Light of the Dark

by N. Saraven

  “I think you should all get some rest,” he hissed as he slowly tried to move a little and the sharp pain struck him.

  “I would rather not leave you alone with her like this …” muttered Agony, eyeing the other firmly. The kobold stood his gaze, but before he could reply, Kira interrupted.

  “Agony … we cannot do anything right now,” she said, putting one hand on the warrior’s arm. “Neila needs us, more than ever, but we can only help when we are well rested. We all are.” The shade looked around, which finally convinced the others.

  “But if anything changes, you would tell us, wouldn’t you …?” asked Agony doubtfully. Veilon nodded.

  “I said that we need to work together in this. What I say, I obey.”

  The warrior did not seem to believe this at all, yet in the end he too left the room, leaving the mages alone.

  Veilon only blinked a few times after everybody left, wondering what he should do. He could not stay in that same position anymore; he barely felt his legs. So he tried to hold Neila as steady as he could while he got himself free with withheld breath. As it turned out, he had nothing to worry about—Neila would probably not wake up for anything in that moment. The kobold gave a sad smile at this.

  When he had arranged Neila as comfortably as he could and put a blanket on her, he walked to the table. He picked up the half-empty bottle of drink, pulled its top out and sniffed in it, then jerked his head away with a grimace.

  He almost never drank anything with spirit, only the lightest fruit-wines. He had a weakness for such drinks, so if he wanted to stay sober after only a cup, he eluded them. Although during the third Dragonwar, he had to release some steam. Facing a formidable werewolf army day after day had its bad moments. So most of the nights he wanted to relax …

  “By the Gods, Neila, no wonder you ended like this …” muttered the Ruler under his breath. He knew that drink well enough to forbid himself from it. Even before meals.

  Then Veilon arranged the armchair at the window to face the bed and made himself as comfortable as he could. He did not want to sleep, only shut his eyes to rest them. He felt too worried to sleep. Neila never drank alone, not even fruit-wines. Ever. So that she suddenly picked up one of the strongest liquids she could get her hands on said nothing but bad.

  He probably dozed off because he was startled by a moan, coming from Neila’s direction. He blinked rapidly as he stiffened and looked around with foggy eyes, trying to solve what had happened. When he saw Neila sitting up, he jumped to his feet, going to her.

  “Oi, I think a drank a little too much,” she muttered. As she glanced at him, the golden eyes seemed far from clear.

  “Why do you say that, I wonder?” asked Veilon with a smile, seemingly innocently, which drew her attention.

  “You know what, you’re right,” she announced with that typical unquestionable tone, which everybody knew was false. “I am fain … fi … fine.” She stammered a little, but seemed confident enough as if she intended to say it like that.

  Neila scrambled to her feet, almost falling on her face when one foot was caught up in the blanket. Veilon raised a brow questioningly when he saw her curved route to the table and watched her rather fall into the other armchair. He joined her at the table with a small sigh, arranging his chair again.

  “Why didn’t you tell me that dinner was here? It went cold. It’s ruined,” complained Neila, but her actions told otherwise—she sat the tray before her and started wolfing down the meal. However, Veilon cut in a few times, saying that she should slow down a little.

  “Mmm,” she moaned, enjoying a huge bite. “This is truly terrific. I must give my regards to the kitchen. They have really started to get the hang of it, even here,” babbled the Master as she ate, not minding about Veilon at all. She just mumbled about anything what came into her mind, without logic or connection to one another.

  Veilon could not hold his smile back. He had never seen her like this, so now he enjoyed every moment of it. Not that he had hidden intentions, he learned his lesson back then about those. Yet the paragon could not help but be excited to see a new side of his chosen one, which brought new things to light and even seemed charming in a way.

  Although he kept an eye on her too—the kobold made sure that Neila ate enough, not too fast, nor too much, then drank enough. Strictly water.

  “Wow, I had no idea how good this can be like this,” moaned Neila, eyeing a bite on her two-tine fork, munching on another. “And this meat! Sooo good! I’ve never liked mixing sweet with sour like this, but this … this …”—she searched for the words—“this is just worthy even for the Gods.” She smiled then.

  “Even the fruits are terrific. I always thought that fruits should be eaten only raw, or none. Why would anybody want to ruin them by cooking? This brings to mind, did they manage to get rid of whatever creature they had problems with in the kitchen? What was that thing anyway? Mmm … This water is The Best, I tell you! It is one thing, that there must be a water-source nearby to the Tower, but nothing tasted this good before … Even Enargit likes it, and given how picky he is, that says something. Do you think the tribals would be open to work with us? They could teach us many things, I guess. Speaking of teaching, how’s Rita doing? I wonder when we should try to teach her magic. I also thought that we should change the grass-type in the garden. You know, what is more comfortable to lie on …”

  Veilon was completely baffled by all of this. The whole monologue had absolutely no point. She never wanted answers for the questions, nor his opinion in anything she said. Seemingly there were absolutely no connections amongst sentences, nor any other logical explanation of how she got from one point to another.

  So the paragon just sat there silently, nodding to everything, while he made sure she drank enough water. Finally, she leaned back with an expression which suggested she was utterly content at the moment—fed and happy.

