Being Not Good: as opposed to being bad

by Elizabeth Stevens

  “Holy shit,” Davin breathed and Ginny snapped his name. He looked at his gran and pointed at me. “He likes her,” he said like he didn’t believe it.

  “Of course he does,” Ginny said. “Unlike you, he recognises what a catch Avery is.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Just how long did the two of you go to school together before you started dating?”

  “Gran!” Davin warned but, much like he was with most people, she seemed determined to do her own thing.

  “I’m only saying, dear, that I’d have liked to have met Avery earlier.”

  I hid a laugh as best I could as I put Flint down again, but Davin looked at me quickly and I knew he’d heard it.

  “I see where Davin gets it from now,” I said to Ginny.

  “Gets what from?” she asked innocently.

  “Most of what makes him…him.”

  She tutted, but it was somehow still elegant. “Davin wishes he were as witty and clever as me.” Ginny threw me a wink as Davin exclaimed in protest.

  “All right,” he said slowly. “Have your drink, Gran. You can get to know Avery better from the living room, surely.”

  He passed Ginny a tumbler of drink and passed me a lemonade.

  “Good idea. Avery, come and sit down. Make yourself at home, please.” Ginny looped her arm with mine as we walked out and then called back to Davin, “Bring the brownies with you, Davin.”

  I laughed as she led me into the living room.

  “All right, dear,” Ginny said as she encouraged me onto the one couch and then sat on the other. “I want to know everything about you.”

  “Oh, God. I have no idea where to start.”

  She grinned at me conspiratorially. “Start at the beginning.”

  Twenty-Two: Davin

  “This is already going far worse than I thought it would.”

  I’d expected Gran to love her. But even she’d surpassed my expectations. They’d both surpassed my expectations. Avery had won her over in record time. Damned Avery in that damned dress looking so damned…

  “Fuck!”

  Looking at Avery, I was completely torn. On one hand I was very interested in what doing her dirty in the backseat looked like – I was down to get my 50s roleplay on if that’s what she wanted. But on the other… There was this foreign feeling swirling around my chest and stomach. It had everything to do with keeping Avery close, and nothing to do with even touching her.

  I pulled on my collar, being so far from it choking me that the action was less than pointless. But I felt weird. I fucking felt for a start.

  “Remind me I can do this. It’s my gran and my girlfriend. How bad can it be?”

  I picked up my water and the brownies, and followed them into the living room. They were already laughing and Gran was looking at Avery like she could already picture the white dress and the great grandkids – who she would no doubt demand to send to Mitchell College also. Avery was warm and open and enthusiastic as always, throwing herself one hundred percent into the situation as she always did.

  The one insignificant blemish in her perfect exterior was the way she looked into her lap as she brushed her hair off her face, the nervous tremor to her laugh, and the way she took a deep breath to accompany that questioning smile when she saw me walk in.

  “And next year?” Gran asked her.

  Avery sighed and looked back to Gran. “God. Next year. That’s the question, isn’t it?” She huffed a self-conscious laugh as she looked at me for a moment. “I don’t know. Worst case, I thought I’d apply for Arts and hope I found something I was good at.”

  “Not the worst plan in the world.” Gran looked at me. “He’s going to do Arts, too.”

  “Majoring in English, of course,” Avery said.

  I nodded. “Although, I might only apply for Flinders now.”

  Gran frowned. “Oh no. Why?”

  “Probably because Dad lectures at Adelaide,” Avery offered, her nose wrinkling as though she felt guilty about it.

  Gran looked between us. “Well I suppose that could make things difficult.”

  I shrugged as I sat down next to Avery. “I might. I thought…if the opportunity presented itself I could talk to him about it in a few months. See what he thought.”

  “Applications are due in October, Davin,” Gran reminded me.

  “And it’s only May, Gran.”

  “Is it?” Gran asked me sardonically and I felt Avery suppress a giggle next to me. “And what does Dad teach, Avery? English I assume?”

