Gax nods, “Got it thanks, that looks quite straight forward. Thanks for showing me.” He smiles at her, then tries to straighten out his lips as fast as possible. “What did I do wrong?” He groans, looking at her furious eyes.
“So you’re saying that this is a job any average Mansit could do?” She hisses, her odd cat teeth showing. “You’re saying you’re smarter than I am and that any newbie could easily man the till, that I’d be better off dusting and tidying?” Gax shakes his head, stunned. He had never expected that, he just wanted to thank her for taking the time to show him and put her at ease by saying it wasn’t that hard. “Well,” Inritia’s face appears very close to his, her smooth skin looking a little clammy, her cat teeth frightening him close up. “Well, let me tell you this, right, if you try to do me out of my job, I will tell Grabus and maybe even the council how you’re nosey, looking in books, staring at people, peeping down stairs. The council isn’t fond of nosey people, as they cause trouble. Before you know it, you can do the rotten jobs on Hexaday and Enday as well!”
She spins round, leaving Gax standing open mouthed in the till area, feeling his cheeks burning. Would she? Definitely. Gax sighs. He just wished this day was over. He wants to chat with Caecilia again. Would it be safe to ask her questions? He hasn’t quite decided. Gax swallows and rubs his clammy neck, feeling lonely and out of his depth.
Gax returns to his dusting whilst Inritia has her lunch break. He tries to stay away from Grabus; he doesn’t like the way the manager glares at him suspiciously. Gax knows he is different, but his job is to blend in and connect with people. He decides to work in an area of the bookshop that has the Happy Living section. Not many of the titles will make people happy, Gax decides, but perhaps the content is more inspiring? Books like Logic and Marriage, Together By Choice, When is Age Ripe? Gax wrinkles his nose, and furtively looks over his shoulder, then reads the blurb at the back of the last book and then puts it back somberly. At least now he has some idea what it means to go Downstream. It is for those members of society who are too old or frail to contribute in any meaningful way. They should then make the civilised decision to travel downstream.
Gax wonders what happens if you don’t want to go Downstream just yet. Can the family decide on your behalf? Will society decide for you? And what happens if you die before you can decide to go? The books leave him in a heavy mood. Should he try to connect with people about to go Downstream? Would they be more open to talk to him? Or will it be too late for them anyway and Gax should just hope that people Downstream will speak to them? He now understands the grey toned cards. They’re obviously for friends and relatives who have decided their time in Elabi is up. Making the civilised decision. Gax feels sad, his spirit feels crushed by his task.
“That reminds me,” Gax mumbles, “I need to find out about the Nuptialem List.” The word makes him cringe, it sounded like some sort of dating site. Will there be an online dating site, where you sign up when you’re of a certain age? Obviously, being twenty-one means he should be on the list already. Gax pulls a face, remembering his Grandma’s little comments, but he’d been too busy, training too hard. Gax is determined to get himself a laptop or tablet with his first money. Not being online at all feels weird. He misses his team, his friends. Along the shelf Gax finds the book he’s after: “The Nuptialem List and Your Future,” he reads. Before he can peek inside he hears Inritia’s voice calling him and he hurries to her.
“I need help at the till. Grabus has gone for lunch with an Altiorem friend, so he won’t be back for a while.” Her face and voice are sour as can be. Gax isn’t sure whether that is because Grabus is out or whether she’s annoyed that Gax will need to help her. Soon there are three customers and Gax has to help one. He smiles at the older man, raising his chin respectfully, “I hope you found everything you were looking for” he politely asks, as he has heard his sister do. The man looks at him, puzzled. Then nods, pays and raises his chin slowly as Gax hands him the book, “Here you are, have a nice day.” The man shuffles out of the shop, looking back once he’s through the door, confusion on his face, then Gax sees the man’s mouth turn into something that could almost be called a smile.
