Best Served Cold

by Kandle, Tawdra

  I bit my lip. “Sort of. Some guy was bugging her. I think it’s taken care of now.”

  “Anything I can do? Talk to the jerk?”

  “That’s sweet, but no, we’re handling it for now.” I leaned over to kiss his cheek. “I’m going to go in. Talk to you this week?”

  “At least. I’ll probably see you tomorrow while you’re on Des duty.” He pulled me into one more searing kiss. “’Night, Jules.”

  I did see Jesse the next day, but only briefly. He got home later, and I was just about to leave when he pulled into the driveway. I stood next to my car as he jumped out of the truck.

  “Damn, I was afraid I was going to miss you.”

  I hunched my shoulders against the biting wind. “You just about did. Your dad got home a few minutes ago.”

  He sighed. “I stayed later to work on a group project. Idiotic crap. Anyway, you want to stay and eat with us?”

  I shook my head. “I can’t tonight, Jesse. I’m so behind on everything, and I promised Ava I’d be home to eat dinner with her. I’m sorry.”

  “That’s okay.” He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and glanced at the kitchen window behind us. “C’mere.”

  He tugged my arm, pulling me until we were out of view, and then he wrapped me in his arms, his mouth on my lips.

  I came up for air, gasping. “Was that persuasion?”

  He laughed. “No, that was I’m-going-to-miss-you-but-I-understand.” He tucked me a little tighter into his arms. “But did it persuade you to do anything?”

  “Nope, sorry.” I wriggled away. “Gotta run. Maybe see you Wednesday?”

  “As far as I know. Matter of fact, why don’t we make it a date? Plan on us going out to dinner after you’re finished with the rug rat.”

  “That I can do. Talk to you tomorrow?”

  “Definitely.”

  I did talk to Jesse on Tuesday, but not for very long. Submissions to the blog were flooding in now, and Kristen and I were swamped, going through emails and messages. Between that and my other school work, not to mention my new mission to plan a birthday party for my roommate, I hardly had time to breathe.

  I sent out email invitations to the list of friends Ava had given me, and I posted a flyer about the party on our dorm community bulletin board. I assigned jobs to the freshman I considered most trustworthy, making sure to keep the crucial elements for myself. I even called Giff to make sure he knew that he was invited.

  “Aren’t you a brave little toaster, planning another birthday shindig? I hope this one lasts longer. And ends better.”

  “You and me both, buddy. Let me tell you, if it weren’t Ava, I wouldn’t be doing it. But she’s been a little down lately. Something’s bothering her. I thought a party might cheer her up.”

  I let that slip on purpose, hoping to find out if Giff knew anything about what had gone on between our respective roommates. But if he did, he didn’t tell me.

  “Well, I’ll be there. And let me know if you need me to do anything meantime.”

  “I will. Oh, and Giff, not that you would, but please don’t mention this party to Liam. The last thing I need is for him to show up at another party I’m throwing. Can you just imagine?”

  “Gotcha. These lips are sealed. See you next week.”

  I was already frazzled by the time I got to work on Wednesday. Sarah met me at the door, not looking so great herself, and holding a sniffling little boy.

  “He’s got a cold, and he was up all night, miserable,” she told me as I came inside. “I was going to call and tell you not to come today, but then I thought maybe...you might sit with him just for an hour. I need a little bit of sleep. Would you mind?”

  “Of course not.” I took Des from her. “Come on, sweet boy. We’ll go read books, okay?”

  He rubbed his eyes. “Watch Thomas?”

  “Sure, let’s go watch some choo-choos.”

  Sarah yawned. “Jules, you’ll never know how much I appreciate this. Just to get an hour’s nap...”

  “Shoo. Go. We’re good here. Anything I need to know about our little sickie here?”

  She shook her head. “No, I just gave him some medicine, so he’s good for another four hours. He has juice in his cup, and he can have some chicken noodle soup if he wants it—there’s a pot in the fridge. Otherwise, just keep him happy. I’ll be back down in a little bit.” She shuffled down the hall and up the stairs.

