Herobrine Goes To School

by Zack Zombie

  I get that a lot. Especially at night.

  Anyway, the rest of my night was pretty dull. I had to wait until morning to get back to school and talk to Lucy.

  * * *

  Next morning, I waited in the small forest area at the front of the school for Lucy Lurker to arrive. I noticed that some of the leaves had been glued back onto the trees by Principal Hogwash.

  As I looked up at the trees, I realized it must have taken him hours. The old man must have nothing exciting going on in his life, I thought.

  As the school bell rang, Lucy Lurker entered through the school gates. I headed out from under the trees as she approached.

  “What happened? What did she say?” I asked excitedly. “What does she think of me?”

  “You can’t help yourself, can you?” Lucy asked.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, it didn’t help that you were creeping up on us yesterday, that’s for sure!” Lucy replied. “But, as it turns out, she likes you. She thinks you’re kinda weird, but in a funny way.”

  I didn’t know what to say. I felt like my square head was about to explode.

  “Do you think she’ll go with me to the school dance?” I asked.

  “Listen, I’ve done my bit,” Lucy said, putting her hand on my shoulder. “Maybe you should start talking to her yourself.”

  Lucy was right. Brett Biseps had shaken my confidence, but now that I knew Molly liked me, things had changed.

  I planned on asking her to dance, but before I could do that there was one thing I needed—some serious dance lessons!

  Chapter 9

  The Minecraft Shuffle!

  As soon as I entered the school, I knew where I was heading. First, I had to go to the Drama room and find Miss Dramacueen. If anyone knew about dance, it would be her.

  The Drama room was on the top floor of the school, and by the time I got there I was completely out of breath.

  Miss Dramacueen stared at me and I panted at her. I could tell she thought the whole scene was kind of strange.

  Once I managed to get some energy, I stood upright and was finally able to explain why I was there.

  “Please, Miss Dramacueen. I want to go to the school dance, but there’s a problem,” I said.

  “Can’t get a suit to fit that unusual body shape of yours?” Miss Dramacueen asked. “Sorry! Can’t help with that.”

  “No,” I replied. Although thinking about it now, getting a suit to fit would definitely be a major problem. “No, my problem is that I’ve never danced in my life. I don’t even really know what dancing is!”

  “Oh, my!” Miss Dramacueen chuckled. “Then we need to do something about it, don’t we? Come and see me at lunch time and I’ll show you what to do.”

  I was so happy. I ran back down to my classroom with more energy than I could ever remember having. I was on cloud nine…that was until I entered the classroom.

  I walked in the door and I got hit directly in the face with a rubber band.

  You can guess who the culprit was… That’s right—Brett Biseps.

  But what could I do? I knew he liked Molly too, so I still figured the best thing to do was to just focus on getting ready for the school dance.

  I sat down as Mr. Ivanitch entered the room. He headed to his chair, plonked his bottom on the seat, pulled off his king-sized shoes and scratched the soles of his feet. His feet smelled awful.

  He rocked back on his chair, scratching away as the smell of rotten broccoli and old cheese drifted through the classroom.

  It was so bad that I saw a few flies drop to the floor.

  Before we all suffered the same fate, somebody opened a window, but the stench hung in the air for the rest of the morning.

  As the minutes ticked by I kept my eyes on the clock. At lunchtime I was due to have my dance lesson with Miss Dramacueen. I’d secretly borrowed a book about dancing from the library and sat with it inside my textbook, glancing through the pages.

  There were loads of dances to learn, and I began to panic. How would I remember all those moves before the school dance?

  There was Ballroom dancing, Street dancing, ballet, tap and more, and they all looked impossible, even if I was to practice them for weeks.

  The morning seemed to drift by extra slowly until at last the lunch bell rang.

  Once the class cleared out, I headed back up to the Drama room on the top floor.

  “Come in, Herobrine,” Miss Dramacueen said after I knocked on the door. “Now, we haven’t got long, so what dance would you like to learn?”

  “Well, I was reading this book,” I said, holding out the book about dance. “I thought Square dancing looked kinda fun.”

  Miss Dramacueen laughed. “Maybe we can start with something a bit simpler.”

  She put on some slow music and showed me how to step to the beat. Miss Dramacueen was really good at it and it looked pretty simple, so I gave it a go.

  I have to say, my body was far from ideal for dancing, and as I moved around the room in a square, I knocked over every table and chair there was.

  “Maybe I should forget this whole idea,” I huffed.

  “Now, now. Just a little perseverance is needed, Herobrine. Try again.”

  I began to move once more. This time I kept my legs a lot closer together, rather than hobbling all around the place. Gradually, I felt like I was making some progress.

  I kept trying throughout the entire lunch break. At last I managed to move in a way that Miss Dramacueen thought resembled a dance.

  “Well, our time is up,” she said, turning off the music. “Your dancing is certainly unique. I’ve definitely never seen anything like it before. Maybe we should give it a new name. Where are you from, Herobrine?

  “I’m from a place called Minecraft,” I said.

