Being Not Good: as opposed to being bad

by Elizabeth Stevens

  “There’s quite a leap from taking off my…undies and recording us, Davin.”

  He nodded. “True. But that doesn’t change the fact you have very clear boundaries.”

  I frowned at him. “You know, I’m starting to think this boundaries thing was to distract me from me asking you about yourself…”

  He shrugged. “We said one lesson per date, didn’t we?”

  “I thought the lesson for this date was for you?”

  “Well I came up with one for you.”

  “What is it?”

  “The fact that boundaries don’t just exist in a physical relationship. Boundaries also exist between friends and family.”

  I frowned again. “What has that got to do with me refusing to do a sex tape?”

  “There was going to be a segue. You sort of ruined it so I skipped ahead.”

  I readjusted my seating on the bench. “Okay. So the lesson is there are boundaries with friends and family? So what?”

  “My point – the lesson – is that you have to set these boundaries so people don’t walk all over you.”

  “I have…boundaries,” I said slowly.

  He looked me over sceptically. “Do you, though?”

  “I…could have boundaries.”

  He gave a single nod. “You could. Let’s work on that.”

  I just nodded and he went back to finish making his coffee. Once he was done, we took our drinks into the living room and tried to come up with ways for me to establish boundaries while we waited for the pizza.

  Ten: Davin

  Avery spent the whole next week trying to convince me to pick another date activity. I tried to convince her that she could just come over again. I’d certainly had a pretty decent time considering I was technically on a date. But she wouldn’t be dissuaded.

  I’d eventually just yelled, “Fine. Cinema!” at her. Which earnt me a wide smile until I insisted she pick the film. There was another day or so of arguing over the fact that if I picked the cinema then I should also pick the film. Once I’d pointed out that picking the cinema as an activity had been tiresome enough, she said she’d surprise me.

  I was dreading it, but still had almost twenty-four hours before I had to worry about that. In the meantime, I had to get through the end of dinner with Gran and my cousin.

  “Boys, stop that or you’ll get no dessert!” Gran snapped.

  I shoved Nate away and glared at him. “He started it.”

  “That’s what you always say, Davin.” Gran gave me a look and I wasn’t sure if she was on my side, on Nate’s side, or on the side of less violence at the dinner table.

  I looked at my cousin and we both knew he was always the one who started it. He was just never going to tell dear old Gran that.

  At a couple of years older than me, Nate wasn’t exactly what most people would call a good influence. But he and his friends were the closest I came to having friends of my own and, when I felt inclined to have a modicum of social interaction, they were the people with which I chose to have it. Being Nate’s cousin, there was a sense of removal from the actual centre of their friendship group and no one really cared if I did or didn’t turn up. If I did, great. If not, no big.

  “That’s because he does always start it. Why don’t you give me his dessert to teach him a lesson?” I huffed.

  “Well…” Gran looked me over and raised her eyebrows. “You could do with the extra calories.”

  I rolled my eyes while Nate sniggered beside me. “I’m not underweight.”

  “A boy your height needs more meat, Davin. It’s a fact.”

  “It’s not a…” I muttered as Nate laughed, “When you join me in the men’s leagues, you’ll probably lose the lankiness.”

  Gran gave him one of her scathing looks. “Whereas boys like Nathan could lay off the crisps while they’re sitting on their backsides doing nothing all day.”

  I came as close as I ever did to grinning at Nate as he gasped at Gran. “And what do you think he does all day? He’s not some star athlete or anything, Gran,” he said as my phone vibrated and I pulled it out of my pocket. “Oh, look. Nerd boy’s got friends,” he teased.

  “Oh, is it Avery, dear?” Gran asked only half-innocently and I froze.

  “Who the fuck is Avery?” Nate asked, then I heard the slap of Gran’s hand hitting the back of his head and his subsequent “oof”.

  “Davin’s girlfriend.”

  My eyes slid up and caught Nate grinning like an idiot at me. “No, shit. Little Dav’s got a girlfriend?”

