by Maggie Cox
Only all of a sudden she was wide awake and scrambling to sit up as it finally registered that it was the phone beside her bed that was ringing. Clamping the receiver to her ear, she impatiently pushed her hair away from her face and squinted at the glowing green digits blinking back at her from the alarm clock…
Two-thirty a.m.? What the…?
‘Hello?’
‘Caitlin. Were you asleep?’
Jake. At the sound of that gravelly bass voice her heartbeat accelerated like a rabbit being chased by a fox.
‘What’s the matter? Is anything wrong?’
Had something happened to him? Was he hurt? In trouble? Caitlin’s fertile imagination went into overdrive.
‘Nothing’s wrong. I’m downstairs in the lobby. Can you come down?’
‘It’s half past two in the morning!’
‘I’m quite aware of the time.’
God, it was so good to hear his voice.
‘Why? I mean, why do you want me to come downstairs at this time of night?’ Even as she asked the question she was swinging her legs out of bed and seeking out the jeans and warm red sweater she’d folded onto a chair.
‘Because I want to see you.’
His tone immediately conveyed his impatience, making his statement sound more like an order than a request.
Caitlin frowned, ‘You could see me in the morning after breakfast. I don’t make much sense until I’ve had my cup of tea.’
‘Damn it, Caitlin! Just put some clothes on and get down here, will you?’
Jake hung up on her, leaving her staring at the telephone as though it had suddenly sprouted a beak and a couple of wings.
Shaking herself out of the daze she was in, she hurried into the bathroom. Splashing her face with some cold water, she quickly brushed her teeth, then combed her dishevelled hair with her fingers. There was no time to even think about applying some make-up. At any rate, what did he expect? It was two-thirty in the morning, she was tired and dazed—and…if she admitted it…more hopeful than she had a right to be considering he’d kept her at a deliberate distance for the past two days.
Crossing her arms over her soft woollen sweater, she stepped warily out of the lift to find him waiting by the doors, his lean jaw dark with night-time shadow, his hair mussed and his piercing blue eyes preternaturally bright. Desire for him was like a flash flood, fierce and elemental, and it rendered her immediately weak.
‘Jake…’ His name on her lips was little more than a murmur.
‘Come for a walk’ he said, catching hold of her hand and urging her towards the rotating glass doors of the exit.
Mid-stride, Caitlin ground to a halt to stare at him. ‘You want to go for a walk? Are you crazy? It’s two-thirty in the morning.’
A muscle tensed visibly in his jaw and Caitlin allowed him to guide her outside. The wind cut through her like an icy blade and, catching her shiver, Jake immediately shrugged off his jacket and draped it around her shoulders.
Her eyes wide, she glanced up at him. ‘What’s all this about, Jake?’
‘Come on—let’s walk. It’s too cold to stand around.’
They headed out towards the pier, Jake catching hold of her hand again as if it was the most natural thing in the world for him to do. The night sky was almost black, but there was still plenty of light. Aside from the stars and the curved sliver of moon that permeated the velvet blanket there was plenty of neon to light up the streets, and even the occasional car’s headlamp as it flew past.
For most of the way Jake had stayed silent. Now he stopped, drawing Caitlin close against him before staring out to sea.
‘You were amazing tonight.’
He turned back to survey her. Heat slid down her spine and radiated down into her pelvis. The unexpected compliment took her by surprise.
‘Thanks…I really enjoyed myself. The band were great, weren’t they? I particularly liked—’
Jake silenced her with a hard, hot kiss that made her stumble against him.
Her lips were like soft satin pillows that couldn’t help but invite him to keep tasting them. But he didn’t just want to kiss her. He wanted to do so much more… The very idea made him tighten. Then it made him hard.
Lifting his head, he examined the dazed expression she wore—the moist, softly opened mouth that he’d so spontaneously and heatedly ravished, and the shining green eyes that he defied any man not to lose his soul to.