  Des and I watched train videos for about forty minutes before he fell asleep, leaning against my side and breathing heavily. I laid my head against the back of the sofa and closed my eyes, hoping that whatever germs were inhabiting the little guy didn’t make the jump to me.

  Danny came home before Sarah woke up. He tip-toed into the living room on stocking feet, nodding when I put my finger to my lips.

  “Poor baby.” He whispered the words, shaking his head. “I came home early to give Sarah a break. Thanks for sticking around, Julia.”

  “No problem.” I carefully disengaged myself from the sleeping baby. “Sarah’s still asleep. And you don’t look like you got much rest either.”

  “No, but more than Sarah.”

  All I wanted to do was get out of there, but Danny looked so pitiful that I heard myself saying, “If you sit down with Des, I’ll make dinner. That way Sarah can sleep some more, and you can rest, too.”

  Danny sighed. “Thanks, Julia. What would we do without you?”

  By the time I finished making spaghetti and meatballs, Des was awake. Sarah came downstairs, blinking in confusion as I was settling her son in the high chair. Jesse came in at the same time.

  “What’s going on?” He looked from his father to his little brother, frowning.

  “The baby’s sick, and Julia saved the day,” Danny answered, patting my shoulder. “Take her out of here, Jess, before we decide to keep her for the night.”

  “Okay.” Jesse glanced at me. “You all right?”

  “Yeah. Let me just grab my bag and coat.”

  I scooped up everything as fast as I could and followed Jesse out the door, blowing kisses to Desmond as he slurped up his noodles.

  “Thank you.” I smiled up at Jesse, taking his hand as we headed toward the guest house. “They were so pitiful, I really was thinking I’d be there all night.”

  “Yeah, I didn’t know Des was sick.” Jesse unlocked the door and leaned to turn on a light, then stood back to let me go inside.

  “I think it’s just a cold. I’m crossing my fingers he didn’t share it with me.” I leaned against the edge of the sofa as Jesse went into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. “So, do you still want to go out, or did you want me to make something here?”

  Jesse turned around, and for the first time, I got a good look at his face. His eyes were distant and his mouth tight.

  “Whatever works. I don’t mind going out. You shouldn’t have to cook after taking care of a sick kid all afternoon.”

  I stepped into the kitchen, feeling just a little off-kilter. I realized that Jesse hadn’t made any move to touch me, aside from when I took his hand to walk over here.

  “Jesse, is everything okay? If you don’t want to go out tonight, we don’t need to. I can just go back to campus.”

  “No, I’m--” He stopped and shook his head. “No, I’m not okay. I shouldn’t say anything tonight, when you’re so tired. But I need to know.”

  My heart sped up just a bit, and I licked my lips. “What do you need to know?”

  “I had class today with Cal. Remember, you met him Sunday?”

  I nodded, a wave of dread falling over me.

  “Cal asked me how long we’d been dating. He said he knew the guy you used to date.”

  “That’s not a secret, Jesse. I told you about Liam.”

  “Right, and I said that. But then he said...” Jesse drew a deep breath. “He said since you broke up with Liam, you’ve been, um, seeing a lot of different guys. He said he’s heard stuff about you.”

  I clo
sed my eyes. “Jesse, it’s not what you think.”

  His voice was low. “Then tell me what it is. I asked you the first time we went out if you were seeing anyone else. And you told me your ex was the only other person you’ve dated.”

  “And that’s the truth. I’m not seeing anyone but you. I haven’t. Jesse, it’s complicated. It just wasn’t the right time to explain everything to you then. It would have seemed weird.”

  “What would have? You’re talking in circles. And why wouldn’t you just tell me whatever it is that’s so complicated?”

  “Because things have changed since we started dating. It doesn’t matter anymore.”

  Jesse leaned his back against the fridge. “It matters to me.”

  “Okay. Do you mind if I sit down?”

  He spread his hand in a be-my-guest gesture. I sank into the same easy chair where we’d sat together during the Super Bowl.

  “I told you my break up with Liam was messy. I’m going to assume you haven’t heard exactly what happened.”

  Jesse shrugged. “Cal said something about a birthday party.”