  “You watch your mouth, Nathan. Or Davin might get your dessert after all.”

  “Hang on,” Nate said in disbelief. “Are we really just going to sit here and accept Davin has a girlfriend? Since when does Davin do girlfriends?”

  And Nate would know.

  At not yet eighteen, it wasn’t like I could go out to the local pub and pick up a girl when I wanted some company. And excuse me for thinking that apps like Tinder seemed like more hassle than they were worth, presuming it was a simple matter of faking my age to get an account in the first place.

  So when I’d wanted company, it was found at a party hosted by Nate, one of his friends, or one of their many acquaintances. This had left me with a fairly small pool of prospects and I’d had a couple of girls I hooked up with semi-regularly. But that was pre-Avery bursting into my life and forcing me to taste the rainbow. Not that I actually minded being stuck with nothing but her rainbow for the foreseeable future.

  “It was about time he did someone,” Gran muttered and Nate’s snort was less small laugh and more giant, barely contained explosion. “Oh, for pity’s sake. You know what I meant, Nate!” she huffed and he laughed again.

  “Shut up,” I snapped.

  “No, mate. That’s great. I mean, Freya and Lara will be devastated. But good for you.”

  I looked up at him in annoyance as Gran asked, “Who are Freya and Lara?”

  Before Nate could answer, I replied, “Why don’t you ask Nate about Nova, Liv and Ash?”

  Nate groaned at me in annoyance and I gave him a self-satisfied look.

  Gran looked us over and I could see her debating in what direction to take this. Finally she held up a hand to us. “I don’t even want to know what you boys get up to. But I will remind you there are consequences for your actions, boys. Just remember that.”

  I nodded solemnly. “Yeah, Gran. We know.”

  “Good boys.” She kissed me on the head, then Nate, and headed back into the kitchen.

  “You want to keep your mouth shut in front of Gran,” he hissed at me.

  “Speak for your fucking self!” I hissed back.

  “Why didn’t you tell me you’ve got a girlfriend?” he snapped.

  “Why the fuck would I have told you?”

  “Because I’m the best friend you have.”

  I shook my head. “It’s not like that.”

  “You’re going to explain yourself after we leave here or I’m going to smack it out of you.”

  “That threat only works for Gran because we both know she wouldn’t actually smack us to save ourselves,” I shot at him.

  Nate cocked his head. “Well that’s true.”

  “Gran, you need a hand?” I called as I got up. “We don’t talk about Avery! Ever,” I muttered to Nate as I passed him.

  I shook myself out as I pushed my way into the kitchen and Gran passed me the oven mitts.

  “Make yourself useful and take the dish out,” she said. “And while you’re at it, you might think more about opening up to people.”

  “Like how she just slid that one in there?”

  I did as she instructed. The first bit at least. “I have a girlfriend. How much more open do you want me to be?”

  Gran scoffed haughtily. “And how much does she know?”

  I actually nearly dropped the dish. “Excuse me?”

  Gran nodded at me, her disple
asure with me showing in her face. “You told her everything then?”

  “Fu–” I stopped and took a breath. “No. Of course not.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because she doesn’t need nor want to know.”

  “Are you embarrassed about it?”

  Embarrassment was not an emotion I had ever associated with my past. “No.”

  “So why not tell her?”

  “God’s sake, Gran! We’ve been together for about two weeks,” to say nothing of the lack of permanence we had, “she doesn’t need to know.”

  “And how long until you decide you’ve been together long enough? Hm? One year? Two? Ten?”

  “Why does this matter to you so much?” I yelled.

  “Because you’ve closed yourself off for eleven years, Davin. If you’re going to open up to anyone, surely your girlfriend’s an excellent place to start!”

  “Our relationship’s not like that–”

  “So you just fuck each other and call it dating?”

  I was completely taken aback. This wasn’t Gran. Not the Gran I knew. I took a deep breath. “Can I at least wait and see if we’ve got what it takes to last?” I asked shakily. There was no lasting for me and Avery, but I could take some liberties with the truth if it was going to make Gran feel better.

