Tainted Lives

by Mandasue Heller

  Sarah gritted her teeth. He had some gall!

  ‘I thought we should get started as soon as,’ he went on, coming into the doorway now and grinning at her. ‘You say Kimmy’s asleep?’

  ‘Yeah, but she’s only napping. She could get up any time.’ She handed him his drink. ‘Anyway, I said not yet. If I get pregnant now, my suit won’t fit.’

  ‘You can buy another nearer the time.’

  ‘It wouldn’t feel right.’ Sipping her drink, she smiled. ‘Think about it . . . They’d all be saying that’s why we’re getting married.’

  ‘I don’t care what anyone says,’ Vinnie snapped. ‘It’s no one else’s business. Anyway, who’s going to know?’

  No one, Sarah thought bitterly, seeing as you wouldn’t let me invite my friends.

  Quite a few things had changed since she’d moved in with him, she was beginning to realize. He’d made it more than clear that none of her old friends were good enough now that she had moved up in the world – his phrase, not hers. But how was she supposed to make new friends when he wouldn’t introduce her to his, and didn’t like her talking to the neighbours?

  And then there was the matter of her clothes. Vinnie had made her throw away almost everything she had, and had gone out and bought her a load of designer gear to replace it: long skirts, jeans, polo-neck jumpers, and button-up-to-the-eyebrows blouses. At the time, Sarah had accepted his smiling explanation that he just wanted to treat her to stuff she had never been able to afford, but the more she thought about it, the more she knew that he just wanted to cover her up.

  Yes, there were lots of things that she would be glad to escape. But she had to tread carefully if she hoped to get herself and Kimmy out in one piece.

  ‘I hope you’re not trying to fob me off,’ Vinnie was saying now, his eyes taking on the same cold glint she had seen the day before. ‘You didn’t take your Pill this morning, did you?’

  ‘Yeah. Why?’

  ‘Because I’ve told you what I want.’ His voice was mean again. ‘And I said it last night, so you’ve got no excuse.’

  ‘And I said I didn’t want any more just yet,’ she replied quietly, not liking the way this was going.

  ‘Where are they?’ Downing his drink, Vinnie slammed his glass down on the ledge. ‘The pills – where are they? In your bag?’ Turning, he looked for it.

  Frowning, Sarah said, ‘No, they’re in the bathroom cabinet where they always are.’ Following him as he strode from the room, she said, ‘Vinnie . . . What do you think you’re doing?’

  ‘What you should have done last night,’ he said, snatching her contraceptive pills off the cabinet shelf. ‘Flushing these down the bog.’

  Sarah was furious. How dare he do this! It was as if she no longer had control over anything. Pete would never have treated her like this in a million years. And neither would the Vinnie who had talked her into giving up everything she owned to be with him.

  The lying, cheating bastard!

  ‘What the hell do you think you’re playing at?’ she demanded, glaring at him as he popped each tablet into the toilet. ‘You can’t force me to have a baby.’

  ‘I can do what the hell I want!’ he shot back at her.

  ‘No way!’ She shook her head angrily. ‘You’re not treating me like this.’

  Sneering, Vinnie thrust his face into hers. ‘Oh no? And how are you gonna stop me?’

  ‘Well, I won’t be sleeping with you, for a start,’ Sarah hissed, standing her ground.

  ‘Is that right?’ Grabbing her by the throat, he propelled her out of the door and across the hall into their bedroom. ‘Put that to the test, shall we?’ Throwing her down on the bed, he unzipped himself and then went for the button on her jeans.

  ‘Stop it!’ she gasped, struggling to push him away. ‘Pack it in, Vinnie! What the hell’s got into you?’

  ‘I’m sick of being treated like an idiot, that’s what!’ he yelled, slapping her hard across the face. ‘Everyone thinking they can take a fucking piece of me whenever they want! It’s a fucking joke!’

  ‘You’re the fucking joke,’ she screamed, kicking now, and tearing at his shirt. ‘You think you can do whatever you want and everyone’s just got to lie down and take it! Well, you’re wrong, Vinnie! You’re not pushing me around! And if you think I’m having your fucking baby after this, you can think again! I’m never having one with you! Pete would kill you if he knew what you were doing!’

  ‘What did you say?’ Pulling back, Vinnie stared at her, his eyes bright and manic.