He turns to the lady, raising his chin again. “May I help you,” he says, watching her eyes widen in surprise. She nods, handing him three books and a few grey toned cards, and Gax feels the heaviness return with a vengeance. Are they going voluntarily, he wonders, imagining her friends or relations receiving the card, ready to travel Downstream, rejected by society. He smiles at her, a sad smile, wondering what to say to her. She pays, he hands her the books and cards, saying a softer, warmer, “Here you are, hope you’ll have a good day.” His hand rests a split second longer on the grey card, and he looks at her. To his horror he sees her eyes fill with tears, but she merely raises her chin, grabs her purchases and walks out of the shop. Her back is straight, her head held high, but just beyond the door she looks back, quickly checking over her shoulder, then nods at him and gives a tiny smile, her lips quivering. Gax feels his own throat restricting in response, but he dips his head, looking her straight in the eye.
He cannot forget the woman, her obvious sadness and her need to hide the sadness. How terrible, to grieve without being allowed to do so. He thinks about it while helping other customers, smiling at them, wishing them a good day. The responses vary a little, but the overarching factor is their surprise and confusion. One man glares at him, and says crossly, “Every day is a good day, there’s no hoping or wishing, young man. That’s not ever changing anything now, is it?” his face dark as the river at night. Gax dips his head a little, in deference, as the man is older. And technically he is right, nothing gets better by wishing it to be so. Gax would love to tell the man how everyday isn’t merely a good day, but every day is a gift, given to us by a Gracious Giver, who wants us to richly enjoy all things. He has a feeling that Yulra will have an ‘Enjoy’ lecture stored as well, so he doesn’t say anything and feels grieved for the man.
Grabus is back just in time to add up the tills with Inritia. Gax suddenly worries whether she will say anything to Grabus about the way he treated the customers. He had seen her sideways glances a few times, seen her face get tighter and tighter. At that time he hadn’t cared, feeling he had to do what was right, but now he worries… He really doesn’t want to lose his job. Is that even possible? Or do they make you work dirty jobs on the weekend. He wonders about the shop opening times, but he doesn’t want to ask. What if the weekend hours are different? Fortunately, Grabus solves the problem by raising his chin, looking happier than he has done the last couple of days. Obviously going out with a friend of a higher Status has cheered him up. Maybe he has had a few drinks. Gax nearly smiles to himself. “We’ll see you Onesday,” Grabus says, loud as usual. Gax raises his chin as well, relieved that the question has been answered. Inritia just glares at him.
Gax walks back to his house, the streets busier than usual. A lot of older people are around, as well as people who look like workers. Some of the workers look exhausted, bent over. One or two have odd coloured skin, almost yellow. A few times Gax catches a whiff of fish, making him shudder. He generally doesn’t like fish, apart from his mother’s amazing Salmon Steak.
Maybe workers come back to the city for the weekend, he thinks. At the gate it’s even busier. Gax sees to his shock that the guards no longer look bored, but very busy and important. They check the papers of all people trying to get into the city. Leaving the city seems alright though. Not many people are leaving the city anyway. Once outside he breathes in more freely. He knows his papers will be immaculate, faultless, but even so, it makes him nervous.
Gax realises that he will need to buy more groceries, especially as he doesn’t know whether the shop will be open tomorrow. Maybe he can do it after he has been to the Gymnasium, if he leaves a bit earlier and shops quickly before meeting up at the wolf tower. He feels his heart racing just thinking about it. Of course, he’s just excited because Caecil
ia is his first contact, nothing else. He fills in his diary, again the weight landing on his chest when he writes about the blurb he read, describing the civilised way to leave society behind. He is pleased to write about his afternoon helping at the till. He describes the various reactions and the man’s angry outburst, as it seems a common problem. Whenever you use words like lovely or good, people seem to get confused. Suddenly, impulsively he says, “Hey, Yulra! What happens if somebody dies suddenly?”
It is the screen that answers. “We have noted your interest in death and dying. This is not a healthy interest. We do not dwell on death, we live everyday to the full, for every day is a good day. However, as you have asked, death can come unexpectedly. There will be an inquiry, to ascertain that this death was in fact unexpected. Then it depends on how a person died. If there was something to raise concerns about how they viewed the city, the council or our society, that would then impact on the remaining family, as they might have received teachings contrary to what the council is trying to achieve. That would mean more and better education for the deceased’s family.” Gax pulls a face, yes, he understands. Brainwashing sessions no doubt.
