Gax leans down this time, pretending to adjust the floppy disk clip. The man’s face appears under the table as well. Gax says softly, “Mobile phones?” The man’s eyes almost pop out his head, he looks at Gax, swallows hard and Gax can see his hands shaking when he rubs the information sticker. He quickly shakes his head. “Any type of phone?” Gax hisses. Little sweat beads appear on the man’s lip. He stands up, pointing and leaning over the keyboard to point to the back of the huge triangular monitor. “No communication,” he breathes, “no more, no desire to go back.” Gax nods, tapping the wires as well, just to keep up the charade. His head is buzzing with the new facts. No phones at all, no communication between people. And the guy is obviously just back from the Hills, which is why he is working on a Hexaday. The man is scared, so presumably talking about phones and things like that could get you into trouble. He remembers the Bibliotheca incident and how he was warned that if he was seen with the man it would cause trouble. Presumably they come back from the hills on probation. Gax groans. He doesn’t want to give up on this opportunity though.
He thanks the man, and leaves the computer corner. Near the door a stern looking man in a cotton suit confronts him. He motions Gax to the side. Gax feels his hands turn clammy straight away. “It has been noted,” the man starts and Gax’s heart sinks, not again! “It has been noted that you were talking to a Mansit for a very long time. Care to share?” The man doesn’t really look at him, but adjusts his large golden cufflinks and smooths out the odd crease in his jacket. Gax shrugs, forcing his breathing to slow down, pulling his shoulders down and back, but making sure he looks relaxed but respectful, his thumb following the line along his short fringe.
“I want to buy a computer,” he explains, sure that the man did notice the tiny quiver after ‘want’ but steadying his breath and voice even more. “I just needed to make sure I was buying exactly what I wanted. You see, some of those computers have larger memories and the first one he showed me uses little disks, not the floppy kind.” He looks at the man, will it be enough? He just hopes they won’t interrogate the poor shop guy as well; what will happen if words like laptops and mobile phones are dropped around? The man looks up from flicking a dust particle off his other sleeve. He looks at Gax for a moment, then shrugs, raises his chin a little and walks away. Gax breathes out a very long breath, which he didn’t realise he had been holding in. So the guy accepted his explanation? Gax feels relieved, the scenario running through his head like a scratched record. He hadn’t told a lie, he had given an acceptable explanation.
Gax leaves the shop, his legs feeling very sticky and wobbly. The afternoon heat in the city doesn’t do anything to cool him down, and his legs are shaking worse than they used to when he first started running during training. There is nowhere to sit down, and anyway, Gax wants to leave the shop far behind him before slowing down. He remembers the little city park on the map, and aims for that, hoping to find a bench to sit down on. The park is easily found, large wrought iron gates stand open and colourful plants and flowers make it look inviting. Gax can actually hear the running water from the fountain in the middle of the garden, but getting into the garden isn’t as simple as it seems. Nothing in this place is straight forward, he grumbles, feeling that he has had almost as much as he can handle in one day.
Chapter 15
The inviting look of the City Gardens is deceptive, Gax realises as soon as he tries to walk in. There is actually a guard stationed just inside the gates and Gax finds himself questioned again for the second time this Hexaday’s afternoon. “Are you alone?” the guard asks, looking over Gax’s shoulder. Gax feels like giving some kind of cheeky answer, but decides against it at the last moment. The guard doesn’t look like the kind of person that enjoys a joke. He affirms that he is alone, wishing to visit the garden. The guard glares at him suspiciously. “Why?” he barks. Gax stares back. Why? Why do people visit gardens? The guard’s face grows more and more suspicious; narrowing his eyes he looks Gax up and down. Gax cringes, he cannot bear people staring at his bare toes. He fights the urge to curl them up.
“I just wanted to have a few moments in the garden,” he says in the end, “just to look at the flowers and plants.” As soon as the words leave his mouth Gax wonders if that’s too different from the usual behaviour. Do people here even appreciate beauty and simple things? Or is anything you look at a good thing? Whether it’s dull, manmade, natural, beautiful? Is appreciating beauty even a thing in Elabi? He tries to look past the guard, hoping to catch a glimpse of other people in the garden, just to get an idea of what they’re doing.