  ‘You fucking heard,’ Sarah hissed, wanting to tell him exactly what she knew about him but forcing herself to bite back the words. Hurt as she was, it wasn’t fair to bring her sister and Harry into this craziness.

  ‘Think Pete loved you, do you?’ he sneered. ‘Shall I tell you how much he loved you, eh? . . . So much that the pathetic cunt was willing to take my money to dig him out of the hole he’d dug himself into! So much he lied to you to go out on a job with me!’

  ‘I don’t believe you,’ she snarled, still trying to kick him. ‘He was a better man than you any day!’

  ‘Oh, yeah? So where did he say he was going the night he died? Bet he didn’t say he was meeting me, did he? Didn’t tell you how he was so greedy he drank all my booze and smoked the whole spliff himself? Such a good fucking man, wasn’t he? Such a good husband and father?’

  ‘Yeah, he was!’ she screamed, missing the implication of what he was saying as she fought to get him off her. ‘You’re a bastard, Vinnie – always were, always will be!’

  ‘This,’ he gripped her face in his hand and squeezed it hard, contorting it, ‘is why I had to punish you first time round. You don’t know when to keep that foul mouth shut!’

  The punch came so fast that Sarah didn’t see it until it connected with her eye. The pain was instant and blinding. Slipping into unconsciousness, she didn’t feel the next punch, or the hair being torn from her scalp as he dragged her onto the floor, or the kicks that followed.

  Or the jeans being torn from her legs . . .

  Vinnie was holding her when she came round, sitting on the floor with his arms around her, rocking her as the tears streamed down his face.

  ‘Oh, my baby, I’m so sorry,’ he sobbed, kissing her swollen face. ‘So, so sorry . . . I never meant to do it . . . Please forgive me. I’ll never touch you again, I swear it . . . Sarah, my Sarah . . .’

  With pain racking every inch of her body, and an icy draught crawling over her bare thighs, Sarah knew exactly what he’d done – and what he had said immediately before – and she was shocked to the core. But she knew that she had to keep her wits about her now more than ever in her life before. Not just for herself – for Kimmy. If he was capable of doing this to the woman he professed to love, what would he do to a defenceless child?

  ‘You’re awake,’ he sobbed when he saw that her eyes were open. ‘Oh, thank God you’re all right!’

  ‘I’m okay,’ she mumbled, tasting blood. ‘Kimmy . . . ?’

  ‘Sshhh, she’s fine.’ He stroked her hair. ‘She didn’t hear anything, I promise.’

  Sarah tried to sit up. ‘I – I need to get cleaned up before she sees me.’

  ‘Don’t struggle,’ he said, lifting her. ‘I’ll do it.’

  Carrying her into the bathroom, Vinnie placed her gently on the toilet seat then ran warm water into the sink. Soaking the sponge, he kneeled in front of her, his eyes warm and compassionate as he dabbed at the drying blood like a father tending his precious child.

  And Sarah let him do it, even though every fibre of her being was screaming at her to get out of there.

  ‘Your face is swollen,’ he said when he’d finished, smiling conspiratorially – in this together now. ‘We’ll have to say you fell down the stairs, or something.’

  ‘What stairs?’ she slurred, wincing at the pain from her split lip.

  ‘Oh, yeah, that’s a point. Well, you slipped getting out of the bath, then. Smacked you
r face on the sink.’

  ‘Yeah, whatever,’ she murmured, standing painfully. ‘I need to check on Kimmy.’

  ‘Why?’ His face darkened in an instant. ‘Do you think I’d hurt my child, or something?’

  ‘Of course not.’ Sarah forced herself to reach out and stroke his cheek. ‘I know you’d never do that. I just want to make sure she didn’t hear anything.’

  Holding on to her hand, Vinnie said, ‘She didn’t, Sarah. I swear it. Oh, God . . . I’m so sorry. Will you forgive me? Can we put this behind us and start again? You know I love you more than life.’

  ‘I know.’ She slipped her hand free. ‘Just let me check her, then I’m going to have a lie-down.’

  ‘Yeah, you do that.’ Standing, he helped her from the room. ‘I’ll get you something to eat. What do you want? A butty . . . ?’

  ‘No.’ She shook her head. ‘I couldn’t eat anything, my – my mouth is too sore.’

  ‘Oh, shit, yeah. That was stupid. Soup, then. Want some soup?’

  ‘No, nothing.’