“…should answer your question. We will monitor your activities, as we are committed to a healthy and happy society,” the woman on screen ends, and Gax feels himself tighten up. Monitor? How? What about his meetup with Caecilia? They can’t monitor that, can they? He realises that he might have to get home earlier, or would that not count? He has to make sure he doesn’t sit too close to Caecilia in the cooling down room, just in case. When doing up his sandal straps again, Gax notices that his hands are slightly shaking. This place makes him nervous and like the woman this afternoon, he finds himself glancing over his shoulder, feeling watched, controlled. “I’m not a weak old woman,” he hisses out loud, pushing his shoulders down and back, head up straight. “I’m a trained, highly skilled Operator, able to deal with whatever comes my way. I will be courageous, and see this through, no matter what.”
His Automated Servant promptly asks, “How can I help you, for I couldn’t hear the question?” He assures Yulra that he is fine, and on his way to the gymnasium.
Chapter 12
The Gymnasium is busy. Gax can’t sit near Caecilia in the cooling down room, even if he wanted to. The majority of men are very tanned and muscular. Gax finds himself trying to suck in his stomach to bring out his six-pack, but compared to the other guys he looks like a novice. At least he and Caecilia managed to briefly make eye contact, so Gax knows she is expecting him at the tower.
Gax leaves the Gymnasium slightly earlier than usual, his hair still wet. He hopes the shop will be open. Walking fast in the early evening warmth leaves him sweaty, grimey and annoyed with the dust. To his enormous relief the shop is still open and the young man behind the till sulkier than ever. Gax raises his chin at him, but the young man hardly acknowledges him. Gax quickly gets the food stuffs he will need for the next few days, rolling his eyes at having to use his own weighty glass containers. He pays with his card this time, something he tries to avoid, but he is too eager to get to the rendezvous to bother with the clunky coins.
Gax is breathless by the time he gets to the tower, but he notices that Caecilia only arrives seconds before him. They raise their chins at each other, smiling. Gax decides to be bold. “So, Caecilia, I was told today that every day is a good day. What makes a good day, and what about a day that’s really, really good?” He looks at her, sees her eyes take on a confused look.
“Well, of course, every day is a good day,” she says in the end, “and I don’t think our emotions should try to tell us that one day is better than another day.” Gax almost rolls his eyes.
“What about a day at the beach, a day spent with friends and family, a lovely walk in the countryside. Surely those days are better days than days inside a building, a day when things go wrong?”
Caecilia shakes her head, seemingly shocked that at his age he still hasn’t understood the teachings. “Of course not, that is just our shallow perception,” she says, trying to sound patient, but Gax notices the edge in her voice. “It is still a good day, for we are still here, still serving our community and making ourselves useful.” Gax nods slowly, yes, in a way she is right. Of course, there are always blessings, always things to be grateful for. However, he is sure that some days especially abound with blessings. He tries again, explaining that so far he has been dusting and tidying in the shop, which is fine, but today he got to help at the till, serving customers.
“That felt more enjoyable to me, so my working day felt much better,” he explains. Caecilia points at him.
“There, see, you said it yourself. It felt more enjoyable, doesn’t mean to say it was a better day. It’s always a good day, it’s our perceptions and emotions that need to be better controlled. We let emotions sway our views, and that can be very dangerous,” she ends, sounding just like one of the screen teachers. Gax sighs a little, remembering the older lady with her greyscale cards. He asks Caecilia about having a loved one travelling Downstream. Surely that makes for a sad day? Caecilia stares at him, disbelief all over her beautiful face. “Of course not! They have made the best decision for themselves and everyone else around them,” she says. “They left Elabi when there was still time to do so, recognising the end of their journey had come. They saved everyone a lot of hurt and upset, as well as embarrassment. Imagine someone dying on you, the inquiry that then follows, the possible loss of status, the expense…No, it’s great when you realise your relatives are concerned for their family, determined to do the right thing.” She nods several times, but Gax is not convinced.