The guard raises one eyebrow, “Alone? Who will you meet inside?” Gax shrugs. “I’m not meeting anybody. It’s been a long day,” he says feebly, “and I walked past, so decided to go in for a bit.” The older guard keeps staring at him and Gax stares back. He can just feel the urge to say something, anything burning inside. He remembers this part of training too well. His team mates teased him for days, saying that he’d better pray that he would go to a really talkative placement, otherwise he’d be blabbing his mouth off, giving away his deepest secrets before the mission had started! He had protested but the training had been harder than you would think. He needs to really cling to that training with this guard staring at him. Gax had learned though and he quietens his spirit inside, focusses on his breathing, calming himself and just looks back at the guard. In the end the guard shrugs, and gestures with his head over his shoulder that Gax can get through. Gax raises his chin in greeting and walks into the garden.
The confrontation has done nothing to improve the shaking in his legs and Gax feels utterly drained. As soon as he spots an empty bench he drops himself down on it. He leans back, the sun filtered through the trees above his head feeling warm and soft. Gax closes his eyes, looking like he is drinking in the warmth, but in reality it is to hide his tears. “I can’t do this anymore,” he whispers, then feels shame rolling in. He hasn’t been in Elabi for a week yet, he has only had two extremely mild confrontations and he is sitting here in tears, saying he can’t do this anymore. Do what? His mission hasn’t been that taxing, strenuous or dangerous. He trained, trained so hard. For two years he trained and prepared and went through all kinds of hardships, just to be sent out on a mission. This had seemed such an amazing, important mission. He had been so proud, feeling chosen for the post. Now, a few days in, before even starting his mission properly, he is talking about giving up.
He sits up straight, knowing that he will need to get his thinking straight on this matter. What is it that makes him feel that the mission is beyond him? It’s not the physical tiredness or the heat. He is in good shape physically, and although the heat is tiring, he is alright with it. After all, the bookshop is cool, so is his house. Mentally it is harder than he expected. Gax thinks back over the last few days and a picture starts to form in his mind. He had not been prepared for the isolation or the culture shock. He had been warned, of course. His team leader had known that a lot was up to Gax to deal with as and when. The team knew they were sending him out into unknown territory. Linu had warned him, explained that she had some intelligence, but not anywhere near enough to ensure a guaranteed outcome. He had constantly brushed off people’s concerns, saying that he loved a challenge, smiling that it sounded just as unpredictable as him. He remembers saying that he enjoyed thinking on his feet. Even bragging that after all he had family roots in Elabi and his genes would automatically align. He had been joking of course, but hey, how hard could it be? With his parents he had travelled to quite a few countries, he loved exploring foreign places, trying out different foods. He would be fine.
Gax groans. How naïve could one be? He is totally out of his depth here and it is so much scarier than he had imagined. It isn’t the food, the exploring new places and all the other exciting things that he had thought of when thinking of going into the unknown. It is the likelihood of making a fatal mistake each minute of the day. Gax realises it is the fear that has left him t
ense and emotional. He feels better already, having located his main problem. It is the unknown, the lack of written rules, the lack of inside knowledge that leaves him struggling. This society seems to have clear rules, but he is ignorant of them. Even going into the City Gardens has led to a confrontation with a guard. Gax looks round, having recovered a little, enough to spike his curiosity again. In the distance he sees a few old people walking together. There is a mother with two very young children. She looks tired and even her voice sounds drained when calling the children back onto the path.
No young couples can be seen and Gax pulls a face. Why would they, unless maybe their test score indicates they are lovers of nature, he muses cynically. He stores it away on the list of questions for Caecilia. He feels his heart lighten up, just thinking about her. Sitting in the quiet garden, Gax feels himself relax, then energised. He jumps up, ready to explore the rest of the garden and makes his way to the old fountain in the middle. The ancient stone basin is huge and on the edge is some sort of inscription, but Gax can’t work out what it says. The writing seems to have been erased, either through erosion, or on purpose. He slowly walks round the entire basin and finds it must have been done on purpose as some words show definite signs of vandalism.