  ‘Coffee?’

  Sighing, she said, ‘Yeah, fine.’

  Kimmy was still fast asleep. Gazing down at her, Sarah felt the tears welling up in her eyes and thanked God that she hadn’t woken up and seen what had happened. Why hadn’t she just kept her mouth shut? She could have replaced the pills tomorrow.

  ‘She’s so beautiful,’ Vinnie whispered, slipping his arms around Sarah’s waist and gazing down at Kimmy. ‘Just like her mummy. But I think she’s got a look of me as well. Around her mouth. Can you see it? How she kind of purses her lips when she’s thinking things over. I think her nose is a bit like mine as well.’

  Sarah forced her body not to respond to the thrill of genuine fear coursing through her. He was talking as if he was Kimmy’s natural father, and it was just too crazy. If nothing else told her how desperately she had to get away from him, this was the final nail in the coffin. The first chance she got, she was out of there.

  Glen was unsuccessfully hiding an enormous bunch of flowers behind his back when he came home later that night. Dropping to his knees in front of the chair Carina was curled up on, he grinned sheepishly and brought them out with a flourish. ‘Ta-da!’

  Frowning, she said, ‘What are they for?’

  ‘To say sorry for being such a moody bastard.’ He peered up at her with hangdog eyes. ‘Forgive me?’

  Carina considered playing on his guilt for a while but decided against it. She was in enough of a mess right now – she’d better take what she could get while the going was good. Grinning, she held out her arms.

  ‘Course I forgive you, you idiot. Come here.’

  ‘I know you’d never cheat on me,’ Glen murmured, stroking her hair. ‘But I can’t help getting jealous. You’re so beautiful. I just don’t want to lose you.’

  Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath. It was now or never.

  ‘I’m pregnant, Glen. Those cards you found, one was from the doctor I’d just been to see.’

  Pushing her back, he peered at her face. ‘Really?’

  ‘Yeah.’ She was nervous now. ‘You’re not mad, are you?’

  Shaking his head slowly, he pulled her back into his arms and held her tight. ‘How could I be mad about that? I’m made up. Christ!’ He laughed. ‘Wait till I tell me mother she’s going to be a granny again!’

  Carina sighed into his shoulder. If anyone was going to suss her out when this baby was born, it was Pam. She might be old and knackered, but she was sharp as a whip. With any luck, she’d be dead and buried by the time the kid was born.

  Moving back, Glen looked at her, his eyes still gleaming. ‘Seeing as you’re having my baby, I think it’s time we thought about making an honest woman of you. What d’y’ think? You wanna get married?’

  Nodding, she threw her arms around his neck. It was the answer to everything. Once Glen’s ring was on her finger and his name was on the birth certificate, she’d be safe to do whatever she wanted to do. She’d just have to let the dust settle a little, then, when she was safely married, she and Vinnie would get together again and no one would be any the wiser.

  As for Sarah . . . That bitch would be long gone. She was stupid for thinking that Vinnie loved her. She obviously didn’t know him half as well as she thought she did, or she’d know that he had it bad for her own little sister.

  43

  Vinnie didn’t let Sarah out of his sight for three full days. Having told Glen that he had come down with flu, he followed her from room to room, watching her like a hawk, refusing to let her do anything. He cleaned up the flat, fed Kimmy and played with her – telling her to let Mummy get some rest because she had hurt herself. And he waited on Sarah hand and foot, spoon-feeding her soup until her swollen mouth could open enough to take solid food.

  Sarah was becoming desperate by the time Glen rang and demanded that Vinnie get his arse back to work. She’d been so sure she was never going to escape, she almost cried with relief when Vinnie said he would be there in twenty minutes.

  ‘I’ll be back as soon as I can,’ he told her, tucking in the quilt he had wrapped around her where she lay on the couch. ‘Shall I drop Kimmy at nursery?’

  ‘No.’ She shook her head. ‘Leave her. I’ll be all right. Anyway, you might not be able to pick her up again.’

  ‘I could send a taxi for her.’

  ‘No, really,’ Sarah insisted. ‘They won’t let just anyone take them out.’ Forcing herself to smile, she said, ‘Anyway, if she can’t be with you, I don’t trust anyone else to look after her.’

  The lie worked as planned. Smiling, Vinnie leaned down to kiss her.