‘I’ll go crazy if I can’t make love to you soon,’ he confessed.
‘We can’t. Remember, we agreed…?’
Emitting a curse, Jake stared at Caitlin and drove his hands through his already windblown hair in frustration.
‘I know what we agreed. I know what we should do. But the truth is that when you were posing with the others today at the photo shoot I hated every single one of them for looking at you…for no doubt imagining what it would be like to make love to you… No one has a right to look at you like that but me.’
Nervously, Caitlin slid her tongue over her lips. ‘What’s the meaning of all this, Jake? What are you telling me?’
‘I’m telling you that I want us to be lovers. I’m not saying I expect it to be forever but I want us to be together.’
‘What you’re saying is that if we get together you don’t expect it to be a permanent arrangement?’
‘Yes.’
The expression in his eyes looked haunted for a moment.
‘The idea scares you?’
‘I just don’t trust that long-term commitment can ever really work. Look at the examples I’ve had.’
‘You mean there’s no chance you might be able to change that view? We’ve all been hurt, Jake…including me. After what Sean did to me it was never going to be easy to trust another man. If I can open my mind to the idea…can’t you?’
He sighed. ‘I’d like to tell you I could…but in all honesty I don’t hold out much hope. I know myself too well.’ He shook his head in frustration. ‘Look, do things have to be so serious? Can’t we just have some fun together?’
‘I take it you’re talking about sex? Is that how you see relationships, Jake as a chance to indulge in a little light-hearted sex with no commitment whatsoever?’
‘No! You’re taking everything the wrong way. Look, Caitlin, I’ll respect you and take care of you for however long our relationship lasts…we’ll enjoy whatever time we have together—that’s all I meant. I only know that I want us to be up-front about things to everyone—not play cloak and dagger and pretend we aren’t an item. After all, we’re adults, aren’t we?’
He seemed quite certain that their relationship couldn’t last. Yes, his past had made him wary, and perhaps even scornful of any kind of commitment, but didn’t he want to change that belief to something better? As much as she loved him, if Jake didn’t have any faith that things could be different Caitlin wasn’t going to settle. Her self-respect was paramount, and she wasn’t about to risk losing it for even a second…not even for the man she loved.
‘I’m sorry, Jake.’ Pulling his jacket from her shoulders, she pushed it into his hands. ‘If all you’re offering me is some temporary little affair—some supposed “fun” until you grow tired of me and move on to somebody else—then I’m going to have to say no. You once asked me if I was sure I was committed to this band and I told you categorically yes. Right now that’s all I’m interested in—the band. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I really need to get back to my bed. If I don’t get at least six hours’ sleep then I won’t be fit for anything tomorrow. Goodnight, Jake.’
Just before she turned and walked away Caitlin had the bittersweet satisfaction of seeing the bewilderment and hurt in Jake’s eyes. But as she put more and more distance between them the pain she felt at knowing they would never be lovers again was so intense that she felt as if it drilled a hole right through her heart and out the other side.
Jake stayed where he was, staring out at the frigid sea for what seemed like an eternity. It was hard to
take that Caitlin had turned him down. But then everything he’d wanted to say to her had somehow come out wrong.
His heart had leapt at her soft-voiced confession that she’d found it hard to trust another man after what her ex had done to her, and she’d given him a genuine opportunity to meet her halfway when she’d said that if she could open her mind to the idea of learning to trust again, why couldn’t he? But he’d completely messed it up when he’d let fear take over instead. She’d been insulted that all he seemed to be offering her was a temporary affair.
Did she really believe that, given time, their association could become more permanent? Was she perhaps hoping for marriage?
He couldn’t help it, but the idea of marriage made Jake’s blood run cold when he recalled what Jodie had put him through. Caitlin was nothing like his mercenary ex-wife, but if she became well known, with all the temptations that fame would undoubtedly bring to a beautiful girl like her, wasn’t it possible that she would be the one who grew tired of the relationship and wanted to move on to a better prospect? It would kill him to have to go through another bitter court battle if his new wife treated him in the same heartless way his ex had.