  “How about the Minecraft Shuffle?”

  “Sounds good to me, Miss Dramacueen.”

  “Splendid. Well, good luck at the dance tonight. I’m sure you’ll dance wonderfully. All you need now is something to wear.”

  Miss Dramacueen was right. I didn’t have any other clothes to change into. After school I knew I’d have to head into town to get a suit or jacket. And I didn’t mean a potato!

  All afternoon, I sat at my desk and went over the dance moves in my head. I paid no attention to what Mr. Ivanitch was saying about something having to do with Ancient Greece. Occasionally I’d glance over at Molly and, if she saw me, she’d smile back. In between, I would glace over at Brett and he would sneer at me!

  I got the feeling that people at school didn’t like Brett and were only polite to him because he was such a bully. I thought that one day soon someone would stand up to that brute, and somehow I got the feeling that it would probably have to be me.

  Chapter 10

  The Velvet Suit

  I had worn exactly the same thing all of my life, but as the end of day bell rang, I was prepared for a change.

  With my dance moves perfected, I now needed a special suit if I was going to take the last step to impress Molly. As I filed out of school with everyone else, I headed towards town to pay a visit to the local tailor.

  It was a bit of a journey to get to Main Street, so I waited for the bus.

  As I stood there alone, I knew that the bus journey would be trouble before it even arrived. I wasn’t sure the bus driver would even let me on. My haunting face usually scares people, so I was expecting to have to make it to the tailor on foot.

  Luckily, the bus was exactly on time and the driver looked like he’d worked a 24 hour shift. He was so tired he didn’t even look up when I stepped onto the bus.

  I took my seat at the back and the bus moved away from the school.

  A few minutes into the journey, we stopped outside the movie the
ater and a small group of teenagers got on.

  “That was the scariest thing I have ever seen,” one of them said.

  “Never seen a horror movie like that before,” said another.

  “Attack of the Minecraft Zombies is the best movie ever!” said a third kid.

  Then, as they prepared to take their seats, they saw me.

  They froze as the bus traveled down the street towards town. Then, they all screamed.

  “AAAAAHHHHH! Zombie! Let us off! Zombie! Zombie on the bus!”

  They went crazy. They bumped into one another, fell over the seats and banged on the windows until the bus stopped.

  They ran from the bus as fast as they could, shouting ‘Zombie’ at me as they disappeared into the distance.

  It was a weird experience. I clearly don’t look like a Minecraft Zombie, so I didn’t know what those kids were talking about.

  After a minute, the bus was moving again. For some reason I was the only passenger for the rest of the short journey.

  Once we arrived on Main Street, I jumped off and headed to the nearest tailor.

  As I walked through the door a little bell tingled and I heard someone rustling around in a back room. I shut the door and lurked near the entrance.

  Then, through a red curtain at the back, wobbled a short, round bald man who was really sweaty.

  “Hello! I’m Mr. Lapel, owner of this fine tailoring establishment for forty years, thirty-two days and six hours. How can I help?”

  I hesitated. Firstly, because I realized I actually liked wearing my turquoise shirt and blue pants, and secondly because the idea of being measured by that particular sweaty man didn’t seem like the most pleasant experience.

  “Well?” asked Mr. Lapel as he wobbled towards me and took out his tape measure. “What are we doing today? A suit?”

  I nodded.

  “Great! Move up onto this platform for me and we’ll get started.”

  I stepped up onto a small platform and Mr. Lapel began to measure me. As he lifted his arms I could see big, round sweat patches on his light blue shirt. He had a waistcoat on, but it did little to hide the dark blue circles of grossness.

  “So, what type of suit are you looking to buy?” Mr. Lapel asked, taking out a notepad and grabbing the sweaty pencil from behind his ear before jotting down the measurements.

  I looked over at the racks of suits and then at the tailor’s dummies in the window. It appeared that Mr. Lapel hadn’t sold a suit in a long time. The jackets were dark velvet and every single one had a thick layer of dust on them.

  “How about that one?” I said, pointing to a red velvet jacket with a pink frilly shirt.

  “Perfect!” the sweaty tailor exclaimed. “That’s my most popular item!”

  I stepped down from the platform and Mr. Lapel blew a big plume of dust off the suit, and then handed it to me.

  “Cough, cough… There’s a changing room behind that curtain at the back. Go and see if this one fits.”

  I took the suit into the changing room and swished the curtain shut. The small room was pretty dark, lit only by the glow from my eyes. I hung the suit on the wall and stood still.

  I liked it in the changing room. It was nice and dark.

  I must have been in there for quite a while, because eventually Mr. Lapel opened the curtain to see how I was getting on.

  “You’ve not even put the shirt on yet!” he exclaimed. “Come on! I’m one of the busiest establishments in town. I can’t serve you all day. I have lots of other customers waiting, you know.”

  I looked into the empty showroom and thought maybe Mr. Lapel wasn’t playing with a full deck.

  The curtain swished shut once more and I began putting on the clothes. This was no easy task.