  ‘I love you so much, babe. We’re gonna be a great family, you’ll see. And we’ll bring the wedding forward. As soon as the bruises have gone, I’ll go to the registry office and change the date.’

  ‘You do that,’ she said, maintaining the doe-eyed smile.

  As soon as she heard his jeep start up and drive away, she threw the quilt aside and hobbled into the bedroom. Swallowing a couple of painkillers dry, she pulled her suitcase from the back of the wardrobe and opened it up on the bed.

  ‘What are you doing, Mammy?’ Kimmy asked, coming into the room.

  ‘Playing a game,’ Sarah told her. ‘Now I want you to run into your room and grab some clothes and toys, then we’re going to go out and pretend we’ve gone on holiday.’

  ‘What about Daddy?’

  ‘Vinnie!’ Sarah corrected her sharply, annoyed at Vinnie’s latest tool of control: making the child call him that. ‘Anyway,’ she tempered her tone, ‘he’s the reason we’re playing the game. I want him to come home and look for us. It’ll be really good fun.’

  ‘Like hide-and-seek?’

  ‘Exactly.’ Reaching down, Sarah gave Kimmy a quick hug. ‘Go on, now. We’ve got to be really quick or he’ll come back and catch us.’

  Throwing the bare essentials into the case when Kimmy ran to her own room, Sarah dressed as quickly as possible. She hadn’t been joking about Vinnie coming back. She was sure he would find any excuse to get away from Glen and come and check up on her. And she intended to be long gone when he did.

  When they were ready she tried to ring a taxi, but the phone was dead. Thinking Vinnie must have unplugged it before he went out, she checked the connection box, only to find that he had ripped the end off the wire.

  She looked around for her mobile phone then but couldn’t find it. The last time she remembered having it was when Karen had called. She’d forgotten to take it with her in her rush to see Harry the following morning, and she hadn’t seen it since.

  Realizing that Vinnie must have taken it, she gritted her teeth and checked her handbag. Her keys were gone, and so was her purse and her bank card. She had nothing, but she was determined not to let this hamper her escape. Harry would help her out until she had a chance to get to the bank.

  Sarah just prayed that Harry hadn’t checked out of the hotel yet. If he had, she was in serious
trouble. She didn’t know how to get hold of Jenny or West, and she doubted Hannah would have the money to pay the taxi fare she would have racked up by then – or the inclination to help, seeing as Sarah hadn’t been in touch for so long.

  Taking Kimmy’s hand, she picked up the case and went to the door. It was locked. She almost lost it then. How dare he lock them in? What if there had been a fire? They would have burned to death. The bastard!

  Storming back into the living room, she tried the window but it too was locked – as they all were. Getting a knife from the kitchen drawer, she attacked the lock. If Vinnie wanted to play games, he would just have to foot the bill for whatever damage she caused.

  Breaking the lock at last, Sarah pushed the window wide and threw the case out through it. Lifting Kimmy up, she lowered the child to the grass outside then climbed out after her – grateful that it was a ground-floor flat. If it had been a floor up, they’d have been trapped for ever.

  Pushing the window to, she reached for Kimmy’s hand and, looking all around to make sure that Vinnie wasn’t hiding somewhere nearby, ran towards the main road. Flagging down a black cab, she directed it to take her to the hotel.

  Harry and West were just coming out of the elevator when Sarah burst through the hotel’s main door. Spotting her, Harry ran to greet her. The smile slid off his face when he saw the bruises covering hers.

  ‘Oh, my God, Sarah, what happened?’

  ‘I need help,’ she mumbled. ‘Can you pay the taxi? My daughter . . .’

  ‘Where is she? She’s not with Vinnie?’

  ‘No . . . In the t-taxi. Please . . .’ Bursting into tears, she fell against him.

  Taking her to West, Harry said, ‘Look after her while I get Kimmy.’

  Harry came back a couple of minutes later, carrying Sarah’s case and holding Kimmy’s hand.

  ‘I’m sorry for landing this on you,’ Sarah murmured guiltily. ‘I’ll pay you back as soon as I can get to the bank.’

  ‘I don’t want it,’ he told her quietly. ‘Come on, let’s get you upstairs.’

  In the elevator, Harry and West tried to avoid looking at Sarah’s battered face, but it was difficult with mirrors all around. Everywhere they looked they saw the damage from a different angle. The journey took only a few seconds but it felt like hours before they reached the third floor.