“Hassan, you ever thought that it was because you called that I’m depressed?”
“What the fuck you mean, baby?”
“Hassan, I’m so tired of pretending like shit is cool between us. You’re locked the fuck up, so that means you can’t fuck me. Your ass is broke, so that means you can’t support me. So, please tell me why you think that I’m going to stick around? Is it because I’m a white bitch and you think I’m stupid? Because I’ve got news for you; I am far from stupid. I loved you when you were out here, but you didn’t want me. You wanted those black, nappy head bitches. Well, guess what? Those bitches are not worried about your ass right now. Shit, that wife of yours might be fucking and sucking that nigga I saw her with one day when I drove past the house. Yes, sorry to inform you, but she has another nigga living up in your shit…”
“Bitch, shut up, talking stupid. I know that you’re hurting because I’m not there to take care of you and my little man. Don’t you worry. I called to let you know, that I-I….”
“Hello, hello, Tanya, you still there, bae?” I was tripping because the bitch was gone. All I heard was a dial tone in my ear. I knew that my time wasn’t up, and she did that bullshit. I looked at the other nigga on the phone. He was a nigga that I didn’t fuck with. He looked at me, smiling.
“Nigga, what the fuck you looking at?”
“Hold on, bae. Lemme holla at this fuck nigga real quick. Nigga, you mad ‘cause yo bitch hung up on you. Shit, that other nigga must be breaking her back right now, and she couldn’t take the pressure, so she hung up,” he laughed.
I balled my fists up and then stepped toward him. Something held me back though. I still had the letter in my hand. There was no way that I was going to risk my freedom behind that fuck nigga who had no chance of ever seeing the streets again. Instead, I smiled at him. “You got that, my nigga.” I turned and walked out of the phone booth.
I got in my bed tight at the way that bitch had just carried me on the phone. I grabbed my notepad to write that white bitch a letter, but my mind drew a blank. I threw the notepad down and jumped back out of the bed. I grabbed my radio and jetted out of the unit. The only way to get rid of some of that frustration was to run the track!
DESTINY
I wasn’t feeling too good, but today was the day that Mama and I chose to go and get my wedding dress. Time was flying by, and I needed to get things in order. I pulled up at my mama’s address and honked the horn. Knowing her, I knew she was ready. That woman was always on time and would fuss at someone if they were not.
I watched as she locked the garage and walked toward my car. I had to smile every time I see that lady. The way she walked with elegance was admirable. She could be going through the worst storm in her life, but you would never see her frowning, and she always walked with her shoulders straight.
“For first time in life, my child is on time,” she joked.
“Whatever, lady. Put your seat belt on,” I laughed.
“How you feeling today, baby?”
“Same old, same old, but you know I have to keep on pushing through.”
“I always tell you, God ain’t goin’ give you more than you can bear.”
I rolled my eyes. I hope this day ain’t goin’ be spent on her preaching to me, I thought.
“Have you thought about getting baptized? I think it would be a great idea to have a church that you go to regularly and have the support of the sisters in the church.”
“Mama, I told you that I’m not ready for that, and please, can you drop it right now? I’m not feeling too good.”
“Alright, I hope you not goin’ be ready when it’s too late.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. Lady, shut the hell up already. The rest of the ride to the bridal shop on White Plains Road was in silence. I glanced over at her, and she had her eyes closed. I hated to be so hard on her, especially when I knew that she meant well. I just wasn’t in the mood to have anyone preaching to me. One day I’d get there, and I’d have a relationship with God, but just not right now.
***
I was surprised that I found the perfect Vera Wang dress. The minute I laid eyes on it, I knew that was the dress I wanted to walk down the aisle in. I got my measurements done, and we left.
“Aiight, Mama. Now that we have that out of the way, how about I treat you to lunch?”
“But, of course. Let’s go.” She burst out laughing.
We decided to grab some food from this nice Chinese restaurant on Gun Hill Road. I sure miss living down this way, I thought.