  The shirt and jacket ripped as I pulled them over my angular shoulders and there was no way the pants were going to fit over my rectangular legs.

  Once I got the clothes on as best I could, I exited the changing room.

  Mr. Lapel was near the door, spraying a can of deodorant over his clothed body. The second he saw me he just stared.

  “Well, I think we might need to make some adjustments,” he said. “Let’s get it off of you and get to work.”

  I took the suit off and Mr. Lapel busied himself in the backroom cutting and sewing. Although he was an odd man, he certainly worked fast. Within five minutes, the suit and shirt were finished.

  I tried them on. They were a perfect fit!

  As I looked in the mirror I began to miss my turquoise shirt and blue pants. Mr. Lapel put them in a bag for me.

  So, I headed from Mr. Lapel’s tailor shop as the late afternoon sun began to descend. The dance was almost here and I knew that whatever happened, it would be a night to remember.

  Chapter 11

  The Corsage

  As I walked back towards the school I couldn’t wait for the dance to begin and for Molly to see how awesome I looked.

  As I caught sight of my reflection in a store window I realized that maybe deep red velvet jackets and pink, frilly shirts were my kinda thing!

  Main Street was pretty empty. Most people were still at work and most of the kids from school were getting ready to go to the dance.

  I looked at the town clock. There was still plenty of time until the school dance began. As I passed a small toy store, I decided to head inside for a look around.

  I had never seen anything like it. There were kid’s toys stacked to the roof and four giant-sized Lego men standing against the wall.

  Suddenly, a young kid and his mom entered the store behind me. I stood motionless next to the huge Lego figures as they began to look around.

  “Look at those Legos, mom,” the child said. “They’re wicked! Can I buy the big one with the fat head?”

  I realized the kid was referring to me!

  “Can I get this one, mom? He’s so funny. Look at his silly shirt.”

  “Hey! I just bought this shirt for a special occasion!” I said, stepping out from the Lego figure line to confront the kid.

  All of a sudden the little boy and his Mom start screaming and ran out of the store. Then the store clerk escorted me out of the store too.

  Next to the toy store was a flower shop. As I stood outside staring at the window, I noticed a poster stuck to the inside. It showed a man in a black suit and a woman in a huge white dress. The man had a flower in his chest pocket. I felt that would be the perfect finishing touch I needed for my outfit. I headed into the flower shop to see what they’d recommend.

  “Hello, young… err… man!” the thick lady arranging the flowers said as I approached the counter. “You off somewhere special? That’s certainly a very special… err… suit.”

  “I’m heading to the school dance,” I replied.

  “Ah, yes! The one up at Butts Road Middle School. That’s where my son goes. He’s such a lovely boy,” the florist continued. “He’s about your age actually. You might know him. His name’s Brett Biseps.”

  I stared silently at the lady. I could feel my eyes glowing more than usual as a rush of anger flowed through me. Suddenly, a small bunch of flowers at the end of the counter burst into flames, fizzed and went out, sending a plume of smoke into the air.

  “Whoa! What happened there?” Mrs. Biseps exclaimed, looking at the flowers and then at me.

  Mrs. Biseps trotted over to the door and wedged it open to let the smoke clear.

  As I watched her I could definitely see the family resemblance. Their faces didn’t look very similar, but Mrs. Biseps’ upper arms were even more muscular than her sons. How she got muscles that big from arranging flowers, I don’t know!

  “Now, back to business,” she said. “What can I do for you? Flowers for a girl?”

  “A flower for m
e, actually,” I replied. “I want one like the man in that poster.”

  “Ah! That’s called a man’s corsage.”

  “Perfect,” I replied. “I don’t have enough money to buy one though. Where do Corsages grow? I’ll go and pick one.”

  Mrs. Biseps giggled. I have to admit, she was far nicer than her son the bully.

  “Oh! The type of flowers itself isn’t called a corsage. It’s not like a daisy or rose. A corsage is the name given to a type of dress flower that a man pins on his suit. Girls can wear them on their wrists, you know.”

  I looked down at my feet. It wasn’t the first time I felt silly that day.

  “Here you go. This one’s on me.”

  Mrs. Biseps took a flower and pinned it to the square chest pocket of my suit.

  “There,” she said, standing back to admire me. “That’s the finishing touch.”

  “Thanks,” I said, taking a look at my new addition in the mirror.

  “You’re new around here, aren’t you?” Mrs. Biseps then asked.

  “Yes, how do you know?”

  “Oh! I never forget a face,” she said. “And I certainly wouldn’t forget a face like yours.”

  I said goodbye and wandered back outside. It was 6:45pm. The dance was going to start in fifteen minutes.

  I was feeling so nervous that my entire body began to heat up.

  Just then, I spotted an ice cream parlor on the far corner of the street. I’m sure some “iced cream” before the dance would cool me down, I thought.

  I strolled across the street as cars honked at me. One young driver even leaned out of his window and yelled out that I looked ‘sick’!