By Your Side

by Brenda Ford

  “Right.” I narrow my eyes curiously at her. I don’t know if I can trust Ashely right now, I have no idea what she’s doing here, but if she’s being genuine right now then I want to smooth things over as well. “Okay.”

  “So, you will be honest with me?” She cocks an eyebrow my way. “And I will do the same with you.”

  “Sure.” I’m going to try and trust her, just to see where it takes me. I hold out my hand for her to shake and she does. It seems like a strange alliance, but it could really work if we’re both really in and this is genuine. Not some kind of trap which I really don’t want to worry about it now. “Sounds good, Ashley.”

  “So, there aren’t any more surprises that I should expect?” she demands, albeit a little playfully.

  “No more surprises. There is nothing else coming our way.” I grin. “Now, let’s do this.”

  ***

  I might as well be skipping as I walk towards The Scarlet Longue. I haven’t ever been as excited as I am right now about seeing anyone, but after the amazing day of filming that I have had, and the agreement that I’ve come to with Ashley, I feel so good that it’s like nothing can get in my way. Nothing can shake this feeling. I even finished early with filming, so we have more of the night together which is of course awesome.

  Every moment that I get to spend with Millie is just perfect. I have even been thinking about planning a trip with her as soon as I’m done with the filming so I can keep her to myself for a little bit. The idea of nothing distracting us, of no responsibilities getting between us, it’s everything that I could want and more…

  “Oh…” But as soon as I get through the door, I’m shocked to see another body behind the bar. The bar tender who usually works part time on Millie’s days off. But this isn’t her normal day off right now. She would have told me if it was. I can’t help feeling confused as I run my eyes up and down him. “Where’s Millie?”

  “Don’t know.” He shrugs hard. “She called in sick. I’m a quick replacement.”

  “Well, what’s wrong with her?” I gasp loudly. “Did she say?”

  “Don’t know.” He doesn’t care. Of course, he doesn’t care. Why would he? He’s just annoyed that he has to work. “Don’t think she said.”

  I turn around rapidly and race to my home, wondering if she’s still there lying in my bed just waiting for me. Maybe she lied when she called in sick and she’s still naked which is incredible. If so, I seriously can’t wait. I’m grinning like crazy, happiness is bursting and exploding through my body.

  “I’m coming, Millie,” I mutter to myself. “I will be there soon. Just wait for me.”

  Chapter 10 – Millie

  “Fucking hell,” I wail as the tears continue to spill down my cheeks. “Shit, what do I do? How do I escape this?” I sniff as I do what I can to wipe the wetness away. “I know, don’t have sex with the movie star.”

  I knew that going near Lance was dangerous, that dating anyone could be a problem but him the biggest issue of all, and I forget all of that. I let it lie to one side while I caved to passion. I let my body do what it wanted, and shut my rationality off, and this is my punishment for that. My escape to LA has now been ruined.

  It all started with the picture, the photograph of me in the newspaper kissing Lance. I knew then that I was in trouble because in this world where the Internet rules, if people want to know who you are, they will find out. They become determined detectives capable of discovering anything and they won’t stop until they get what they want. All I could do was watch in horror as the sleuths find my name and then a picture of me and they begin to unravel my life. It’s incredible how quickly they learn about me, impressive really, if it weren’t so terrifying. But because this is the scariest thing to ever happen to me, my blood is ice cold and the tears flow forever as things get increasingly worse by the minute. Everything that I didn’t want anyone to know about me, least of all Lance, is there for everyone to see and judge me on. No one will ever look at me the same way again.

  “God, people are so cruel,” I choke out as I see the comments written with regards to me and my relationship with Dante. Unfortunately, because it was abusive, there were police reports, which have been found. “To say that I’m trash just because I dated a bad guy, someone who abused me, sucks. To say that I deserved being hit is even worse. Who are these keyboard warriors and what is there issue with me? What did I do to them? This isn’t even jealousy because I kissed Lance Wilson, this is just pure evil for no apparent reason.”

  I clutch on to my stomach, about ready to throw up yet again. I have been feeling ill ever since I got back and I saw the news, too sick to go to work, potentially too ill to ever go outside again, and the more that people write about me, the more hated I become, the worse that feeling becomes. The moment someone suggests that I’m a gold digger who just wants a better life for myself, all I want to do is curl up in to a ball and never move again. How can one kiss cause so much trouble? Especially for me. I haven’t ever had any luck when it comes to romance. This is why I tried to tell my father that I don’t want to let anyone in again.

  “Any minute now…” My whole-body trembles as I wait for it. “Any minute now, it’s coming…”

  If these people can find out all of this about me, there is no way that the explosion which shattered and changed my life completely will remain a secret. It just can’t happen. Everything that I wanted to suppress and run away from will wash back over me once more and I’m sure that it might even drown me.

  “Oh God.” It flashes up. Someone has found it. My whole body sinks in sadness. Re living the worst thing that ever happened to me is the last thing I want to do today, especially when it’s out of my control.

  Drug Addict Dante Booth Kills Family in Horror Crash.

