H received a call. He was going to ignore it but he saw it was Toby and H knew it was urgent. It was seven o'clock there and midnight in London.

  ‘I'm sorry’ he said ‘but this could be important……’

  Excusing himself he went and sat on the porch. ‘Evening Toby’

  ‘Bit of news for you H……….’

  H listened, asking the odd question then said ‘Toby get hold of ‘needles’ and tell him I want our friends ready to talk to me in four days time. OK?’

  ‘Ok H will do’.

  ‘And Toby..’

  ‘Yes H’

  ‘Well done’

  ‘Thanks H’

  H Chapter 15

  Welcome….

  .………….. Outside the ‘Dancing Shoes’ club the two doormen were winding down. It had been a quiet night. Lots of punters but no problems and easy money. It seemed unlikely that anything would happen but H had knocked into them the absolute need for vigilance.

  He had also done another couple of things. He had bought them all lightweight flak jackets that would stop a small calibre bullet or knife and had shown them the security footage of the stabbing and death of Big Ton
y. They had gone through what happened several times and worked out a defence and attack procedure if it, or something like it, happened again. Then they practiced and practiced.

  Joey saw them first.

  Two men and two women walking down the street towards them. Two men and two women was an unlikely attack combination but H had said to be vigilant. When they were close the women wheeled off as the men headed towards the club. The security video had shown a couple that could possibly have been east European origin and the woman had the cheek bones of the Slav states. One of these men was certainly east European and Joey said to his partner ‘This wind would blow your barnacles off’.

  The two men walked up to the doormen and Joey knew this was it. Men never go up to doormen. Good doormen are generally polite but mean, evil bastards and men know better than get too close. It's only women that do that. Women, some women; good looking ones or ones with big tits can get away with it.

  As one of them started to speak Joey and his partner hit them in the face and once more as they were going down.

  It was quite unexpected……….. as it was supposed to be.

  H had been quite explicit.

  ‘If it could possibly be them, hit them and hit them very fucking hard. If you can, get in another before they land. If not get in another as they land. Under no circumstances talk to them or hesitate.

  DO NOT FUCKING HESITATE!!

  ‘Repeat after me’

  ‘DO NOT FUCKING HESITATE!! DO NOT FUCKING HESITATE!! DO NOT FUCKING HESITATE!! DO NOT FUCKING HESITATE!!’ they chanted along with him.

  ‘Fucking give em everything you've got’ he continued.

  ‘What if it isn't them H?’ someone had asked.

  H thought for a moment; picturing two innocents come in from the countryside, more used to fucking sheep than women, to get a good peep at some real women and then….whack!

  ‘I've absolutely no idea’ he grinned ‘so just tell Toby’.

  ‘Thanks H’ said Toby ‘appreciate it’

  .……………..Joey got on his mobile to Toby……