  However, as it turned out, not only her thoughts swayed uncontrollably, but her moods as well.

  “You know what I’ll do to Indrek when I get my hands on him?” asked Neila with smouldering eyes. “You don’t have a big enough fantasy for that.”

  Suddenly a powerful anger-tornado started to swirl around her, although she definitely was not aware of that. Unlike Veilon, who stiffened in his seat at this. But as it came, it flew by as if it never existed. The paragon gave a sigh of relief, yet he stayed alert.

  “Do you remember when my students turned everything in a classroom to the opposite side? I didn’t know what hit me when I tried to walk on my usual route.” She suddenly burst into a laugh. “Would you mind getting some wine? It would be so good after all of this food.”

  “Are you certain?” Veilon raised a brow, but Neila only shrugged.

  It did not matter, she said, which made the paragon feel caught between a rock and a hard place. Finally, he agreed to the idea, but he ordered the lightest fruit-wine available in the Tower from a servant. When it arrived, he poured it into two cups. Neila sipped it slowly, but Veilon gulped it down quickly. He just realised how thirsty he actually was, so he got another cup after the first.

  The Ruler joined her neither for the meal, nor the water. He was more concerned about what Neila ate or drank than his own needs.

  “This chair is uncomfortable. I’m gonna lie down a bit, I think,” announced Neila, but it took her four tries to actually stand up.

  Somehow she kept falling back into the seat. When she finally managed to stand, for some reason she headed for the window. After a few steps, however, she stumbled and had to lean against the bookshelf. Veilon jumped to his feet immediately, helping her slide to the ground. Miraculously she did not even spill her drink, which she then sipped, sitting on the ground.

  “Please do something for me.” Veilon broke the momentary silence. When she glanced at him, curious, he continued. “Next time if you decide to ‘have a little drink’, call me, alright? Then at least the two of us will have just a drink,” he said with a s
mile, then winked at her. Neila only laughed and promised to do so.

  “You know who I can’t do this with?” she asked between sips.

  “Whom?”

  “The elven, of course. I could never just … you know … let go and have a little fun. ‘Alright, it’s enough’, he said all the time. So boring …” she complained, not waiting for any replies.

  Veilon felt as if somebody just started to pull his tooth out. He had a hunch from the start that there would be a time like this, when Neila only wanted to grumble about the elven. But he hoped that by that time somebody else would have taken his place. Even though he loved the way she was speaking of the elven, it became tiresome and annoying after a while. ‘The elven this’, ‘the elven that’, the elven, the elven, the elven …

  Veilon needed a drink, so he stood up, poured himself a cup, then sat back to the shelf. Neila spoke further with a sigh.

  “You know, it would be so nice if sometimes you could just be … without doing anything, or thinking about tomorrow. For example, I still say that I am not drunk. I have a hunch that I’ll feel horrible tomorrow, but I don’t care about that right now. Right now it’s just good, and good is all that matters,” said Neila with such a steady tone, against which was no use arguing.

  Abruptly, she leaned against the kobold, who put his arm around her protectively, although he could not have been more astonished.

  “You know, after Ha—” her voice stumbled, so she rephrased the sentence. “After the elven did not bother to look in, I have to assume that he has never really understood me. Even though we had countless arguments or discussions about serious things. It seems that all went in one ear and just right out the other. He always understood everything and promised to do things differently. But he never actually did … He changed things, for a short while, then he slipped back into his old habits. As if he just wanted to show that he is capable of doing it, then left it as if it were no longer an interest of his. Sometimes he missed things which I considered to be natural after spending such time together.”

  Neila took a deep breath, then snuggled closer to the paragon, resting her head against his chest. After a little while, he felt his tunic becoming wet from her tears. He grimaced, as his heart started to ache.

  “I cannot believe that I’m saying this.” He broke the silence. “But have you ever considered that maybe it was you who wanted something that was not in his nature?” he asked tensely.

  “I never asked for anything like that.”

  “I believe you … still … Maybe, if he has tried to do as you asked, he would have to become somebody else.”

  “Whose side are you on?!” she snapped at him, frantically trying to break free, but the kobold held her steady. It took only a few moments until the atmosphere calmed down again. Neila sighed as she put her head back on his chest.

  “You know … in my mind, from the moment we decided on each other, he became part of my world. I’ve never done anything to harm him because if I have, it would hurt me as well. Because he was a part of my world. I don’t know if this makes any sense.”

  “I understand. I think …”

  “But … as for him … I mean, it seemed that for him we still lived our separate lives in our little own worlds, which existed beside each other. They did not merge, as I assumed. I always thought that if one is truly your ‘other half’, your worlds become one. But I guess it was not me who can mean this to him. I have to accept this. I am just glad that Eryn was wrong.”

  “How so …?”

  “After a while … how shall I put it? He became confident enough to ask personal questions, as in very personal ones.”

  “Like what?” gasped Veilon.