  Gran crossed her arms. “And how long do you think that’s going to take?”

  I shrugged. “I couldn’t tell you. How long does it take to fall in love, Gran?”

  Everything about her softened and I realised there had been a touch of vulnerability in my tone. Enough of a touch that I couldn’t hide it and I couldn’t take it back.

  “It takes as long as it takes, dear,” Gran said. “If it’s meant to be, you’ll know.”

  “Will he, though?” Nate answered, his teasing good-natured for once, and I looked behind Gran to see him hovering inside the door with a sympathetic smile on his face. “This is Davin we’re talking about.”

  I huffed a rough laugh and Nate cheered in victory. “Ha! That was almost a smile! We’ll crack that emotionless shell yet.”

  “Us or Avery, dear?” Gran asked him, throwing us both a superior look as she dished up dessert.

  Nate and I finished up our dessert, then drove back to his place. We were going to Freya’s to have some drinks and hang out for a while, and Nate’s house was closer. So we were walking to Freya’s and I was going to crash at Nate’s after.

  “All right,” Nate started as we walked. “Jokes aside, tell me about this girl then.”

  “I said we’re not talking about her,” I reminded him.

  “Come on. It’s me. Tell me about her.”

  I’d known Nate since I was born – I was delighted I didn’t remember the first few years so it felt like less time – and he was right, he was the best friend I had. So I knew he wasn’t going to give up until I told him. I also knew he wasn’t going to mock me pitilessly. For the most part. Telling him was going to be less hassle than him hounding me to tell him.

  “Fine. Avery St John.”

  Nate shoved his hands in his pockets and looked up at the sky. “Name rings a bell, but I don’t really remember her.”

  Gran had forked out the unnecessary hundreds of thousands it had cost to send both Nate and me to Mitchell College. She was probably lucky she only had the two grandchildren. But then, knowing Gran she probably would have found a way to send an entire sports team worth of grandchildren to Mitchell College if she’d had them.

  I pulled my phone out of my pocket and scrolled through it until I found one of the pictures Avery had sent me. I passed him the phone and I couldn’t tell by that noise if he was impressed or laughing.

  “The face definitely rings a bell. Her?”

  I nodded as I took my phone back. “Her.”

  Now he was definitely laughing. “How the hell did a loser like you land her?”

  “She’s no great catch herself, thanks.”

  “Fuck,” he spluttered. “If that’s the way you talk about your girlfriend, I’d hate to think about what you say about Mrs Mack these days.”

  I grunted in annoyance.

  “Oh, watch out,” Nate sniggered. “Your emotions are showing.”

  “Fuck off.”

  “No. No,” he said, trying to contain his laughter. “Sorry. Talk to me.”

  “There’s nothing to talk about. She wants me to help her tank her rep.”

  “You chose to help another human being?”

  I shoved him. “She’s…persuasive.”

  “Ah,” he breathed. “She showed you her tits.”

  I shoved him harder. “No. I’m yet to see her tits, actually.”

  “What?” His step faltered for a second, then he hurried to catch up. “You’ve been dating two weeks and you’ve still not seen her tits?”

  “Is that okay?” I asked sardonically. “I wasn’t aware there was a time limit on breast unveiling.”

  “I’m just surprised. You must really like her.”

  I turned a hard glare on him and he held his hands up in defence.

  “All right. You don’t really like her?”

  “She wants me to teach her how to be not good.”

  “You mean be bad?”

  “No.”

  “There’s a difference?”

  I nodded. “There’s a difference.”

  “That’s the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever heard.”

  “See?” I tell you.

  As we walked up to Freya’s front door he looked at me. “Okay. So how are you supposed to do this?”

  “We go on dates and I teach her something.”

  He snorted. “Sure. Like what?”

  I shrugged my shoulders. “She’s just a little lacking in confidence, I’ve just got to help her loosen up.”