Gax being Gax, this makes him even more determined to know exactly what the inscription used to read. He carefully looks at each word, or what is left of it. He ends up going round several times, unaware of his surroundings, totally focussed on this puzzle. When he steps back a little, a soft voice whispers something just behind his back. Gax turns round fast enough to lose his balance. On a bench in the shade is an old lady, knitting something in dull grey. Gax looks at her, did she just say something? The lady ignores him, but he can see her lips moving, and definitely hear her whisper, “I Will Give Unto Him That Is Athirst Of The Fountain Of The Water Of Life Freely. That is what it says.” She doesn’t look up, or acknowledge him at all, but he sees her hands shaking. Gax looks back at the fountain, its tall waterspout causing the water to rise and fall in a graceful arc, magnifying and reflecting the sunlight, drops sparkling like falling stars. He looks back at the old lady and sees tears drop on her wrinkly hands holding the knitting needles. Gax swallows down his own emotions at the sight of the glittering drops and whispers a shaky Thank You to her, before quietly leaving. The water of life, freely given to those who are athirst, he thinks. I wonder what sort of lecture I would receive if I mentioned that one to Yulra. The garden suddenly feels cold and quiet, no longer bright and beautiful.
Gax walks home under the glaring sun, glad to feel the coolness of the house. He pours himself a drink, then gets his notebook and pen out. It takes him a very long time to recount the happenings of today. He leans back, looks at the written pages, and sighs. How many more Hexadays will he have here in Elabi? If this week is a good indicator, probably not that many. Although surely he will run out of possible mistakes he could make, he thinks hopefully. He tells Yulra to play some music, but instantly regrets it when she starts playing more encouraging songs to inspire trust in the council, faith in Elabi and gratefulness for the amazing society he is living in. However, he simply sighs softly. He can’t be the only person in Elabi noticing the sadness in people, the fear and secrecy everywhere?
He wonders if there are secret groups, underground get-togethers of people who don’t accept the control of the council. He would love to ask Caecilia, but decides against it as she seems very much in favour of the teachings about emotions. He also feels his responsibility towards her. After all, he is trying to reach her, influence her for good, helping her to see how limited her current thinking is. It is not her job to satisfy his need for answers, or to help him to understand this society.
That reminds Gax of the ancient computer he is hoping to buy next week and the fact that there is only an intranet connection. He tries to remember all he has learned about computers and their various options for utilising dodgy connections. Will it be possible to reach his Team leader, or anyone in his team for that matter? Linu had always warned them in training that hackers can often be detected, that a breach in security will often show up and could possibly be traced back to the computer used. He sighs. Technology was not his favourite subject in training. Now he wished he had paid closer attention, although he hopes that once he sits down with his computer he will remember the exact steps and details. He pulls a face, putting it out of his mind for now, as it’s time to eat, then his usual gymnasium visit.
The gymnasium is heaving and very frustrating. Gax ends up just doing bodyweight exercises, as all the weights, every single machine and even the mats are all used by others. He finds a quiet corner to work away, distracted by the amount of movement around him. After a while he suddenly stops mid press-up. It has just dawned on him that there isn’t a single woman in the gymnasium. Normally there are several girls working out, usually on the running machines or the bikes but now there are only guys. Most of the guys are very muscly, with huge biceps, making Gax look down at his bit of floor space in embarrassment. When he gets to the cooling down room it is clear that there are no women in the gymnasium tonight. Not a single one. Gax stretches and puzzles over that. Is there a reason, or just coincidence? Is there a programme on telly for women? What about his meetups with Caecilia? Will that still happen tonight? Gax can feel the disappointment already, telling himself that he just doesn’t want to waste a moment, as time is limited and somehow the rubbed out letters spring to mind. Gax pulls his shoulders back and down, looking straight ahead, determined to not give in to disappointment before having at least gone to the terracotta tower, praying that Caecilia will be there after all.