“Baby, you’re looking thinner than the last time I saw you. You sure you’re eating?”
“Yes, Mama. I’m eating and taking my medicine.”
“When was the last time you’ve been to the doctor?”
“Matter of fact, I just went to the doctor a few days ago.” I hung my head down.
“And what they say?” She reached over to touch my hand.
“I was…” I paused. “I was waiting to tell you. Mama, the doctor said that I have full blown AIDS now.” I fought the tears.
She tightened her grip on my hand. The silence between us was killing me.
“Baby, you’ve been a fighter since the day you came out of the womb. I wasn’t there, but the social workers told me how you were treated as a baby, so I know that fighting is normal for you. This time is no different. You’re goin’ fight, we’re goin’ fight. I don’t care what man says, God has the final say over this. You may not pray, but trust me, your Mama prays enough for the both of us, and I promise you, you goin’ to make it…” Her voice cracked.
I took a tissue out of my pocketbook and used it to dab at my eyes. I tried not to cry because my face was dolled up, and I didn’t want to smear my make-up.
“Here you go, ladies.” The waitress interrupted us.
That was great because I was seconds away from crying a river in that restaurant. I looked at Mama and noticed that she’d been crying. Her wrinkles were now visible. Since I told her the news, it seemed like she had aged about twenty years. I ordered some chowder soup while she ordered rice and pepper steak. I tried to drink a few spoons of the soup, but I swear, I had no appetite. I didn’t want to force myself because I knew that I would throw it back up.
After lunch, I dropped Mama off at her house. Before she got out of the car, she looked at me and smiled. All of the wrinkles I’d seen before had disappeared. “You know, you’re all I’ve got. I can’t lose you, baby girl. I just can’t. Fight with everything in you. Fight.” Those were the last words she said before she exited the car. I watched as she let up her garage and walked in. I then pulled off.
I felt tired and drained and wanted to go home and get in the bed. I couldn’t though because I had a few stops to make. My phone started ringing. I looked at the screen, and I noticed that it was Spencer. Lord, that man stays checking up on me, I thought. I smiled and said, “Hello.”
“Hey, love. Where are you? I thought you were at the house, but you’re not.”
“You must’ve forgotten. I told you that me and Mama were going gown shopping today.”
“Shit, yeah. I forgot.”
“You home early today? You alright?”
“Yeah, everything’s cool. I’ll see you when you get here.”
“Aiight, babe. See you in a little while.”
There was something about the sound of his voice. I wondered what was wrong. I hope that nigga wasn’t getting cold feet on me. I shook the feeling off and continued driving.
Macy’s wasn’t crowded, which was a great thing. I went straight to the MAC counter to get some make-up. I was a fool for good make-up and lipstick. Even though I don’t feel my best most days, I still tried to look my best on the outside. I’d been lucky not to have bumps and dry skin because of the virus. Instead, my skin was clear, and my hair was growing so fast. I remembered the doctors saying that when HIV patients took their medicine regularly, their skin was flawless to the point where you would not know they had
the virus.
I paid for my items and left the mall.
***
I pulled into the driveway thinking that all I needed was a hot shower, some ginger tea, and my bed. I parked, checked the mailbox, grabbed the mail, and walked into the house. I thought it was all trash, so I was about to throw the papers away when I noticed a letter from Hassan. I ripped it open, wondering how the fuck he got my new address.
My Dearest Destiny,
I hope this letter finds you in the best of health. How is my baby girl doing? Let her know her daddy loves her and would love to see her. I won’t be long. I just want you to know that not a day that goes by that I’m not thinking of you and the bond that we shared. I love you from the first day I laid eyes on you, and I will continue loving you for the rest of my love. Anyway love, I won’t take up anymore of your time. I love you.
Your man forever,
Hassan
“Amaiya!” I ran up the stairs, hollering.
“Amaiya!” I didn’t bother to knock. I just pushed the door open.