As he dug his now freezing hands into his jacket pockets and moved back down the pier Jake knew that as much as he cared for Caitlin, as much as he desired her and yearned to protect her, he couldn’t risk losing his heart to her and having to endure the consequent fall-out should things go wrong.
Because if that happened, this time he really would be a broken man.
CHAPTER TEN
PLANTING HIMSELF AT the back of the crowd that night, Jake sensed the familiar zig-zag of electricity shoot through him—as he always did before a band walked onto the stage…especially a band he was managing.
The day he stopped being excited about his work was the day he stopped living. He’d witnessed too many managers in the business become lazy or complacent when they got rich, content just to milk the financial rewards without actively contributing to a band’s or a singer’s success. Jake was scathing about such behaviour. For himself, music was its own reward—and if he could help a band attain success, then every sleepless night and grey hair was worth it.
Blue Sky was a week into their tour and the venue that night was a noisy and popular music pub on the Kent coast. The band were booked to play there from eight-thirty onwards. At Jake’s suggestion they had made some last-minute alterations to the playlist, taking out a couple of the original tunes and replacing them with two slower numbers that Mike had written and that in Jake’s opinion were outstandingly good. He was also showcasing Caitlin’s skills as a vocalist.
On a more personal note, he loved to hear her sing those love songs—loved to hear the emotion in her voice that made all the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. Those performances sent shivers down his spine. Not that he’d admit it to anyone—least of all to Rick, who seemed to be watching him like a hawk these days. He couldn’t exactly blame him. He was so sure that if Caitlin and Jake got together the result would be the break-up of the band.
Folding his arms across his chest, he released a frustrated sigh. He hated being in such a bind. But what the hell was he supposed to do? Ignore the feelings he had for her? The woman had got so deep into his blood that if he didn’t get his daily fix of her he felt as if someone had died. If Jake hadn’t know better he’d have sworn he was in—
Whoa. He reined in the thought with an accompanying sense of genuine panic.
‘Good crowd tonight.’
Suddenly Rick appeared beside him, depositing a dark pint of real ale into Jake’s hands with relish. Taking a deep draught of his own drink, he exhaled with pleasure, wiping the froth from his top lip with a grin.
‘I’ve been told by the barman that this stuff is like nectar. It certainly beats that pint of warm dishwater masquerading as alcohol that I had last night.’
‘I’ll take your word for it.’ Warily, Jake raised his glass to sample some of the dark brew for himself. As it slid down his throat the bitter taste of hops lingered unpleasantly in his mouth, confirming what he already knew to be true…he was no real ale aficionado. Give him a bourbon and Coke any day.
‘So, how do you think things are going?’ Rick asked, turning briefly to flash an irrepressible grin at a shapely blonde who’d walked by.
‘So far so good,’ Jake answered, his glance instinctively guarded. ‘The band sounds great, and Caitlin’s singing just gets better and better. We’re going to be getting more great reviews…it’s a given.’
‘Man, I bless the day she walked into that musty old church hall and her voice blew us away. The gods were smiling on us that day, that’s for sure.’
‘I agree.’
‘Hey, Jake, I hope you didn’t take my advice about not getting involved with Cait too personally. I mean, we’ve been friends for a long time. We’ve never let a woman come between us before.’
‘It was sound advice,’ Jake replied soberly.
‘Not that I blame you for being attracted to her. She sure is one beautiful woman, isn’t she?’
Taking another reluctant sip of his beer, Jake remarked, ‘You won’t get an argument from me.’
The lights suddenly dimmed, and amid the tangible air of expectation that rippled round the audience the band walked onto the stage.
Jake’s excitement was heightened along with everyone else’s, but the smile on his face quickly turned into a frown when he saw what Caitlin was wearing. In place of the long skirts and silky tops she’d been favouring since they’d started the tour she was dressed in black bootcut jeans that hugged her hips like a second skin and a stretchy little white top that emphasised her eye-catching chest.