  Of course, I have seen that newspaper article title a number of times, so many times that it’s burned in to my brain, but seeing it again like this causes the vomit that has been threatening to explore to rise up. I have to drop everything and rush to the bathroom to let it all come spilling out. It’s here, it’s come for me, and there isn’t a damn thing that I can do about it. My life is ruined all over again, but this time it’s much worse.

  “I didn’t know,” I whimper as I slide to the bathroom floor and collapse on the tiles. “I didn’t know that Dante was in to pills. I don’t even know anything about drugs. How could I tell? How was I supposed to know that he was driving his car under the influence? I was always just glad not to have him around me.”

  During our turbulent relationship, I got so caught up in not trying to upset Dante that his drug use escaped me entirely. No one believed me, no matter how much I tried to tell everyone that I had no idea, but it really wasn’t something that I spotted. I only saw an increase in his temper and his patience with me, which I assumed was my fault, I didn’t notice him becoming more erratic because of cocaine. But then again, I don’t know what I could have done even if I did know. There isn’t a chance in hell that Dante would have listened to me.

  I hate that the man I was with got in to that car, I despise him for killing a family who didn’t stand a chance because of his inability to drive, it destroys me that even in an inadvertent way, I was a part of that because he was my live-in boyfriend at the time. I was tarred with the same brush as him because of my association.

  Slowly, in the midst of my grief, of my sadness for the people who were killed, I realized that the town I had lived in for my entire life had turned against me. The rumors began and spread quickly that I was in the car as well, that I also took a lot of drugs, that me and Dante were on the phone arguing which was how he lost control of his vehicle, that I needed to carry some of the guilt for the family dying as well.

  None of that was true, but I carried the guilt anyway. I always have done. Ever since I got the call from the police and I learned that Dante was being locked up, I have felt terrible about everything. It has killed me. I might have run right away if I didn’t have to be a part
of the court case, but I was called to be a witness and that was what I needed to do. I didn’t expect it to change anyone’s opinion of me, but I did hope that they would finally see me as a human being who didn’t need to be screamed at in the streets anymore…

  But that never happened, so much to my father’s heart ache, I ran away to start again in LA. And I could do that then because as awful as it all was, it was local news not national. It never really got too far. But now, because I am the girl who was seen kissing Lance Wilson, everyone is going to know about it.

  The secret that I have been trying to out run has finally caught up with me. It’s caught up with me and its steam rolling over me, taking me out of existence. My life is over, there is no escaping this. It’s almost as if the walls are closing in on me now, taking the oxygen out of the room, leaving me a mess.

  “This is why,” I wail. “This is why I don’t date, I shouldn’t be around anyone, least of all Lance.”

  I can only blame myself for this. This is my own fault for ignoring the red flags that I set out for myself, for putting my own rules to one side. I don’t have anyone to blame but me and that only makes it more challenging for myself. I want to scream, to punish myself, to do something, but I can’t.

  Ring, ring… Ring, ring… Ring, ring…

  I stare at my ringing cell phone like it’s my worst enemy. I have no idea who could be calling me right now, and that scares the living shit out of me. What if it’s one of those people online who has discovered my number as well as everything else? What if it’s a journalist wanting to hear ‘my side of the story’? What if it’s Lance…?

  “Dad,” I whisper as I see the name on the screen. “Oh God, Dad.” I sob even harder as I pick up the phone because I am so damn desperate to hear a friendly, loving voice, of someone who cares about me. “Dad?”

  “Oh, sweetie,” he coos, letting me know with his tone of voice alone that he has seen everything unraveling on the Internet. He will understand better than anyone how much this is destroying me because he was the one there for me when I went through it all before. “I’m sorry, this must be horrible for you.”

  “Dad, this is a nightmare. I don’t know what to do. I’m never going to be able to escape this.”

  “You need to remember that you did nothing wrong,” he reminds me carefully. “It wasn’t you taking drugs and driving that car. It was Dante. And you were a victim of his as well. People forget that in their own grief.”

  I might have forgotten that as well with everything going on, but to be honest as I look at the comments springing up on the Internet about the new news article about me it seems like everyone else has forgotten it as well. I’m back to being vilified and hated all over again. But by the world this time around.

  “You should come home,” Dad pleads with me. “Just for a while. I’m sure that you are owed time off work. I haven’t known you take any of your vacation days yet. Come back where I can take care of you.”

  “But this isn’t just being dragged up for me, is it?” I snap back, taking my highly-strung emotions out on the wrong person here. “It’s coming back out for the family of the victims as well. And it’s all because I kissed some movie star. They aren’t going to want to see me happy and moving on with my life when they have lost people.”

  “Millie,” Dad says bluntly, no longer tolerating my sadness. “You can’t put your life on hold forever. You have punished yourself enough for something that you haven’t even done. You can’t keep hiding away forever. Just like last time, it’s going to be a bit challenging for a while, but you are strong enough to get through it. You might not remember her, but your mother had an incredible inner strength, and you do as well.”

  “I don’t know, Dad. I’m not too sure…”

  “Just come home, let me look after you. We can work things out from there…”

  Knock, knock. I snap my eyes towards the door, fear absolutely flooding me. Knock, knock.