“What are you yelling for?”
“Have you talked to yo’ daddy lately?”
“Nooo, why?”
“How did he get my new address? I just got this letter in the mail.” I waved the letter in the air.
“I ‘ont know. Like I said, I ain’t talk to him. What he saying though?”
I gave her ass a stare down, and then I turned away and walked down the hallway. I swear that nigga just wouldn’t go away. I walked in the room where Spencer was and flopped down on the bed beside him.
“What’s going on? Why were you yelling?’
“This.” I waved the letter at him.
“Who is that from?”
“Who do you think? That bastard just won’t leave me the fuck alone. And how the fuck is mail coming here from him? I never gave out my address.”
“Remember you asked the Post Office to transfer your mail. So, they did just that. Babe, listen to me. He’s just tryna get under your skin. That nigga ain’t got nothin’ but time on his hands, so he’s using that to torture you. Monday morning, you need to contact the prison and let them know that you’re one of his victims, and he keeps writing you.”
“I just want it all to end - this virus, the pain, him, just everything. I want it all to end.”
He took my hand and used his other hand to lift my chin up. “Babe, I hate that you’re hurting like this. If that nigga was out here, I would’ve buried him already, and he wouldn’t be around to terrorize you. But he’s in there, and I can’t reach him. That angers my soul.”
“I know, babe. I know.” I leaned my head on his shoulder.
“Anyway, so why were you so agitated earlier when you called me?”
He looked at me. “Listen, you’re already having a rough day, so that can wait.”
“That what? What are you talking about, Spencer?”
“Well, you know you asked me to run that boy’s fingerprints…“
“Yes, so what happened? Who is he?” I cut him off.
“Well, his name is not Jose. As matter of fact, he had a run in with the law last year and was fingerprinted. His name is Josiah Clarke.”
“Josiah Clarke… Why would he lie about his name? And who is this boy?”
“I talked to my buddy down by the precinct, and he assured me that was the only run in he had with the law.”
I sat there quiet for a minute. I was buried deep in my thoughts. Why would he say his name was Jose’ when it was really Josiah? Those thoughts wouldn’t leave me alone.
“Hold on a sec,” I said to Spencer as I got up and exited the room.
I pushed open Amaiya’s door. She had her earphones on her ears, so I walked over to her and snatched them off her head.
“What are you doing?” she yelled.
“Lower your voice and shut up.”
“What is it now, Ma?” She folded her arms across her chest and stared at me.
“What is Jose’s real name?”
“Haha. What do you mean by his real name?”
“His name is not Jose; it is Josiah.” I threw the mug shot at her. “And since you’re fooling around with him, I figured you need to know.”
She snatched up the paper and stared at it. “Where did you get this?”
“Don’t worry about where I got it. The question should be, why he lied about his name and did you know?”
“Ma, why are you doing this? I know you ‘ont want me to be with him, but to make up some stuff just to break us up is crazy.”
“His name is Josiah Clarke. He has the same last name as you.”
“So what? Plenty people go wit’ each other, and they have the same last name. And his name is not Josiah; trust me. I would have known. The police must’ve messed up.”
“Really? What do you know about him other than what he told you? Have you met his family? Little girl, stop thinking with your heart and use your brain. Do you even know where he lives?”
“Yes, I know where he lives,” she blurted out.
“All I’m saying is, there’s a reason why he’s lying about who he really is, and I’m going to find out why. You are not allowed to see him anymore.”
“You can’t do that! I love him, and it doesn’t matter if his name is Jose’ or Josiah. His last name is Clarke, but my daddy ain’t got no other kids, so I know he ain’t my brother. It’s pure coincidence.”
I froze when those words left her mouth!
“Ma, you a’ight? You looking at me like you just saw a ghost.”
I didn’t respond. I just looked at her, turned around, and walked away, slamming the door behind me.