Chapter 16
Gax feels tense walking to the tower. His supposed day off has been so stressful and to top it all off, Caecilia might not be even there tonight. The grass is getting longer, and so are the evenings. Soon the tower looms up, warm and soft in the evening light. Gax looks around as usual and seeing the hills as well as the sea gives him a grounded feeling. He steps inside the tower, his eyes adjusting to the darkness and to his relief he sees Caecilia there. She smiles at him, raising her chin happily. “I wasn’t sure if you would come,” she smiles, “As there would be no women at the gymnasium tonight…”
“Of course I would still come,” he grins back, “but tell me, where have all the women gone? And the gym was heaving!” Gax isn’t totally sure that he likes the funny gleam in her eyes when she explains, “It’s Hexaday evening. Tonight the gymnasium will be men only. Women will not be allowed to avoid problems. Too many hormones flying around,” she adds, when she sees his wide-eyed look. Gax is stunned. Women are banned because of too many men? Caecilia shrugs. “Only in the Spring, Summer and early Autumn,” she says, as if that makes it normal. “In the late Autumn and Winter the men live permanently in the city, so it’s no longer an issue. With the snow, most of them don’t even want to make it to the gymnasium anyway. When they come back from the fields and garum factories, they get first use of the gymnasium, so they can relax.” Gax nods, even though again he has no idea what she is talking about.
He decides to change the subject, as he wants to talk to her about the Garden and the lack of young couples. “I take it you had a good day,” he smirks, mischievously. Caecilia blushes, making Gax grin even broader. “I had an ok day,” he says, pulling a face when thinking back to the two rounds of questions… “I went into the City Gardens,” he explains, making Caecilia look up at him abruptly. Gax feels his hands turn sweaty instantly. Why this reaction? Why shouldn’t he?
“Why?” She looks at him, wide eyed. “Why would you walk in the Garden by yourself?” Gax raises one shoulder, but before he can defend his choice she carries on, “The Garden is old and it’s only elderly people now that walk round in the Garden. After all, there is nothing you can do, there is really no point being there at all apart from…well…thinking or something like that. Which always leads to trouble, people getting emotional, drifting off in their thinking, comi
ng up with irrational ideas. So to go there by yourself is just asking for trouble. Did the guard let you in alright?” Gax smiles a little and says that no, he didn’t climb over the fence but yes, the guard had been quite happy to let him in.
“I loved the fountain,” he says, his mind drifting off, hearing the water splattering into the ancient basin. The basin with the verse from his Book, a verse the old lady knew. Would Caecilia know the words and is this the opening he has been looking for, he wonders. “On the outer edge of the basin are words written,” he says, “or rather, there were words written, but they’ve been rubbed out.” He looks at her expectantly, for will she come up with the words just like the old lady did? Caecilia’s face has clouded over though and she looks at him, her eyes darker than usual, her mouth pulled tight.
“The words were erased for a reason,” she says, her voice reminding him of the telly lectures, “They didn’t disappear of their own accord. They were erased, as they contained a dangerous message from another age. It would cause untold damage and hurt, leading to disaster for the entire city. So one night, I am told, a group of men with blindfolds on erased the words. The power of the words was felt to be so lethal, even the people erasing the message should not look on those words.” Gax is shocked. Is that how they see those words? The message of Lifegiving water? Dangerous and damaging to such an extent that even the guys vandalising the words had to be blindfolded? He swallows, realising only now what he is up against. Caecilia says, her voice a little softer now, “Nobody knows the message anymore, which is just as well. It means we are all safe, even though not many younger people go into the Gardens.”
Gax nods and voices his next question. “Once you have found your match on the Nuptialem List, how do you get to know each other, and where would you go?” Again the look, this time Caecilia turns away to stare outside into the darkening twilight. She has her arms crossed, hugging herself as if she is feeling the cold. “My friend Macia told me,” she says, not looking at him. Gax waits, even though he struggles to not ask questions. “She told me what it used to be called,” Caecilia turns round then, looking at him this time. The blush is back, but something in her face stops Gax from smiling or even enjoying the heightened colour on her cheeks. “It used to be called courting,” she looks at him, an odd expression on her face. Almost as if she wants me to deny it, Gax thinks. “So walking round gardens, that sort of thing, I suppose belongs to this courting thing.” Gax licks his lips, should he say anything? “There is no courting,” she says, suddenly a lot more vehemently than he has ever heard her before, taking him aback.
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