He knows his grandparents are old and their death will be their gain, but still, he will miss them deeply. The old lady was sad too, he is sure of that and surely Caecilia misses her grandfather? He asks her, and she shrugs, “Of course, I miss him in the sense that he was wonderful to have around. But it’s illogical to grieve or be consumed by sadness. After all, emotions need to be trained so we make healthy, rational decisions.” Gax feels perturbed.
He decides to change the subject telling Caecilia about the day he had. “It’s so nice to serve those customers,” he says, smiling a little when he remembers them and the odd looks they gave him, just because he gave them service with a smile. “It was more busy than other days, so that was interesting as well.” Caecilia agrees, but wrinkles her nose at the same time.
“I like the last two days of the week,” she says, “but I really don’t like the crowds, and especially the fish workers. They work with fish all week, and then when they get to the city, they still smell of fish!” Gax grins, and says that he caught a whiff this afternoon. “Yes, and tomorrow it will be worse,” Caecilia giggles a little, “the city’s price for using so much garum, I suppose.” Gax blinks, not quite sure how to react. What is garum and why is the smell of fish the city’s price for it? “My dad uses garum on everything,” Caecilia continues, “even on his morning pottage. Yuck.” Gax laughs, still unsure what he is actually laughing at.
They talk a little longer, then Gax decides he will need to be back home earlier, as he still isn’t sure what the fact that he is being monitored entails. He smiles at Caecilia, and says, “I know every day is a good day, but some parts of my day are definitely better than others.” Her soft face blushes a violent red and she gasps a little.
“Gax!” She looks at him, not quite able to hide her smile though, “what a shocking thing to say,” she giggles suddenly, obviously very nervous, “I would almost get the idea that you’re…you’re…well, I don’t know what they would call it, but…I…” She stops, looking confused again, but the blush hasn’t left her cheeks. Gax smirks a little, he likes to see her blush. He is tempted for a moment to fill in her missing word, to explain it’s called courting, but he doesn’t. What if it stops her from seeing him? What if she feels it’s forbidden by the council (and Gax is pretty certain it is), she would feel she was acting against the law. So he just shrugs one s
houlder grinning at her, making her blush deepen again. “Anyway,” she suddenly says, her head tilted, “I don’t even know your Nuptialem score, or mine either for that matter. So there!”
Gax laughs, not because he has the faintest idea what a Nuptialem score is, or why it matters what hers would be compared to his, but because he likes the way she tries to get back at him. He raises his chin again, still chuckling, then walks home, smiling broadly to himself. Today was most definitely a good day, a very good day but his smile fades. How can a society exist without feelings and emotions? How do you court a girl? He gasps as he realises that’s exactly why she doesn’t know the word courtship. Gax feels the heaviness rolling in again. Will Caecilia stay happy and smiley, or will she end up like Inritia, sour, glaring at people, doing the bare minimum required of her? The spring leaves his step and he fumbles with his key.
Sitting on his sofa, listening to the soft music, Gax decides to have some of the wine he bought. It was expensive, but he decided that as it was his first weekend coming up, he should treat himself. The wine is rich, warm, and he slowly sips it, dreaming about today and the things he has learned. He feels his mission weighing on him more than ever. It had seemed like an adventure, a proper challenge. Connect with as many citizens as possible, change people’s thoughts and lives, all this without being detected or caught. He can feel the first ridges of clouds growing on the edges of his heart, doubts and fears touching the corners of his mind. There are so many people who are all so unhappy and yet convinced that every day is a good day. Gax feels watched and it’s making him feel rushed. He feels that he needs to outsmart and outrun the council, but how? What can he do or say that will make a difference to people here?
Gax wakes up feeling better. A day off is always a good thing, he grins to himself. “It’s definitely a good day, Yulra,” he says, drying his hair after his shower. Yulra promptly agrees, her metallic voice telling him that every day is a good day. Gax prepares his breakfast happily singing the children’s chorus, “Thank You for every new good morning, thank You for every fresh new day…” Right near the end of the song, his screen comes on! It’s the same lady that told him off for being morbid; and she doesn’t seem any happier.
Walled City (The Elabi Chronicles Book 1) Page 7