I didn’t feel like dealing with Spencer, so I walked downstairs to the kitchen. I knew I was not supposed to be drinking, but the urge was strong. I opened the cabinet, grabbed a bottle of red wine, and poured myself a glass. I didn’t hesitate before I gulped it down. I put the bottle back in the cabinet, walked into the living room, and laid down on the sofa to think.
CHAPTER TEN
Josiah
I was on the block doing what I did best, grinding. I had to step up my game after my momma passed. I looked around at my surrounding, but it wasn’t shit in the Bronx to do. I was planning to go out to VA with my big cuz after all of that revenge shit was over with. I heard there was some major paper out there. I was ready to show those down south niggas how to get money. Maybe I could find me one of those down south bitches. I heard they had a big thing for up top niggas.
My phone started to go off. I looked at the caller ID and saw that it was Amaiya. I pressed ignore and went back to doing what I was doing. She didn’t ease up though. She kept calling back to back.
“Hey, boo. I told you I was goin’ be out on the block today,” I answered with an attitude.
“Man, I need to talk to you.”
“Can’t it wait ‘til later? You know I don’t like to be distracted while I’m out here. Plus, today them pigs are out in full force.”
“Boy, you not listening to me. My mama talking’ ‘bout Jose’ is not your real name.”
“What the fuck you talkin’ bout?” She damn sure had my full attention.
“I was in my room, listening to music, when she came in here wit’ your pic on a mugs hot and talking ‘bout your real name is Josiah Clarke.”
“Why would she do that? Your mom’s checking up on me now?” I was pissed the fuck off.
“I ‘ont know what she doing. All I want to know is, what’s your name?”
“So you feeding into that bullshit. You can’t see that she’s just trying to separate us? Babe, my name is Jose’. Why would I lie to you? I love you. You my motherfucking heartbeat.”
“I know that she’s just trying to break us up, but why though? You never did anything to hurt me or her?”
“Babe, no disrespect to your moms, but sometimes mothers get jealous of their daughters because their love life ain’t going good, or maybe your mom just wishes she had a good man like me
in her life.”
“Man, this is too much. I love my mom, but she needs to quit already.”
“Listen, babe. Lemme get this sale real quick, and I’ll call you back. I love you, yo.” I quickly hung up the phone.
“Yo, my G, I’ma be out for a lil’ while. Hit my phone if you need me.” I gave dap to my nigga, Trey.
“A’ight, be easy, my nigga.”
I walked around the corner to my car and jumped in. That bitch had upset my nerves with that bullshit news she just gave me. I wanted to know what that bitch was up to and what she was doing with my mug shot pic. I knew that bitch was up to something, but what it was, I had no idea.
I decided to head home. I had no more time to waste. I was ready to make my move. I only hoped that Amaiya would agree to what I was about to ask her.
HASSAN
I couldn’t sleep at all. Instead, I tossed and turned all night. I glanced at the clock, and it was a quarter after three. I was leaving in the morning to go to court, so I prepared mentally to provide the best case of my life. I fucked up the first time, but that time around, I was a different person. The once cocky and arrogant Hassan Clarke was gone. I was a lot older and smarter.
A few days ago, I had to swallow my pride and contact my old partner from the law firm. I begged him to help gather some information that I needed. I guess he felt sorry for me because he decided to help without charging me. One of the best pieces of evidence that I had was my cell phone records. At the time of Imani’s death, I was nowhere near the Bronx. I wasn’t there until that evening when my mother called me to tell me about her death. There was no forensic evidence that linked me to her death nor was there any witnesses against me. Matter of fact, the PI that we had on the case, found two women that saw a woman entering Imani’s apartment the day of the murder. They can’t remember what the woman looked like, but that was enough to put a dent in the prosecutor’s case.
My goal was to get released so that I could get all of the evidence I needed against that bitch, Destiny. I promised that her ass would rot in prison for the rest of her life. I smiled to myself because I was a step closer to getting my revenge on that bitch.
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