  “Yes. Medieval and Gothic literature.”

  Gran was already far too interested. That sent her interest sky high. “Medieval and Gothic? How about that.” She looked at me pointedly and I rolled my eyes at her.

  Avery nodded. “He and Davin already had a huge discussion about Gothic texts.” She looked at me and I was sure the way she took my hand was totally subconscious. “What was it? Sexuality in…Victorian literature?”

  “Well then.” Gran barely contained a smirk and I was sure it wasn’t just because she was interested by the fact I’d let Avery hold my hand in front of her. “Trust Davin to bring out the heavy topics at the dinner table.”

  “He convinced Dad to let Ebony read…” There went that pensive frown. “Carmilla!” she said in victory as she remembered it.

  “Your sister?” Gran clarified and Avery nodded. “And how old’s Ebony?”

  “Fourteen,” I answered for Avery.

  Gran seemed to think about. “Could be too young. Could be old enough.”

  Avery smiled fondly, presumably thinking of her little sister. “When it comes to Ebony, it’s pretty much always old enough. Emotionally anyway. She’s an old soul.”

  I was pretty sure there were plenty of things that Ebony was still emotionally too young for, old soul or not. But Avery wouldn’t have been thinking of them because she was far too respectable.

  “And the two of you are close?” Gran asked.

  Avery nodded. “Yes. Well we don’t have a lot in common, but she keeps telling me she’d give anyone who hurts me a decent beating if she were bigger.”

  I watched Gran’s eyes widen in surprise then she grinned. “I’m sure Davin is suitably prepared, then.”

  Avery laughed. “Oh no. He doesn’t count. Ebony loves Davin.”

  Gran’s eyebrow rose in my direction. “Really?”

  “I assure you I’ve done nothing to earn it,” I told her and Avery scoffed.

  “He says that. But I’m starting to think that an actual thoughtful soul resides deep inside all that cynicism and sarcasm.” Avery’s hand squeezed mine and I couldn’t stop myself returning it.

  Gran leant towards Avery conspiratorially. “You know what, dear? I’ve been trying to convince him of that for years. I’m glad I’m not the only one who sees it.”

  “Brilliant. They’re bonding.”

  In many ways, wasn’t this exactly what I wanted? I wanted the two most important girls in my life – “Do not read too much into that,” – to get along. Didn’t I?

  I’d almost convinced myself that I did. I’d almost convinced myself that this whole thing wasn’t as bad as I was telling myself. Through dinner and dessert, I told myself it was fine.

  Then the photo album came out and I was rethinking everything. I wasn’t sure if I was more outraged or embarrassed. Not that I’d let either emotion show if I could help it.

  “Oh, did he have no balloons at his party?” Avery asked as Gran showed her every piece of my tiny shame with absolutely zero fucks given.

  Gran shook her head. “Oh no, dear. Davin was terrified of balloons–”

  “Gran!” I snapped. “For all that’s holy,” was the closest I was coming to swearing in her house and getting away with it. Baby pictures were one thing. One terrible thing, but one thing. Stories accompanying those baby pictures were worse. “If you continue that sentence, I will–”r />
  “What, dear?” Gran asked, looking at me over her glasses frames. “Berate me with your grandiose eloquence some more?”

  Avery spluttered and I looked at her in annoyance.

  “Having fun?” I asked Avery.

  She nodded, still trying not to laugh, and I couldn’t bring myself to be the cause of the smile falling from her face. I huffed and sat back in my seat. I waved my hand at Gran in a continuation motion.

  “Fine. Proceed to embarrass me six ways from Sunday without the fear of grandiose retaliatory reprimand.” I quirked my eyebrow at Gran and she did a terrible job at trying to hide her smile.

  “Oh. Who’s this?” Avery asked, running her hand over a picture.

  Gran peered at the picture and looked up at me before answering. I knew who it was. “My daughter.”