  “Yeah, it was Liam’s birthday party. The surprise party I threw him. He showed up, late, drunk and with his hands on the tits of another girl.”

  Jesse’s eyes flickered. “Shit.”

  “Yeah. On top of that, because he hadn’t embarrassed me enough, he announced right there that he had broken up with me. Apparently, he had just neglected to tell me about it.”

  Jesse nodded. “I’m sorry. That’s must have sucked.”

  “Just a little. We’d been dating for over ten months. He did it on purpose. I was...” I cast my eyes up. “Oh, I don’t know. I wasn’t heartbroken, but I was mad. And hurt. And humiliated.”

  “And that’s why you started going out with lots of guys?”

  “No. Well, not really.” He was going to make me say it out loud. “I came back from Christmas break, and I still couldn’t stop thinking about how mad I was at Liam. So Ava and I came up with an idea. I know it sounds immature or crazy. And even saying it now makes me feel stupid. But I decided I needed revenge. So we came up with this idea to get back at Liam by making him want me back. Our friend Giff—well, he’s Liam’s roommate, but he thought Liam and I should get back together—and he set me up with all these guys, to make Liam think I was dating them. So that’s why I was doing it.”

  Jesse frowned, nodding slowly. “I guess I see. All the guys Cal was talking about—they were all set ups?”

  “Yes. I know it sounds idiotic. All I can say is at the time, it made some kind of sense. But nothing happened with any of them, other than being out where Liam might see us. And after we started dating, I told Giff I was out. I haven’t seen anyone else but you since then. I promise.”

  “So you’ve given up on the revenge plans against Liam?”

  I fiddled with the button on my coat. “Yes. Well...mostly. I was going to use the blog I’m doing to write about what Liam did to me. That’s what gave me the idea for the whole thing. But I changed my mind, and I’m not doing it now.”

  Jesse came around the counter and sat down on the sofa. He kept his eyes on the floor in front of us.

  “Is that all of it?”

  I took a deep breath. “For me, yes. But then Liam started messing with Ava. He kissed her, tried to get her to see him. Go out with him. If I hadn’t told her what he said to me after the wrestling match, it might still be going on.”

  “What did he say to you after the wrestling match? What wrestling match?”

  I swallowed. “I told you about that. Kind of. Remember I said I had run into my ex and he had said some crap to me? He offered me the fabulous opportunity to be his booty call babe. He said he’d be willing to sleep with me without strings. So I didn’t have to keep seeing all those other guys.”

  Jesse shook his head. “Yeah, he’s an asshole.”

  I leaned forward. “So you see why I wanted to get back at him? To teach him a lesson?”

  “I guess I can. To a point. But Julia, once we started going out, didn’t it change things?”

  I nodded and got up to sit next to him on the sofa. “Of course it did. After I met you, I didn’t care about getting back at Liam. I realized anything I did wasn’t going to change him, and I didn’t care, anyway. Ava’s birthday party was her idea.”

  “What does Ava’s birthday party have to do with any of it?”

  I realized I hadn’t explained that. “I’m throwing the party for her. I told you he’s been trying to get her to go out with him. She’s inviting Liam, and when he gets there, she’s going to turn him down, once and for all. Tell everyone he’s been after her, and then...humiliate him. Publicly. In front of all our friends.”

  Jesse dropped his head into his hands. “Julia, I can’t do this. I don’t like games. I’ve been honest with you since we met, and now I’m not even sure I know you.”

  Tears choked me. “Jesse, you do. I haven’t been dishonest. I was just—I don’t know, a little crazy for a while. Liam made me miserable, but when I met you, I realized how much I’d been missing. I promise you, who I am with you is the real me. The only me. For good or for bad. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I knew it was in my past, and I hoped it wouldn’t matter.”

  He leaned back on the sofa, staring at the ceiling. “Remember how I asked you the first night we went out if I were your rebound guy? That’s important to me. My mom and dad got together after my dad broke up with the girl he thought was the love of his life. He tried with my mom, he really did, but she always knew she was second best. Or at least she felt that way. It’s what caused their divorce. I never want to be someone’s second choice.”