  Nate barked a laugh and I smacked him even before he opened his mouth, yet that didn’t deter him from sniggering, “Yeah, I know what kind of loosening you want to do with her.” I smacked him again for good measure. “I don’t remember her ever having a problem with confidence.”

  “I don’t know how to explain it–”

  “What? The cunning linguist,” He winked at me and I rolled my eyes, “can’t explain it?”

  “Very clever. How long have you been holding onto that one?”

  “Months. I’ve been waiting months to use that.”

  I nodded. “I’ll bet. I don’t know. She’s full of energy and confidence like ninety percent of the time. Then…she’ll just be hesitant about something. She won’t say what’s on her mind or she’ll get embarrassed if she did. I don’t know what it is about her.”

  “She a virgin?”

  “No. Not that that should have anything to do with it.”

  Nate nodded. “Calm down. I just wondered if maybe her hesitation came from it all being new.”

  “What would you know about it?”

  “About as little as you, mate.”

  “Fuck off.”

  We both had girls we saw regularly. However, where Nate liked to think he was the great Casanova of our time, he liked to imply I was merely a whore. I didn’t like to remind him that Casanova was really just a whore until he fell in love.

  “Well, there you slackers are,” Freya said as she pulled the door open. “You bring me some of Gran’s cobbler?”

  “Nope,” Nate said, totally pleased with himself for being a dick.

  “Pleasure to see you, Davin,” she said to me and I knew it had more to do with the fact that she wanted to annoy Nate.

  “Yeah. You, too.”

  My phone went off again and I pulled it out to see another message from Avery.

  Nate chuckled as Freya closed the door behind us. “Oh yeah. Dav’s got a girlfriend now.”

  Liv, Vinny, Lara, Zac and Beau were all there too, and they all looked at me in various states of humoured surprise.

  “Is he shitting us?” Lara
asked.

  I shook my head. “No.”

  “You’ve got a girlfriend?” Beau asked.

  I nodded. “Fact hasn’t changed since the dipshit mentioned it.”

  “Good for you, Dav,” Zac said with a smile.

  “She nice then?” Freya asked.

  “She’s…” Nate sniggered. “She’s very nice.”

  “You bringing her over then?” Vinny asked.

  I scoffed. “Uh. No.”

  “Why not?” Zac passed me a beer.

  “She’d take one look at us and realise she’s with the wrong bloke?” Vinny grinned.

  I thought about that and the likelihood was low. “Actually the opposite probably. If she survived the culture shock.”

  “You’ve got a lot of faith in her.” Vinny’s face told me exactly what sort of girl she was and what sort of fun he’d like to have with her. But Vinny was mostly talk when it came to girls. Especially the ones we didn’t know.

  “You remember that little girl in Dav’s year with the blonde pigtails who used to bounce around everywhere?” Nate asked as he sat next to Liv and put his arm around her.

  “That Saint chick or whatever?” Freya asked as she dropped next to Nate.

  Nate nodded. “That’s her.”

  “The fuck you see in her?” Lara sniggered and I knew she remembered Avery well.

  I shrugged, not really sure about that myself. Something about her had got under my skin. I didn’t totally hate being around her, even if her incessant buoyancy often made my skin crawl. For some reason I was averse to the way people dismissed her or made fun of her, and Nate’s friends were no exception. But I wasn’t going to tell them that she was a legitimately nice person who was kind to me even when I was my grumpy self and that she deserved better than she got.

  “She’s probably just a good lay,” Beau said.

  “He’s not even seen her tits,” Nate told them.

  “Okay. Can we stop with this shit now?” I asked, trying to keep the full annoyance from my voice. “Where’s Nova?”

  “She had shit to do. Apparently.” Nate shrugged like it was no big deal, then he buried his nose in Liv’s neck and she laughed.

  I fell into the empty arm chair and sipped my beer while we did the usual things we did. Well they all got up to the usual things we did, and I did the usual drinking and chatting and beating everyone but Freya on the console. And they all noticed.