  “Someone is here,” I tell my father with a tremor evident in my voice. “Someone is at my door.”

  “It might be that nice young man of yours. He may be there to look after you. I certainly hope so…”

  Oh God, but if it’s Lance then I’m even more terrified than if the press is out there waiting for me, because it’s his opinion who I really care about. It’s his eyes that I don’t want to see looking back at me like he doesn’t know who I am anymore. It’s him who will destroy me if he hates me because of this…

  Shit, I really can’t cope with this. This is far too much.

  Chapter 11 – Lance

  “Who is it?” Millie barks, sounding incredibly stressed and upset as well. I feel for her. I chose to be in the public eye, I knew that was going to be one of the side effects of my chosen career, and I found the intense scrutiny in to my life challenging to bear. For Millie, who made it clear that she didn’t want it, this small bit of interference must be devastating. I should have come here earlier; I made a mistake heading in to work.

  “It’s me, Lance,” I try to reassure her. “I just wanted to come here and check that you’re okay.” She doesn’t say anything for a beat too long, making my nerves stand up on edge. “I know you didn’t go in to work…”

  “Because I’m sick,” she bites back. “I haven’t been well. I can’t work at the bar while I’m ill.”

  It upsets me that she’s clearly trying to use this lie on me. I thought that we were closer than that by now. I hope that this story hasn’t severed her trust in me. I would never sell a tale about her. No way.

  “Can I come in, Millie?” I ask her cautiously. “Please. I don’t mind if you’re sick. I just want to talk to you. I don’t know if you’ve seen the story in the newspaper and I just want to see if you are alright.”

  “Newspaper?” She swings the door open rapidly and I’m immediately struck by how upset she looks. Her eyes are red and puffy, she has obviously spent all day crying, but she has a mania in her expression as well. This is on the way to sending her insane which is a real shame. “What newspaper? What are they saying?”

  I have it clutched between my fingers, but I don’t know if she’s in the right head space for me to show it to her. She senses the twitching in my hands and her eyes travel down that way anyway. I try to take it away from her, but she snatches it from my fingers and runs her gaze over the image rapidly. Her lips part and a small sound emanates from her throat, but it isn’t a real word. Then Millie turns and heads inside her house without closing the door behind her. I don’t know if this is an invitation inside, but I go anyway because I’m not done talking to her yet. My heart races as I wait for something of a reaction to come from her. I need to know what she thinks.

  If this article isn’t what she’s been crying about then why is she so upset?

  “I saw this online,” she murmurs quietly as her eyes scan frantically over the words. “I didn’t know that it was in print as well. Wow, the press really is interested in you. It’s intense.”

  “I know that it can be a bit much, but you can’t really see yourself in the image, can you? No one knows…”

  Her eyes flick up to meet mine and I can instantly see that I’ve ignited some kind of intense rage within her. I don’t know what I’ve done wrong exactly, but it’s clearly really bad. I feel like she wants to tear my hair out. I would do anything that I could to make it right again, but I don’t know if that’s possible.

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound like a dick then, I just don’t want you to worry…”

  “Don’t worry?” Her lip curls up in to an angry snarl. “Don’ worry? I told you that I don’t want to be in the public eye. There’s a reason for that, you know. It’s not just because I’m shy or whatever you might be thinking. I don’t want to have people prying in to my life. There are things that I want to keep to myself.” Her fingers drag through her hair and I notice her shaking. “Not everyone wants to be seen by the world.”

  “We won’t be seen again,” I insist. �
�We will be more careful in future. This doesn’t have to be the end of us.”

  God, I really didn’t think that I would be walking in to this, I really didn’t think enough to even consider that this would be the end of us. I was stupid enough to assume that all would be okay.

  “You don’t understand, do you?” I watch in horror as Millie leaves me in the living room and turns in to the kitchen. “You don’t get it. You can’t possibly see because you can’t have a secret. You must not have a secret, or you wouldn’t have sought out the media. You didn’t come to LA to run away from everything.”

  “Secret?” I can’t help but leap on that remark. “What do you mean secret? You ran away?”

  “Yes, I did.” As I join her in the kitchen, I notice her nodding firmly. “I did run away because I had something to escape. I wanted to hide, to find somewhere that I could hide in the fabric of the community without being noticed. So, why not come to a place where everyone else wants the lime light so no one will be looking at me? The weather helps as well, I have to admit that. It’s much better hiding in the sun light.”

  I gulp thickly, now a little nervous myself. I always knew that Millie was more closed off than me, but it wasn’t enough for me to question it. Now though, I’m freaked out because there’s clearly something that I should have been aware of the entire time. I’m starting to wonder if I should back out a little bit…

  “Fuck, this is too much.” But then Millie practically crumbles as the tears start flooding from her again and I know that I can’t go anywhere. I can’t leave her like this. No matter what’s going on in her life, what she’s kept away from me, I care about her. I can’t stop. I step closer to her and take her in my arms.

  “I’m sorry that I caused this,” I tell her in a hushed whisper. “I didn’t know that it would be this bad.”