  “My mother,” I clarified, glaring at the woman who should know better than to tiptoe around the whole sordid past.

  Avery put her hand on Gran’s arm. “I am so sorry about what happened.”

  “Why? Did you run the bath?” I asked, more venom in my voice than I’d intended.

  Gran shot me a look that was far too fast to decipher and just as well too. “Thank you, dear,” she said to Avery, her tone nothing but sincerity. “It is what it is.” She threw me a sideways glance before asking, “He told you the whole story then?”

  Avery looked at me uncertainly and I gave her a single nod.

  “I told her, Gran.”

  Gran looked between us and I saw her eyes soften immeasurably. I know she was telling me she was happy I’d finally opened up to someone we didn’t pay exorbitant amounts of money. I hoped she knew I was telling her not to get too excited because it didn’t mean anything.

  I wasn’t falling in love with Avery after all this. It wasn’t a thing that was going to happen. This wasn’t that gag-worthy romance story where I had no control over anything. It was my life. I was my own man and heaven forbid any writer who thought I was going to fall in love without my consent.

  Avery was mildly entertaining and provided a temporary relief from my usual monotony. But when she was not good and one or both of us were bored, we’d just be that mistake and go our separate ways. That’s all this was.

  And I reminded myself of that fact as I watched Avery and Gran laugh and talk and fall irrevocably in love with each other, and I told myself that it wasn’t heart-warming. I told myself they were the only ones falling.

  Eventually, it came time that I should probably take Avery home. It was a school night after all and, after spending the night together more than a few times, I was pretty sure she didn’t get up as early as she did, as happily optimistic as she did, because she went to bed as late as me.

  So we said our good byes and Gran waved us off down the street.

  “Your gran is something else,” Avery said reverently.

  I nodded. “She is…a special lady.”

  “I can see why you love her so much.”

  “What says I love her?”

  She reached over and put her hand on my leg. The gesture was comforting, not sexual. “Actions speak louder than words, Davin.”

  I sighed as I shot her a sideways look. “The woman looked after me through the worst period of my life. Of her life. She found her youngest daughter dead and her grandson terrified, and the woman battled through it. Never once did she falter no matter how she might have been suffering on the inside. She stood stoic and tall for her family the way she felt someone had to while the rest of us all fell apart to varying degrees. That sort of thing earned…” I cleared my throat, “more than just my respect,” I finished quietly.

  She didn’t say anything so when I stopped at the traffic lights I looked at her and found her looking at me thoughtfully.

  “What now?” I asked her.

  She smiled. “Nothing. I’m not at all completely convinced there’s more to you than meets the eye.”

  I shifted awkwardly in my seat before driving on. “Good.”

  “You know…” she started, but didn’t go on.

  “I know a lot of things. Is there something particular to which you are referring?”

  “It’s not that late,” she said and I heard the smile in her voice.

  “Isn’t it?” I asked, suddenly much more interested in where the conversation was going.

  “It’s not. And I seem to recall there being something about doing me dirty in the backseat…”

  I breathed out heavily as I told my cock to stand down while I concentrated on driving. “There has been some discussion of this, yes.”

  “There has.”

  “And did you have a specific location in mind as to where this could take place?” I asked, thinking through the actual logistics of having her in my backseat.

  “I thought the backseat would be good.”

  I shot her a look and – yep – that had been intentionally sarcastic. I huffed and turned off towards my house instead of hers.

  “Where are you going?”

  “The closest place I can think of that we’d be guaranteed to get away with this,” I told her.

  She laughed and I took us to my house. Instead of just pulling into the driveway though, I opened the garage door which I never really bothered with and parked the car in before closing the door behind us. I turned the car off and turned to her.

  “You want to do this?”

  She nodded vigorously and I felt that smile tugging at my lips again.

  “Okay, then.”