  He became very curious at this point. Especially since the interesting subject could draw his attention from his boiling blood. He promised himself not to get into questionable situations when he took the first watch because he did not want to do anything he would regret later. Or Neila for that matter. So now he wanted to think about anything but his body, which seemed to be terribly aware of the situation …

  He gulped, as he listened further.

  “Eryn asked me once, completely openly a few circles before, that have I ever wondered about a child from the elven.”

  Veilon froze for a moment.

  “Wha—? What did you answer?”

  “The truth. That I cannot see myself as a mother yet. I would have to give up everything, my work, my studies, my students … I am not ready for that. I have too many things right now that I want to do. Not to mention the elven himself. I have never, ever heard him speaking or mentioning anything about an offspring, not even when I tried to work his intentions out. Of course, if something … ahem … would go wrong, if you catch my meaning, that would be a different matter.

  “But of course, Eryn could not comprehend this with his thick wraith mind and almost barked at me like I was his relative. I understand that in his mind the family are sacred, and if there is no offspring who will continue your bloodline, you are as good as dead. But still … Furthermore, IF, and I emphasise, IF we would ever decide otherwise, maybe we couldn’t have children …”

  Neila fell silent for a moment.

  Veilon felt that despite whatever she might say, it was not the whole story. Something just felt wrong, as if she deliberately hid the fact of what actually bothered her. However, the paragon did not want to pry. They too believed that continuing one’s blood was one of the most important things in life. Although if one thought otherwise or could not have children, they never bullied them about it. It was considered hurtful enough …

  Especially if a kobold chose somebody from another species.

  The golden-eyed persons often left their home, seeking new and different relations. Many half-breeds existed, but interestingly only with humans. Nobody ever knew of a half-elven, half-kobold. Even a relationship between them was rare, and it really seemed that they could not have an offspring together.

  Veilon was brought back to the present by Neila, who sighed and continued quietly.

  “Now I am truly grateful for that. Who knows, maybe not even a child would, or rather could, be part of its own father’s world. I would never want that for it. To know this feeling …”

  Neila took another deep breath. Although she sounded sad, somehow it felt more like the kind of pain which comes after acceptance. She now faced some facts, which she needed to, accepting them. On the other hand, she would still have a difficult time moving on, or easing the pain. But maybe if she knew that she did not have to do this alone, it would help …

  “You know, just because one could not give you the things you wanted, it doesn’t mean that nobody can …” said the paragon innocently. Only a snort was the answer.

  “You’re probably right. However, right now … I just don’t care. I don’t want anybody. I won’t seek for anybody. I just want to spend some time alone, thinking about myself for a change. And have some fun! Do you know how long it’s been since I had a good bicker with Talek?” She sighed again. “Right now, I just want to do what I want to do. And just … have a good time.”

  Neila gave a wishful sigh and broke free from his arms. She glanced at him.

  “I can relate to that,” said Veilon with a sad smile, holding out his hand to tenderly caress her cheek.

  Then it slid a little lower to her neck. He truly never intended anything, in spite of the fact that his blood started boiling again. It just felt good, and from what he could tell, also to Neila, who closed her eyes, enjoying.

  As the kobold continued, he could sense her every little flicker—how she slightly breathed differently, how her body stiffened a little. Then she tilted her head just a bit, to let her neck be free to his touch. Everything obviously felt good to her, which made Veilon truly curious to where it could lead. Would he get the permission? If his motions were off only a little bit, if he looked the wrong way or moved his hand to the other direction, everything was lost.

  A littl
e later the golden gaze glanced at him, sparking almost feverishly. It was all he needed.

  Veilon drew her closer, kissing her passionately.

  37. The next day

  Neila was startled awake, feeling terribly dizzy. She kept her eyes closed, feeling sick, not to mention tired, despite her sleep. She turned to her back, moaning; however, she had to turn again soon. She could not lie on her back for long because the nausea grew worse. So she curled up on her side, hugging her blanket tight, trying to fight the dizziness.

  She loathed this feeling. She could never go back to sleep because of this; it was too much for that. Moreover she felt thirsty, maybe hungry, which did not help the situation. Through her closed eyelids she could sense light, so the Sun should be up high by now. Which meant that it should be wise to actually get up now, but if she would, the nausea would surely worsen. Maybe if she managed to stay in one position, the dizziness would get bored and go away. Albeit not the nausea.

  The picture of the bathroom blinked more and more vividly in her mind, making her stomach even sicker.

  As most of the bigger suites, her room had a bathroom also, unlike the smaller dorms in the lower levels. The apprentices had to share three huge bathrooms for showering, bathing, and other things. Every single one got their water supply from the main huge fountain. This was the most important reason for Varomor to stand beside a water-source. River, spring, or underground water-pool, it did not matter. It just had to be there.

  The water was transported, then distributed by a magical pipe-system. A separate tube-network collected the used water and other stuff, what was also magically teleported outside in a fair distance from the Tower.

  All the baths contained both shower and tub. They operated from huge containers, refilled by the water-pipes. Two separate tanks held the warm and cold waters. The former used magically protected embers to keep the water hot. From these, smaller tubes ran along the wall, joining in the end, having the same outlet. With two handles, could one adjust the temperature of the outflowing water.