  I ventured out a fingertip to touch his hand. “You are not my second choice, Jesse. You’re my only choice. I wasn’t lying when I said Liam didn’t mean anything to me.”

  Jesse rubbed his forehead. “I need to think, Julia. I need some time. And you need to make some decisions, too. I don’t want to be part of any payback plans. Not even for Ava.”

  I nodded. “I understand.” I stood and picked up my bag. “I’ll go now. Just--” Tears filled my eyes and ran down my face, and I fled before Jesse could see them. Flinging open the door, I stumbled blindly toward my car, my hand shaking as I pulled out the keys.

  “Julia.” Jesse stood in the doorway, anguish in his voice. “Don’t. You’re upset, you shouldn’t drive.”

  I finally found the right key and opened the door. I couldn’t speak, couldn’t answer him. I threw my bag into the car and wiped at my eyes just enough to clear my vision. Mindful of Danny and Sarah, I pulled out slowly, until I got to the end of the driveway and turned onto the road.

  Then I floored it and drove home as fast as I could.

  If I thought Liam’s betrayal had crushed me, I was sadly mistaken. Losing him after ten months of dating didn’t even begin to touch how I felt knowing I’d hurt Jesse.

  Jesse texted me that night to make sure I got home. When I didn’t answer, he called, over and over, until finally I sent him a one-word response.

  Since then, I’d heard nothing.

  Ava was beside herself. “It’s my fault. I never should have come up with that plan. And I’m sorry, about the idea for the birthday party, Jules. Call it off. I’m not going through with it.”

  I sniffed, swallowing back more tears. “We’re not canceling your party, Ave. As far as what happens with Liam, that’s up to you. I’m done with it. With him.”

  “But Jesse...” Her voice trailed, but there was worry in her eyes.

  I held down a sob. “I screwed up everything with Jesse, and it’s not your fault. You told me all along, that I should stop and think about it. God, Ava, what was I doing? I’m not in high school. I’m supposed to be smarter than this. And all I’ve done is mess up the one good thing in my life.”

  I dragged through the next week, sleeping through classes and walking campus like a zombie. I dreaded going back to work on Friday, but I did
n’t have to worry; Sarah called and told me that though Desmond was getting over his cold, he was still fussy and she had decided to stay home with him.

  Part of me wondered if Jesse had said something to her about us, but then she added, “I hope you don’t come down with it. Jesse will not be happy with me if you do.”

  I laughed awkwardly and told her I’d see her the next week. But even though Danny got home a little later both days, I didn’t see Jesse on Monday or Wednesday.

  Kristen came over on Thursday after seminar so that we could work on the final posts for the blog.

  “Are you okay?” She eyed me critically. “No offense, but you look like hell.”

  I tried a smile. “I’ve been better. I don’t want to talk about it, if it’s okay with you.”

  “Sure, no problem. So do we want to finish up with your story as our big finale?” We’d run a slightly altered version of Kristen’s heartbreak the week before. Response had been huge; it had generated so much discussion, we’d run a second, follow-up post a few days later.

  “No.” I shook my head. “I don’t want to put mine in. I’m sorry, Kristen. I’m not wimping out, I just don’t want to hurt anyone. The details are too specific.” I paused. “But I’d like to write the round-up if you don’t mind. I think I have something to say.”

  “Fine with me. What are you going to write?”

  “Just what we’ve learned. That it’s both sexes experiencing bad break-ups and cheating. That there are usually two sides to any story. And that the best revenge is moving on.”

  Kristen nodded. “I like it. I think we’re going to get an A on this.”

  She stood, stretching. “Thanks for letting me do this assignment with you, Julia. It was very...” She glanced past me. “Healing.”

  “I’m glad. Just don’t tell Dr. Turner it gave you closure.”

  Kristen raised her eyebrows. “Okay. I’ll see you in class next week.”

  After she left, I curled up in bed, pulling the comforter to my chin. Ava had gone home for the night to have an early celebration of her birthday with her family. She rarely went away anywhere, and it was odd for me to have the room to myself overnight. But I wasn’t going to complain. A night to just lay around and wallow in my misery was about all I was up to doing at this point.