The males in the crowd weren’t slow in demonstrating their appreciation. Jake did his best to try and shut out some of the more ribald comments. But with her flowing black hair, smiling green eyes and long legs, Caitlin was doing serious things to his blood pressure. He knew it was crazy, but he hated the mere idea that every red-blooded man in the room was fantasising about her. And underneath the hot, swift stab of jealousy that assailed him Jake felt a growing admiration for her daring. It seemed that Little Miss Hole-in-Her-Stocking was finally coming out of her shell.
Registering the looks of delight on the faces of the other band members as well as the crowd’s, Caitlin launched into a mesmerising rendition of an iconic blues number and Jake silently acknowledged that her talent was astounding. As he watched her hips sway sexily to the music, her little white top riding up almost to waist level, he didn’t think he’d ever felt so aroused or more hungry for a woman in his life.
* * *
Caitlin was quickly learning that after the almighty adrenaline rush of a live performance it was easy to crash down to the absolute depths shortly after. Now, alone in yet another hotel room—albeit a very luxurious one—with her room service supper left untouched on a tray, she sat in her pyjamas and robe with her head in her hands, feeling lonely and depressed.
An attack of the blues was the last thing she needed. But, as well as missing Jake’s touch, the truth was that she was missing Lia—missing the easy camaraderie they shared. She also missed the buzz of working with her in the bookshop. Caitlin wasn’t ungrateful for the privileged position she found herself in—actually living her dream of being a singer—but she’d be lying if she said she didn’t miss the people and the place that she thought of as home.
Sighing, she reached for a magazine that was lying on the coffee table and decided to take it to bed with her. She was heading towards the prettily covered divan when there was a soft knock on the door. She opened it to Jake.
‘Hi,’ he greeted her. ‘Can we talk?’
With her heart skipping a beat, she automatically stepped aside to let him enter. Her whole world immediately narrowed down to the force of his presence, her senses registering sensation overload with just one whiff of that sexy cologne he wore and one scorching glance from those extraordinary blue eyes of his.<
br />
Jake was a big part of the reason that Caitlin had crashed so low after tonight’s performance. She still didn’t really know where she stood with him, and the situation was making her as jumpy as if she was walking barefoot on tin tacks. One minute he was scowling at her and the next he was eating her up with his eyes. No wonder her nerves were stretched tight to the point of snapping.
Tonight he’d been very cool again, addressing her only when he had to, while in contrast Rick and the guys in the band had been elated with her performance and hadn’t hesitated to show it. She was seriously perturbed that Jake seemed intent on giving her the cold shoulder. Had he decided that she was right about keeping their relationship a purely business one?
‘You didn’t eat your supper.’ He glanced at the untouched tray of food balanced on the coffee table..
‘I wasn’t very hungry.’
‘You have to eat to keep your strength up. Performing night after night can really take it out of you.’
‘Thanks for your concern.’ Making no attempt to couch the sarcasm in her tone, Caitlin raked her fingers through her recently washed hair, then caught the belt on her robe and wound it round her hand.
‘Your performance tonight was wonderful. Anyone would think you’d been doing this for years. The others can’t sing your praises enough.’
‘And you?’
She barely managed to get the words past the ache in her throat. She ached to touch him, to drive that too serious expression from his haunting eyes and make him smile.
‘If I started to tell you what I really think about you I wouldn’t get back to my room tonight.’
His voice was huskily low, and every word he uttered sent inflammatory arrows of desire scudding crazily all over her body. Grabbing for a lifeline, Caitlin’s gaze found and settled on the bottle of mineral water she’d ordered with her meal.
‘Would you like a drink? It’s only water, but—’
‘I don’t want a drink. I know I’m breaking all the rules here, but the truth is, Caitlin, I just can’t stay away.’