  She unbuckled her seat and clambered into the backseat through the front ones because she was unrealistically short. Being slightly taller, I had to go around.

  “Where are you going?” she asked from the backseat behind the front passenger as I got out.

  I stuck my head back in and said, “Some of us don’t fit through the front seats,” before closing the driver’s door and getting in the back.

  She climbed into my lap and I awkwardly shuffled us over so her knee fit on the seat on my other side. Before I got my bearings, she unhesitatingly took my face in her hands and kissed me hard and I sort of just lost all ability to think clearly.

  She ground against me as we kissed and hands slid over bodies.

  “Condom?” she asked and I nodded.

  “Pocket.”

  Between the two of us, we managed to get my wallet out of my pocket and the condom out of it with her only hitting her head on the roof twice. She just giggled and reached between us to undo my jeans. I was fucking glad when she released me from my boxers because I was more than ready for her.

  She didn’t delay in getting the condom on me, then she’d pushed her undies aside and was lowering herself onto me as she kissed me again. Her hands were in my hair and on my shoulders and mine were under her skirt on those soft, warm legs, holding her tightly and hopefully helping her with some of the work as she rode me.

  And she didn’t stop moving as she leant her forehead to mine and said breathlessly, “Maybe not as dirty as originally planned?”

  I shook my head and replied, “I’m good with it,” as I kissed her as though I couldn’t get enough of her.

  I felt her smile against my lips. “You sure?”

  I nodded. “Besides, logistically, seriously dirty sex would be really uncomfortable back here.”

  She grinned. “I did promise you dirty…”

  I almost laughed. “I can take you out of here and bend you over if you really want, but I’m good.”

  Her head fell back as she moved on top of me and that soft, satisfied smile crossed her lips. I met her thrust for thrust and she shook her head.

  “Maybe next time,” she said as though she was almost apologetic, but not quite.

  I was perfectly fine with that. Whatever this was, it was incredible. I wrapped my arms tightly around her and held her as close as I could get her. “Yeah maybe,” I mumbled against her lips as I kissed her again.

  I
’d never had anything against kissing before. It had always been vaguely pleasurable. But kissing Avery was addictive. Every time her lips touched me I felt something. It was like something shooting through my stomach and up into my chest. I didn’t know what it was and I didn’t want to know what it meant. I just needed more of it.

  Her breathing started to come harder, she kissed me more fervently, and I felt her starting to tense in my arms, which I knew well by now meant that she was close. So despite the almost impossibly awkward angle, I slid my hand between us and ran it over her.

  She sighed against my lips, “Don’t stop, Davin,” and I felt incredibly proud of her – it had taken a bit of time to get her to tell me what she wanted in the heat of the moment without her self-consciously losing her rhythm.

  “Never, baby.” My lips trailed over her cheek and down her neck and she sighed again happily.

  I felt her thighs tensing firmer and then the rest of her body, including the arms that were around my head, and she let out that incredibly sexy whimper as she finished.

  We moved more slowly and kissed more languidly as she got her breath back and her increased sensitivity dulled a little. I knew when she was ready for me to go harder again by the way she nipped my lip.

  My hands gripped her hips as I thrust into her, her meeting every stroke in nigh perfect unison until I felt my orgasm building. I rested my head back on the seat and Avery seemed more than happy to take over the majority of the work until she tipped me over the edge.

  She slowed again as I breathed hard.

  I looked at her and felt that weird warming in my chest at whatever I saw in those bright blue eyes.

  In order to not look at it too closely, I said, “I should probably get you home.”

  She nodded almost regrettably but she was smiling. “I guess so.”

  I kissed her quickly. “Just let me get cleaned up, yeah?”

  She slid off me. “Okay.”

  I looked back at her, unsure of what I’d heard in her tone. I took her chin in my hands and made her look into my eyes. “That was perfect, Avery.”

  She smiled shyly, biting her lips as her eyes hooded. “Right back at you.”